Beec
-
Posts
7,405 -
Joined
-
Days Won
6
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by Beec
-
When you begin to call someone and have an outburst because of how you feel, then you expect things to change because of how you feel. Your emotions are the central thing to that exchange. Isn't that the very definition of something that is self-centered? Isn't this nothing but demanding from someone that they take certain actions because of how you feel? If not, then please explain how I am mistaken in that idea. Isn't the whole purpose of a relationship finding someone who gives you what you need, not someone you demand it from in emotional tirades? Because if you need and emotional tirade, that's just not good and healthy communication, that's you thinking that yelling at someone, who in this case did nothing really wrong, is justifiable. Yelling just to get your way as a practice is a very selfish way of communication. Is that really the part of your personaility that you want to keep? As NYS991 descrbed it, this was hardly a relationship, as I would think of it. He seemed to have some attachment, etc. but there was no real relationship. No process though which their lives had begun to intertwine, just a friendly ear on the phone. Want to drive that ear away, yell at it, it will leave.
-
This is all about you taking out your emotions on people. Since you take them out on him, why would he think you would be otherwise with his children? This is the same area you need to realize that needs to change. There's nothign wrong with how you feel, if you want or need mroe attention, then that's ok. If you can become more independet, great. If not you may need to move on to find another guy. But you getting frustrated and taking things out on someone, that is allabout finding ways to let people know how you feel, and it's not a positive way. Moreover, in this case, it was done because you want more from him.
-
Well, then just no talking about anything ther than work. Force it back into a professional only situation. It's going to take will power.
-
Why he wanted to end it is pretty simple. But, understand one basic first: We go for those pople who give us emotional fullfilment, make us how we want or need to feel, make us feel appreciated, special, etc. AND they do it while remaining independent, aloof, not needy or clingy, and not imposing their emotions upon us. Your outburst imposed how you felt on him. If this is a busy man with a busy life, he needs a woman who can remain and be indepedent, and know that if and when he comes home, the act of him coming home to you is as significant as can be. When he has only a small amount of free time, his picking to spend it with you should be seen as BIG. But when it's not enough, when you feel alone too much, ignored too much, you had an outburst. Instead of doing so, next time withdraw. In the immediate future, show some regret for imposing how you felt on him. And show some understanding about what kind of woman he needs. Express how you see that now, express how you need to become mroe independnet for yourself, and say nothing more. Then try to be that.
-
I think you just have no contact. Only time and space will really allow you to move on. You need to remove yourself from each other's support, attention and appreciation, and time to live without that so you don't miss it as much. In sum, no contact or as little as possible.
-
Do away with the speech. Go for the walk, have it written there, and when she sees it, have a ring. Don't give her the big long speech, your actions will speak loudly.
-
-
Moving out need not mean the end of the world. If you need to to keep things calm, then maybe you do it. Do not get clingy.
-
I think his fantasy is not so uncommon as you might think. If you had read as many erotic stories as I had in my youth and early twenties, you would have seen quite a few of these in some rather well-known publications, definitely Penthouse in the 1980s, while i was in college. If you picked up a copy of the Villag Voice in NYC, in the back you would find a section with lots of pictures of those offering "bodywork", whihc is only a euphemism for prostitution. There is a section of offering the services of women, men and "shemales", which is the second largest. How many men go as far as he has in trying things on, I cannot tell you. How many and waht kind of man would call an ad for one of the shemales, I cannot tell you either, but they are there, and somebody must call them. So, it's not that uncommon a thought. Your real questions should not be about what's in his head (it may be in any number of guy's heads), but about how far will he go, to what limits will he restrict himself and agree to, and to what extent you might humor his fantasies. If he can legitimately and honestly tell you that he would never transform himself or walk out of doors cross-dressing, AND HE HAS BEEN HONEST, then why wouldn't you believe him. If you can gt him agree to no more wearing of your stuff, maybe buy some for him if he wears them only when you are not there. Or maybe, you get into it. Maybe you get into it and engage in some play with you and him pretending to both be lesbians or something.
-
How bad your actions were should not really be the calculation. What was bad was you lying to your husband, and in the relative scheme figuinr out what was worse or not quite as wrong is really an exercise in you seeking to absolve or justify yourself to some extent. Was it wrong for him to walk out on you? Maybe. Which was more wrong? That's just not something to figure out. Be trustworthy an somewhat remorseful and over time he will trust you. It will take time. Why you cheated emotionally is because someting is missing from your relationship, quite frankly. You sought it elsewhere.
-
I think my first quesiton is at what age do you see yourself marrying?
