Beec
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Everything posted by Beec
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Forgive her. She might have been horrible in all those ways, but you should also realize that whatever she had, she had because of a him being stupid. And thank her. One of the reason I bet he loves you is because you are different from her and the hell she put him through. One of the reasons he appreciates you is because he knows what one alternative is like.
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So he called, did you talk, what was said? And while it is hard, you'll mkae it. It will get better.
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I think it's quite normal and not immoral at all. If it cost your employer nothing extra, both econoically and in terms of the work that was done, and both workers were happy with the arrangement, then why not? I grew up with a father that worked on a rotaitng schedule. When jobs can up, the person at the top of the list got the job, then the next ne down, etc. When you finished a job, your name went to the bottom of the list. When one person did not want to go to work, he could switch with another person. Sometimes you jumped up to got to work earlier and have a certain day off, sometimes you dropped down. It allowed everyone to manage their schedules and worked to mutual advantage. When someone wanted a day off and could not get it otherwise, they paid for it. My father paid several hundred dollars once to get off Christmas Eve and morning, and to our family it was worth it. Who is this switching thing hurting, if it costs no one anything but the two people invovled?
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Well, with that distance, I would try to keep the relationship simpl, easy, and just be dating. You should also consider dating others near where you work. If something develops, then you need to figure out options, but don't figure them out unless and until you need to. Just enjoy the dates you have with her. When you do go home, call, but make it infrequent, and keep the conversations short, like to a few minutes, and leep the emails and testing to a few at the most per week. In most cases, you want to only call and set up dates, and do almost all your talking on dates. You may need to adjust, but delay the everyday calls and emails and stuff.
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Be strong and independent, that's right and correct. ALOOF, if you can. To the extent you can give her support, etc., also do that, but do not risk breaking down emotionally to do that.
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I have ended something with someone I loved and cared about deeply, but never felt she was the one for me long term. I wish I had ended it much sooner than i did, because I think the longer it went, the more it hurt and the more guilt I felt and feel. She wanted me for the rest of her life. It would have been nice if she found someone else, but her life was too short. Consider if you really need to end it, but if you do, then don't wait, end it quickly. Unless you are sure, don't go back.
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You know sometimes you need to make a choice, and frankly, are you really loving your wife, because much of your decisions should be based on the act of loving her. Love is not just how you feel about someone. The more important part of love that we often ignore is how we treat someone, how we act with them in mind. If you were loving your wife, then you would be acting in her best interest, you would do what was right ofr her and your marriage. You probably have been doing this for the other woman for a while, as she is the client, right? When have you done it for your wife? Second, if you lvoed your wife, then you would do what was good for her. In this case, it might mean finding a new job. You don't need to be drastic and do it tomorrow, but there is probably little reason you cannnot find a new employer with a new client base. Finally, we love the things we put our heart and souls into. Have you put yours into your marriage? Well,that may be one of things that you could do to improve things. What has your wife complained about missing in your marriage? More importantly, can you figure out the things she really wants, because if you could she would not fight with you much at all. What are you missing from her? Isn't there some point in time that you wanted her? What changed other than the fact that you could have her all the time? Perhaps, she needs to play you a bit and not let you have her? Recently, a woman cmplained about a similar thing on the forum. She was married, loved her husband but wanted another man. I told her to put her energy into her marriage. Soon, she took him to dinner, and near the end of the meal, excused herself and came back to put her panties in his pocket. He felt pretty special and they had a good weekend. I don't know how things have been since, but it was a beginning at least. Follow through counts too. She put energy into her marriage and it worked, maybe you should. If not, figure something else out or leave your wife and see if you get burned.
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First, welcome to enotalone. Stick around. OK, not sure about all the details, and I don't even know if I took them all in, but any particular conduct you mention does not really let me think that caused such a fall out. Her feelings hcanged, but I don't think it was due to any particular course of events or what you answered on that last morning. She sounds very much like a female version of a rake. She did anything to get you, said anything, whatever it took to get you to fall for her, and then once she had it, she didn't want it anymore. People like this live for the chase, and once the hunt is over, they no longer want what they have chased down. In other words, the only way to keep this one interested, is to keep them chasing for a long time. But everything they do and say is designed for them to succeed in the chase. Was she using you? Perhaps, but it is possible she did not know or think so. Maybe she just knew that she felt differently, and how she felt was probably because the chase was over. In sum, it's not you, it is her, and hopefully, you will not take too long to heal from this short relationship. Keep busy, stay away from her.
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Shyness preventing me from making friends...
Beec replied to Gunner6543's topic in Friendship and Friends
I like some of the other suggestions, and I applaud you for your effort, but what you are suffering from seems to indicate one of two things, and probably both of them. One, you are very concerned with rejection. If you speak to someone and they tell you to f-off and not bother them, that is going to really bother you. And the best way to stop having this fear is to just stop caring what anyone thinks about you. If someone rejects you, oh well, they lose. But, it often takes much time to get to the point at which you can think, they lose by not being your friend, and to some extent it requires a heck of a lot of self esteem, which I am guessing you don't have. Nevertheless, care less about what people think and work at that, and you will be better off. Second, you seem to lack guts. The fear of a possible rejection is overriding your desire to have the conversation. Fear when it controls us is usually the probability and risk of something that overrides our desire to do that thing. If I think the probability of getting in an accident is worth it, I may be willing to drive at over 100 miles an hour in some circumstances. If I am afraid, then I won't. However, one does not get over the fear of skiing down an expert slope on the first day you put on skis. One does not learn to swim, learn to dive and then confront the fear of the high dive all on the same day. You need to take things little by little, bit by bit. Take the conversations you have day to day and multiply them: Greet more people with simple hellos and eye contact; take more of your simple hellos and have one minute conversations; and keep trying. Do not stop, don't give up, don't ever give up. And I see at least one big possible misconception, you think long conversations are the way to go. Don't. If you go talk to someone for five minutes, and they enjoy the conversation,then you leave them alone, they will want to talk again. If you prolong the five minutes into a boring half hour, they may not. Over time, you build up an ability to hang out for longer times. Also, try to be comfortable with silence. I can sit and say nothing to people for a while and just watch. Moreover, as you already know, someone who listens is more interesting than anyone who talks a lot. -
I think with regard to the interesting conversation comment one needs to understand how it is said, not jsut so the words. It must be said slightly tongue in cheek and the comment should infer that she is going to get some interesting conversation because she is talking to him, not vice versa. Saying it should be a reflection of him having confidence, not anything else. of course, if you cannot have confidence or cannot fake it, don't say it.
