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cordelia

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Everything posted by cordelia

  1. cordelia
    I've been in the same situation with my ex. He was hot and cold throughout the relationship and manipulative and had two sides to him. He could be the perfect loving b/f, and then a few days later be aggressive, condescending, and critical of every little thing I did. I was head over heals in love and I did absolutely anything for him and wanted to marry him. But by the time we were done, it was over for good. My trust in him was completely gone and would never come back. He tried for over a year to convince me to trust him again, but it was too late for that. Sounds like it could be the same for you guys, but you never know. You also have to be able to trust yourself not to do that to her again!
  2. cordelia
    I can totally relate! I broke up with my b/f in November right at the one year mark for pretty much the same reasons. I was getting pissed off at him all the time because he wasn't fullfilling my needs. And he was never willing to even compromise or change just a little! It drove me insane and after a year I couldn't stand it anymore. I know exactly how you feel when you say "its soo good when its good" but the part the sucks is that's not enough. If he's not willing to compromise and listen to what you are saying AT ALL, then there's no point. You guys will end up breaking up anyways. So you need to put your foot down now!
  3. cordelia
    I also agree with Timebandit though, I've left someone and been very cold and emotionless about it because of how much he had hurt me throughout the relationship. So yes, that's another possibility as well.
  4. cordelia
    Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. What was her explanation for leaving in the first place ? You mentioned that you weren't sure if it was for another man or not. The only thing I can think of, as a woman is that if I was leaving a man and being emotionless about it...it would probably be because I am no longer in love with the person. I assume that you tried to stop the separation from happening, so she must know you still love her ? I can relate to how brutal it can be when the person you love is acting cold and distant. I've been there myself. Good for you with 3 mos of NC. You should be proud of yourself. Keep up with it, sign your papers and get your lawyer to deal with the rest. You CAN and will move on, it just takes time.
  5. cordelia
    Thanks guys. I was thinking the same thing, obviously it doesn't feel right if I'm hesitating this much. I feel sort of weird about though cause I have to tell him and also tell my friends! Like I said though, we haven't even gone a date yet. So how do I say this to him ? Just send him an email that says I'm only interested in being friends right now ? Hang in there HDD, trust me I know how you feel! The first 3 weeks were brutal. I had to fight every urge to call him, or message him etc. but I managed to stop myself. And I'm doing a lot better now. It will get easier over time, trust me.
  6. cordelia
    Hey, I've posted here before about breaking up with my ex a little over a month ago. I was totally devastaed at first but I've been doing better and I'm okay on my own, and just keeping myself busy with other things. Here's the problem : I met this guy on new years eve. Really nice, really cute and we definitely hit it off and had a lot in common. He's really good friends with one of my closest friends and her boyfriend. They think we would be great together and that I should just go for it cause he's a great guy. I feel like I'm not ready to date someone new just yet. I guess I'm still not completely over the last break up, and I'm okay on my own but the idea dating someone new just feels really strange right now. This guy and I have exchanged a few emails and he's tried calling me but I didn't call him back. I told him sorry I missed his call, been busy etc. Now he says he's going to call me again tonite and I don't know what to say to that. Should I just send him an email telling him how I feel, even though we haven't even gone on a date yet ? I sort of feel pressured by my friends who thinks I should go for it. Or should I give this guy one date and see how if goes ? I'm really confused...I feel like I need more time to heal. Any advice would be appreciated!
  7. cordelia
    Thanks for all the advice ! At least I know that its normal to feel this way. Its frustrating to still be in love with someone who never really treated me right and kept pushing me away all the time. But a month is really not that long to start dating again...I guess I'm thinking that he could very well be dating right now so I should do the same ! With my last ex (before him) I waited 7 mos before dating again. Seemed like forever but I was glad I waited because I knew that I was completely healed at that point. Its just that right now there is someone I met New years eve who is definitely interested in me. And he's good friends with a couple of my friends. They feel that he is a really great guy who would be really good to me and that I should just go for it! Very confused right now....
