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Everything posted by need2bme

  1. Is this just poetry, or do you really want to go?
  2. bummedout4: I think the ex's can totally go after someone totally different in every manner. In fact, it is probably what attracts them. I know I am 180 degrees different than my ex's ex, but she will probably return to him, because they have history. All I can hope, is if that is where God wants her to be, then some of the type of relationship we started (with the gentleness, closeness and intimacy) can be brought into their relationship. I will let you in on a secret though, even though we had really good times, I still need to clean up my backyard, before inviting anyone else over.
  3. This is exactly what happened to me and I was the rebound. It is a shame it didn't work, because I thought we were really good together. I hope she doesn't, because I don't want her to get hurt again. Zorba: That post fits what happened to me almost to a t. Man, I have never been a rebound before.
  4. Would you want her back though? I got to thinking that even if my ex called, which she won't, she had already left and said she did not love me. So, she finds out she is wrong and really DOES love me. Uh uh. Anyway...just food for thought.
  5. L4L: That was funny, but true. Good question. When I was dating the ex, she wanted to wait. I said OK, fine. Of course, when you are with someone you think is super-hot and vice versa, the wait is killer and you still find yourself trying a little of this or a little of that. (of course a whole side convo would be whether or not this sends a message that you really aren't willing to wait) ;-) So, we spend a lot of time, she sends texts and talks to me about wanting to. We do and after a while, she starts to feel guilty (she had waited for marraige ande the whole sin aspect of it). So, we decide we will hold off on the physical aspect of it, but of course get caught up in other things. So, she decides later, (I will give her the fact that she had to be confused and was just out of her marraige), that she confused love with the infatuation/sex feelings. So, I think two totally different things happened here (the fact she wanted to wait and then felt bad about not waiting AND the fact she then thought/realized that her feelings weren't what she thought they were). (As an aside, I did plenty of manipulative stuff (not about sex - more about not accepting her love - not being as trusting as I should (she kept talking about her ex), etc.) in our relationship, so I am sure some of that pushed her toward the break, well that and she just wasn't ready - it was not all her fault)
  6. Waiting is good, because it gives the relationship a chance to grow. It builds up the anticipation and hopefully stave off the infatuation that the act can bring along with it. My last ex got all hooked up in the being treated good, infatuation, sex thing and thought she was in-love, when in fact, she wasn't. I think from now on, I will ask that we wait in any future relationship. I don't need this kinda hurt again. This one CUT way too deep.
  7. love4life: This is an amazing statement, in that I think that it is wonderful that one can simply find so much to see in someone over their looks or the fact that they have to take meds. It is more important to know if they treat you well or if they can make you laugh or how they handle being with you. That is exactly the way it was in my relationship, in that yes, I thought she was hella sexy, but I was most attracted to the way she could talk about anything and had such a positive outlook and that infectious laugh. However, I think that she soon began to look for things... It amazes me on here how many similiarities one can find in other's stories or descriptions. "Idealism vs. Realism", that made me think. I think you both have idealism at first and then the realism hits. I think though that you don't run, as in my case, when someone puts you on a pedestal. Instead of thinking, "oh no, here comes the realism and when he finds out he may not like it", how about thinking "Wow, he sees all this in me. Maybe some of it is in me"? But the inability to commit was there as was the total MIXED messages. I called it "pushpull". Zorba: You mentioned about the "love" having never been there or something along those lines and as much as I hate to admit it, I can now see that because I was a rebound, her love (or whatever we are calling it, because of the short time we were together), never REALLY existed. thereforeeee, her feelings were not as genuine and she is able to let it go. Thanks for these posts guys and gals...
