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cordelia

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Everything posted by cordelia

  1. cordelia
    Sorry to hear about your situation. At least he was open about that from the start though. Would you ever consider moving there to be with him ? Because as Im sure you already know, long distance relationships are hard enough as it is, let alone if you two live in separate countries. How often would two really be able to see each other, once a year ? I'm sure that it hurts like hell right now, but guys tend to be more logical about these things. And maybe he realizes that both of you would be happier being with someone who lives closer. Sometimes these things are out of our control unfortunately. Hang in there and keep up with no contact, at least a for a little while anyways. It will get easier once you've gotten over the worst of it. Good luck!
  2. cordelia
    Thanks for all the advice everyone. This site has always been really helpful !
  3. cordelia
    I"m fine with the job I have now it wasn't exactly a demotion, I'm still have just as much authority as before and the same pay. I just hate having to argue all the time with one of the managers that I'm stuck with because we never seem to agree on decisions. It was his bright idea to have the blackout and this is the longest its ever gone on for. I"m thinking of scheduling a meeting with him tomorrow and trying to talk some sense into him.
  4. cordelia
    Well I have just as much authority as the other 2, its just that the 3 of us have to agree on these things. One of them in particular is really hard-headed (and not a very good manager) and I would have to fight him big-time to get him to agree with letting people take their time off. I am thinking about looking for another job, I'm just really worried right now about the way things are going in the department right now and the fact that people feel they are being treated unfairly.
  5. cordelia
    I've been at the same company for over 8 years now. I've been a manager now for almost 4 years (same company). I work in a call centre and I used to be the manager of another department. I decided to go back to school and cut my hours there to part time. What happened next is that my performance slipped, and I got a really bad review. I ended up being moved to another department where its me and 2 other managers who share the responsibility of managing a bigger department. The 2 managers I work with now are major control freaks and I find that I don't get to make a lot of the decisions that I'm used to. Right now, the department is a mess and people are really unhappy. I'm scared to death now that this is going to reflect badly on me! Here is an example: We are so short-staffed right now that we implemented a "blackout". Which means that no one is allowed to book off any days or vacation ( not my idea but its been done before) Meanwhile, the managers are still allowed to take their holidays since we don't follow the same rules they do. I'm the one who takes care of the schedule so I've had to say no many times when people ask for days off. And now, my holidays are coming up in February. I'm really scared that people are resenting me for this now and that my next review will be really bad. Are there any other managers out there who can give me some advice on what to do here ? The other 2 managers that I work with are really hard to deal with and its difficult for us to agree on these things.
  6. cordelia
    I agree that can make it really difficult knowing that your ex's profile is right there for you to see. I see mine on the online dating site that I'm on all the time. And I've seen him going on my page too a few times now! But I recently found out things about my ex (by reading his posts) that made me so disgusted and turned off by him that I am not even tempted to look at anything or even speak to him anymore for that matter. So in a way it was a blessing in disguise! Give yourself more time so that the next time you go on Facebook, you won't even care anymore. Good luck!
  7. cordelia
    Wow...that is really sad, for her I mean. Sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Congratulations though on all the great changes that you've made in your life. Your story is an inspiration to anyone who has been hurt by their ex. Cheers.
  8. cordelia
    Wow, I really admire your attitude Shaker ! I have had 3 ex-boyfriends now that seem to jump into bed with other women immediately following our break up. Most recent ex waited like a month, but that still feels like a big kick in the stomach. I keep wondering if maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship or how I keep attracting these types of men! All of my friends have all managed to find themselves really good, decent guys. It sucks for me sometimes but at the same time gives me some hope.
  9. cordelia
    I was just reading your posts hailtothevictors, and if there is one thing I can tell you is DO NOT go on to your ex's web page. No matter how tempting it is, you will only find things you did not need to know! I made the mistake of doing this a couple of weeks ago and I found out things about my ex that made me sick to my stomach and completely disgusted and made me lose sleep. I will never go on there again, ever! Its not worth it, don't waste time hanging on. Just keep up with NC one day at a time. You have to think about yourself now and what's best for you. You have to cut off contact completely. No texts or msns either. I'm sorry you are hurting right now, but it will get easier trust me.