-
When I was in his shoes, we went to dinner, and just a decent one, not a really nice one. One time, it was a reasonable but nice restaurant, and once when I made less money, we had chinese take out in my old office, when no one else was there, with candles. She loved it.
-
Other than BB's, I don't think I'd patronize those places, except for maybe a lunch ordered from Dallas BBQ. New York is getting some decent BBQ, but that's not what we do right. If you wanted BBQ, that Saturday night, you could have some decent BBQ and see someone at Jazz Standard. You could do that on any night, really. Or you could have a great fondue and very nice wine at Artisanal; excellent Italian served tapas style at Bellavitae, finished off with a nice moscato d'asti or by walking to desset at Rocco's or Bruno on Bleeker street; a good steak or chop in an old New York atmosphere at Keens; nice Italian in a more formal atmosphere at L'Impero; wonderful Mexican with frozen pomergranate marguerita's at Rosa Mexicana; awesome grilled fish at Trate Estatorio; or New England style seafood in a modern room at Mary's Fish Camp. I've eaten at all of these and rarely had a meal at one for less than $80 per person, and I think they were vey much worth it at those prices.
-
You know meals for a few daysin NYC could add up to $600, if you want it to. I could easily drop more than $100 a person for any given dinner, and probably a lunch too. So, three dinners alone could hit $600, so start making some reservations for nice meals. Check out both link removed and search the Manhattan board for some places to go, and also check out link removed for places that have available reservations. PM me if you need some suggestions. And as far as V-Day, you seem like you are expecting things from him. Things that he has to do are not really a gift. Accept what he is willing to give, or leave him.
-
ex-girlfriend teaching pilates
Beec replied to sleex's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
If instead of looking at this wman as your enemy, you turned the tables and became her friend, maybe she would be the one who watched out for you. That's better than being the one who isolate yourself from, and who has no reason to look out for your interests. -
So stop it. Stop it slowly and gradually, but definitely. Be a man, wear the pants, and don't take her crap. Why would you anymore anyway. I'd also tell you to check out Dave D'Angelo's basic stuff, becaquse he writes a lot about attraction, and what you may need to create is some in her for you. I'll pm you some info.
-
It's not that abnormal. In a sense you have a guy who thinks he is an unworthy partner, it seems, and that he needs to fix him before he will be a good one, in his own mind. FWIW, I might look forward to a day when he is OK, but I also might not wait for him.
-
I cannott ell you that your expectations are unreasonable or reasonable. There's nothing wrong with any expectations, if your partner would like to meet them, and therein lies the whole issue. The one thing I don't see you doing is requiring her to treat you with respect. When she threw a pot at you, what was the consequence of it to her? Really, that's the one thing I see missing. And a woman does not want a man she is allowed to walk all over. When was the last time you really stood up to her and told her to cut the crap and do the right thing?
-
I can see him wanting to talk to her for a number of reasons.
-
ex-girlfriend teaching pilates
Beec replied to sleex's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
When he said that yes you could come, after you asked for that alternative, I think you're stuck and you should go. If you pulled that one on me, if you were my girlfriend, then I would not be a happy camper. be careful what you ask for. On another note, both of them have no issue with you being there, so it';s unlikely anything is going on. Could it be that what they had ran it's course, and that it's just done, and that she is a good person to know. Why are you afraid to find out? -
The hit on being with a grandmother is like trying to claim feeding your child is a bad thing. OK, some grandmothers can be abd, but so can some food. Dogs, some dogs can be awesome around infants. I know a family who has a daughter about ten and three older children. When the youngest was an infant, the dog would stand over the baby when the other kids were rambunctious, acting as a shield for the baby and also tolerating the other kids rough play. While not all dogs will do this, some will. In this case, the dog was a mutt with a lot of Lab, and most Labs and big retrievers are simply awesome with kids. But lots of dogs can be protective of children. Hope everything is going well today. Sure it is.
-
I think you kissing her shows that you are in it for more than jsut friends, so she knows. As far as what to do, if she is shy, you need to draw her out slowly.
-
Some of what he did clearly wasn't appropriate. Let him know, set him straight. In that case, you'll find a guy who understands your limits, because something tells me he is confused too.
-
Good luck. I doubt he will fight you, as he is "engaged."
-
I have used some self-hypnosis recordings, which i would say do affect how I think about things, but the effects don't last, you need to repeat the use. If I had to relate it to something, have you ever seen a motivational speaker? A good one speaks and then when he is done the audience wants to rip out of the room and take on the world. Of course, that feelings wanes.
