spikespiegel

I say no also. My ex's birthday is coming up soon, and there is no way she'll be getting a Happy Birthday message from me. She showed me that she didn't want me in her life anymore when she broke up with me, so that's that.

I hope so too Ruby. I'm a big believer in karma as well, and I think (and hope) what goes around come around. I don't think that these people are cosmically allowed to get away with pulling things like this.

Well first off, the guy she left me for doesn't work with us. Also, no, there really isn't anything going on in the building as far as renovation-wise. It's just one large room with rows upon rows of computer stations. And ruby19, don't you just love that situation? Lets them leave relatively guilt-free, they get to have their cake and eat it too. Argh.

I'm trying. It's difficult though when after not having to see her for a month and a half, I have to walk right by her each time I go to work

I've posted on my situation quite a few times, if you feel like digging up my previous posts, feel free. My ex broke up with my in the beginning / middle of December and led me to believe that I was at fault for causing the end of our relationship, when in reality she left me for another man, and in my eyes, was possibly cheating on me (definitely emotionally, maybe physically). She led me on for a good 3 weeks, telling me how hard the breakup and the Christmas season were for her, then I told her we needed to stop talking when I saw that it wasn't going anywhere. We've texted a few times, once when she offered sympathy for my Grandpa passing away, another time when I walked by her at work and didn't see her, and we e-mailed a couple of times about our classes. She also texted me once a few weeks ago to tell me that "our" song was on the radio. So we also work together, in a very large building. We wouldn't have to see each other if we didn't want to, there are about 30-40 rows of seats, and I ALWAYS sit in the same area, at one end of the building. She knows this, she used to sit with me until she broke up with me, then relocated to the opposite side of the building. A few weeks ago, she started sitting near me again. She has been sitting in a spot that I HAVE to notice, as I walk right by it when I go on / come back from my breaks. At first I thought it was a fluke, but she has been sitting there for 3 weeks now, and although I ignore her, I can feel her eyes on me every time I walk by. What is her motivation for doing this? Ladies, if you were in the same situation as I just posted, wouldn't you stay as far away as possible to keep things from being uncomfortable? Is there a motivation here, or am I reading too much into this? In any case, it makes me very angry, because I feel like she is completely invading my somewhat private space at work when she has the option to not do so.

b2761, I agree, and that's what I've been trying to do. The whole thing just threw me off, seeing her say something like that. It's been a while since she expressed anything like that to me. But no, I'm not going to get hung up on it, I'm going to continue on, like you said.

I'd say 6 months is a reasonable amount of time. By that point, you should have a pretty good grasp on what kind of person your significant other is, and what they stand for, and if you haven't fallen for them by then, I don't think you will. Personally though, I tend to dump my entire soul into my relationships, and because of that tend to fall rather quickly, usually within a few months at most.

I'm newly single, and not a big fan of it. Although I do like the freedom of being on your own, I really enjoy and miss the companionship and intimate friendship you have with someone when you're in a long-term relationship. I'm not ready to jump into anything serious for a while yet, but I'm finally feeling ready to start dating again.

But to me, caring is something different. We shared a lot of special moments during that song, more than just friendly moments, so I don't see why she would have chosen to contact me about it... And yes, although our time together wasn't long by a lot of people's standards, it was the longest relationship either of us had ever been in.

Backstory: Breakup beginning December. Usual talking / pleading until just before Christmas. No contact since Christmas. Relationship was just over a year (14 months). So I have been in contact with my ex with increasing frequency recently. The weekend before last, she contacted me to express sympathy about my Grandpa passing away (which happened more than a week before she found out). Then, this last weekend, she saw me at work and texted me to say that it had been forever since she saw me and it would be nice to talk and catch up. The last couple of days, we have been e-mailing back and forth about our classes this semester. Then today, she texts me to tell me that she heard what used to be "our" song on the radio. 2 minutes afterwards, she texted to apologize, saying that it was inappropriate. I was dumbfounded. I asked her where that came from, and after several texts back and forth, she basically said that she didn't mean anything by it, and didn't mean to cause me any hurt, she just heard the song on the radio, thought of me, and wanted to tell me. I can understand this, because I've wanted to do the same with her, but never have, it's just something you don't do with ex's (I think at least?). The strange thing is, I found out that she's been dating someone since almost immediately after we broke up. So I don't understand what her motivation is to text me something like that, when it seems she is trying to get serious with a new guy... Maybe she just had a weak moment and gave in? I don't know. Thoughts? Ideas? I'm not trying to read anything into it, it just really puzzles me, because she hasn't expressed any feeling of missing me or thinking about me since the middle of December really...

I went through the "what if" 's myself recently, and have finally moved past that stage thankfully. You just have to tell yourself exactly what the people above have said: maybe things would have been different, maybe not, but you'll never know, so there's no point dwelling on it. Just take what happened as a learning experience, and try not to do whatever you feel you did wrong the next time. That's what I'm doing, and it sounds like we had the same "what if" 's.

Generally, in our relationship, she was very direct. She said what was on her mind, and definitely wasn't wishy-washy about much of anything...

I know. I hate communication through e-mail and text, it is so easy to misconstrue the meaning of something.

Thanks all. It really helps to hear that others have been through, and are going through, what I am as well. We're all in this together! How about this: Right as I posted this thread, I got a text from my ex, that said "aw, 311 is on the radio". One of their songs was "our" song for our entire relationship. I was flabbergasted. 2 minutes later, she sent another text, saying" sorry, that was inappropriate". I didn't even text her back, I don't have any idea what to say. I tried to start a new thread, but it won't let me...

I've been trying to do that, very actively actually. I realize that I hold some of the blame for our breakup, and that she does as well. I've actually been reading a couple of books about relationships and communication, trying to discover why I acted the way that I acted in certain situations. Just like you said, I don't want to make the same mistakes in the future. Reading helped me a lot, especially with identifying certain behaviors in both myself and my ex. I'm sure that time is going to be the key factor here.