blueyed99

I'm in .. 110%

Ha! I love it. How do you use a tracker by the way? Hmm .

Actually, I completely understand what she's saying; I do believe she is being completely forthcoming. She IS NOT playing you. Trust me. I know this for a fact because I have been in this exact situation. 1. Your gf is making a concerted effort to see you. Good sign! 2. She brought up the conversation again "so what's the deal?" If she ONLY thought of you as a friend there is NO way she would have rehashed the convo. Pleeease. She wouldn't have said anything -- and hoped that "you didn't ask about it" again. As I mentioned, I said the same exact thing to my ex a few years ago after we broke up. And, like i said, I was STILL totally in love with him. But, I needed to do things the right way - go about it the right way - and my strong belief was that we needed to go back to being friends. Then we could build from there. It was the only way. And, when I told him this he didn't buy it either. He thought I was "screwing with his head" but, in all honesty, I meant every word. Hang in there and try and be patient. She sounds like a nice girl and she sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. And, if she was someone who you care about, she can't be all bad! I mean, c'mon -- you've got the best judgement out there~ Try and take a deep breathe and understand where she's coming from. Maybe men and women are different on this one -- I don't know? But, if you love her and care about her you have to believe in her and what she is saying. Good luck to you -- We are all here for you and love ya! .

I know that purchasing an ex's phone records isn't the greatest idea. Like I said, I'm not condoning it .. I'm just putting it out there because I did it and I'm glad I did it. I realize it was an invasion of privacy. Still, I have NO regrets. My ex hurt me terribly (like the many others on this site who have been hurt) and turned into super *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* in the days following our breakup. I didn't deserve to have years of my life taken away from me by some guy who could love em' and leave em' from minute to minute. He moved on within weeks of us breaking up both times that it happened (we split several times -> the years we dated. We went out for a total of nine years). This would be #3. Twice before (and recently, which makes it the 3rd and FINAL breakup for us) he got involved with someone else immediately - in a heartbeat - no regrets. It was infuriating and embarrassing. But, I was idiotic enough to get back together with him .. both times. When things were good, our relationship was bliss. When they were bad, they were sheer hell. Both times that we broke up he would walk away and play these ignore games acting as if he didn't care, getting involved with someone else within weeks, and making a fool out of me and our relationship. This time I'd had enough. I needed to know if he had really done it again - a third time (both times that we got back together he swore he'd never jump into another relationship that quickly again - he knew how much it hurt me but when all went to hell, he'd do it again .. just like the time before) Knowing that he was seeing someone else (for the third and final time it was going to happen!) and having her personal information felt nothing short of empowering. And I needed to feel EMPOWERED. It sounds strange but it helped me to move on. He's a *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*.

I am not advocating this but if you really need to know, one option is to order his phone records. It's best if he usually makes and receives calls from his cell phone. If not, however, it's still an option. I know .. it's not the most mature nor ethical option but it will most likely provide you with the information you need. You'll be able to see all of the incoming and/or outgoing calls that he's made which will give you a good indication of who he has been speaking to. You'll recognize most of the numbers (to friends and family -- they'll be consistent numbers throughout the report) but the ones that you don't recognize can be researched in greater detail. In other words, you can find out who (the name, location) whatever number in question is registered to. This is how I found out my ex was seeing someone. I noticed a number on the "Phone Records Report" that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It hadn't been called before the initial day in which it appeared but was suddenly appearing on the report everyday after! In other words, suddenly he was calling this same number four to five times a day! But, never before. After some research I realized the person with the registered number in question was, infact, the girl my ex had started dating. The phone records report is a bit $$ but I do think (for me) it was worth it. I needed answers! You can order them online through and/or you can get other information through

