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Everything posted by Beec

  1. If you have tried everything, but hurting her, I do not know what to tell you. Hang in there, and I hope it gets better.
  2. That sounds very good. It also sounds like this attitude of you doing what you want to do is maybe somehow working to make her want to do IT with you. Do what works, do what works for you, and if you can do what works on her. Good luck.
  3. You are talking about someone who has learned to put up barriers to certain emotions, because she did not get to have them. She also learned to not trust you. It will take time for thiose things to change, perhaps a bunch of time. It may help if you remain independent of her, at least form time to time.
  4. Orlander, You had a good date, with a woman you are not too sure about. it was good enough that you want a second one, but not so good that you think there is a real future. In addition to that, she is out of a recent relationship, and you could be putting yourself in the position to be a rebound guy. Either way, don't look for too much until you are sure you want it, and keep seeing her, maybe less frequently, until you know one way or another. This sounds to me like a good situation for some infrequent dating, and nothing serious. And when soemthing worth being serious comes along, go with that one.
  5. Just be careful. Don't make any sudden decisions. If you are going to be friends, or have any realtionship, give it lots of time to develop.
  6. What you did sounds very good to me. You got out the important words, you said what needed to be said, and you probably seemed very sincere as you were emotional. Now when you see her, say hello or hi and try to be nice. It will take time for anything to be happen between you as far as friendship, and it may not. But you did what you could have done. Nice job.
  7. If she is going to move back home, the one thing you will need to be able to do is trust that the insanity is over. She is going to have to prove that over time. So letting her right back in should not be an option. When relationships go south, they need to be rebuilt. You don't just jump in at the point where things went bad. You must back up and get thigns right that have already been gotten right. the more things went wrong, the closer you go to the beginning. If you want to date her a bit, you can try, but she should not move back in until you can really trust her to be the woman you want in your life.
  8. I know nothing about being female, a lesbiuan or otherwise, but as far as the sexual aspects of your story, I think you have some figuring out to do. It seems as if B was the guy you wanted, so you must have been attracted to guys. Now, you seem to have fantasies about E. Until you have figured out what it is you want, i would be very careful about proceeding in any direction sexually with anyone, even as far as kissing. If you are a lesbian, you risk, right or wrong, social stigma and family issues and who know what else by coming out. If you are straight and try something with another woman, that may not simply go away. If you are a lesbian and go out with a guy, well, it's not fun to find out your woman has gone gay on you. It is pretty devastating to find out your relationship invovled someone who did not ever really want you. So, something has you confused, etc. take your time acting on it. You may just have an obsession with this fantasy. The thought of it may do soemthing for you, while the reality won't. Second, apologize to E. Just do it. Let her know that you are aware that you have at times treated her in a manner that was just not right and that you are sorry and regret doing that. You can be vague.
  9. I very with Hope on the why are you still there comments? If she is still doing what she was doing, then she's still kind of walking all over you. That needs to end. It's fine to be agreeing and doing as she wants when you first find things getting out of control, but it needs to end.
  10. Life is good.... That's a good outlook to have. Seems also like you are probably getting some help in trying not to be bitter. Good luck.
  11. Good question. Crushed, life has changed for you. I wish you luck in you changing your life into what youwould like it to be. Try to heal as mucha s you can and not to get too cynical.
  12. Well, except for possibly calling you less, if I was asked to tell him what to do in order to get back with you, I would tell him to do what he is doing. I would tell him (AND YOU for that matter) that trying to move on and date others is not mutually exclusive with trying to get back togehter with an ex. Not at this time, you're probbaly not ready to date, but working toward moving on helps you move on. Doing the things that you would do if you were moving on, helps you get over someone. And it also may attract them to come back. Ironic. Sorry, but that's about all the help I have with regard to what you wrote. Other than to keep busy to keep your mind occupied. Hang in there, it will get better. It takes time.
  13. It seems to me like you have met a guy who has an awful lot on his plate, and he just does not have the time and energy to date, anyone we'd hope. I think keeping contact with him from time to time, not every week, but space it out more, would be a decent idea, but otherwise, I like the plant o let him initiate, and to continue seeing others.
  14. I think that if you still want to try, one of the best ideas I read that was suggested was to move out and only date him, to see how things go. Dating is an investigation, and if you want to investigate to see if he can change, then make sure you are not in a position that would allow you to become stuck or abused. His behavior bordered on that at least. Don't put you at risk.
  15. First, yes, people can change. But any change in this regrd will probably require time and effort. A simple 12 week anger management course won't cure him. It could give him what he needs to cure himself, but he will need to put in effort over a couple years probably. Whether you continue with him or let him try or not, that's your call. Your clothes folded or not should not be that much of threat to his life. This seems like a guy with control issues. Your clothes being in a heap should not bother him, unless it effects him in some way I don't get. If anything is out of place at all, then he feels out of control. Don't be controlled whatever you decide to do.
