cordelia

I know exactly what you are going through. My bf and I broke up 2 weeks ago and its now day 4 of NC. We were together for a year and eveyrthing went downhill really fast after a fight that we had when we went out of town for a concert. It hurts so badly when all you want is to just talk to or see the ex, and for things to just go back to the way they were before when you were happy. I wish I could go back and undo that fight and the way I acted after that. But at the same time, he treated me badly after that as well and has not really apologized for anything now that I think about it. Best thing you can do right now is just not contact her. Either she will miss you and contact you on her own, and if not then you start to feel better as more and more time passes. Either way by sticking to NC, you have nothing to lose! Wow..I should follow my own advice here..lol.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing...there were definitely red flags and towards the end he was acting distant. But then in our more recent emails he brought up that he was bothered that he had never met my family. But just a couple of weeks before things went bad, he was telling me that he loved me and spending xmas together and going on vacation with his family (these were all his ideas) I just don't understand why he would be willing to just throw everythign away without even trying to work it out. We didn't communicate well and he recently admitted that this was mostly his fault. I just don't really get why he would bother bringing these things up if he seriously just doesn't care anymore.

Hey and thanks for reading this. I just posted here a few days ago.. My bf of one year and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I did it because I felt like I had no other choice. I wanted us to spend more time together (an on-going problem with us) and there were a bunch of parties coming up that I wanted him to come with me of course. He said that I was expecting too much from him and that he couldn't make it because of a new promotion at work..training and overtime etc. He started acting really distant and I was getting so stressed about it that I broke up with him cause I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore. We've been emailing back and forth since then and just going over things that went wrong. But now I haven't heard back from him in 3 days and I'm really freaking out here! He has said before that he is scared of getting close and to be honest he has given me a lot of mixed signals along the way since we've been together. He said he loved me, he was disappointed that he hadnt met my family yet. But yet I feel like I've made every effort to include him in my life by inviting him everywhere and seems like he has said no to pretty much everything! This hurts so much now and I feel so lost..like he's giving up on us now and isn't even trying to work it out with me. I told him this is not how I wanted things to end up with us...but all he can say to me now is that he confused and doesn't know what he wants! What does that mean ? I feel like maybe I shoudl just move on, but I keep thinking that he might come back. What do I do now ? Just sit back and wait and see if he contacts me ? I'm so confused and I can't stand not talking to him.

I know what you are going through, I'm in the same situation. No matter how badly you want him to work things out, you can't change how he feels or the fact that he is not emotionally available. My ex was the exact same way which is a big reason why we just broke up. All you can really do is give him the space that he wants, and who knows, maybe that will give him the chance to miss you. In the meantime, hang in there. It will get easier over time...or at least that's what I keep telling myself anyways! lol

He probably wont' respect me much anyways if I keep hanging around when he's told me that he doesn't know what he wants (and he's done this in the past too) but yet I still keep trying to hang on. It's just that right now I can't imagine how I'm going to get over this...and finding someone else who will make me feel the way he did when things were good. Its just been so long since I felt this way about someone, and it hurts sooo much that he wasn't willing to try and work it out. Thanks for all the advice guys.

One thing I have left out is that we went to a concert a few weeks ago and one of the nights I had way too much too drink. Not once, but twice during that same night, I got really jealous and upset with him because I thought I saw him talking to some girls. I didn't yell or make a scene, but I quietly gave him * * * * and basically ruined his night. I had so much to drink that night that I can barely even remember what was going through my head at that time. Apparently I was completely wrong about that and he was really unimpressed with the way I acted. We talked about it and I apologized that I had misunderstood. He said it was ok, but things definitely felt different with him after that. And then it came up again the week we broke up and he said he didn't understand where the hell that came from! Anyways, I've said I was sorry and that I felt stupid for the way I acted. At least I can admit I was wrong. But from a guy's perspective, did I ruin things for good by what I did that night ?

I made sure I sounded calm and rational in our emails. Although what I really felt like doing was calling him and convincing him to work things out! In my last email left it open ended, like he can call me or email me if he feels like it. At least he has been responsive. But I did say in one of them that I still love him and that this not how I wanted things to turn out with him and I. All he has really said in the past is that he does have problems expressing himself and he has never been good at that. Talking to him about problems is almost useless...he just freezes up and hardly says anything unless its to tell me that he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. I think he's the one who needs therapy! Seems like the only way to get him to open up is through email. He never even told me how he felt about me, until about a month ago when he told me that he was in love with me, he just waited so long to tell me because he wanted to be sure before saying it. And at that time we were talking about spending xmas together, going to Florida to visit his parents, him coming to my office party etc. Everything seemed so perfect finally after being together for nearly a year and then things just seemed to go downhill so fast in the past 3 weeks. I just feel so sad right now...not knowing how he really feels or what he's thinking about. But I think you are right, he probably just needs space right now.

He has major communication problems! This is exactly what he did the last time we broke up. He let all these things build up and then threw everything in my face at the same time (not in a nasty way) but it was like he was giving me a list of all these things that were bugging him and then said we should break up! How can he say that ? How can he just be willing to throw it all away without even trying to talk about it and work it out. He says he doesn't want to put us thru all this again in 4 or 5 mos, but I know that the reason it didn't work this time is cause we never even talked about anything that went wrong the first time. All he is saying to me now is that he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. Does that mean he is still considering that we might have a chance ? We've only been talking by email and it seems like we are communicating now more that we're technically broken up! Should I give it one last shot and try to convince him not to break up ? I don't want to keep pressuring him and make things even worse than now. At the same time though, I need to know that he still loves me and that he wants to put in the effort to work this out. Thanks for the advice..its all very helpful. Especially coming from a guy!

My bf and I broke up after a year and I'm so devastated! He's always been scared of commitment and did not know how to communicate properly. I always felt like we didn't spend much time together and he was never really open about his feelings towards me, but I still fell really hard for him. He broke up with me last summer for a few weeks because he felt like he "can't give me what I need right now " but then we got back together and then things really felt more serious between us after that. Then in the past 3 weeks things started to go downhill really fast. He got a promotion at work and seemed like he barely had time for me. I started acting jealous and insecure and nagging him... and that seemed to only be pushing him away. We got into a fight over these things and he started acting really distant to the point where I felt like I had no choice but to break up with him. Its been a week and we've still talked by email. He says he's messed up right now and doesn't know what he wants ?? He also says that he doesn't want to see the same things happen again in 3-4 months and put me throught this all over again! But the thing is..when we first got back together, we never even had a talk about the things that went wrong the first time! So now I just feel like we didn't really have a fair chance because we never really tried to fix our problems. Should I try to get back together with him ? I feel so lost and empty. And evertime I hear songs that we used to listen to it just makes me want to cry. I love him and I miss him so much, talking to him every night and waking up at his place on weekends... He also mentioned that he was upset at the fact that he has never met my family. I had invited him to my sister's wedding but he couldn't make it cause he had to work. But he feels like I had other chances to introduce him and never did. I"m just wondering though if he has rejected me twice now over the same things, will he see me as a doormat and have no respect for me if I just seem like I am always waiting around for him to give things another try ? I can't imagine starting over with someone else right now, he just seemed like he was so right for me in so many ways. Any advice would be really helpful!