Beec

Good point. What someone being clingy and needy is that person not being sufficiently confident in themselves. They don't think or feel that them giving someone a bit of attention is enough for that person to give them attention. Forcing themself to be aloof is really forcing themself to seem confident. As it works, then maybe they become more confident and it's not just all show. However, if you ever stop and turn into another person, and insecure person, then you may have problems.

OK, first, he became more aloof because he lost a bit of interest and because he read that it worked. If something works, then it works. For those who consider it a game, it only is a game, imo, if you are seeking to play that person. If however you are doing what that other person likes and treating them how they want to be treated, why is that a game? Isn't treating someone the way they want to be treated, more like love and not a game? And if he treats her in a certain manner and she keeps coming back for more of it, aren't her actions telling him that she wants to be treated this way? First, the aloof does need to stop, but how it stops and getting it to work for you is be you seeing her and busting a move on her, probably kissing her. And as you begin to date her or any woman, you should be aloof and independent and express you interest by asking them out and by making moves on them to some extent. If she asks you how you feel, then at first, you should be rather vague and noncommittal, "I'm interested", "I'd like to see more of you", "I enjoy being with you," etc. When you get into questions like do you see us together, be vaguer, "That'd be nice," "We'll see," "If it happens great." After you have been with someone for a while, when you are both investing in the relationship, when you are both putting in efforts to make the other person feel special, etc., then you begin to really have something. But you need to do those things because you want her to feel that way, not because you want her to do anything for you. If you do this, she will feel much for you. Your aloofness has told her that you do not need her, that you are fairly confident and independent on your own without a great need for someone else's emotion and attention. That means if you date her, that you will not be a guy who puts a lot of emotional demands on her. If you give something to somoene and expect nothing in return, it's really a gift. The closer you get to that, the better you are with her or any woman. Before when you were trying to talk to her and keep her one the phone, it was you seeking to get her attention, asking for it, pleading for it, and then when you stopped, you became worth dating. When she wants to give you something, accept it, enjoy it, but when you begin to demand it or rely on it, you begin to need her and become dependent, and that drives people away. For a while. After she has invested in the relationship, you can let some emotion peak out at times. When you see she is really into you and has been investing, if that day coems, and you mean it, you can tell her you love her. At the same time, keep yourself independent, and do not begin to seek too much from her. But the aloof never really should end entirely

Sorry you are miserable, but it's not Valentines Day. How many people let others log into their accounts? Not many that I know of, not any I know of.

OOOH, I forgot the earrings. If and when you think she is interested and you are not quite sure, you can compliment her earrings and at the same time move to touch them. If you compliment them and look right at her eyes, then immediately but slowly move to touch her hair, brush it aside or cup her earrings, and she lets you, ASK THE WOMAN OUT. If she was going to say no, she would not have let you touch her. If she does not let you do this, act like it's not a big deal.

Let him go, tell him that you cannot be a couple without intimacy and that he needs to figure this out, and until he does you are not a couple, but if he needs it you can be friends with him. In short dump him, and tell him to figure out his head. This gives you your best chance of him coming back and wanting you in the future, because we want what we cannot have, not that which will always be available. And welcome to ENA. Stick around.

No card. Please no card. Second, don't worry about one big conversation at first, build up to it. Start small, say hello. A simple "Hi, how you doing?" and then really looking at her when she answers would be enough. Do this a few times in a row when you see her. Then miss one, let her see you not saying it, pass her as if you are lsot in your own thoughts and you did not even see that she was not standing there. Try to watch how she reacts to this though. When she is used to the greetings, then beef it up a bit, tell her you like something she has with her or something she says. Tell her she said something funny, something insightful, or tell her you like some jewelry she has on (not earrings, see below), a jacket, a book, anything but the earrings, her shirt, sweater or pants, which could indicate you looking for sex too quickly. If you know anything that she likes, learn a bit about it. If you know she likes certain music, books, films, movies, etc. You can ask her very good questions about them and she will get to talk about something that interests her, and you will be in. Learn, read about, figure out body langauge, it is the langauge of love, and you need to know it for a good dating life. OK, if she seems like she is interested, and you are talking to her, then you can use this series of lines, after each watch her body langauge and see how she reacts. if she reacts well, then keep going with the next line, If not, then stop and leave her for the day, try again in a few days or weeks. The lines are: 1. Pick from anything like: I enjoy talking with you; I have fun talking with you; I like talking with you; etc. 2. Then tell her you should try to do it more foten, or something like that. 3. If she has had good body langauge when you did 1 and 2 above, ask her out, she wants you to.

Acting out because he has stolen your friends is no way to keep your friends, so don't do it. It seems that you are jealous of him, and while you might not be able to control that, don't act it. Act like you are happy that this new guy has been welcomed, and just act happy all around like nohting bothers you and you don't need mroe friends. Soon, things will change. If you seek the attention of others, you won't get what you want. If you act like you don't need it you will get it. Also, if you really want some solid things to do to make and keep friends for the rest of your life, read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.

My question would be "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I could see a guy having an older ad and going onto it for a few reasons, but this guy updated the ad, and he did so for a reason. Moreover, LOOK AT WHAT HE IS SEEKING! Are you into group sex and alternative activities? Dump him, don't explain why, just end it.

Chai has good advice. It does not matter if it is a date or not, what matters is that when it is over and done with she wants to see you again. So making it light and fun is good. You must have had a great reaction when she said no, so try and remember that. If it works, use it. You may need to improve what you did before that a little, it was not so bad as to be totally messed up, because if it was, she would not ahve changed her mind. But whatever you did seems like it might have helped change her mind. My one other hint, besides relax, keep it light and have fun, is to LISTEN. Listen to her when she talks, make eye contact while you listen, when she is about to finish saying something, lock on eyeball to eyeball.

