cordelia
-
Posts
143 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by cordelia
-
That's exactly how I was feeling with my ex...disrespected! Like he knew what I wanted but just couldn't be bothered putting in any effort. I mean he still checked on me every day to see how my day went etc. And I met his family a few times too and all his friends. Its not like I felt that he was using me or anything...but there was a major lack of attention, affection, communication..and it drove me nuts after a year! He is the way he is and he's never said that he was going to change. And I wasn't sure if he meant it when he said I love you because his actions said something different. Starrjenna, our situations are totally the same! If you two are going to work it out, he has to be willing to put more effort into the relationship or you will not be happy! In 3 mos or so...the same thing will happen all over again. I know its hard..trust me, the first 2 weeks were bad. But if you guys stay broken up, it will get easier as the days go by!
-
Man, if you didn't say "Colorado" I would have thought we were dating the same guy! lol...just kidding. Anyways, I just went through the exact same thing as you only my ex and I have been broken up for a month now. We were together for a year and seriously only saw each other once, maybe twice a week unless we were going out of town. We talked on the phone everyday but its just not the same! No matter how many times I would try and initiate more time together, there was always some reason or some excuse that was more important than me! Do you get the feeling like he's "keeping you at a distance" ? That was the feeling I got until finally I got fed up because I couldn't take it. I knew by breaking up that I was risking ending it completely but I couldn't stand the way I was feeling anymore! Trust me, I know it hurts like hell...but you will get through it. If he's not making any effort to try and work it out and put more effort into, its a waste of your time. Even if you last another 3-4 months, eventually you will get fed up with it. That's great that your dating already! Keep going, it will get better. You can't take this guy back unless he can promise you that things would change in a really big way!
-
Most "friends with benefits" situations can only last for so long. Because at some point, one person does start to develop feelings or some sort of attachment for the other. From my experience if you are willing to offer sex with no strings attached, what guy would say no to that ? And also if a guy really likes you after the first or second date, you would know it. He would be calling a lot and taking you out all the time. In other words, you would know it! You wouldn't be sitting there wondering how he feels. Based on the way he reacted to your conversation, I would back away. Imagine how much more it will hurt if you allow him to keep using you for sex, and meanwhile your feelings for him are getting stronger everytime you see him!
-
The dumper is very curious as to what's going on in my life...
cordelia replied to spikespiegel's topic in Breaking Up Advice
I don't know how long you two were together, but it sounds like she doesn't want you to forget about her. Did you do anything really mean to hurt her when you two were together ? Because she probably feels like the relationship is doomed for some reason, but that doesn't mean that the feelings just go away and you don't give a crap about the person anymore. I broke up with an ex (a long time ago) because of how much he hurt me. But even though I knew the relationship was over, I still couldn't stop talking to him and I felt like I always needed to know what he was up to and who he was with. Its like this person was your best friend and your comfort zone. Its hard to just throw all that away. -
So in other words he was scared of commitment, but then you kept pushing him away as well because of that and because you were scared your family isn't good enough ? Wow..I can totally relate. Same situation as mine. We were together for a year and broke up almost a month ago. He was scared of commitment and I had a hard time trusting him because he always seemed to be keeping me at a distance. And another big problem for him was that he never met any of my family. But the truth is, I avoided him meeting my family because I was ashamed of them..my parents mostly. I love my family but they are very strange people! And I guess I never really explained that to him. Anyways, sounds like you need to give it some time. Maybe he will come around or maybe he won't. But all you can do right now is give him the space he asked for. If and when you do decide to try it again, you would have to sit down and have long talk and get EVERYTHING out in the open! Be strong and don't pressure him, because that will only push him away. If he asked not to speak to you right now then leave him be and let him come to you. It sounds like you've hurt him as well and now he needs some time to sort things out.