  10. cordelia
    I would be pretty disgusted by that as well so I don't blame you...that was nice of him to be honest but he probably would have been better off by not telling you! Its totally different to have had sex with past girlfriends or girls he dated..but $350 for a prostitute ? Anyways, it was 5 years and he was obviously younger and immature then. Maybe his buddies put him up to it if he was complaining that he was horny! I would get a new mattress though, at least you wont go to bed every night thinking about it. But at least he was honest about it and he is faithful to you now so nothing to worry about there! Good luck!
  11. cordelia
    That would be a pain in the for sure...getting stuck watching football with the guys all the time. But at the same time, you don't want to be the nagging girlfriend who tries to stop him from hanging out with his buddies cause that will only drive him away. What you should do is plan a night or two a week where you go to dinner and/or a movie. Have him pick you up at your place and then go straight from there. That way at least at the end of the night by the time you get back to his place it will probably be bedtime anyways. Its annoying for sure to have a b/f who lives in a frat house party zone, but it sounds like that's the reality of the situation so you have to find ways to work around it. Good luck!
  12. cordelia
    My most serious relationship ended a few years ago and it was for the best: 1) 3 years (lived together) 2) lying, cheating, manipulation, drama etc. you name it! 3) I was at my lowest point every because we worked together and lived together and I had to get out on my own for the first time. I was stressed beyond beleif and doing really badly at work and completely traumatized by the whole break up. 4) As soon as I got him out of my life for good, I instantly felt better. He moved away so I was able to distance myself from him very quickly. And I met someone else 2 weeks after he left!
  13. cordelia
    From you previous posts, it sounds like this girl is too young to be looking for the same type of commitment as you are. 22 yrs old is very young, a lot of people at that age are discovering who they are and are more concerned with socializing and going out all the time than anything else. She probably feels really confused because she has feelings for you and doesn't want to let go of you, but at the same time she feels that she needs her freedom. I would give her a few days or a week to get settled in from her trip and then come out and ask her if she still feels the same way she did a month ago, or if she sees you two getting back together. If she can't give you a straight answer, then you will have to decide how much longer you are willing to continue talking to her and hurting and not sleeping. Because if it turns that you two will stay broken up right now, then the only way to move on is to stop talking to her completely. Think of how much it would hurt if you were still talking to her 2-3 times a day and then you find out she is dating someone else ?
  14. cordelia
    This man is 31 years old and I'm sure he doesn't want to be wasting time with someone who may never want to marry him. At the same time though, if you are feeling nothing but pressure about the idea of marriage then you are definitely not ready. If you were to go ahead and get engaged and set the date etc. It would be more because there wasn't any other choice, rather than because YOU really wanted to. I agree with the idea of taking a break. Time and space can give you a whole new perspective on things and sometimes you don't realize what you have until its gone. Or if it turns out that you are happier being on your own, then obviously it wasn't meant to be. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, and there was no way I was going to let myself be pressured into having a big engagement party. And yes we did break up but it was for the best.
  15. cordelia
    Solid - what kind of community are you living in ?? It sounds like you have a real complex about the color of your skin! I am brown as well and I do not feel insecure about the colour of my skin. In fact, I've had nothing but compliments about it and the girls I am friends with go out of their way to go tanning to get the same colour as I am! It sounds like you are surrounded by the wrong people. Maybe its because I live in a city that is completely multi-cultural so I have never felt out of place. In fact, I've always felt proud of my ethnicity and I can crack jokes about it, and I find it amusing being asked all the time where I am from.
  16. cordelia
    Kellbell you are absolutely right! That I am sitting here concerned about what he thinks, and meanwhile he has pretty much always disregarded my feelings about anything...and now THIS happens and I am STILL worrying about what he is going to think ? Its ridiculous!! I am not even going to bother responding to anything anymore.. complete waste of my time and energy. I've already wasted enough energy on this loser...what a relief finally!
  17. cordelia
    Good for you Benson! You are absolutely right. I have been through enough break ups now that I really do believe it does get better. I went through a very bitter and messy break up a few years ago and I think that was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life. Whenever something bad happens to me now, I think to myself that if I was able to get through a break up that horrible...I will definitely get through this! And yes I agree, even just talking to the opposite sex boosts your self esteem big time. It makes you feel attractive and you know that you WILL find someone else. Best wishes to you as well!