  8. cordelia
    I've posted here before about breaking up with my ex of one year...a little over a month ago. I was devastated and Im still not completely healed but I'm doing my best to move on. We broke up because he seemed to put me at the bottom of his priority list, and refused to communicate with me and basically kept me a distance the whole time. He would never allow us to get close and that just drove me insane! Lately I've been meeting new men and it seems like I have the opportunity right in front of me to date if I want, but yet somehow I just don't feel ready. I want to feel ready, but I'm still holding back because apparently I still have feelings for me ex! He was never very good to me and towards the end, he was being so cold and distant. We haven't really talked since the break up, but he keeps sending me messages on msn, sometimes in the middle of the night. Is this why I'm not over it ? Is it possible to still be in love with someone who you never really knew that well and were never that close to, even in the relationship ? I'm getting frustrated because I want to move on, but its like it feels like by dating someone new it means I am totally letting go of the past now which feels wrong for some reason.
  9. cordelia
    I don't think guys prefer needy and insecure women. Not in my past experiences anyways, if anything I think that me acting like that just turned them off! I think most guys are attracted to someone who has a balance of being independent, but can also be vulnerable with their man and allow them to take care of you. I think that if a man falls in love with you, he loves you for who you are and because you love yourself.
  10. cordelia
    Its extremely painful when you realize that the person you love does not love you the same way. I'm so sorry you are going through this...the only way to get through this is by not seeing her or talking to her, for a while! Yes it will hurt like hell at first but those feelings will fade overtime. And in the meantime, why is she bringing her new BF over in front of you ? That is just plain cruel and you should not have to put up with that. Tell her to go stay somewhere else! And as for spending your last week together as a happy couple, that would probably hurt more than you realize. like you're creating more happy memories together and then saying good bye to the relationship forever. Hang in there, it does get better but you have to start by distancing yourself from the situation that is causing you the pain. Take care and at least you know you can always come to this site for advice!
  11. cordelia
    You stayed with her because you were still in love with her and you wanted to believe that she was also in love with you. We've all done this at some point or another. Sure its easy to tell someone to leave there lover if they are treating you badly, but that's way easier said than done! I know I've been guilty of this in the past, and I still never left my bf. It was him that ended it with me! And it always seems that when they hurt us or reject us, it makes us want to be with them even more. I doubt she would stay with you if she didn't give a crap at all. She probably just got used to the fact and took advantage that you would always be around. Hang in there..it sounds like you are getting over her so don't waste anytime blaming yourself. Instead you should be proud for moving on! Best of luck in 2007!
  12. cordelia
    Yeah I can totally see how that would hurt, seeing your ex when you weren't expecting it and seeing him hug some girl. Although it could have easily been just some friend you know. I broke up with my ex a month ago and I'm doing alright, but I don't think I could handle seeing him. Especially at some party if I wasn't expecting it. Did you find some other guy to flirt with at least ? lol.. Give another week or so with NC. You'll start to feel better again. And this relationship obviously wasn't meant to be if it was on and off. You will find someone better for you, and so will I ! Good luck in the new year and hang in there!
  13. cordelia
    If he was trying to get back with me after being a * * * *, I would see through it for sure. I would see it as him trying to act like the perfect b/f just so that I'll take him back, but then what's going to happen in a couple of months once we are back into "relationship mode" ?
  14. cordelia
    Hang in there, things WILL get better! And at least we know that we can always come to this forum for advice and support. And WE ARE still young at 28 yrs old! lol..
  15. cordelia
    If I were in that situation I would keep in touch with him but keep it very limited. The summer is still far away so a lot of time will have passed and it will probably be easier by then. If you stop talking to him completely, then he will know that you can't handle talking to him and this would make things really weird when you finally do end up having to work with him. That is a tough situation though..but just keep the lines of communication open so that it doesn't feel like there is any tension there. And keep it very limited!
  16. cordelia
    Why did you two break up? I missed my ex a lot too last night, and over christmas as well.
  17. cordelia
    I think with online dating there are definitely creeps but there are also a lot of good catches. I know people that are in relationships with people they have met this way. My last boyfriend was the first guy (and only) I've ever met online and we were together for a year. Actually, we just broke up a month ago and I still really miss him. I say why not go for it and keep all your options open. And one thing I suggest is to meet the person within a week of chatting with them. Trust me, you don't want to waste your time chatting with someone for weeks or months only to find out that you are totally NOT interested!