I feel "your pain." I went through something very similar and I know it wasn't fun. Nor easy. Infact, the week after my ex and I got back together I was putting some stuff away and ran accross an ENTIRE DRAWER filled with condoms. My bf and I hadn't used them since the first year we were together (we were together for eight years) and I had never seen them in the years before we broke up so I was certain they had been purchased recently - most likely when my ex was dating "this other girl" (they dated for six months). Even though he was no longer with this girl I tortured myself with constant thoughts of their relationship and THEIR sexlife. It's almost as if I strived to drive myself crazy. I thought about her constantly and created the most scandalous thoughts in my mind. I didn't want to forgive (even though I said I did) because I was so angry, hurt and disgusted. I wanted to punish him. I was afraid of getting hurt again. Fast forward six months. In time I did forget. As each day passed I realized I was thinking about "their amazing sexlife, their flawless relationship" less and less. Obviously, he didn't want to be with her. He had chosen to be with ME. There is something else I'd like to mention. It's pretty basic but I think it may help to put things in perspective for you. The thoughts that you're creating in your mind (of "them") are 100000 times more extreme (played out, scandalous, like an xxx rated film) in your mind than what went on, in actuality. We exaggerate and create extreme and unrealistic thoughts of things that we do not know in order to fill in the gaps - possibly to ensure we don't get hurt again. In other words, the thoughts that you're creating in our mind are probably wayyy out of touch, exaggerated and unrealistic. So, take a deep breathe! Remember -- your imagination (they were having the greatest sex of all time, hanging from the chandaliers) is NOT AT ALL reality.

If you are certain it's over, you need to take a stand. I know you feel badly and you're afraid of hurting her. Unfortunately, you don't have much of a choice. If she hasn't gotten the hint that things are over and you want out (or if she just isn't being real with herself) you need to do something that will force her to look reality in the face for the way things are, NOT as she would like them to be. She believes you're saying the things you are because you're angry and upset and hurt but she truly believes she can change your mind, and will. Trust me. What she is believing is what she is seeing. And, what she is seeing is that you're still around. You're still living with her and you're still the person she's coming home to every night. You need to do something drastic (like moving out) so she knows you're SERIOUS about the irreputable damage that's been done. You need to do what's best for you and stop wasting your time. Like the old saying goes, you only live once and everyday that you're living this "relationship that is headed nowhere but south" is everyday you're not living your life FOR YOU. You deserve to be with someone you want to be with, you deserve to be happy and content in your relationship. You shouldn't be bound to a relationship just because you were with this person for five years. And, you shouldn't feel guilty just because her temper got the best of you and wore you out. She should have controlled her temper before the fact .. before pushing you away. No - driving you away. NOBODY deserves that crap. If you hurt her in the end, it's too bad. Trust me, it's better than hurting yourself.

If you want her to stop harassing you, here's the plan: 1. Get caller ID 2. Whenever you get an incoming call that you don't recognize or one that is displayed as Private Caller or an unrecognized number that is within her area code or yours, do not answer it! If the call is important and it's not her calling, that person will leave a message. Trust me. Do not, by any means, answer your phone! And, do not call her back. Do not respond to emails. Do not give her any reason to continue bothering you. Cut her off. I know this sounds viscious but trust me .. it's the best thing for both of you. And, do NOT tell her about the girl you're dating - there is NO reason for her to know (you won't be talking to her so you won't have the chance to let her know) It's similar to ripping a bandaid off of the skin. You have to do it quickly, suddenly, abruptly -- cold turkey. The skin burns for a few seconds but the pain subsides fairly quickly after. This is the way you have to handle her "obsessive, compulsive calling." You need to break her of her habits. If you don't "respond" to any of the attempts she is making -> get in touch with you, she will have no choice but to stop calling. After a while she won't want to reach out to you because she'll know (before she even calls) she won't get a response. It'll get old and she'll have no choice but to move forward and stop wasting her time. It's similar to an addiction. You have to stop the addiction cold turkey. I promise you .. this will work.

My ex and I split up about six months ago. We were together for 8+ years. He met someone else just two weeks after we split. He told me from the very beginning that he was just having fun, "dating" but not intensely, said he wasn't even serious about her .. wasn't even into her all that much. When I asked "well then why are you dating her?" he said she was a nice girl and they got along - there was no stress and no arguing and he loved it. (she's from spain and she speaks very little english. That's why they get along. She doesn't speak much and/or understand much so there's a whole lot of silence) Well, six months have passed since the day he met her and told me he wasn't into her and such .. and guess what? Guess what's going on now? Well, yes, they are still together. Things seem to be progressing quite nicely in their relationship. They are serious and spend a ton of time together. He calls me every so often although I have asked him not to repeatedly, however, he seems quite content in his relationship. The last time I spoke to him, a few days ago when he called/blocked his number said he was calling about something (some rediculous reason, mind you) I had to ask how his relationship was progressing. And he said he didnt want to talk about it because it made him feel uncomfortable. Clearly, he cares a heck of a lot more about her than he was wiling to admit a few months ago. And, turns out I shouldn't have believed a word he said. I think she has moved in to his place or is planning to. Six months after the fact. In other words, all of his bs in the beginning - telling me how much he didnt care? It turns out he was just feeding me lines, telling me what I wanted to hear. Don't believe a word they say. Actions speak louder than words. Think about it .. if he/she is with some other person, there IS A reason why -- and that reason is? THEY WANT TO BE. Don't sit around and wait because you COULD be waiting forever. I say move on and find yourself someone wonderful .. someone who is worthy of you. Because, you are damn worth it.

