princessevelyn

What you're going through is something inevitable and unavoidable. You change and so does everyone around you constantly. The best thing to do is take everything in stride and understand that family and friends all find their own way and agenda. The key is to stick to a solid base, whether it be a single best friend, boy friend, or immediate family for stability. Remember that quality is important, not quantity. The people that truly matter will always be a part of your life and will always be in your heart.

How exactly can my engagement to Jean affect anything having to do with the custody battle? She's 1500 miles away in Tenessee, his son is established here in school and the community. She can't call the cops on me, she can't steal our kid. I just don't get how our engagement isn't in "best interests" to anyone...

I'm a little bit in the dark about how she can "make his and your life tough". What exactly is she capable of doing that will affect my relationship?

The divorce is final in two months. As of now the agreement is 30% / 70% custody. What can she possibly to do us? Doubt? Not at all. There is no question about how ready i am for this relationship, marriage, and motherhood. Right now i'm hitting a speed bump, i'm strong, i'm smart and i know we're going to be just fine, i just need that little push to get me there sooner than later.

Belladonna: - I sincerely apologize for my language. - absolutely not, i never speak this way around his son. His father does, but that's a WHOLE different issue. - and i know...i'm telling myself exactly what i need to hear. "I have to realize that he is with me NOW. And we do all the great things we love to do together NOW. We are engaged NOW. We love each other now and forever! " I'm just going to have to work on it. Born to resist: I totally agree with you, and what your saying is something that Jean and i talk about all the time. We're soul mates. Our lives and our decisions made us who we are today, lead us to eachother and made us capable of loving each other as much as we do. But there is that the one moment, that one second, where i forget that, and i forget what he tells me and reassures me and i just blow up. That is what i need help with. It never starts as kicking or screaming just "discussing". But it leads to one of us getting upset and getting louder and louder. I just need to know how to restrict myself because my rants don't help anyone. Especially not my relationship. The ONLY thing i press him about is that i feel unacknowledged(everything else i just go over in my mind). His ex doesn't know much about me besides that fact that we date. However we're engaged! It really upset me when his son told me that he fears talking about me to his mother for fear of her hating him, and i felt that my fiance should maturly discuss it with her and let her know that she should get over herself and let her son know that its ok for him to like daddy's new wife and that he doesn't have to worry. however, my fiance feels its a better idea to hold off on such a discussion until after their divorce is finalized and its too late for her to get vindictive and file for full costody because she doesn't want some other woman taking care of her child. - THAT'S the issue.

There's so many things about this situation that are hard to completely put in writing (or typing). She's trash. I know this how? She used to call me and threated to kill me and beat me up for being a homewrecker and stealing her husband, when at the time they were already separated. After the seperation i would hear their son talk about how there were all kinds of her mom's boyfriends staying over night. There's no question about it, it's not the nicest thing to say BUT SHE'S TRASH. It's not one sided. My fiance inherited her friends because they lived in her mothers home, so naturally he became aquainted with the neighboors. When we go back to visit i would hear countless stories about how after My fiance left there were people all over the place. Crazy parties, drunken people on the lawn, music all hours of the night, and the smell of meth. All anyone had to say about my fiance leaving his ex was that it "was about time". My relationship with his son is amazing, these are his exact words to his dad about my relationship with his father, "Daddy's she nice to you. I like her. You should marry her. She doesn't yell or hit like momma". His mom used to throw punches at my fiance, she mased him in the face because she suspected him of cheating. I'm completely aware of the fact that she's going to be in my life for ever since i'm pretty much going to mother her child. There is also another problem there. He fears telling his mom about me for fear of her hating him. I do know that to a certain degree my issues have do to with insecurity. But it's not a typical case of insecurity, its more like ANGER. I love him so much that it makes me furious that he had to live that life for so long. I don't ever want to be in her shoes or be her or anything like that, its just, i'm so upset at the fact that i wasn't in the picture before, and he had to endure all of that because of their child, which in all reality he isn't even completely sure is his.

I have the kind of relationship everyone dreams of. The list just goes on and on.. communication, understanding, AMAZING sex, common interests (like you wouldn't believe), and just plain love to the highest degree. He is the kind of man that your mother tells your to score before someone else does because he is just PERFECTION. Hard working, clean, chivalrous, respectful, outdoorsy, generous (I get a new piece of jewelry just about every week "just because" he loves me) and he's an amazing parent. So who amidst all this perfection would come THIS close to screwing it up because of my little jealous rage? ME. That's who. I am insanely jealous of my fiancé’s ex wife/ex life. They've been separated for quite some time now and are in the process of a divorce. They have a 6-year-old son, which my fiancé has custody of. However, not only is she completely out of the picture she's OUT OF THE STATE in Tennessee! And the thing is that it's not really her I’m jealous of, I’m jealous of the fact that she had him for as long as she did, and that they have a child together. He was 20 and she was 18 (or so he thought). She got pregnant and holy crap it turns out she was 15! Next thing you know he's arrested, taken to jail and told that if he doesn't marry her immediately he will have to serve up to a 3 year sentence and register as a sex offender. So what happens? That stupid mom drives the lovebirds to Vegas for a quickie marriage so that my fiancé could avoid jail time. SEVEN years they were together. Seven years of basically my Fiancé having to raise a 15 year old brat with a baby while her mother is MIA because she was arrested and thrown in jail for manufacturing drugs with intent to sell. OH MY GOD. I find myself getting genuinely upset at him because he got her pregnant. I believe I said the exact words of "It's not like you didn't know that she was going to get pregnant, you know how babies are made, were you trying to have a baby with that trash?" Ouch. They weren't even together when she got knocked up; they just had a casual hook up type of thing. (Not only that but it was SEVEN YEARS AGO) I have to get over it. He tells me constantly that for almost the last decade of his life his goal was just to stick it out with her for the sake of their child. He knows that if he had just left her after the charges were dropped that his son would be surrounded by trash and countless of his mom’s boyfriends. And yet, every time I hear about a story, whether they were fishing, hiking, hunting just doing anything with her I get insanely jealous. I ask him, "Did you even have fun with her?" "I bet she would just talk to you the whole time" "did she even like being out with you?” And the truth is that she didn't and neither did he, she was mentally unstable and just plain trash and he just dealt with it. But I don’t want to have him stop telling me thing because I don’t want him to feel restricted. Knowing that it was horrible up until he met me, that he hated her, that the was only reason he was with her was because of their child, she cheated on him countless times, tried to make him look like a dead beat dad to the courts at their first custody battle, why am I so jealous? WHY??? Because it wasn't with me. Why didn’t he meet me first? Why didn't I get pregnant with his baby? Why did she even have to exist!? Why did she get the privilege of living with him, and having him as her husband for as long as she did when she didn't even deserve him? I have to realize that he is with me NOW. And we do all the great things we love to do together NOW. We are engaged NOW. We love each other now and forever! When will I just get over it? When she's back in town for the divorce? When I see her face-to-face and just laugh at her and polish my diamond ring right in front of her? Is that what it's going to take? Because his constant reassurance only gets me there half way. What is it going to take for me to make it the rest of the way to get to the point where I have not a care in the world for her or the past he had with her?