  18. cordelia
    By the way..another thing I did that made me feel a lot better: I went to see a psychic that my sister and a few of her friends have gone to. He has been dead-on for all of them! He told me things about me that were so true, and he said that I will have a very happy year in 2007 and I will not be alone! If you believe in that sort of thing, I recommend it. It made me realize that I have a lot to look forward to!
  19. cordelia
    I know how you feel..Ive been single for a month now, doing better but still miss all the good things of the relationship. I'm the same age as you and my friends are all in relationships. And the holidays felt kinda strange cause it just seemed like there were couples everywhere! You need to start focusing on yourself and move forward. I've started using this time to do things that I wouldn't be doing if I was still with him. My office winter party is coming up so I'm brining a girl friend with me, I'm startin driver's ed soon (which I've been meaning to do for ages now) and I'm going to Europe with my sister in February..can't wait. And I'll be looking for a 2nd part time job when I return, staying busy and making extra cash is always a good thing! Do you excersise ? it can make a world of a different for your mental health..and who knows you might meet some intersesting people at the gym! You should find a hobby that you enjoy, it will keep you busy and you get to meet some new people. Having a man in your life is not going to fix all your problems, I know cause I've made that mistake over and over again. You need to find happiness within yourself and everything else will fall into place! This is what I am learning now and I have been feeling a lot better lately.
  20. cordelia
    The first guy I ever met online, I ended up dating for a year! True it didn't last, but to me it was still encouraging that you can find a relationship through online dating. So many people are doing this now, I say go for it!
  21. cordelia
    There's nothing wrong with that. 2 people that are different can also compliment each other really well. As long as you don't have a problem with her going out with her friends or going out too, and she's fine with staying in sometimes. If you have a lot of other things in common then you really shouldn't let this bother you.
  22. cordelia
    Why do these men have to torture us like this ? ha ha...I must say though I did not feel like I was being "clingy". I mean call me crazy, but 3-4 months into a relationship I think its reasonable to want to see each other more than one night a week! I was very patient with him too...I bit my tongue so many times because I didn't want to sound like a nag! I think cc2006 is right...it comes down to being compatible and having the same expectations in a relationship. And as far as I know, my guy was the same way in his last relationship with someone he lived with! Starjenna, is it possible that maybe he was burned badly before in one of his past relationships and now he is scared of getting too attached ? My sister had this problem with her hubby for the first 1.5 years but they got through it and now they've been together for 6 years! I guess it can happen for some couples, but not everyone. It sucks but it can only work if both people are willing to work through it. I am doing better now though and I know that I will find someone else that is totally right for me. And Starjenna, you will too!
  23. cordelia
    I think some guys are just not the "relationship type". And its not necessarily that they dont' have feelings for you...this is just they way they are! My guy could NOT communicate either! It sucks but you can't force someone to change...he has to want to make changes himself! And I didn't want to feel like I was "telling him" to spend more time with me, be more affection, attentive etc. It was killing my self-esteem! Whatever happens with the two of you, just remember that if he doesn't come back to say that things will change, then all it means is that its not meant to be and you will find someone better for you! Good night and good luck to both of us!
  24. cordelia
    It all depends on the relationship really! I've been in relationships where we had sex all the time, and then others where I didnt even want it as much. Another thing is that its totally normal to have sex all the time in the beginning when you are in the "honeymoon stage" and then for it to slow down after a year or even less sometimes. In my past experience, if your together for say a year at least and you are still having sex 2-3 times a week but not everyday, that is still healthy! It just means you are in more of a comfort zone.
  25. cordelia
    And by the way, thank you Northalius...everything you said is right on! It helps to hear it from a guys perspective too. It really does come down to respecting yourself enough to not let someone walk all over your emotions! I've been very proud of myself for not calling him once since the break up. We have exchanged a lot of emails but lately, I have not been responding. Its hard but feels good in a way too!
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