BlossomPStar

Hi Saderose! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am going through a similar situation. I just broke-off my relationship with my girl after 5 years. (She was 21 and I was 20 when we began dating - it seems that our stories are very similar in a lot of respects.) I'm in the process of moving out and I'm trying hard to get my life back on track. She never cheated on me (or me on her), but she was abusive. I don't know why it took me so long to stick up for myself and take a stand, but it did. The one thing that counts is that I'm going to get my life on track and start living a healthy, happy life. I know it won't be easy, but I'm looking forward to finding myself again. Our relationship, too, was a first for both of us. She became very dependent on me (emotionally, and in a lot of other respects). She is having a hard time letting go because she is afraid of being alone and losing me forever. She is afraid of not being with me because she depended so much on me that she doesn't know how she will survive this. But she hurt me a lot and now she will have to face the consequences - being without me in her life. I have told her that perhaps in the future, once I heal and find myself again, we can be together (if she gets help, professional help, and changes her ways - we'll see there's just too much to consider and I'm not sure about anything right now), but for right now, we can only be friends. I don't have everything figured out as of yet and I have no idea what it is I'm doing, but I know what I need to do and where I want to go with my life. I know that I can make it and that, with my faith, strenght, determination, and the support of friends and family, I will make it - and so will you! I agree with Jinx, that was great advice. No contact might be the best way to go. Make a clean break and go with it. My situation is very complicated and for the time being no contact is out of the question - but I have told my ex that if I could get away without any contact with her, I would. When you give yourself, completely, to someone you love and trust and then they break that and hurt you so much, you have to stop thinking about them and start thinking about YOU. Take some time to rekindle with yourself. I find it useful to listen to music and sometimes I like to take walks and enjoy the peacefulness of nature. Just know that you are not alone. I wish you the best. Stay strong. Best wishes, Blossom

Hey All! Can anyone tell me what it means to get to first base, second base, and third base? I know what it means to get "home" but I never know what the other ones mean. Thanks! - Blossom

Does she know your bi? Or does she think your straight? If she knew you were bi, that might make her tell you her feelings. There are things girls do, like flirting with another girl, that straight girls do NOT do. What kinds of things does she do to give you mixed signals? Do you go out with her, one-on-one? That might be a good way to find out somethings about her. Do you even know how she feels about sexuality (gay, lesbian, bi...)? Maybe you can play-out a scenario for her...who knows? But I know it's hard to like someone and not be reciprocated. Stay strong and things will work out the way they're meant to.

Hi! I'm 25 and in my first ever lesbian relationship and the first ever serious relationship I've been in. (I've had boyfriends before - I'm bi). Granted my girl and I are at the point of ending the realtionship, but I can relate to how you're feeling. Sometimes when things happen like this in relationships, it's b/c you desire change - sometimes a couple's sex life can become so monotnous and this may be the case for you. Maybe you guys can take a long weekend, away from everything and everyone. Sometimes you may also get bored with your surroundings - maybe you guys can try different places, different styles...who knows? Maybe it's just easier to say you're not in the mood than to try to go through with it. It could even be that there is something medically (or hormonal) taking charge. I took a human development course recently where I learned that sometimes when an individual reaches his or her 30's they go through a short mid-life crisis b/c they begin to question wheather or not their life is on track. I would suggest that you and your gf get out some and try to do different things to bond. I wouldn't necessary say to just break-up. You should definitely talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel, be honest. Who knows what will happen and if you guys ARE meant to be, but you should at least give it a shot. That way, when it's all said and done you know you gave it your best. Good luck!

Hi! I know it's been a while since the last post to this message but, how are things going? Did you ever figure anything out? Do you work with her? 'Cause if you do, maybe you guys can go out to lunch sometime and you can talk and get to know her that way. Maybe you can use some kind of excuse abjout work to call her. I hope things worked out for you. Good luck.

Hi All! I'm new to this forum. I was hoping someone can give me some advice about my situation...here it goes... I have been with my girl for almost 5 yrs. We have been through a lot. We've had a lot of good times but the bad times were more - in my opinion. She posted a message on this forum on Oct. 21 titled "Should I keep fighting or let her go?" This is our first serious relationship (for both of us) and to be honest, I don't have a slightest idea of what to do. I know how I feel, but I don't know how to handle this. About two years into our relationship, my girl became abusive (physically, emotionally, & verbally). Even though I weathered through all that crap, I just can't do it anymore. The whole relationship thing - it's just not there for me anymore. I must say that she HAS been doing better and she hasn't hit me in a while and she has been trying really hard to keep her temper in check - she's doing good. But I feel that it's too late. The damage has been done and I can't see her the same way. I don't trust her and the love I felt for her is dying. I can't see her as my wife anymore, but more like a friend. I have told her all these things but she still feels like there is a fighting chance. I have no faith or hope in the relationship. I feel that she hurt me too much. She was the one person that I trusted the most in my whole life and I gave her all my love - my everything. I tried so hard to make her happy and she threw it all away b/c she let her temper get the best of her. She knew I did not like violence b/c my dad hit me one time - that's why I moved in with her b/c he hit me and I got kicked out of my parents house. Now I'm trying to heal my relationship with my dad after 4 yrs and we're doing good. But my girl knew better. She was suppossed to be the one to protect me and keep me safe and she turned around and became the one I feared most. My big problem is that she wants us to keep fighting to keep the relationship alive. I don't want to. I feel like I let go a long time ago. This was all a big surprise to her b/c I didn't tell her how I felt deep down inside for a long time, but I figured she could tell what she was doing to me everytime she beat me and she saw me break down in front of her. That she could tell how dim the light in my eyes was becoming and how the smile on my face disappeared. I guess she never saw any of that. I don't know how she could hurt me so much when she said she loved me so much. Now, she's trying to change but I don't want it. I think she needs to get help and change, but for her own good, not to try to save the relationship b/c I don't want the relationship anymore. I gave it all I had and now it's gone. We're still living together. The status of the relationship is in the air. I told her I don't want to be in this relationship anymore and that the love I felt for her has died. I don't want to make love to her, I don't like to be all romantic, I sometimes don't even want to be touched. I even told her that I can't see us together in the future and that I think this is a dead attempt. That it's too late. But she won't let go. Should I just break off the relationship once and for all and take some time to myself to heal? I know that I have lost myself COMPLETELY! I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't think she realizes the extent of the damage she caused. She knows she did wrong but she can't possibly phantom what she REALLY did. It's different - being the abuser and the abused. Should I move out? I know this is really hard on her and it really hurts her, but I've been mourning our relationship for the past 2 or 3 yrs. and I can't cry anymore. She just pours out her heart, and I just don't feel a thing. I see her crying, and it doesn't even make me sad. She took all the love I felt for her and turned it into indifference. I don't think it's fair for us to keep on like this - me giving her false hope and her trying to change for me. She needs to change for her. And even though she is changing for the better, it still doesn't make a difference to me. This all sounds stupid b/c I know what I need to do, walk away. But everytime I make up my mind and get determined to just walk away, she convinces me to try again. Am I just doing her an injustice? What do you guys think? Please be honest. Thank you for your time. - Blossom