Dont get frustrated .. and don't give in to your temptation to contact her. A year really isn't that long so stop being so hard on yourself!! You will heal .. but you have to continue on the path of no contact .. none at all. This is the most important component in healing. I've learned the hard way. Do you know what else I've found? If I allow myself to think about my ex, I get totally caught up in it and it doesn't seem to stop for hours on end .. days on end at times.... but if everytime I think of him, I immediately change my thoughts to something else/something different, it seems I get back to a normal state of mind a lot sooner. Trust me, this isn't easy. I know because I'm struggling with the exact same ordeal .. except, our relationship ended after eight+ years. He has a new gf (who, by the way, is very "HOT" -- and I met yesterday, when I ran into him with her at walgreens, unexpectedly) but I havent been able to move on quite as easily. Infact, same as you .. I have little desire to be with anyone else. Period, end of sentence. It sucks. But, recently, I stopped talking to him and its gotten a bit better. Everyday I'm getting stronger and every day that goes by is one less day that I'll have to heal from this in the future. It takes time. And, it does get better. You have put soo many months effort into not calling and trying to heal .. dont reopen the wound. I promise you .. there is nothing she is going to say when you call or whatever that will make you feel better beyond the initial momentary high of captivating her attention on the phone or the like. I think you're just missing her and looking for an excuse, which, as we all know is just a seasonal FIX.. I know .. this is completely and entirely normal. I have the same cravings. Trust me. we all do. But, stay true to yourself and don't contact her. It will NOT make things better. Infact, quite the contrary - you'll be upset with yourself for contacting her, after the fact, when she doesn't say the wonderful things you'll be wanting to hear once you've got her on the line. And, you'll get off of the phone feeling even lower than you do right now. Stay strong and keep your head up. It will get better.

I agree .. he definitely wants you back. But, he's too afraid to tell you because he doesnt want to deal with rejection. And, if he thinks you're acting cold and nochalant, which you are, he thinks that telling you he wants you back will only lead to more rejection. So, he's playing cool cat.

Romantic Sweetheart: I just read your response to the original post It's been a while. Yes, these times can be soo painful. You write beautifully. Your words are truly inspiring. Thank you

I read your post and just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your situation. Your ex sounds like she doesnt feel too good about herself .. allowing every Bob, Ken, Randy to have his way with her. But, your comment about not being able to trust another women for as long as you live? Don't let her taint every other relationship in the future. Dont question all women you date .. don't not trust them just because you got a bad apple in the mix. There are sooo many other apples to choose from and trust me, MOST of them are worth biting into. Your ex girlfriend sounds like she's got a problem - with sex that is/ Who sleeps around .. even after she realizes she's passed on a disease or two? Anyone who is able to function in this fashion is obviously not thinking very clearly nor respecting themselves and/or their body in the least. Actually, I find it quite sad. But, the reason I am replying is because I am a female and I need you to know that you can trust females! Here's one for starters .. how about that? I am very attractive and have never had a problem meeting men. I have been in many long term relationships and I must say .. I have NEVER ever cheated on a boyfriend. We're talking NEVER. I have been tempted and/or been physically attracted to another person while in the relationship but I have never ever acted on those emotions. Nor, would I ever, in my lifetime. And, I have been cheated on by a number of men I've been involved with .. so .. the table turns, huh? You can trust women .. and you will find a wonderful woman who is deserving of your trust. And when you do? You'll know she is being faithful because you will FEEL IT. You wont even question it. You'll see what I'm talking about .. in time. take care of yourself ,ok? We're all on your side!

