Philpo

BEXCELANT, Thank you so much for your reply, you have made some very good suggestions and made me look at my situation in a new light. I think you and i have very similar principals and thoughts on life. You really have started to make me think about things differently. I can't really say how but it was almost as if reading your post was like me talking to myself. Thank you very much, i will make a decision soon and let you guys know either way Kind Regards to all that have posted Philpo ](*,)

Hey guys, Thanks for your replies. Everyone has said something that is good advice. I'm finding this really hard at the mo. I really would like to contact her, i really do feel like i miss her as a friend. But like you guys said it is obviously the wrong thing to do. I just cant see the rest of my life without knowing her again. That seems like such a strange concept especially when we were everything to each other and did so many things together. I had so many firsts in my life with her. I am going travelling in a year, for about 12-18 months. I figured its time to get away and see the world. But this is another reason why i feel i should contact her. I don't even really know why. My head is a bit of a mess! Oh there was another thing. She has remained really good friends with one of my mates that she got to know when we were together and she still remains in contact with him. He doesn't really let me know when she's been in contact with him, which is fair enough, but he does tell me if i ask. About 2 weeks ago i actually tried to send her a txt message and it failed to send to her number. I was a bit confussed and spoke to my mate, as he would be able to tell me if she had got a new number. Apparently he had had a message off her just a few days before saying she had a new number. Obviously she hasn't sent this to me, so is this clear intent on her part that she doesn't want to be in contact with me or is there another reason? She always said she wanted to be friends when we broke up and always thought i wouldn't be able to handle it. She was right. When i started no contact for the second time (once she had got a bf) i deleted her and blocked her from my msn cause she used to try and talk to me and it used to hurt just seeing her sign in. She worked that out quite quickly and i have a suspicion she may just think that i dont want to hear from her and that maybe the reason she hasn't given me her new number I don't know i'm unsure, any opinions would be very much appreciated Thanks Philpo x

Hey Guys, Well this is the situation, my ex girlfriend broke up with me just over a year ago, after we had a 2 1/2 year relationship. Things had kinda got routine and because she was going to University (she was 18 and i was 21) she obviously felt that she needed a fresh start. We were each others first love and i felt like i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I went no contact for about 3 months cause it was so hard, then (we're both from the same small town but go to University in different cities) we met each other at Christmas - over the holidays - and tried to be friends from then on. In the following months things were up and down but were too hard for me. After about another 3 months of being "friends" she got a new bf. After that i found it too hard. I'd obviously been tricking myself into believing we may get back together so i ceased all contact with her and went totally no contact and thats the way its been for the last 6 months bar a couple of txt messages here and there. So here i am now. Just over a year in total and im still thinking about her. I've been intimate with other girls since but its just not the same and everytime its got even close to being a relationship i freak out. I either really want to be single or long for my ex. I still think about her everyday and lose myself in memories of her. I just don't get why i'm still thinking about her. I think deep down im still in love with her, or in love with the thought of having what we had again. What's more, just reccently i've been longing to contact her. I miss knowing what's going on in her life. We had a txt conversation just over a month ago, as it was my birthday, and it went really well and i handled it surprisingly well. I felt like i could be friends with her. We were best friends and totally insperable and now i miss her friendship. I want to be there for her. I'm really not sure what to do. Is it cause i still have hope in my heart or is it cause i really love her as a person and want to be there for her. I guess, if there was ever a chance for us to be ever again, we would have to have some sort of friendship. I really do need some advice on this guys. If you've read this far i really appreciate it and you must be a very caring person. I'm very lost after i thought i was doing so well. Thanks Regards Philpo x

Hey guys, thanks so much for replying, the advice you have given me has put a really good perspective on things for me. However im finding it hard to live my life at the moment without thinking about her. Since we are still in contact, we talk quite a bit on the phone and on the internet. Although i dont expect to speak to her everyday if i go a couple days without doing it i get really sad and down. I take your point about living my life but its just so hard. Its not just as easy as getting on with things, especially when i obviously find it harder than her to continue on with life and to want to be "just friends." I spend quite a lot of time at my computer because i'm always doing pieces of work or just relaxing listening to music. She often comes online and when i see her name flash up my reaction is always to want to speak to her straight away. I know i shouldnt and i do realise now that i need to take a step back but i dont know the best way to go about it. Once again, it would be good to hear your advice

