LCD01

OK, I've been dating this wonderful girl for about two weeks now and want to get her something for Valentine's Day. I hate doing the cliche dozen red roses (even though her favorite flower is a rose), so I thought maybe a gift certificate to a day spa (massage) might be cool. She's busy with school, work and her son so maybe she would like a day to relax. Or I could just give her the roses. Any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Hey drum4god_ You have no idea how I can relate. Like you, I went through two break-ups (broke up 2nd time in Nov.) and wish I never took her back the first time. After the first break-up I never really trusted her and so I prepared for the 2nd one, knowing it was coming sooner or later. She gave me the "I'm not in love with you anymore". So it's been almost 3 months now (about 40 days of NC) and I still miss her and think about her constantly. I can't even buy wine at my local grocery store because the it reminds of us. The funny thing is, like you, I don't think I would take her back, but every day I am hopeful she will call me and want me back. I want her to want me again.....I hated being rejected by her because I was always the strong one in the relationship, helping her with her emotional issues. And it upsets me that she couldn't appreciate how good I was to her. BTW, I got that "lack of spark" speech from her too, and I can totally relate with you on how relationships are more than having a spark 24/7. Anyway, good luck and remember there are people out there like me that know exactly what you're going through.

Hey drum4god. Hang in there. You have no idea how I can relate to your situation. My ex and I broke up for the second time in Nov. after trying to make things work after our initial break-up in July. She tried to convince herself that she still loved me but she couldn't do it anymore. I saw it coming, as I think you did too. Part of our problem was the age difference (I'm 34, she's 23). I thought I was prepared for the socond break-up, but two months later I still miss her and think of her constantly. We've talked maybe 4 times since the break-up (last time about a month ago). I'm getting a little better now though. I started on-line dating just to get the chance to talk to other women.....it helps a lot. Anyway, I always look for your posts because I can really feel what you're going through. It sucks when you give so much to someone and they can't reciprocate. Anyway, it will get better over time (cliche), but it is true. Good luck my friend!

All right, I 'll take a stab a this. I've been doing the on-line dating thing for almost a month. I send out quite a few e-mails to women, and the response isn't that good; even though my profile is sincere and my pictures are good. For every 5 e-mails I send out I get 1 response. I've had one date so far. I should mention most of the women I contact live in the bigger cities 150 miles away, so many might not want a LDR. It would be nice if they would respond and tell me that though.

my really good friend is going to spend Christmas day with my exGF (because of family relations)?? I know he won't mention anything about her or that day to me or anything, but it really bothers me that he will see her and her new boyfriend there together. In a way it almost makes me feel emberassed that she dumped me and and is now with him, and my friend gets to see them together instead of us. Damn holidays!!

Wow nsbguy, that was like reading my own exact story, except you dated your ex longer than I did. I totally know what you're going through. Right after we broke up, I felt OK with it because that lack of love she had for me was fresh in my mind. Now, a month later, I feel terrible because we have gone NC and she doesn't need me for emotional support anymore. And of course I've been having dreams about her and that just stir up all these emotions. I think my biggest problem was that the first time I ever saw her, it was love at first sight. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, exactly what I envsioned my GF to look like. Right now I can't get past that attraction I have for her, though emotionally she was totally unavailable. She kept taking, and I kept giving. I just have to remind myself of all of the heartache she has caused and move on.

Sounds like your ex could be suffering from the "grass is always greener" syndrome. The thing is maybe you didn't do anything wrong and he just wanted to try dating this other person. I know it's hard, believe me. Don't be surprised if he tries to come crawling back someday. Your situation sounds a lot like some of my friends, who dumped their GF's because they thought they found someone better. They were wrong and regetted it. I'm not saying this is your case for sure, just my own experience from guys I know dumping their GF's for no good reason.

Thanks for your advice, blender. It was only one date (it could be more) but I think you're right. I shouldn't even be dating now because clearly I'm not over the ex. Believe me, I'm familiar with the Karma thing. What happened to me with this ex is almost exactly what I put a previous girlfriend through over a year ago. I know not to mess with Karma. This NC sucks. I hate putting my ex on this pedastal. When we first broke up I thought I was OK because the bad times were fresh in my mind. Now a month later all I can do is think of the good times and it makes me want her back.

My ex broke up with me over a month ago and we started with LC and have been NC for about a week. If/when she calls again and asks what's new should I tell her I met someone (though it's not anything serious yet). The thing is I still pine for my ex and wouldn't mind getting back together. Would this ruin any chance or could it actually make her realize what a mistake she made by letting me go? I'm so tempted to tell her, but in a way it seems like I'm just trying to hurt her (assuming she even cares, although I think she would). Ideally I would just continue NC but if she calls I know eventually I'll talk to her and face the inevitable "What's new" question. Any one have similar experience/conflict?? Thanks for any input.

I hear ya MichealL. I know she would tell me the truth if I asked her point blank whether she is back with him. I think my problem is that I'm finding it extremely hard to get over her when all I can do is think of those two spending time together. It would be such a relief if she told me they weren't. FiguredOuT, I would be extremely upset at her and wonder how she can just jump back to him after such a short breakup period. I know this wasn't premeditated by her either (breakup with me to date him), because she had recently been contemplating getting back together with me. He basically came into the picture a week ago, telling her he wants her back now that she is single again. Bottom line is this: I know we are probably not right for each other, but I don't want her dating so soon. NC is such an obvious thing to do but part of me really wants to know either way.

FiguredOuT, I'm not completely over her yet, but I thought I was doing OK until this. The problem is sooner or later I will know whether she is back with him or not (through mutual friends), so maybe I should just here it straight from her and suffer. I hate how my imagination gets the best of me. I wanted her to suffer through this breakup like I am at times, not jump into the arms of her old BF. So what are you going to tell your ex if asks you if your back with your old BF? What was your situation like?

My exGF and I broke up about three weeks ago with limited contact since then. I was doing OK with that but now I suspect she is back with her old BF, which the thought of is killing me. The question is, when she calls me again (she said she would this week sometime), should I confirm whether or not she really is back with him. If she says NO then I will be completely relieved, but if she says YES completely devastated. Option 2 is to just ignore her call, which all of you know is damn near impossible. I was so content knowing she was alone and confused after we broke up, and now all I can do is picture her having a good time with this guy. Can anyone relate? Any advice?