alex11

No Im in college, third year. I tried not to kiss her for the longest time, cause neither of us has ever cheated before. Basically she says she still loves me, but she would feel guilty about dumping this guy for me. She says she's really confused. I just wish she would make up her mind...

Ok so I thought I was getting over my ex. We broke up like 5 months ago and I went through all the normal problems. She always kept leading me on, but she wouldnt dump her new b/f for me. Eventually I got sick of it. So I didn't see her at all over winter break, and I figured I was moving on. Then we started hanging out again this semester. We started getting really close again. It comes out that she's tried to kiss me a few times, but it never happened last year. So then she kept saying stuff about wanting to kiss me. It finally happened last night. It was a quick kiss and she left after it. But Im pretty sure she still won't leave her b/f. She works with him, and she has no guts when it comes to confrontation. But appearantly he's getting pretty jealous of me. She tells him stuff almost as if she's trying to get him to dump her. Stuff like asking him if he'd mind if she slept in my room, and shes tells him that their relationship will never last. Most people wouldn't put up with the stuff she does to him (she never disrespected me while we were together), but he still hasn't dumped her. I have a feeling it will happen eventually, but I don't know. My plea for advice is this: what the heck do I do now?? Should I not want a girl who, no matter how good the reason, can't dump a guy for me? Or is that unreasonable to ask her that? I haven't seen her since we kissed, so I have no idea what her reaction to it was, other than it was a good kiss. Thanks for the help, and I know Im a retard to still care.

they all come back eventually, just usually not when we want them to.

so how am I supposed to tell her no when she tries to come back. That is gonna be pretty hard on me. Is it possible to make her work for it, then she won't think of me as a security blanket?

How long do rebounds usually last? My ex got with a guy soon after we broke up, but she has admitted that she doesn't like him that much, but it is just safe to stay with him right now. She likes the comfort of having someone and I think she is worried if we tried again it wouldn't work out and she'd be left with nothing. How long will it take her to realize she's wasting time with this guy?

"Here comes the tough love -- you're totally blind right now when it comes to her. Let's say you were with a girl and she was pretty good, but for whatever reason you wanted to sleep with a new girl that came along. Wouldn't it be great if you could just jump on the new girl and stay friends with the old one? Best of both worlds. Obviously I'm not there and can't know the details, but from what you've said I'd say you're the old one that got thrown out. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't hurt you like this. " Yeah I know....But I've been in this type of situation before and for some reason this feels different. The last girl that dumped me actually tried to get me back, but I knew she wanted me just as a backup and turned her down. It's so weird and I know how stupid I sound. But she told me the breakup was a mistake and things like that. I know she really cares for me, but this is hard on her. It's hard for me to just say,it's over forever, I don't want to be treated like that, to her. I dunno. Wish I could be smart about this.

She wants to see me all the time. I'm the one that avoids contact. She said he's just a rebound and she still has strong feelings for me. I know this sounds stupid, like I'm grasping at straws, but it's hard to explain. She is extremely insecure, so she wants safety. She tells him, and me, that she knows that relationship has no future. She said she thinks she is trying to sabotage it. She doesn't treat him well at all sometimes, I don't know why he stays. He's probably just seeing past all that right now since it is so new. But she never treated me like that. Anyways, I know I shouldn't want someone who can't choose me, but I still do because I feel like these are weird circumstances. Hard to explain, but I know how she really feels about me. She also told me in her entire life she has never been able to dump someone in person. She stayed with a guy who treated her horribly just because she couldn't stand up for herself. She also says she's afraid we wouldn't work out, and she doesn't want to dump him and be left with nothing if we don't work.

So here's my story: My ex dumped me about 2.5 months ago. It sucked at first. I begged, I pleaded, I did everything wrong. But we stayed in contact the whole time. About one month after, she started dating a guy she works with. I also overreacted to that. But eventually things settled somewhat to normal. We started hanging out and doing stuff together. On her birthday we had a perfect day. She always complements me and brings up happy memories about our relationship. She ended up telling me she is just with this guy for security because she hurt too bad after we broke up. Now she feels neutral to him, but won't dump him because she is very very very very afraid of confrontation and what people think. She had to dump me while I was 3000 miles away because she said she couldn't do it in person. The more we hung out, the more it hurt me that we couldn't be together and she wouldn't dump him for me. She told me a lot of good things, like she would get back with me if it wasn't for him, and she even almost kissed me once, but she made me leave before she could cheat on her bf. I made the mistake of telling her it's either him or me. She said him of course. So I haven't talked to her since then, about a week ago. This week has given me a lot of perspective, and I still want her back. But I know I don't need her back. I'm wondering what I should do next. The thing to understand about this girl is she is really physically incapable of breaking up with this guy in person. So I think the only time it could happen is over winter break, when they are apart for a few weeks. After that, it's summer break, and I just can't wait that long. So basically I'm on a deadline. What I'm planning on doing is contacting her in about a week. I'm at the point where I think I can control my emotions around her. It's very easy to see her, and I could just stop by and say hi. But I don't know if two weeks is long enough to prove that I won't always be there as a backup for her. But I don't think I have time to wait longer, because I want her to be able to think about coming back by winter break. I figure I'll do intermittent contact for a little bit and slowly get closer. I was reading myJoy's post of getting back together, but the one problem I have is that she says her new bf is "really open minded and he doesn't really get jealous of me and other guys." So I don't think it will work to make him start treating her differently because she is hanging out with me. So does anyone, myJoy especially, have some advice for me? Is it possible to get her to want to dump him by Christmas? I know I shouldn't push her, but I need her to know that's probably the last chance for us before I move on for good. How should I handle this one?