-
Looking at girls and other things He shouldn't be looking at.
cordelia replied to Miss_Kitty's topic in Relationship Advice
I hate to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a man who does not look at other women..in real life, in magazines and yes they like to look at porn as well. He probably lied to you because he knew what kind of reaction you would have to this. As for him checking out other girls, as long as he is not doing this in an obvious way then its totally harmless! To be honest, I think you need to relax! You two are both very young so it makes sense that you are only learning this now but trust me, all guys (and girls too) no matter what age like to look at the opposite sex, but that's all it is, you are just looking! In every other area he sounds like he is a very loyal and devoted partner and seriously wants to marry you. He really doesn't sound like the type who would ever be unfaithful. Now that he had agreed to stop looking and to be honest from now on, you need to learn to trust him again! And by the way, looking at porn and looking at other women is NOT THE SAME thing as cheating. You could not be more wrong about that. -
Why does seeing them somtimes hurt: rambles
cordelia replied to no_bad_news's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
You need to avoid seeing him or talking to him at all. The reason you are not over it is because when you see him regularly, especially with a new girl you are constantly reminded of what you lost. Think of it this way: out of sight, out of mind, right ? Everyone here knows that the fastest and easiest way to get over an ex completely is strict no contact! And tell your friends as well that you don't want to hear a word about him. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will feel completely ready to date someone new. Good luck! -
My experiences with it are a bit strange..my ex (from a few years ago) did it a few times and from what I remember it was fine. I guess he knew the right things to do beforehand! However with my more recent ex, we tried a few times and it hurt like hell! It was obviously something he had done before and liked, but yet he didn't think to use any lube ?? Very strange!
-
I was with someone for 3 years and 2 weeks after the break up, I hooked up a couple of times with someone I had been friends with for years. It felt great and comforting because I already knew him so well. But I wasn't able to let it go any further than casual because I was still messed up from the break up. For me anyways, it made me feel great and sexy and attractive again!
-
What's your situation exactly ? Getting over an ex isn't easy, but not speaking to them AT ALL is the quickest way (no emails, no phone calls..nothing!). I'm healing a lot faster than I thought because of that. Get busy with your friends or whatever else you like doing. Plan a vacation! That gives you something to look forward to. That's what I'm doing..along with other things I have planned and I really find that it keeps your mind occupied. Think about it, if your ex hurt you then out of sight, out of mind is the best way to go. Those feelings will fade..trust me!
-
I agree with n83. I was with someone for 3 years who was very friendly with and attracted tons of women. I felt insecure and stressed out throughout most of it. I couldn't stand him talking on the phone wit other females or going out for lunch or coffee with them...it drove me insane! And after it was over, I found out that he had cheated on me several times. If you've been cheated on before, this relationship may not be worth it. Think of yourself and your own self esteem. And especially if he seems like he likes the attention! Do you really want to feel paranoid and insecure all the time ?
-
Yes the wars that are going on do give Islam a bad name, I won't argue with that. I'm just saying that not ALL muslims are that obsessive about their religion.
-
I am muslim as well and know other muslims and yes it does depend on the family you come from and how religious and strict they are. My parents are very liberal and I date who I want. I know other muslims as well who's parents (like mine) would PREFER that they date/marry another muslim but are not about to make their life hell over it. Also, I have dated a controlling possesive man before and he was white and Anglican. And I've dated a muslim man who was not like that at all (with me or with his other girlfriends! lol) I don't think all muslim men can be generalized as being that way. It really depends on their upbringing.
-
A lot of my friends have drifted off as well, into serious relationships or moved away. But that doesn't mean that you can't still meet up with them sometimes for dinner or to go out etc. I think this is just something that happens as people get older. They get caught up in their own lives! You should figure out what kind of things you like and what makes you happy and do them! Like go to the gym, take up a new class or hobby...you can meet people that way, and the better you feel about yourself the more likely you are to attract people! Friends and people you may want to date. You sound like you're going through a rough time right now. Hang in there and surround yourself with family and friends that are still around!
-
That's exactly what I'm doing right now...working on myself and my confidence. I want to be a happy positive person. I'm convinced that my last 2 relationships have failed partly due to lack of self esteem. And you can't love someone if you don't love yourself first! Break ups can damage your confidence so I need to get mine back up again, and also find a way to trust men and have faith in relationships again.
-
My ex and I have kept in contact for the past 3 weeks since the break up..but I think I feel better not hearing from him. And actually the last email he sent me was sorry for everything and merry xmas...blah blah blah.. But I am not responding this time, not even to say merry xmas. It's always been me waiting for his call or his email etc. I think I'll leave him in the dark this time...like he's done to me many times before!
-
Its also hard to fix a relationship where you are fighting everyday for no reason. Because sometimes, even though you still love each other, what it comes down to is that you two are just not compatible anymore. A lot of relationships break up where one or both people still love each other in some way, but sometimes that's just not enough to make it work.