  8. I needed to read that. Of course in my case, she was still the same person, until she punted my butt.
  9. So aren't you supposed to be in here posting more, so that you can heal and get it all out? ;-)
  10. Hey, people have told me that I talk WAY too much. ;-) My ex used to ask me if I ever thought anything that didn't come out of my mouth. I had a girl that I was dating, tell me that I share too much sometimes and I seemed as if I was trying to convince her, when I spoke to her. To me, sharing is caring. ;-) I had to learn to tone that down. I also had to learn that a little mystery is a good thing and just because you can say something, doesn't mean that you should. What I am trying to say is to let people judge you on your merits. Don't give them false ammo to use against you. Now get in here and keep posting...;-)
  11. So, what are you doing to heal yourself? Don't beat yourself up about sending the card for Christmas. One thing I have learned is that you have to follow your heart. I love and miss my ex, but I was VERY unhappy. So, my responsibility to myself, is to find out why. Was it me, was it her or was it us. You are right, that it is very confusing when someone says that they care for you and they are with someone else. Logic tells us, even in the most hurt of us, that if you say you love me, but sleep with someone else, how can you be telling me the truth. See, I am going through the same thing. If you see me, hug me, kiss me, tell me you miss me, tell me that you are good now, because you got to see me, sign "I love you" when you leave AND then hardly talk to me when I am not around; well that quite frankly states that I don't mean squat. What it also means is that if we are to heal, we have to start the healing ourselves and NC is a good way to start. If you think you might want to talk to him sometime later, then fine, but give yourself some time first.
  12. My friend always says that the above is not necessarily true, because what we do right now, will change our past, when this time becomes our past. ;-) This is what is so hard to learn and remember for so many people. It took me so long, until recently after my breakup, as a matter of fact. I kept saying to people, "but we have been together for "X" amount of years", to which they would reply, "do you want to still be this way in "X+1" years?" If I would have only listened.
  13. Does it really matter if he ISN'T a LDS? I ask, because if he is Catholic or Baptist, he still believes in a God. Also, I personally do not believe what the LDS believe and my ex and I believed differently, but I still loved her dearly. Also, you really seem to be all over the place. Why are you still asking if his breast comments were bad? As Ghost wrote, "any statement to keep an argument going is bad". I will go one step further, "any person who will openly criticize you and make you feel bad, simply so they can have a leg up in the argument or feel better about themselves, is CRAP!" Also, even though we have only heard your side, I am sure that if you come accross to him (AND this in not intended to offend) like you are all over the place and cannot figure out what you want and want to change everything about him, then I can see how he might be frustrated. So, back up, take a deep breath, sit down and figure out what you want. Do you want to continue to be put down? Do you want to feel like you have to make him change? These are things to figure out within yourself.
  14. Therein lies the rub. I think this has nothing to do with your fight and EVERYTHING to do with her. This is how she feels and you have every right to want her the whole way and not halfway. So at this point, it is a decision you have to make. You have to figure out what you can take. My ex is the same way, not really in the whole wiggin' out part, but in acting like she needs me and wants to be with me and then when I am outta sight, I am apparently outta mind. So, again, do you want to keep going through this? Because going through this is exactly what is going to happen. If she was ready to change, she would have done it already. Talk with her again, but talk from the heart and ask her if she stil loves you and what is it that is scaring her. If that doesn't resolve anything, then you have to let it all go. If you cannot be 100% with her, because your mind is hung up on all the details, then you have to let her go...
  15. I am sorry that you had to go through so much, but your dad and stepmom sound ok. I am not sure exactly what you are asking though, so...what is it that you would like advice/input on?
  16. I agree with Dako. Not even worrying about the porn, but the fact that he belittles you and doesn't seem to give a crap about your feelings, would stop my engagement cold. Also, and I know I am going to get flames on this, but where in the world do all these crappy girls/guys get guys/girls from? I see friends and people on here all the time, talking about ghastly things that thier SOs do. It just blows my mind how people treat other people.
