Beec

I think it's fine to talk about anything privately, but I also know that I'd make sure I could trust him with what I told him. It seems you have trusted him to some extent. My question about the private conversation is whether it's just business, but you'll have to see. I've worked with many people and been friendly with many of them. Only one former colleague is someone I really consider a friend.

My worry here is that you both seem to be already out. In other words, you are not thinking of the relationship as I prefer to think of it, a committment. I don't want to try and then get out when I fail, you need to keep trying. And I think if you express doubts about the divorce being the right thing and express a desire to really be committed, then maybe you'll have a chance. I would also be concerned about the other woman, and it's not clear what happened. She has to go.

For some women, that would be good advice. For others, that would absolutely incorrect. Depends on the woman.

Other than saying yes to still going on dates with him and "let's take it slow," I wouldn't say much it, I'd just do it. Scout, you know I am not all for talking about things. IMO, it's way overrated. Communication need not all be verbal. As far as Dateagain's respect and boundaries, he really seems to have treated her with respect. And it seems like he is asking for his to be respected. If I saw a problem with Dateagain's boundaries, it would be that she seems not to know where her own boundaries are, because her words and actions don't seem consistent.

You dumped a guy you were dating casually to date him, so that means you having sex with him indicates that once you are having sex you consider that the relationship should be exclusive. Good, I'll agree with that idea. So, you have begun dating him and had sex and now, he is backing off from the exclusive relationship with you, because of how he feels. He does not want to be in it now for whatever reason, and he has at least been respectful about that. However, he does still want to see you. Reading between the lines this seems to be a guy telling you to slow down and not act like it is a relationship. I would suggest you tell him that yes you still want to date him, but that's all it is, dating as long as we both want to. You somewhat do seem to have been lying to yourself about your desire for a relationship, but at the same time, his behavior indiactes he might want that too, he just feels like it is moving too fast. Frankly, he seems to have acted admirably under the circumstances. I would not stand him up or turn him down for tonight, because that really seems like you acting hurt. Don't act hurt, even if you are a little. be a strong, confident, sexy woman, and take your time. If you do that, he'll still want you.

You cannot try to buy her attention, and if you could, why would you want her. Any woman that puts a price on her head or body is not worth having any any longterms sense. Some guys might think she is worth spending a few bucks on the get her body, but then once they're done with that, what's such a woman worth. Moreover, you and you alone, time with you and your attention should be enough compensation for her to at least reciprocate with hers. If you go out with her and she does not give you enough, be ready to say NEXT. Big expensive dinners are you trying to buy her attention. Inexpensive or reasonable dates with you are you not trying to buy her attention, and should be you thinking yours is enough. Buying someone a cup of coffee is not something you should consider expensive. If you waste the few bucks it costs, oh well, it's only a few bucks. Even if she orders the most expensive coffee I can think of, it would still be a cheap date. Think of that cost as nothing. It's not that much for most people.

Well, if you have a great first date, a second weekend date is possible. If it the first two dates are good, then make the third a weekend date.

Week night, drinks or coffee, and don't even tell her it is a date for sure.

Kevin, if you ahve any other options, NO WEEKEND DATES. Asking a woman out for a weeknight is different froma sking her out on a weekend. Weeknight says no big and you are squeezing her in. Weekend says "will you be my girlfriend." Do you papers this weekend, let any woman you talk know you are busy, and ask one out tonight for a night during next week. And find that same attitude you had when you got their numbers. If you do, they will say yes.

hhhmmm, I was a afraid there was some distance between the two of you. Not sure why, but it had popped into my head. Is this his first home? If it is, and you know a style in which he would like to decorate, why not buy him a book on how that is done and write in it that you hope he creates a place in which you can both be comfortable?

I with chai and Day_Walker. Leaving yourself not outlet but her should deal with the problem. If that by itself does not work, consider some self hypnosis recordings. You can find them over the web and download some as MP3s. The problem is not with your body, it's in your head. If it was your body, you wouldn't get able to get it up to masturbate. Self hypnosis may help with your thoughts that are in the way.

OK, so the issue seems to be that he does not know how you feel, as per what he says. But what you are asking about is not saying it but showing it? And, I think that's good. Saying it is easy, showing it means more. Also, I bet he is wondering how much of a committment you have to the relationship. If he is not seeing you show it enough, then that might come to mind. I kind of agree with you that a picture of the two of you framed is a bit lame. Frankly, i think that picture with the two of you in your place would be more significant than you putting it in his place. So, instead of a picture, why not just put some effort into his new home. It may be his right now, but if he bought it, I am sure there is an idea that one day it will not be just his. If that's not the case, you saying nothing about him buying it could also be significant, so maybe you let him know that even if you don't live there together you think he made a good investment. But that remark should be an aside. Right now, just help him make it a home. Perhaps you show up this weekend ready to work and help him on it. Maybe you ask him what his plans are for it, and then begin to execute on one of them. If I carried out one of his plans, I would make sure it was not one that left much room for me interpreting things. If I bought him something, I'd make sure it was something I knew he wanted. It could be something as simple as cleaning his new kitchen, and then making a meal in it for him. If you are not one to make big delcarations of love, you need to show that you care about him just because you do.

Welcome to enotalone. Before suggesting anything to do for him, someone should probably know more about the rough spot you have been going through.