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BTR, So long as he can use his old tactics to get you to do anything that he wants you to do, he will continue to use them. So watch out for them. We all have difficulty falling out of our old habits. And he's just not boyfriend material, or father material, until he gets his crap straightened out. Whenever that might be.
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I think the real question is what affect does his admiration for your feet have on you, not if you share his fetish. So what happens for you when he does lick your feet? If you can tolerate and enjoy his fetish, why not do so? If not, find someone else.
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Batya33, I mean no offense, but you sound like a woman who has ideas about wht a guy is supposed to do, and from what I've read before of your posts, you have definite ideas and are a woman. I, on the other hand, am a guy who has practiced meeting women and getting them to go otuw ith me, although I am now taken. If a woman is dying to say yes to you, then asking her to dinner is fine. If you don't know, the should not make it a date date. It seems to me that the OP is too inexperienced to know how to tell the difference. Asking her to dinner would enable him to figure out if she wanted to date or not, but if she was tenative, it could sink him. If she had expectations that he was supposed to take her to dinner, then her expectations begin to indicate she is high maintenance, and watch out for women like that.
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With regard to two consenting adults, I don't think that can be answered easily. There are men and women in this world who want to and fantasize about living in a situation that involves them being a slave, sexual and otherwise. For most people, someone trying to get them into such relationship would be abuse. For others, it's all they want. It's tough to call something abuse if it is all someone fantasizes about. Although it still might be. With a child, I also do not think there are bright lines of division. if you are injuring the child permanently, I think it is crossed. If you are endangering it's life, yes. But I know plenty of people who got hit with a spoon and dearly love the person who hit them. As in all things humna, there are certainly gray areas.
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Yes to another date. But no to asking about persuing anything. You can keep in touch, but you also should not make any express committments this soon. How far away are you going to be from her?
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Welcome to enotalone. It could mean almost anything or nothing at all. But if I were betting, she is showing interest. If you really want to figure that out, arrange to see her somehow.
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Call her and talk to her for a few minutes, then ask her to do something that might be a date, and then might not be: "How about we go to Starbucks after work/class/anything and meet to talk and see if we can have some interesting conversation." If she says no and cannot at that time, ask her when she can. In the interim, read up on body langauge, so you know what hers is telling you when you are with her.
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OK, that's good. I find that to be a little inconsistent with the thoughts you have of doom and gloom ahead, for her. But, it might not be.
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You should tell him simply: Good Bye. And no more.
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Yes, but how will you feel when he is emotionally attached? If he shows signs of it, and you felt that way too, I would tell you to try to have a relationship. If you both use each other, no one is getting used to disadvantage, except by their own design. But some you think of only as an f-buddy seems to be falling in love with you, you need to end it. If you let it go on, you are hurting them more.
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My warning would be to try to keep your encoutners infrequent, so it does not take one the feel of a relationship and that if he bgins to seem attached, end it.
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Good advice.
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Just be aloof, be independent, but friendly. If she wnts to talk, then let her, but don't be talking about what you want or your feelings or whatever. Her feelings will bring her back, not yours. It's clear you want her back, but are you going to be able to trust her again? Try to figure that out.
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sky508, First welcome to enotalone. Please stick around. You just called your husband amazing, and that's great. But, your readiness to cheat was not. I have no complaint about your desire to cheat. I doubt a man or woman has gone a few years in any marriage, with a normal sex drive, without some thought tending toward infidelity. But your guilt, sorry but that's good stuff, you should feel it and not want to feel it ever again. My prior post about tension and release is really on. Relationships get stale, when we get in a rut. Not too long ago, a woman posted on ehre with a similar situation. She was attracted to another man, and loved her husband. I suggested she put her energy into her husband. The particualr sugegstion involved her arranging for a dinner for the two of them, and then near the end of dinner, going to the ladies room to come back and put her panties in his pocket. She did, it worked fairly well. If you were to ever try it, then just make sure you are flirting a bit with your husband before you make that big move. If he does not flirt back, don't do it. my biggest suggestion it to grab your husband and kiss him and tell him what you wrote above. Let him know you think "He's amazing."
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I don't want to sound morbid, unsympathetic or anything else like it. However, except for the fact that you think she is going to be in a DUI and otherwise screw up, I like what you wrote above. You're getting to new stages of grieving and recovery. The only thing I would tell you to work on adjusting, when you can, is to begin to try and hope for the best for her. That's probably a long way off. But her healthy, safe, living a decent life is probably better for your son than otherwise. If I could write the script, I would have your wife see she made a mistake, apologize to all concerned and thereafter, try to lead a decent life. Perhaps then she could rebuild some of the respect your son and you hd for her. Trust is too much to ask for. While you move on and develop a new life you enjoy, whatever that is and whatever you want it to be. I think that's what you need to work for. Think about what you might want your life to become, now that she has dealt you this hand of cards, so to speak. Hang in there. It will continue to get better.