  17. You are not losing your mind. At least I don't think you are. ;-) ...and yes, you are in the throws of sadness. Think about it. This is the ultimate betrayal. The only thing that could hurt worse, is if God forbid, something happened to a family member or when someone grieves the death of someone. Anyway, being a guy, I can tell you that I don't think dating someone right after is a GUY thing. My ex is dating someone and I can tell you that she wants to hang out with me. Why? I am sure she misses me and is used to our friendship and she "misses the silliness", but she CHOSE her way. I told her that she could fix it all and she replied, "I know". My point is, how can she supposedly love him, be with him and then see me, hold my hand and tell me that things are good, now that she got to see me. She probably felt that way, but if they want to be with us, then they should be with us. Why should you have to try so hard to get HIM? I did date a little after my breakup and actually thought I was beginning to like someone and then she backed off. I pined so much for her and I guarantee that it was a transference of the feelings I had from missing the ex. I miss my friend and I want so much to hang out with her again, but it is just messing me up and I deserve so much more than this. Don't you deserve to be with someone who cannot wait to be with you, rather than someone who could date someone else and tell you he thinks about you?
  18. Do what is in your heart Steve. Only you can make yourself happy, brother!
  19. Amen, amen, AMEN!!! I was just thinking the other day and IceMotoBoy has stated on more than one occasion, to just feel those feelings. I kept thinking that I should feel one way or the other or just be angry or tell her like it is or wonder how I still had feelings for her when she did not want to be with me and I have decided that it is ok. I will accept that I feel all of these things and work through them with the feelings of acceptance. I no longer have to fret about what I should and shouldn't feel. I can accept that I still love her and miss her and not worry so much. It doesn't make me bad or it a bad situation. It just is what it is. Thanks for the post...
  20. Blender, I think I love you. That could not have been written any better. Steve, my brother in pain, I too can feel everything that you are feeling. We need space, but how will they know you care, right? So, do what you said you would. I would agree that if this is life threatening or some type of operation, then contact might be nice. Otherwise, stick to your word. It is all we have really and what teaches others what kind of people we really are. Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book "The Four Agreemnets" states that one of them is to "be impeccable with your word". Good luck.
  21. Here is my advice, "treat it like it IS dating". Also, leave her alone. Do NOT call her all the time. Remember it is not about being RIGHT or WORRYING. It is about love and making her feel loved. RIGHT? You can do this. Congratulations!! I think.
  22. This is the only thread I have read by you so even though I am sure it soes not contain the whole story, I will post what I think. 1. I believe he says those things because he DOES care for you and possibly really loves you. You are familiar and you cannot share a piece of yourself and not still care. 2. I do believe that you are correct in that he should have taken a break in between. I know I would still need one and my ex has been gone for 9 months. 3. Ask yourself what do you want. Do you want to be with him in the future? Can you take him back in your life IF you feel like you ended up being second? I am struggling with this now. I am sure my ex would like to be around me, but I won't be second. Even if we got back together, I would wonder if it was because she figured out we should be together or it just didn't work out with him and I was again, second. 4. Why are you so concerned with MySpace? I think it is a way to connect with people, but just stay off of his page. Every once in a while I want to check my ex's email, but that is both childish and unneccesary. If you want to be with him but need to heal then take this time for you. I KNOW IT IS HARD!! I miss my friend (my ex) EVERY DAY!!! Take this time for yourself and learn how to be a better person. Edited to add: Please break your replies into paragraphs. It makes it easier to read. Good luck. ;-)
  23. Welcome. Your English is fine. I am sorry all this has happened to you. I don't understand why he pulled back, because you did not tell him that you did not want to go, just that you were unsure and family issues should be understandable by anyone. You then told him you wanted to go and give it a shot. I think that is a perfectly good idea. However, it could have also put a lot of pressure on him to stand up and know that you are serious. With you choosing to still give it a shot, even with family issues, proves to me that you are falling for him. It is possible that he neither wanted to take on the responsibility to make you happy with all the issues in your family life and that he now had to make a decision on how much he cared about you. I also think that if you don't want to be with someone or are not sure how you feel, then don't send card at Christmas or Valentines. My ex called to wish me a happy Valentine's Day and I thought that was tacky. If they want to with us happiness as Valentines, then they should be with us. What bugs me the most though, is that he is now back with his ex. That alone, should be a big enough red flag, that he couldn't even wait to be back with her. If nothing else, it tells me he still has feelings for her. If her still cares for her, he shouldn't be calling you. Protect your heart and try your best not to call him.
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