sweetsmile

We had a very destructive relationship for many years and finally he broke up with me for good. I accepted and we were supposed to be friends but I realized we will never be able to since we had strong feelings. I tried to contact him a few days after the breakup but i felt he didn't really want to talk. He was really upset with me and regret the time we spent together. He ignores me when he meets me and that really hurts. I moved on with another guy since but i feel so hurt by his behaviour. When i read other posts I see that you other guys normally keep in contact with your exes and I used to do that with my other exes, but obviously this one doesn't want to and I'm afraid to contact him to see how he's doing. He might hang up the phone. I don't even know if he met someone new, noone have seen him around with anybody else, but maybe he's hiding her not to hurt me?! I really don't know. Anyway, I still think of him alot and I know I hurt him and he hurt me in our relationship, but now after 4 months we should be friends I think, or is that impossible? I don't want him back anymore because I feel alot better now but I can't stop thinking about how he's doing. Is this normal?

Ruthlah, your story reminds me of mine. We had a very destructive relationship with lots of fights, passion, feelings and break-ups all the time. We also lived together twice and i moved out twice. We were together for about 3,5 years. I don't know why we didn't breakup earlier after i moved out the first time? Our feelings were so strong and we both kept saying that we are eachothers drug. Well, the last time i moved out was in february 2005 and our relationship got worse, since we both knew inside that it's officially over but we just can't stay away from eachother yet. I was trying to meet other guys all the time, dated them and was being really close to his best friends, which he found out of course. All the things i did, he found out, just like your ex did. But even though he heard about the worst things, he still wanted me, but started to feel worse and worse. He went on pills and realized that he HAS to leave me, so he first tried 5 times but always came back or i wanted him back. But then one day we had lunch together and he just told me he can't see me anymore, that it's 100% over. i wasn't sure, since i knew how many times he had said that for the last months, but he seemed to be quite sure. First he told me we could be friends since he might want to ask me some questions, but when i called him some days after, he wasn't happy about it. I kind of heard in his voice that it's over. He made up his mind. He told me that he has to have a normal life, that he regrets all these years blah blah....after that i never called him again. I sent him a birthday-card some days after but he didn't reply. I felt so bad about that. Also when i met him on the street only 2 weeks after the breakup, he didn't even say hi....he just ignored me and was a little chocked, so was i. Well, anyway, it's been almost 3 months now and i still feel a little bad; i can't believe how he just ignores me totally after so many years together? Maybe he found another woman or he just made up his mind. I think i just didn't want to realize that this was going to happen one day, but i pushed it till the end. We both did. Now i met this guy that i've actually known for 6 months as a friend. He gives me everything that the other guy couldnt. I feel strong, but i can't even compare him to my ex. I was kind of obsessed with my ex. It was crazy, abnormal, destructive.....but i've never loved anyone as much and never felt so hurt and so bad with anyone before either. I don't know what true love is. When did he break up with you? For how long haven't you two been talking? I think that he made up his mind and thereforeeee is ignoring you for his own best.

I really appreciate all nice words from you. I feel alot better. Christmas was the worst day, but today I feel better. I have a wonderful child, wonderful family, appartment, money and everything. Why distroy my life and loose energy b/c a man who is old and obviously doesn't want me. It was actually over a long time ago, but we just couldn't let go. He was the strong one who took the final decision and broke it for good and that's probably why it hurts. I can't believe how HE could suddenly become so strong and cold. I don't know what he's thinking, but I hope that he miss me sometimes. Merry Christmas to you all and thanks so much for this site!

Thanks Capricorn. I met this wonderful man last night and i must admit that i feel a little in love. But STILL i feel hurt because my ex doesnt even wish me a merry christmas. he really doesnt care about me at all and it hurts SO much. I should be happy that i've met this guy and that we both feel the same but still i'm so stupid so i think a little about my ex. Why? Do you understand why he can't even write a small sms or mail wishing me merry christmas? it just doesn't make sense, since we spent so many years together.

Your story reminds me of mine. The only thing I'm not quite sure about is IF he met someone or not, but I'm 99% sure, cause he doesnt contact me at all. I feel exactly the same way. i mean after almost 4 years together he doesn't even say HI or send a Christmas Card. Maybe because he wants to protect himself and ignore me in every way or because he has a new g/f. I feel really bad about it expecially now for Christmas. I feel like calling and knowing how he's doing but i'm afraid he'll hang up the phone. Why after so long time do I have such a pain getting over him? It's been almost 3 months now. Is it because of age?

Capricorn, Why do you think he's with someone? I've asked around and even tried to spy on him but can't find out. But of course he must be with someone if he doesn't contact me. otherwise he would have called and cared a little bit.

It feels good to hear that I'm not a total fool and alone. Sometimes I feel like i must be crazy or something. This morning I felt even worse than yesterday since it's almost Christmas. I was expecting a call or something, but nothing happens. Why after so long time together and so much love for one another? Did he move on with another girl or is he also feeling bad from times to times. Just want to know.