Matt - Your words or rather, your experience is quite inspiring. I know what it must have felt like to realize wow, I havent thought of her in x days. Must have been quite a high! I am also trying to heal from a relationship that ended four weeks ago. We were together for 7 years. We were engaged, living together and strangely enough, very happy, for the most part. I was, however, having trust issues {last year of our relationship} because something felt different. He was different} . One day, during an argument, he left and I have YET to hear from him again. That was four weeks ago. I am certain its over for him {because walking out, not calling or speaking to me within a few hours of an argument) isnt his usual pattern. And, at this point, it doesnt even matter what he thinks or feels or wants. He played his cards all wrong this time. You dont just leave someone high and dry. and, for me? ITS OVER THIS TIME! NO QUESTIONS ASKED. We broke up once before and we did get back together but I won't make the same mistake twice, especially after his exodus. Anyways, you seem like you're doing really well. I'm glad .. you deserve it. Thanks again for sharing.

I am having the same problem. Its awful, isnt it? Maybe its too soon for both of us? My fiancee and are over OVER once again .. and I do think its the final chapter. He broke up with me about a month ago after I admitted I had snooped through his cell phone/ checked his outgoing and incoming call lists while he was in the shower. Yes . I KNOW ... I was WRONG. And, trust me .. I'm eating now because I was wrong to snoop and WRONG about who this person .. this girl turned out to be a coworker who I had infact heard of .. but forgot her name .. and the reason he was calling her turned out to be entirely authentic. He wasnt BSing me this time around. I should have TAKEN A DEEP breathe before I went ape and turned out to be wayy off in my accusations. I am totally at fault. I shouldnt have convicted him before he was proven guilty. Because this time he was infact innocent. The day we broke up .. once I'd snooped and saw the first name that wasnt recognizable right away, I panicked, jumped the gun .. got all fired up and defensive, and walked straight into the bathroom even though he was still taking a shower {saw he had made three calls to a girl who's name I didnt recognize} I asked him who the girl was. I told him I had never heard her name and asked why he had called her 3x in a row on x given morning. Well, I didnt really ask .. I kinda TOLD .. and before he had a chance to answer, I SAID I didnt EVEN WANT TO hear his bull lame excuses. Then, I left the house. That afternoon , up until about a week later, I apologized and left messages and sent emails but he refuses to talk to me nor have anything to do with me. I do think his reaction is a bit over the top but .. hey, maybe he was just looking for an out .. and this was the final straw. He left his keys to my place and hasnt spoken to me since -- well, not really. A friend of my ex's told me he's sick of the fighting and BS in our relationship and doesnt think the relationship is gonna work between us. .. he said I need to get on with my life. Supposedly my ex told him that it was a mistake to get back together with me the last time. He said he wouldnt make that same mistake again. I am not okay with his decision to break up but there is NOTHING I can do about it. Its not my choice and I cant force anyone to talk to me if they dont want to. So, I recently started dating and its been a nightmare.I am soo depressed .. when I arrive home after a date .. realizing this person IS NOT my ex .. realizing my entire life is different and will be different and the person I thought I'd be with the rest of my life .. is no longer a part of my dreams .. my future. Sorry .. back to the original question .. I would LOVE to know what to do when going out with friends and dating other great guys aren't doing the trick but only causing me to miss my ex more than I do on any other day. I dread the weekends now. THEY SUCK. Does anyone have any advice? Please?

Trust your instincts. ALWAYS. My ex fed me the same BS but I knew in my heart something was going on because his behavior/actions were screaming INFIDELITY. He rarely IMd me when we had gone back and forth on IM for the duration of our relationship in the past, he stopped taking such an interest in my outside activities and he got very defensive when I asked him questions about his whereabouts, as never before. I asked him if he was cheating and/or something was going on but he denied it again and again. Turns out there was infact a new gfriend of his at work that he talked about on several occasions. She had been working at his company for a few months. He said they were just friends. When I drove by his office one day on the way to meet a friend, I saw him with this girl and I knew, without question, who this girl was. She was his supposed friend. After all was said and done, he came clean and told mne he had started seeing her. So, yes, I do think you should go with your GUT instincts .. even if you dont proof. If you're questioning his behavior and/or actions re: this girlfriend of his, I betcha you're right on the money. There has to be a reason .. an explanation as to why he'd invest in this new friendship with a member of the opposite sex, mind you, someone he barely knows but is at the same time interested in spending time with on the phone at the cost of his relationship? Think about it.