Question regarding something that's a bit theoretical. Many times on will hear suggestions about just being yourself, and that if things are meant to be they will be. People who offer such suggestions are likely to call acting as you suggest above game playing. One the other had, being seductive can just flat out work. Moreover, if someone responds positively to what you do, why would the "game playing" be bad. Anyway, my question concerns the extent you think one should go to in modifying their behavioir to obtain and keep someone. What are the boundaries? How do you recognize them?

Go back in. Do it because it is the right thing, and then find another job, and give proper notice.

I would never do that. Your feelings will not change how he feels, you need to get him to want you, not say you want him.

If you want a book of signals, then go find one. Read up on body language. And learn about what your's is telling the world too.

You know, this sounds something like my grandfather's family, but much more confrontational. When my parents saw that my sister and I were not being treated well by my grandfather and his wife, they cut all contact. They shut them out of my life, unless and until they could treat us well, which never and was never going to happen. I rarely saw my grandfather from when I was 7 or 8 to 27 or 28, when he had a stroke and after which he could no longer speak. I visted him in the hospital, as did my sister and cousin. We were once there together, and went out after for drinks. All we thought of was what stupid SOB for driving us all away, because we were fun people. But, he drove us away. Maybe you need to keep them away. Welcome to enotalone. Stick around.

Well, you probably pay attention t him all the time. Stop. Turn it on and turn that off. And see if he notices when he is missing your attention, does he seek it out. And once he is, find some time alone with him and see if he busts a move. If not, when you say good bye, kiss him, not on the lips, not on the cheek, but touch both, right in the corner of his mouth, and let it linger a moment longer than a peck on the cheek. OH, and act like you want nothing from him.

I think you give each other some space for a while. Frankly it sounds like you both may be taking each other for granted, and you need to let your selves miss each other.

Yes, I am, and the right gifts bought at unexpected times have great impact.

I bet he would like you there with him some of the time too. If he enjoys being wiht you, he enjoys being with you. Not all the time, he will need nights out without you, but not all that many. I really don't see a way to work on this unless you find a way to reallocate your time. But when you are free, what does he do? This really seems more like a fear related to losing him, instead of a fear that he is having fun without you. He should always have fun, with or without you, but it seems like this is an issue that he will grow away from you because he is not having fun. Also, I don't mind when she shows up while I am out with the guys, but that's not really what I want in a woman. It's ok, but I;d rather she leave the serious drinking to someone with more training, me.

I think in almost all instances a woman can get away with not giving a man a V-Day gift. I've not received on a few times, on a couple of those years I know I got her things that were really great gifts (one got her shedding tears), but I never dumped a woman for not getting me anything. If he is not asking yu out that night, there is not a need o get anything. If you really want to score points with him, tell him he need not take you out, and that people spend too much on a made-up holiday with a besides, we just began dating. That will help you lure him in more. If you go out, then in a couple weeks, get him a gift that is picked just for him and won't work for most other men.

I am with Scout and micheleth on the spa idea. It is too extravagant. But theone rose diea is way too cliche and should only be reserved for instances when you really are in love with someone, and it's all known, and two weeks is much too soon for that. So, no to the rose. What to get then? Something that fits her. If I knew her interests, I would be right there with her on those. For example, when I knew a woman loved simply candy that was almost pure sugar, she got for Valentines' Day an overabundance of conversation hearts. When I had a woman who loved animal prints, I bought such things as tiger-striped shoes, leopard throws, etc. When I had a woman who wanted to work on her gold game, I got her a book on golf. The best gifts are the ones that are unique or directed right at that person, and which would fit few others. If I knew this woman's interests, I might be able to suggest more. But, she is a busy mother, student and works too. Instead of giving her a day at a spa, I might consider giving her a day or a night off in some respect. I'd think about arranging for a number of her errands to just get done, any errands that take up time, and then let her use that time as she wishes.

NSY991, not trying to rub it in, more trying to explain my disagrement with others who are both posting here. Hang in there. You are getting good advice about leaving him be for now. I think you might have a good guy, because he seems to be trying to give you what he can, even while he knows he cannot give you much. For now, not talkign with him about the two of you, but you can talk about other things, even via email. Your are in mourning for one of the toughest things there is in life to go through, and it will take a while to grieve. Take your time, find support where and when you can, some here, please. We will listen, and while some of us judge, we are normally not judging to be nasty, but to help you see what went wrong, so you can fix it or avoid it in the future. Take care, and know you have our condolences.

When I was dating one line, my headline was a joke. It was a sales pick, but a ridiculous one. I touted my lack of felony convictions and the fact that I had more teeth than one number of fingers one would normally expect to see on a hand. And then I highlighted that this model came with many other features, such as ____. And then I admitted to be making light of the very idea I was giving a sales pitch. So give an unexpected headline, not some platitude. Write about things tha tinterest you and seem to in opposition. Say you are a woman who camps out a lot, and knows exactly what the proper distance from a body of water is for the burying of your poop, but you also enjoy dressing up to go to the opera. This two interests don't seem to fit together, so putting them both in you makes you seem like a puzzle that someone will want to solve. Two suggestions.

Emotions when expressed in a relationship, should be most often ones of giving, not wanting them returned. If you give and act like you don't need them, and don't demand tham, then will come back to you. If you give and expect that they will be given back to you immeidatly, you are not really giving at all. You are expecting there to be some sort of trade, a swap. This is not really love. Love gives, it doesn't seek to take. When love can no longer give, it just disappears, instead of throw a tantrum. the old adage about setting something you love free is true. Give someone love, then let them know they can do as they wish, and you will have really given to them, AND it will probably be returned.

Well to tell you the truth, there is not much personality coming through in what you wrote. I know you are not "up" these days, but flat is not going to attract.