Hi everyone, i've been reading here for about 4 months now so i thought it was about time i finally posted! Sorry if this is a bit of a long one but please bare with me! I had been going out with a girl for 2 and half years and we broke up at the beginning of October. We both come from the same town back home. I'm 21 and she is 18. The age difference was never really a problem, however for 2 of the years we were together i was at University and she was at college, over 200 miles away. We met and after 6 months of being together i had to move away. At the end of September she began her first year at University as i began my final year, i thought everything was going great & was relishing the chance to go and see her and the new friends she would make. She is now less than an hr's drive away so i thought it would be brilliant to go and see her. The first two weeks she was at University we argued quite a lot and things never went so well. She said she would call or txt message me and didnt. She would never make time for me. Then when i had finally said ok, i understand your making new friends, you had to go through it when i started, she said it was over. I was completely devistated, she had been the love of my life and i was hers. I didnt understand what had changed. At the end of the day you dont end a 2 and half year relationship because two weeks that went bad. She said we had grown apart and the only reason i could see for that was her not being in contact. So to fast forward a little bit, i applied the no contact rule and didnt have any contact with her for the following couple months. Before i knew it was mid december and i would be coming home to our small home town for christmas. I knew she would be home from University as well so i was very worried about bumping into her. As far as i was concerned i didnt want to see her for a long time and i was still very angry with her. Then something i hadnt planned happened. It was around the 20th of December when she got home to our town. I had been home a few days before her. She started talking to me on the Internet and i dont know why but i started to talk back. This was the first time we had been in contact since the break up. I dont know if it was being home again or the fact that it was christmas but it was really refreshing talking to her again and i started to feel happy. During the conversation she mentioned about meeting up for a drink while i was home. I dont know why but i agreed. It felt so good to be talking to her again. So we met up. Things went really well and it was great to see her again. We saw each other throughout the holiday season and on one of the last days we were together we decided to go to the cinema. The day was amazing and at the end of the day we kissed. It felt so right but i was unsure what i wanted and i think she felt the same. The couple days after we continued to hug, hold hands and kiss which was strange but really nice.Then at the beginning of January she was off skiing so we didnt see each other again. She txt me and called and i thought that was really promosing as she said she was missing me. I came back to University before she was back from skiing so i didnt see her again until last weekend (23/01/04). We had been talking a lot on the phone and the internet and decided that we missed each other. Last weekend started really well. It felt so good to see her again on the Friday. We went out for a really nice meal and then went out to a club. We both got a bit drunk and ended up in bed together. We didnt sleep together but other things happened. In the morning she woke up and was crying saying that she couldnt do this anymore and had to move on. I felt like i had set myself up for a fall and i was really hurt. Although i dont want her back now i still love her and could see us having a future again one day. She is an amazing girl and when we were together i could have seen her as my wife. The weekend continued. We didnt really talk about what she had said when she was in a state and the saturday and sunday went really well. We went out for lunch and still kissed and held each other at night. At the end of the weekend we said our goodbyes and i was very happy that the weekend had taken place, although the incident on saturday morning was upsetting. I was unsure why she said it since the rest of the weekend went so well. On the Sunday she left she sent me a message, when she got home telling me that she had had a lovely weekend and she was really glad she came over. I was really happy that she was missing me like i was missing her and although i felt that i didnt want to get back together with her i felt like we could have a future. Maybe in a few months, a year, i dont know, i just wanted her again one day and i was willing to give her as much time as she wanted before she decided she wanted me again. Now i was speaking to her this evening and she reminded me that she had a great weekend. I agreed and the conversation was going really well until she apologised for getting weird on the saturday morning. She said she was unsure why she said those things and was sorry for getting upset. She said that she still has feelings for me but couldnt go back cause she didnt think it would work again. She didnt rule out the possibility of one day but at the moment she wants us to try just being friends without all the kissing and holding of hands (something weve never done ever, not even at christmas, not even before we were together) I think the reason this has messed me up is because ive obviously been holding onto hope. Ive always thought that maybe we would be together again one day but she has other plans. Without realising it maybe ive wanted to get back together with her far more than ive thought. Maybe ive would get back with her tomorrow if she asked me to. Prehaps seeing her at Christmas was too soon and my feelings were still too strong for her, even though i didnt think they were. I'm really confussed and dont know how to handle the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just would like to know the best way to deal with her, my feelings and what my next step should be. If you've read this far your a really kind person.