Don't say a word to her about it. As hard as it may be, keep all of your feelings to yourself. Do you know why? First off, if you say anything, she's not going going to take it to heart and really give it some thought {as IF} she'll assume you're jealous or trying to reak havik on her "newly found ex-bf relationship" and that, if anything, will make her desire stronger. Second reason? This guy is an ex-bf so the relationship failed once. Right? Well, it is destined to fail again, especially if this guy is somewhat of a loser and your ex gf is having problems finding a job and getting her life together. After a while, if she's not able to find a job or isn't happy with her job or her life, she's going to get fed up with herself, with her inability to fulfill any of her dreams or to even get her life on track - she's going to get tired of the company she's keeping, begin to blame her ex bf {because she will assume he's got something to do with her failures} and she'll kick him to the curb. Even though this guy might be treating her like gold right now, because he realized he screwed up, in time his behavior will get back to the way it was before .. they'll start fighting or having conflict and the things that your ex gf disliked about him in the past will only become magnified in the future. The best thing you can do for yourself and for the relationship {if you want one with her in the future} is to keep your mouth closed - no matter how difficult it is -- play the role of cool respectable cat, and sit tight until the relationship failes. It will -- trust me. I bet you 10 to 1 .. it won't last more than a few months.

I don't think that women rebound faster than men. My ex BF started seeing someone not even a week after I broke up with him. We were together for over eight years. There was a time when we brokeup .. years before and he was beyond crushed while I on the other hand, at the time didnt care as much and moved on pretty fast - faster than he did. We ended up working things out soon after but .... Anyways, I believe that the person who holds the most emotion at the time the relationship ends is the one who suffers the most, and is the LAST to move on. I broke up with my ex {most recently} but that doesn't mean I wasn't in love with him, more so than he was, obviously, this time at the end of our relationship. I also believe that the "weaker" person in the relationship, that is, the person who isn't as comfortable with himself/herself and/or may not feel worthy on their own without needing someone by their side is also, in many cases,the first person to move on. Or, reason 3: someone in the relationship may already have someone they're interested in and/or have been flirting with waiting on the back burner. They're waiting for the perfect opportunity - to breakup, have someone breakup with them {in other words, set it up so their partner can't deal with them or their behavior anymore and ends up dumping them .. it's actually what the instigator was hoping for so they wouldn't have to confront their partner with the truth} so they can gear up and move the person waiting in the background into the picture. that's what I think happened in my case. There was someone else waiting to move on in.

I understand exactly what you're going through. My ex fiancee and I brokeup a month or so ago; we were together for eight+ years. I loved him more than life itself but realized it wasn't going to work when I found out he was interested in someone he worked with. He didn't even have the audacity to tell me; I found out because I caught him with the loaded gun in his hand. And, at the same time, we were trying to improve our relationship - to make it stronger. We were seeing a marriage and family counselor. Ironic, isn't it? First of all, your bf didnt walk off without a second glance. It just seems that way. I know because my ex told me this when we got back together the first time. He did exactly what your bf did and he told me it was just his way of dealing. It wasn't that he didnt think of me or care , it was that he needed to cut things off completely - no contact or anything - to deal with his emotions and be able to sort things out in his head. Getting back to your relationship and healing: do you know what helped me? First of all .. NO CONTACT. I mean, NONE, null, ziltch.. Sounds like you've already grasped this one. Good job. Second, accept the reality that its over. I mean .. over for good. The sooner you accept the fact that he's not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your life and find happiness again. Stop that little voice from telling you that he's going to "come to his senses" and call you, and move on. Realizing that the demise of your relationship has nothing to do with you as a person {how attractive or smart or whatever you are} nor your worth. Don't even internalize this. I swear .. this isn't about YOU. Just because someone didn't stick around doesn't mean you have to conduct an internal audit and rip yourself to shreds trying to figure out what you did wrong or whatever. I'm telling you, this isn't it. Don't even go there. If you don't believe me, navigate through enotalone and check out all of the breakups that are identical to yours. Breaking up isn't easy. Nobody said it was. But remember, everyone who has ever loved and lost has felt the same way as you ar right now. And, they "all" got through it .. right? Most of them even found happiness again. Imagine that! Not to sound insensitive but life goes on. Thank goodness, huh? One more thing: do things that make you feel good about yourself. You dont have to force yourself to feel good today but figure out what you enjoy doing and how you want to spend the next x months of your life. Take baths, socalize, read, do whatever but do things for you. do things that make you happy. And don't ever ever ever think about him nor what he's doing. I promise you .. it'll seem a lot more exciting and thrill-centric being cooked up in that head of yours than anything he's actually doing. TRUST ME. I know you'll get through this. Let us know how you're doing, ok?