  18. cordelia
    Thanx for the reply. As soon as I read that stuff I felt like I'd been kicked really hard in the stomach and I've been feeling sick and nauseous and I keep imagining him getting naked with other girls now. Man I wish I never read that! Its my own damn fault for snooping ! You are right, I don't owe him anything and I dont' need to tell him a thing. And my gut feeling tells me that what he said in his posts is 100% true.
  19. cordelia
    I've posted here many times before but for those of you who dont' know....my ex broke up with me about a month or so ago. He was being a real jerk and I wasn't getting what i needed out of the relationship. I was completely crushed over how cold and how distant he was towards the end. So we kept in touch a little bit since then, pretty much only online. He seemed like he wanted to know how I was doing. Then a few days ago, I went on this site that I know he goes on and I found out things I did not need to know! He is dating someone else now, and I found out a bunch of other things which I am completely turned off and disgusted by. This new information has pretty much killed any feelings I might have still had for him. So I blocked and deleted him from my msn, but I knew that he would notice I'm never online anymore. Sure enough, I got an email from him already asking me all kinds of questions of how I'm doing, and telling me about his work etc. I need to stop talking to him now. There is no way I can continue speaking to him knowing what I know now, and the fact that he is with someone else already! What do I tell him ? If I tell him what I know, then I will also have to tell him that I was snooping around! Should I just tell him that I no longer wish to speak to him ? He's going to wonder why suddenly I have a problem with being friends. That last few times we've chatted I've always sounded cheerful and friendly. Help people!
  20. cordelia
    Thanks for the replies everyone! I can't even talk to my friends about this one so I need to get it out of my system.
  21. cordelia
    Yeah you're right. If I had any thoughts of ever getting back together with him before, I definitely don't anymore! I've been curious lately about whether he is seeing some now and I started snooping cause I really wanted to know. And sure enough, this is what I found out only much worse! Serves me right I guess for doing that in the first place ! And to make it even worse, he messaged me that night too! Like right after it happened (I can read the time and dates of his posts). So he went out and did that and came home and thought of me right after ?? What a freak job! I am so disgusted with him. Definitely changed my opinion or feelings for him that's for sure. Not the person I thought I knew !
  22. cordelia
    I've posted here many times before about Breaking up with my ex a little over a month ago basically over him just being inconsiderate, not communicating, not willing to compromise etc. Its been really hard but I've been doing ok and keeping busy and meeting other guys etc. My ex and I have still kept in touch a bit, he seems like he cares about knowing how I'm doing and what I've been up to. Not a lot of contact, but a little bit. Anyways, here it goes: Out of my own stupidity I did some snooping cause there is a website that I know he goes on all the time. I read his posts and I found that 1) he is dating someone else and I think she has a kid 2) he had a threesome with her and some other chick !!!! And he also talked about me and said he was stupid for breaking up with me. I feel SICK to my stomach! I wish I didn't read that...I've blocked him from messaging me, but he's going to notice and wonder why. And as if I would tell him that I was checking up on him! Man, I am so stupid, I was doing fine before and now this ??
  23. cordelia
    That's a great idea elithepi! If my ex ever calls, I'm going to do that exactly! lol He'll be wondering why I'm "busy" and he'll see that he is not my priority anymore.
  24. cordelia
    That's perfect...thanx! To be honest that night I was just being a flirt but then after he started showing a little much interest: too many emails, asking for specific times when he can call etc. and he left a mess where he sounded like he was annoyed that I wasn't answering! I got totally turned off by all of that. He seems clingy when we havent even gone on one date!
  25. cordelia
    I met this guy on new year's eve. He's a friend of my good friend who threw the party that night. This guy is really good friends with my friend's boyfriend as well. We chatted that night and got along so I gave him my number and he's emailed a lot and called a couple of times. Here's the problem: I am NOT INTERESTED anymore! I haven't taken his calls and in my last email to him I told him I am not interested in dating at this time in my life. I broked up with someone recently (which is true and I'm still not over it) but either way, I'm just not attracted to this guy. He replied that he understands and he's not looking for that either but he would like to get to know me and be friends etc. And he asked if he can call and when would be a good time to call! I don't want this guy calling me! And to make it worse, my friend is really keen on getting us together! I told her Im not interested thought right now. I want to send this an email telling him I'm not interested, AGAIN. What do I say? How do I tell him politely that I don't want him calling me ? Its awkward too cause I don't want to diss a good friend of my friends. I need some advice here, how do I say this to him politely in an email ? Any advice would be appreciated !
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