-
Sorry to hear you are going through this...it sounds to me like if she did decide to leave for school that it would be very difficult to maintain a long distance relationship if things are already rocky to start with. You two have already talked about breaking up twice now, deep down do you believe that the two of you can get down to the root of your problems and be a solid happy couple again ? It sounds to me like if she stays, then you might be able to give it one more chance and really work out your problems. But if she decides to go, then it might be time to go your separate ways. I mean a relationship has be very strong to keep up with the long distance thing. You mentioned that you care for each other and that "love is there". But are you still "in love" with her ?
-
To date or not to date. After the worst break up ever.
cordelia replied to 2tragic's topic in Dating Advice
I went through a really horrible break up with someone I was with for 3 years..there was cheating, lies, manipulation, drama...you name it! I thought I'd never get over it but I did and have been in several relationships since. You will get through this but you have to give yourself time to heal. As for this new guy, he sounds clingy! Are you sure he's an amazing guy ? I made the mistake of rebounding as well with someone who gave me all kinds of attention..but it was a mistake. I just wasn't ready and I had to deal with getting over my last break up, plus getting this new guy to back off! You should tell this guy you are not ready and you need to take things SLOWLY... -
I met someone online (first online date ever) and we went out for a year. Actually, we just broke up less than a month ago! So I believe in it for sure. What if I met my soulmate that way, if I had never gone online then I would never have met them. I don't think of it as any more "desperate" than trying to pick up a guy in a bar! At least this way you can get to know the person a bit beforehand, without any alcohol involved..lol. I say go for it! But yes, be careful, go to a public place, tell a friend where you are going, bring your cell with you etc.
-
I find that I have a similar problem and maybe its an insecurity thing ? I don't know..but I find as soon as I get comfortable in a relationship I start cutting down my boyfriend in a sarcastic way, not name calling or anything but becoming critical and making him feel stupid. I don't know why I do it and I can feel myself doing it and there have been times where I feel so bad right afterwards that I apologize for it. They always say "yeah no problem" but I'm sure inside they are wondering what the hell my problem is!
-
Its hard to keep in contact after breaking up because you get into this mode where you are analyzing everything he says and what he meant by this or that or why he is not being that responsive. I've been broken up with my ex now for 3 weeks (after being together for a year) and we've kept in contact by email since then, but this time I am not replying to his last email. I just can't do it anymore. You should try to avoid talking to him altogether. Yes its hard but when you keep talking to him it makes it that much worse! You guys broke up for a reason and obviously you were not happy either. Either way you guys are broken up now so you need to move on without him contacting you and setting you back again each time. By sticking with NC, you have nothing else to lose now and you'd be surprise how much better you feel once you've had the chance to clear your head!
-
Thanks for the advice guys..this site had been really helpful so far. If I stick to NC at all then it will be better. Besides I don't want to waste anymore time and energy than I already have and I'm still really mad at him for acting the way he did and being so selfish! I just want these bad feelings to go away...I don't want to be angry or upset anymore.
-
My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago...I was getting fed up with his communication and commitment issues, and the fact that he was always keeping me at a distance by limiting how much time we spend together. I couldn't take it anymore (after a year of this) ...and he didn't argue with me about breaking up because he says he is screwed up and always has been and doesn't know what he wants. We've still been in contact by email. I hadn't heard from him in a week and then he just sent me an email last night saying he is sorry for everything and that I don't deserve this or the way he's been acting and telling me to have a good christmas with my family...blah blah blah... Anyways, I'm just venting. I'm not going to write back this time like I have every other time. Each time I hear back from him it just sets me back again. I feel really crappy now...we went to a concert about a month ago and I keep listening to those songs now and just makes me really sad ! Especially since we were supposed to spend this christmas together at his house with his family. UUGGH! This really sucks..I hope 2007 will be a better year for me.
-
Is it possible then that maybe she doesn't use it as much as you might think she does ? You could always just try initiating sex more often and see what happens..or start by being more affectionate anyways. Maybe its not that she doesn't want to...but she is just shy about initiating it herself. Me personally, I love getting intimate with a guy that I'm dating that I'm attracted to but I dont' necessarily show it. A lot of the time I end up just letting him start things up, probably something I need to work on in my next relationship ! lol..