tribecagirl

Hi All! After reading so much about doing NC, how many of you had an ex come back to you after they've seen that you've become a different, albeit, happier person again after they've been out of your life for a while or a long time? I'm asking because my friend, Julie, is going thru this. We were out recently and we saw her ex at a lounge we like to go to. She has not seen this guy or talked to him in five years. She was totally lost for a while after they broke up. She did all the pining and whining and crying when they broke up, but then she finally employed the NC method and she got him out of her system for good. She's a much better person and a lot of fun to be around. When we saw her ex, it was a big surprise to both of us. She knew that she would never hear from him again and she had totally moved on. Anyway, they hugged like old friends when they saw each other and we all talked for a long time that night. Anyway, she called me the other day and said that he'd been in contact with her. They did exhange phone numbers, but she said she never had intentions of really calling. She just did it as a polite gesture. This is true. She has a nice guy that she is seeing. And she talks about Dave constantly! Anyway, Julie said that her ex, Paul, has called her once a day since she's seen him. She said the conversations are light and very on the surface, but she can tell that there are some other things he wants to say, but she quickly tells him that she needs to go or that she's busy. I told her not to be surprised if he suggests that they talk serious at some point. But she says that she is totally over Paul and that things would never be the same between them, so she could care less about their past. But I think whatever he wants to say to her, is piquing her curiosity, at least mine anyway! She said that she doesn't mind being friends with him, though. But that's it. She LOVES her Dave! I'll have to keep everyone posted on this "developing story," but has some thing like this ever happened to anyone here? Let's talk! Tribecagirl

Hi All! I promised to post everyday since I took Super Dave's challenge, but I decided to stay off of enotalone for a while to work on some other things I got going. But I had to come back and post that tomorrow will be three months since I've had any contact with the ex and guess what? I'M HAPPY AS A PIG IN SLOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trust me when I tell you that I'd never thought I'd be here. Everything that anyone is going through now regarding NC, I was in the same position. But know that it really does get easier, especially when you make up your mind to do NC for good! One thing that I'm working on is not thinking about the ex at all. Although he pops into my mind at some point in the day, it's not as frequently as I'm learning to turn my attention to more important things and activities. I'm just praying for the day when I don't think of him at all, but although it seems like a lifetime, three months is not a long time. But then again, I never thought I'd feel like my old self again, either. I just wanted to let those who are having trouble with NC and who are struggling to get over a breakup to know that you can do it. If I can, I KNOW you can and I've broken NC plenty of times. Take heed...IT GETS EASIER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care all!! Tribecagirl

I vote that you stay with the new girl! The reason: Because I was the "new girl" and my ex left me to be with his ex and that's how I ended up here at enotalone!

Thanks, SandyV!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man, goodwaves. I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't believe that she didn't give you any explaination after six years? Keeping coming back here for support. We care and want to help you heal. I know you're devisitated, but hang touch. It will be hard for a while, but please come here to get some help when you need to, okay?

Hi All! Just checking in. I'm at day 70 of NC!!!!! It's getting easier. I think I'll buy some new shoes tomorrow to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cheers! Tribecagirl

Hi Shaker, I know you're hurting, but please DON'T contact him. I know what you're going through. Trust me. I went through the same turmoil of wanting my ex to know how I felt. I know everyone's situation or circumstances are different, but I did the very thing you are getting ready to do and guess what? It didn't make a difference in my relationship with him. In fact, everything I said to him to make him understand my hurt and pain, fell on deaf ears. And I felt much worst afterward. Keefy is right. Your contacting him to explain yourself won't help because trust me when I tell you, whatever your ex's response will be, you won't want to hear it. Don't give him anymore power! YOU HAVE THE POWER NOW!!!!! I wish I could give you a big hug of support in person. Believe me. I'm saying this because I know. We all know. I'm a very emotional person and for me to tell you all of this after what I've been through, says a lot from my viewpoint. Of course, none of us here can stop you from contacting your ex, but please reconsider. Haven't you been hurt enough? Start the healing now, sweetie. Tribecagirl

Hi All, I've just been reading thru some of the posts here and it's true what SuperDave says. The pain does lessen each day, especially when you make a conscious effort to involve yourself in other activities. I can't lie, though. I'm on day 71 of NC and I still do think about the ex and I wonder if I'll ever find someone who will love me just as I am. SuperDave's operation analogy about having surgery is true. When you involve yourself in something meaningful and you decide that you aren't going to let what happened between you and the ex rule over your life, then it's true. You move on and you start to feel better about things and if you're like me, you take comfort in the possibility that your life will change for the better each day. Hurting and healing is a process you have to go through, not to get over. Whatever has happened, it's not your fault. You're human. And being human is something I have to remind myself about. I want to spread good vibes and happy thoughts to everyone here today! Cheers! Tribecagirl!

Hi Everyone! I'm still doing good. I thought I was going to have a small setback today. Since me and the ex used to work together, one of my co-workers asked me something about him and I just gave him a very short and rude answer. I didn't mean to be rude, but I just can't bear hearing his name. Anyway, I caught myself and reminded myself not "to go there" with any thoughts of him. I had to remind myself that this is part of the process. Hey! Does anyone like an artist named Brian McKnight? He has a new cd out called, "Ten" and there is a song on there that pretty much hits home with all of us on some level. The song is called, "A Little Too Late." If you can find the clip (Mp3) on the web, listen to it. It's a great song. Tribecagirl

WOW! That's awesome! I wish you all the best, really!

Very well said, Blender. EB, I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you can move past this. I left this prayer (don't know how spiritual you are, but...)for someone in another post a few minutes ago and I hope it will inspire you as it has for me: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change those that I can And the wisdom to know the difference I know you're hurting tremendously now, but you can make it through with flying colors. Blender said it best. If this guy is not ready to be fully committed to you, he'll keep running into himself. It's inevitable. He's making a mess of people's hearts. Sooner or later, he'll get his comeuppance! You'll see.

Hi Lindsay! I don't know if you're a believer in a higher power, but keep this in mind...this prayer helps me a lot. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change those that I can And the wisdom to know the difference Be strong! It gets easier. Tribecagirl

Well, if you left him for not realizing that you are special, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! Stay NC. If he keeps contacting you after you made it clear to him that you aren't going to be jerked around until he is serious about you, then he's being selfish. If he stops his antics, take it as either 1) he's tired of playing around and realizes that you're serious and takes what you mean into consideration and ready to make a full commitment or 2) he realizes that you're not to be played with and he'll leave you alone as you've asked him to do all along. If he respects your wishes and he comes back later, hopefully, he'll be a better person. As I've read many times, when and if he does get himself together, maybe you would have moved on and you may not even want to deal with him on that level anymore. Either way, good luck to you!!!!!

Drum! This is great! You're so right about this! Not talking about the ex amymore with friends or family has helped me out. I believe it's the one single thing that helped me get over the hump. If one of my friends mentions something and they question me about it, I tell them quickly that I don't want to discuss the ex anymore and I move on to another topic. So they know not to bring it up anymore. He is no longer up for discussion. Here's what I plan to do... 1) Get a closer relationship with God 2) Grow the businesses I'm involved with further 3) By my first home 4) Have more fun in life 5) OUTBID SUPERDAVE ON BUYING MICROSOFT FOR A TRILLION JILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! Hang tough, Drum! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE FAITH IN YOU!!!! Tribecagirl!