  16. I have never been bothered by a woman's period during sex. Sex with a little mess or no sex is a simple choice. If I feel like having sex, then the mess is not an issue, ohter than to contain it. A towel beneath contains it, in my experience. I would also say that many women are self-conscious or uncomfortable about having sex at that time. And some expect men to want to stay away. It have also been my experience that a woman is often very happy when the man is not one who wants to stay away from sex during those times.
  17. Yes, seen it a few times, hgeard about it more often, and it will never get better, so long as you keep trying what you have been trying. The person who keeps you on eggshells all the time, gets you addicted very much like they are a drug. At first things are good, but then the problems start. There are times when things are great and you feel an emotional high. But then, the find ways to drag you down, to mkae you feel sad, depressed, etc., and you walk on eggshells. Then, sometimes, they are seeming without rhyme or reason, nice, sweet, and you feel an emotional high again. And the lower they drive you down, the higher the highs feels. And those highs can be very addicting. The first thing to do is recognize it. The second thing to do is think about how you are goign to break your addiction. Dump and run, or try to change things?
  18. It may jsut be that she lost interest, and why may be that you waited too long to bust a move. You should spend some time reading about and trying to figure out dating.
  19. Well, you seem a bit depressed from the break up if your lvoe of skateboarding has gone missing. But, you should give her some space, and time, and see what happens. So, take a break form contact, or you will be forcing you on her, and that will not be good. And keep yourself busy and mind of of her and the break up, and go skateboard soon.
  20. No telling people about how you feel, early on. If you are head over heels for the guy, then you keep a lid on how you feel, as much as you can, until you can see from what he does that he has some real feelings toward you. In the interim, you tell him you are interested, do not want to rush things, will see how things go, and would like to see him again, more, and that time will tell. Vague answers are good. Mixed signals are good. Pay attention to body language. No sex ever before the end of a third date, and that is early. But it is the earliest time anyone should consider. Sex before the couple has invested in the relationship leads to it burning out. If you need sex, find an FBF situation, but that's got its own rules. You can let him plan a couple dates, but by the fourth date, take some initiative, plan and finance the date, and if you are broke and need ideas, ask. Listen, more than anything else, you listening is attractive. Make eye contact while listening. Do not interrupt, let them finish talking. Try to let them talk, try not to talk more han half of the time, try not to about yourself too much.
  21. Well, it seems very much to me that he doe shave something going on inside. He seems like he probably has gotten dependent while you are relatively more independent and that is getting him to feel needy. it might help for him to get some other activities to do, to build something independent of you in life, so he can some home from it to you. If you cannot do that, I think he need some counseling.
  22. Different people have very differnet attitudes toward porn.
  23. OK, first of all, this is tough and it probbaly has little to do with you not being in shape. It probably has much to do with how you treat her, and how the two of you interact. The first thing I would begin to do is agree with her. No fighting allowed. You need not succumb to all her wishes, but you do need to not fight. If you agree to do something, and blow it off, agree that you should not of when she complains. And act like anything she says and does bothers you not one iota. Then I would begin to build a life, for you and you alone, which consumes part of your time. Treat her as a friend, and nothign more, and certainly not the center of your life. And then, I would begin to engage in some research. If you want your wife back, you really need to make her want to come back. The steps above are all about you not screwing it up until you figure out things to do to make her want to come back. Until you can begin to enact a plan. You need to figure out how to treat her so she wants you. Because she wants to want her man, not just share space with him. And I would not make any drastic changes without lots of thought.
  24. Yes, wow! My comments are more directed at her entering into a marriage that really showed her as not living and loving with courage. With regard to the one other requirement to really love in a relationship, you msut do what is in the other person's best interests, and often that means that to love you must be self-sacrificing. So, my criticisms are directed at a lack of courage in her past choices, which have lead to more significant consequences than might have otherwise occurred, and a need to look out for her families best interests. I do not criticize because of her desire for a lesbian relationship. She made choices, and those choices should have been made with an idea that she was totally committed to them. Now, she seems to not want to be committed, and seems to have hardly ever been. Her husband was idiotic, in my opinion, for letting her carry on her extracurricular relationships, and condoning then as consistent with their relationship, which it is not. Any choices she makes from here on out must, simply must be amde with courage and with the best interests of others taken into serious consideration. From her description, these things have not been there as she made her choices. Poorly made choices should be criticised, mine as well as anyone's. And when I do it, I criticise. Her poorly made choices have created a situation that once might have invovled simply ostracism from her family and then of a relationship. Now, it involves the mental and possibly physical health of two children, lives of those two children as they grow, decisions that will affect how they are raised and treated by many people. These consequences are a result of poor choices made without courage and committment. It should not be missing from the next set of choices that are to be made.
  25. Don't mention the prior message yet. When you ask, be vague about if it is a date. Bust a move on her, during the date. After she is responding to you, then take issue with her not responding to you, when she doesn't again.
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