All - Thanks for your advice. You've all been more than helpful. I haven't written back to my ex {didn't respond to the two emails I rec'd on Monday} and I haven't heard a peep from him since. I do, however, have caller ID and I noticed a frightening number of missed calls {blocked number} on my answering machine this past week .. no messages .. just a ton of blocks - and hang ups. Two of my friends have blocked numbers but I already checked it out and they weren't the ones who called. I don't know why I'm even taking the time to give this a moments thought. I was soo devastated when we first broke up but I am getting stronger and stronger everyday. I never thought it would happen either. This site has helped me so much; it's as if you realize you're not the only person in the world who is going through a rough time or breakup or whatever it is that you're going through. You start to see that whatever it is that you're feeling - emotional or otherwise - is completely normal, others seem to be going through the same emptional{s} high and lows. Anyways, back to the ex: I have realized what a SOB he is or at least he's an SOB for the way he handled us breaking up. He just ran away like a child. I think the actions cheating and disconnecting phone numbers falls in the category of dispicable, weak, and pathetic. I mean, I will never respect him like I did for the years preceding. Hmm, isn't that a shocker. Yes, I've finally seen his true colors in this unfortunate situation. Yes, it's his loss. I think I'm curious and wondering about his emails and reading into everything because my ego was bruised. In a sick sort of way, I want redemption. I would love to do to him what he did to me. Rejection at its best. Immature as it may seem, I would LOVE to have the upper hand as in .. to sit back and watch him running back {me happy of course .. without him and not wanting him back} and then be able to slam the door in HIS face, like he did to me - after so many years spent eachother. Bottom line: sure, I still miss him but I can't trust him and honestly, if I had a choice - at this point? I wouldn't want him back.

My ex fiancee and I brokeup at the end of October 2003. I terminated the relationship {second time in about two years - we dated for a total of eight years} because I caught him, in not such blatant terms, being unfaithful to me or from what I saw .. starting to court someone I suspected he was interested in. My ex and this gal work together. She's been with his company for about two months and I ran into them about a block away from his office with this girl when he wasnt even supposed to be in the office at that time. he had supposedly left on a business trip hours before. He wasnt answering his cell or anything. Now I know why. Something was up but because I saw him out and about with some girl -- I couldnt exactly get into it because I wasnt going to make a scene. He came over to talk to me, I told him I didnt want to hear his excuses and told him it was over. Plain and simple. Seconds later, he got into his car, alone, and drove off. I did the same. He called many times that evening but I refused to talk to him. When we spoke via instant messenger days later, he claimed he never touched her or had any interest in her prior to us breaking up but DID ask her out five days later. And, was dating her. He swears they were just friends before hand. Not sure what excuses he had in store for why he was out and about when he was supposed to be away on business and why he wasnt answering his phone but .. who wants to be fed a bunch of BS? I think he was interested in her for a while but didnt have the balls to admit it and was courting her and getting ready to cheat or {who knows} figure out if he wanted to end things with me or just lie and sneak around and date this person behind my back. We were engaged for goodness sake. Nice huh? To make a long story short, even though my intution told me that something was/had been going on, I didnt know FOR SURE. And, because I was concerned with making the best out of the situation because I this was someone I had a longgg history with, I didnt want things to turn completely ugly. So, to ensure that wasnt going to happen and to ensure we wouldnt walk away hating eachother, I told him I wanted to meet and talk in person after he returned from his business trip {he was only going to be gone for three days}. Before he left on his business trip {he ended up leaving later that evening} he agreed to meet with me when he returned. But when he got back he changed his mind, he didnt want to meet; he refused to see me. Then he changed his home and mobile phone numbers - no forwarding numbers or anything. He refused to speak to me, wouldnt even answer his phone at the office when I'd attempt to call. He refused to speak with me. He was making it very clear .. he wanted nothing to do with me. He was even nasty when he would reply to emails; all correspondence was snappy and questions were answered in one word or less - if at all. You can imagine how badly this irritated me. Here I was trying to be the bigger person - trying to be mature when he, the person responsible for this mess, was being a complete jerk. I thought to myself " what am I doing here? What in the world is he thinking? Does he get it? This persisted for a good month. I would try and call or write or whatever and he would ignore or just be nasty. but, he never once picked up his phone and we never once spoke in person. During the last couple of weeks, I stopped caring about the outcome of US and demise of our relationship or friendship or whatever. I began to understand .. I didnt have to be friends with him for everything to be okay. I couldnt change what had happened. I couldnt trust him anymore. I didnt want the relationship back even if I could get it back. I was allowed to walk away and raise my head high. Amd I COULD walk from eight years without feeling guilty. I realized what the heck are you doing? Why are you still trying to be nice? Kind? Respectful? TO HIM? What for? FORGET IT. And, in those weeks, I started to live my life again and starting to feel normal again. Then .. suddenly .. He contacted me twice today, via email, out of the blue. He was his old' sweet and charming self - back to what seemed to be his old self - pre-breakup era. i dont understand why he'd contact me like that, when he clearly wanted nothing to do with me this entire time. What in the world? He asks how I am and tells me he's thinking of me and misses me and wants to know if I had a nice thanksgiving and such. Remember, this is the same guy who changed his numbers weeks prior? What in the world is he thinking? If he walked away and did everything possible to make sure I wouldnt be in his life in the future {was cruel and changed his numbers and refused to keep in contact} why email me all of a sudden and care about how I am .. or am NOT? Is he crazy?

