thefarewellnote

8 days now of not calling her/texting her/seeing her. Out of those days, today is the worse so far. I just want to call and make sure all is well. I feel so bad today. It has been 3 months since we broke up. I went this weekend for the first time since the breakup. Had a blast Friday night with some friends, Saturday I had a date...well was suppose to. In my 27 yrs I have never been stood up, and this girl from work did it..nothing from her, not even a phone call. And just when I was starting to feel better about everything.

Not as long as some of you other posters but about 42 hours...hey we got to start somewhere. It is a wonderful feeling so far, i think I actually smiled today.

So you are saying that if your ex, that you loved showed up your door and wanted to talk and hang out you wouldnt? And well its Friday now, and I doubt we hang out tonight, but tomorrow she made plans for me, her and a friend of hers to go to the X-Games in Aspen for the entire day. At times I just feel like she is trying to make this work. I know she is..i can feel it

Well thought I would post an update. Yesterday was a good day, I honestly thought I was feeling better. A sort of empowerment you could say. We bumped into each other in the middle of the day, she asked what I was doing last night and I said i was going to watch LOST (our fav TV show) she asked if she could join me, and I said sure. She came over and well one thing lead to another and we ended up back at her place kissing and cuddling like old times. I fall asleep having her in my arms. Woke up this morning and huggeed her and went on with my day. I feel guilty for doing all that, but at the same time it was fun. I didnt act or beg her about us, just went with it. I don't know how to approach the situation, would that be considered a good sign, since we cuddled and kissed all night...or just more mind games seeing how far she could take it. She did say in the middle of it all, that the kissing and stuff was nothing more than that, and not to get my hopes up. And you know what I didn't, I just had fun for once.

I am trying, but i think no one realizes how hard it is when she is just a wall alway. I can hear her move, here her talk. When she called she knew i was her, for she could probably hear the TV on. I honestly was 1000000% sure I could have made it tonight not talking to her, but she called me, she called to see how i was.

AND I FAILED............................. i was doing so good, came home and just kept busy. she texted me about her internet (she uses my wireless signal) i was nice and replied quick and to the point. and went about my night of self-worth. Then she called. I looked down, saw her pic and thought about pushing the ignore button. but instead i answered. She just called to see if i had an ok day, and shared her stories of school and all that. we talked for 30 mins. I once didn't bring up our past or her guy friends. I then said i should go and hung the phone up. Part of me feels bad that i answered, but part of me isnt. I am not sad, or depressed like i was today. It was good to hear her voice. And I am glad I didn't give in and call...it was her making the effort. But then again, I don't understand why she does it...why does she care what day i have? Is she making sure I am thinking of her? I didn't tell her how miserable i was all day. i left alone. Did I screw it up by answering

well, i got off work, and drove around for about 45 mins, I couldn't dare come home for i would want to call. that was 2 hours ago, i have watched videos and listened to music to keep myself busy....and i want to do is go next door and tell her i love her. I think the sleeping pills are calling my name....why not just go to bed for the night, then i am not tempted to call

Blender --------- your words as I read them make me have hope. I too hung on her words last night when she hugged and said "I love you" just as you did. I thought that if i could be her friend like before we dated then she would fall in love with me again, I joked, flirtted, brushed up againist like I know she liked...all thinking that she would miss it and want me back. I printed your little post off, going to carry it with for a few days and as soon as I start to feel sad I will read that. I had planned on going home checking to see how her day was, but instead I think I will try and not contact her tonight....its so hard cause I can hear her voice, tell when she is in the kitchen, or when shes on the phone and laughing (cause she is liviing right next door to me). But having this print out in hand, I am actually going to try now....I hope no one minds me posting so much...its such a good feeling that so many ppl are willing to help me.

I did relay on her, probably to much as times, but she loved it. She loved knowing that I could talk to her about anything and that she was my world. I looked up to her cause she had all I wanted with her family and everything. Its so hard to do stuff for myself, I hate that feeling knowing that instead of doing stuff for her, that I am being selfish and doing stuff for me. Yesterday, I was at the store, and was looking at magazines, I grabbed one for myself only to think i didnt need it and that she could use one...I got her People, and when i gave it to her she barely said thanks

I am sure ppl will disagree with me for saying this but just my thoughts. If you live in the dorms I assume she has a microwave. I would honestly take her some of that microwavable chicken noodle soup. Don't ask her, just show up and say here this is for you, and say you hope she gets better. That way she knew you thought of her and that you care....for being a friend means caring too. Just my thoughts

I think a little of both. I am so scared of not having her in my life, she is honestly the sweetest thing ever. She is sooooo caring to everyone and has the biggest heart. Exactly what I want from a gf/wife. I also am soooooooooo scared of being alone. I dont have much family, they don't talk to me. I haven't talked my parents/sisters in over 6 years. The holidays are always the roughest cause everyone ask what you did, and you say you had a great time...when in fact you sat at home and was alone. I go home to nothing, no one....no one to call, no one to love me. She gave me all that and so much more. She gave me a reason to live. She gave me hope that life could be good. Her family loved me like I was a part of their own. Friends....I have one good friend, but hes the type of guy that you can't talk to about this stuff, he just looks at you and says "I don't know" There is no one....

I was so sure that if she got back she would want me. I was posititve about it. I don't understand how anyone can just stop loving another person. She said last night that she focuses on the bad times we had, and not the good. And that hurts me so much that she could think of the few bad times over all the good times. I know that I need to expect the fact that she is gone, and probably 99% sure that she is never coming back. Its just that 1% that wants me to keep fighting. I believe I read a line in the bible the other day that said "love never gives up, and keeps no record of wrong doing" I truly love this girl, more than I could imgine someone could. I am so scared that if I give up, and stop and move on that one day be it 3 days, 3months or 3 years she will wake up and want me, and I won't be there. I couldn't live with knowing that if I had just waited one more day...she would have been mine. I know that one day we will have a great friendship if we don't get together again. Right now, the thing that upsets me the most is the thought of the girl I love in the arms of another man, or kissing someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach. Another thing that worries me to death (dont laugh) is that I will NEVER find someone to date again. I have always had success in finding females at school, work. And now that I have graduated college and moved on to a full time job I dont have the same chances to find somone. Girls always say they want the sweet guy that knows where he is going in life and how to love....and that is me, my parents raised me to put love first and always treat my gf/wife as though she was a gift from GOD. I dont see how any girl wouldn't want to be treated like that.

Think of myself....it is always easier said then done. You spend so much of your time doing things that are right for the two of you, and then that disappers. It so hard to think of myself, cause I know the only thing that will bring the happiness in my life is her. Today I honestly feel like I am in a dream, everyone is moving so fasst and I am standing still. I haven't ever felt like that. I was for sure that when she came back we would be ok, friends or more, but we would be ok....and the realization that we aren't is worse then i could have ever imgined. My work is suffering today...along with ever ounce of my insides.

Today sucks, I am miserable. All I do is sit at my desk staring at my screen thinking of her. I dont know why. I have been doing good, from not talking to her to seeing her and being ok. But last night was just to much, the realization that she could be gone forever. The words of her saying that she is going to hookup with a guy that she likes a little. The thought of nerver having her in my arms. Or the thought that when I go home from work she will be right next door and I cant go say hi. Damn this sucks