Being a jerk is doing what, being nasty, insulting her, not respecting her? It's not necessarily you being quiet, not looking at her too much, not making eye contact and just seeming distracted. Which is what I would be doing in your shoes. I'd also tease her when she tried to kiss me, and I wrote that in another post this morning. If you went home with her, and that's the natural thing to do, do not try to be intimate with her, and play hard to get if she tries with you. Tease her. You can eventually give in, but tease her for at least a little while. If she does not initiate, then just go to sleep. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. MAKE HER DO SOME WORK for her to get sex. A good time to give in would be right befor eyou feel like she is about to give up. If you do give in, then when you do, make it different than the usual. For example, if you usually make tender love in the missionary position, TAKE HER, turn the tables once you participate, take charge and take her, hard, and maybe in a different position, like doggy, scissors, let's go home, hopscotch, or the sphynx. See: link removed

As I said before, you can be aloof and be right next to someone. And while aloof is part of one's personality, it also has a lot to do with how confident you feel and how readily you can be happy with just yourself. The more you need and wnat her, the more you tend to be not aloof, and become needy, clingy or gush emotionally near her. Imagine for a change sitting down to dinner with a person you have been dating for at least a short while. You sit in a restaurant and they hardly pay attention to you. All through the meal something seems off. Well this person is being aloof. Now, imagine that upon leaving the restaurant you walk somewhere and at an appropriate time, your date trusn to you, grabs you be the lapels and kisses you. If it does happen, you will have been nervous all through dinner because of the aloofness, then your emotionswould soar because the tensionw as released. However, this will not happen, ever, if you when not the focus of their attention begin seeking and asking for it. Moreover, instead of it happening, this is what you should be doing. Aloofness and independce attracts, and mostly it attracts because it seems confident. Be more aloof, act more confident, see how she reacts. If she reacts well, then you just become more confident, and hence you can remain a little aloof. If not, then maybe you need to move on. Don't break the date. Be aloof during it.

I just disagree. Lot's of negative waves there heloladies. Positive thoughts. Most long-lasting relationships all have their times when people drift apart, but many come back together.

OK, her personality is a function of many things, but much of it comes from her past experiences. A woman who is 37 has probably been hurt in the past. So, she may be a little more protective of herself. If she is jsut independent and always going to be, then she might not be right for you. But, I would have you try to be more aloof for a while.

I would not ask her for or have a formal break with her. Your drifting apart, it seems like you are both broed, so get off your butt and fix it. Things do not stay fresh without some tension. Ever hear about makeup sex being really hot? Well, it is because there was tension and the sex is releasing it. Do you recall the feelings of being on a first date and wondering if she likes you? You get butterlfies, nervous energy, and you really wonder, and then you lean in to kiss her and she kisses you right back! The nervous energy was tension, and then when she kissed you back, it got released. If things are really boring and mundane, I bet you even kiss her the same way all the time. It's gone from something hot and passionate, to a peck on the lips. CHANGE IT, change everything. First, change how you kiss her or she kisses you. Don't try to kiss her and when she kisses you, resist in a teasing and joking/fun manner. Have her lean in to kiss you and then back away from her just out of reach of her lips. Smile, jokingly, then when she leans in further, do it again. Mkae her chase you a bit for a kiss, create a little tension. After she has chased you once, then let her peck you again, then at a random moment tease her. Create tension, release it. Then change things entirely, when she comes up to kiss you, not knowiing what to expect, grab her, wrap and arm right around her waist, and kiss her like you were trying to weld your lips to hers. When that kiss is done, stop it, and look at her as if nothing happened. She won't look that way at all. Another change, when she gives you a peck, and this is after a few passionate kisses, stop her and let her know that the peck was simply not good enough. Tell her to come over and kiss you correctly, let her know she needs to put in more effort. OK, one other thing to do, withdraw. Leave her alone for a little while, but don't tell her how or why or even let her know it is happening. Just don't be there. And you can do it while you are there physically but not mentally, just seem like you are thinking about anything but her. Sit there reading next to her. Let her miss you, and then when you are there, both mentally and physiclaly, she will appreciate you more. DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING about what you are doing or why. If this is going to work, it needs to be done and not talked about. CHANGE your approach to sex, play hard to get at times, then attack and take her at times. If you know she wants sex and you are very aloof from her overtures, then you attack ehr, you will have created tension and then really released it. Also tease her. It too helps create tension.

One thing reading other comments made me think of. The best sex happens when you have two people who are just hot for each other. It's not about what they have, it's each person letting the other know they want them and it.

It seems like the doubts you have are there because she is just a little too aloof. Now, that could just be her personality, or it could also be how she is reacting because of how you are acting. And I see two things you can change, and possibly I might think about both. First, some basic stuff about why we go for those we do go for. We go for those people who give us emotional fulfillment, make us feel appreciated and special, take care of us, AND remain aloof and independent while they do it, not needy or clingy. If you make her feel special and you are aloof, even to the extent of the things you do for her being no big deal, then it's like pointing a blow torch at mxiture of gasoline and oxygen, it's going to burn. It's almost scientific principal. With your situation, I have to think you either are not fulfilling some needs of her, not making her feel special enough, OR you appear to be so into her that you are not aloof enough to make her feel like she needs to try and make you feel special. In your case, I might try something like mkaing her feel very special, and then withdrawing a bit. If she chases, them you know she really does care. If she doesn't, then leave her, find someone who will.

Just take a test and show him the results. He already knows what you are thinking, he's just trying not to react. Nice job so far easing him into those thoughts.

The key thing that you said was if you satisfy her. I doubt she won't give you more than one chance to do that. I don't think this should be a big worry for you. However, if I was just starting with a woman and wanted to get her off, I know my best bet is not to pound it but to lick it.

Yes, I do and would, but it worked to the exent that I am taken.

And confidence in a man often makes him attractive.