First things first: you are NOT overreacting. Quite the contrary. If it were me, I'd be absolutely LIVID. Your husband should care about how you feel and at the very least, should be respecting your wishes, even if he accuses you of acting crazy and irrational or whatever {not that he would -just in case he blames you - claims you're wayy overreacting and/or jealous or whatever. Easier to have a scapegoat, ya know?} You're not being overemotional or jealous or reactive in any way, shape, and form. Trust me. Trust all of the others that have replied to your post as well. That being said, it is obvious that your husband is disrespecting YOU, your feelings, and, in addition, he is choosing to carry out this inappropriate behavior knowing darn well how much it bothers you. He doesn't even think to concern himself with the fact that whatever he may think or feel about your request, he is going against the wishes of his WIFE? You are HIS WIFE which means = you COME FIRST. I don't know why your husband would opt to rattle the cage and cause possible arguments and tension within his marriage unless he felt something important was being compromised, meaning, he would be losing something of value, something important to him, something or someone he wanted to protect? For his own needs? He obviously isn't planning on giving in or even compromising having a close one on one friendship with this gal - even if YOU ask him to, that is, without a fight. I wonder why. What is he getting from her that he can't get from you? why is going outside of his marriage for female companionship? Is she meeting some sort of emotional need? My perspective? he shouldn't be engaging in any close personal relationships with any member of the opposite sex {unless its his mother or relative} - especially if the relationship bothers you in any way. He needs a reality check!

You're not being paranoid at all. In fact, quite the contrary. For one, your boyfriend is spending time with a girl you clearly asked him not to and second, he's been caught in a lie or two. First things first: as the person who has committed to be in a relationship with you, your boyfriend should care about how you feel and think about what's going on in the relationship. With that being said, it is obvious that he is not only disrespecting your feelings but in addition and more importantly, disrespecting YOU. By spending time with this female who has been known to {sorry for the politically incorrect term} "slut around" he is completely disregarding your feelings. You begged him to stop but he's still choosing to hang out with this person? You do the math. I am not saying your boyfriend should change who he is; I am simply saying that he should show interest and care about how you feel and should put in the best effort he can to make you feel better. Apparently, this isn't happening. Another thing: it sounds like your boyfriend isn't making as much time for you and/or interested in spending time with you - it appears he's spending all of his time with these other "friends of his." And, I wonder why you havent been included in some of these plans, yes, even if he's just hanging out with the boys? Why can't you be invited to hang too? You don't know where he is half the time nor with whom; his whereabouts seem sketchy at best. When he does go somewhere, you are somehow always the last to know. Let me guess the other signs you're wondering about: he rarely asks about your plans, where you're going, what you're doing, or who you're going with. He doesn't seem to care whether or not you're around or not. He no longer takes an interest in your life or daily schedule. And, you've caught him lying to you? As Doctor Phil says .. people who have nothing to hide hide nothing. Capiche? Perhaps it is time that you re-think what you want out of this relationship. I don't mean to sound harsh but in short, your boyfriend is conducting himself in ways that hint that he no longer needs you to hold his hand. Whether he's hoping you'll leave him or is simply looking for more time to lead his "double life" it's safe to conclude that he wants you out of the picture. He probably can't build up the nerve to leave you and/or doesn't want to be the bad guy. Confrontation isn't fun. If I were you, I'd have a serious discussion with your boyfriend. Just make sure you stay calm, and don't let him stray from the issues at hand. He has some answering to do.