I keep dating other guys and doing lots of funny things, trying not to think of him, but I keep thinking of him ALL the time. Why after more than 2 months can't I delete him from my mind? Why do some people just forget and move on? Why can't I? It has never ever been so hard before in my life even though I had longer relationships. I'm wondering how he's doing and how come he doesn't care about me at all and I don't dare to call him or write to him. Why? Normally I would do that, but not this time with this guy! I'm a very pretty woman and men are coming to me all the time and want to take me out and have a relationship with me, but I only compare them with him even though they look better and are better! Is he my soul-mate or why is this happening? Our relationship wasn't good the last year so I pushed it till the end when he broke up with me, so it wasn't like a surprise for me. But now I just can't get over him. Has anyone experienced this before?

but isn't it better to find out NOW if he's seeing someone new than after a few months. then i have to start all over again of suffering because of that. Now i feel so bad and i feel it in my whole body and soul that he's with someone cause he doesn't contact me, but what if he isn't? how do you guys find out a thing like that if you never talk? i'm scared to death to see him somewhere with a new gf. i know i have to start thinking of myself, but i can't stop thinking about that.

I was feeling alot better a month ago and I thought I was over him, I even started to seeing someone else and felt in love with him, but then I realized it was still him i was thinking of. Now i feel even worse, cause i guess i realize it REALLY over this time. We have also tried several times so i was hoping he would contact me again, but not this time. I haven't spoken to him in 2 months and i feel NC is the best, but still i feel bad. People are wondering if i'm really normal. I should move on. I really try to, meet other guys, go out alot, have lots of friends to talk to and i exersize, but still....i'm wondering if this site also keeps me holding on to him in some way. i maybe have to let go 100% and start pretending he's dead. That's probably the way he sees it. What happened in your relationship? do you have an email where i could write you?

My ex broke up with me after 3,5 yrs 2 mth ago. I wasn't surprised since we broke up so many times and always got back together after only a week or so. We were attracted to each other and loved each other, but we were always fighting and made each other quite unhappy. In the end he felt worse since I was having contact behind his back with his best friends. We just did have no trust in each other. Anyhow, He told me I was his drug and I felt sure about him not being able to move on without me. But I guess I was wrong. He broke up with me and told me it was for good this time. I told him he had said that so many times before so why should I believe him now? I called him 2 days after breakup but he was quite bitter and angry with me, so I never contacted him again. I only send an e-card on his birthday a week after the breakup. I only bumped into him twice in the same week and we were both so chocked. He didn't say hi but i finally got a hello after like 5 seconds but no reply. Second time I just saw him passing by pretending he didn't see me. How can this be possible? I can't deny that my biggest fear is that he might have left me for someone else. I was being so sure that he felt so bad and I know he was seeing a shrink and took medication against panick-attacks at the end of our relationship, so I thought he just needed time to be alone. But now I can't deny I'm wondering if he actually left me for somebody and that hurts. otherwise I think he should have called me or something, since he has difficulties of being alone, he has almost no friends. But how can I find out? I don't dare to call him.....afraid that he will hang up the phone....and I mean it's been so long now. I don't want him back, but I feel like I need to know if he moved on, if he's thinking of me and if he's seeing someone new! Why is this so important to me? I'm scared to death to find out about it through a friend or seeing him on the street with someone. I would feel better if I knew now so I can feel the pain now and then realize the truth. I 'm dating other guys and I'm quite happy but I can't deny i'm thinking of him alot and would be SO happy if he called me and shoewed he cares. Is it normal that the dumper just breaks contact? I thought that they normally want to stay friends?

Oh, I know exactly what you feel. I'm so sick and tired of myself. We had a destructive relationship and the best was to break-up, but now when he finally made up his mind 2 months ago it was soo hard. We have had N/C since then and it's so hard. I know it's the best for us, but i still can't deny i would love him to call me, would love to hear his voice and how he's doing. i mean after so many years it feels like he's dead. i would like to talk to him, to know if he's seeing someone else. But obviously he doesn't care. I do all the things a person can do to forget: reading, working-out, going out alot with friends, dating other guys, getting involved with them and getting attention, but it just doesn't help. i keep thinking of him.

Oh, i'm so jalouse at you. Wish I was there now. it's been 2 months and i'm still thinking about him almost all the time. There are periods when i think i'm over him since i date other guys, but then i realize i'm just trying to fool myself. I'm unfortunately not over him yet. how shall i do to make it easier? i do N/C but it's still hard.

I know how you feel. My ex also broke up with me before and he always returned back to me after 1-4 weeks, so this time I kept waiting for him to contact me but obviously he made up his mind and never contacts me again. It has been almost 2 months now, and I must say that the first 5 weeks were the most horrible. Then I realised it will probbly never happen...that i must move on. Now i'm dating someone new and i'm so thankful that my ex didn't call. i know i would get back to him if he did and i would feel bad again. the way it is now, it still hurts sometimes and i wonder how he's doing after 3,5 years together, if he's seeing someone else....but i decided to move on. i feel alot better for the moment and i think that if he contacted me today i would not want him back. i have feelings for another guy.

Exactly the same thing happened to me. I think he prepared himself for about a year before he finally broke up with me for good, so i guess it was easy for him. I was sure he was going to call me but now it's been 6 weeks and still now contact from him. I think that he will not call ever again. I wish we could talk but i don't think there's anything to talk about and im afraid to contact him since he broke up with me and he might have found a new girlfriend. i dont know