The only option is caller ID and/or calling the phone company to see if you can add a second option, in addition to caller ID. This is the option that doesn't allow you to accept any "private" and/or "out of area" calls. In other words, the person has to unblock their number or .. they can't even get through to you. If they attempt to get through while calling from a private/out of area/ blocked number, they hear a recorded message saying this person does not accept blocked calls. Please enter *82 and call again .. so the phone number shows up on your caller id screen. Otherwise, they dont get through. Plain and simple. Otherwise, I'd change the numbers .. both of them if necessary. My ex did this with me {because he thought I might call, as I often did in the past when we brokeup the first two times. We ended up getting back together both times but this time, third and final buh bye .. obviously, he wanted it OVER for good. Strangely enough, he cheated on me. Mighty entertaining of him to change his numbers, huh?} I got the point -- loud and clear - even though I wasn't going to call - even if my life depended on it. Anyways, if you change your numbers {don't list forwarding numbers obviously} the ex can't call. Period. He/she'll get the point .. believe me. Yes, its brutal to do this but .. sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

I agree - the person who has the most hope & dreams in the relationship is the one who "usually" suffers more. Or, the person who has given up things or given more .. that is, disconnected from friends or cut off from the world so to speak, is the person who also will suffer greatly. I recently broke up with someone I was involved with, on and off, for eight years. The first time we broke up {I brokeup with him then too} was three years ago - six months after we had gotten engaged. I told him I was having second thoughts about our relationship, about being with anybody at that time because of what I was going through and couldnt handle the pressure of a relationship. He was devastated. And angry. I wasn't. And, that didn't mean I didnt love him. I had something else going on in my life at the time {health-related issue so it was important} and I couldnt deal with the stress of a relationship. So what did he do? HE got his life together .. he stated going out and making friends and joined the health club where we used to belong {where we met initially, actually} and started feeling really good about himself again. When my health turned around, i reached out to him but he consistently blew me off. He was angry and refused to see me. I started calling him on a daily basis. I know .. I know .. and everytime I'd hang up the phone I'd be in tears. He was so cruel to me and consistently blew me off, seemed to be talking about me behind my back and so forth. He had started to date other people and wasnt really into even seeing me. I was relentless. I wanted him back and finally, eight months later we reconnected and got back together. But, he was never the same in the relationship. He wasn't the same wonderful decent kind person he was when i met him up until the first time I broke up with him. He wasnt as loving and he wasnt as compassionate - he didnt seem to care as much. he kept his independence. i felt more lonely than I ever had before. He kept his friends and his life distant from me and I got the feeling that there were things he was hiding. The relationship had "reversed" and now he was the one who was obviously in the drivers seat. I think its burned once - twice shy. I tried so hard to get it back but I couldn't. He had changed - most likely as a result of the devastation he felt when our relationship ended the first time. He wasn't going to put his hand in the fire again. I just broke up with him for the second and last time about three weeks ago. I saw him out with this girl, holding hands mind you, {when he was supposed to be out of town on business and wasnt answering his cell phone the entire day}. I think they work together. Now I know they had started seeing eachother and/or he was obviously cheating on me for I dont know how long. I called him that same day and broke the relationship off immediately, said I knew what was going on. I didnt even listen to his explanation. And, this time? the second time around? I'm definitely more devastated than he is. I miss him soo much but I cannot go back and I cannot let him know, because I feel like the complete underdog. Someone who betrays your trust after all that time doesn't deserve another chance. So, he'll never know it but I sit here and cry and grieve in silence. I'll never let him see my pain.