natenewton

Thanks Ballys. What you wrote makes sense. I still identify as a lesbian, but I now know that it is just a label. This really opened my eyes to the fact that these feelings cross all boundries. Kind of cool really. I did have a conversation with him last night. I told him that it sucks that we can't tell everyone we know about us. I want to and I can tell he does too. But the situation does not allow us to do it. He told me that he would understand if I backed away, but he hopes I won't. He is a very sweet man. I can tell that he does not want to hurt me, but that he knows I hurt when I think about not being able to totally have him. I decided that I would rather have him like this than not have him at all. It's not that I am being weak, It's just that I am grateful that I get to feel this way, even if it is not perfect. Even if he did leave his wife, could it work out? Maybe it's so great because I don't have to push him away (what I normally do in relationships) . Do I want to be that rebound person afterwards? Lots of questions, but It still feels good.

Well, we talked yesterday and I told him how I felt about him, us and his marriage. I told him I was confused, but I have very strong feelings for him. He admitted that he was falling for me and did not know what to do. I am moving away within the next year. We talked and he said that even if he did dicorce his wife, he could not leave town because of his kids. He said that even if he was not married, he would still want to be there for his kids and his ex-wife. Geez, it makes me love him more. So it looks like we will continue to see eachother until I leave. I told him that if he ever moves, I hope he lets me know. I will always have a place in my heart for him. I know that it might not be right to keep seeing him, but you cannot believe how he makes me feel. It's worth hurting later when I leave. I don't want to give him up yet. Then again, he could divorce and I might stay. Maybe I will just go with the flow for a while. I don't care anymore what my friends say. I told one of them that if she didn't understand, then she wasn't my friend. We'll see how that goes. I thought last night that maybe I should be happy that I met somebody this special, even if we will never truly be a "couple". I am learning more about myself every day. He has made me more confident and more secure with myself. But I do want him. I still wouldn't feel guilty if he left his wife. Selfish? BTW - everything everyone has said is helping. It's nice to have others to share this with.

Thanks. I guess I'm just taken back by the strong feelings I have for him. I am concerned that he is married. But I have known him for a long while, and I don't think he is lying about his situation. Maybe i'm just justifying it because I want him so badly. I guess I might have to face reality that we may never be able to be together "for real".

Let me start by saying I adore women. I have always been attracted to women. I love everything about them. I am and have been out as a lesbian since I was 17. That's what makes what happened so weird... I work with a man that I became friends with. He is about 10 years older than me. We would go out and have drinks sometimes. We had a lot in common, we both liked talking about girls. I never considered hooking up with him, but there was always a "spark" between us, even though he new I was a lesbian. There was something about him I could not get over. He's married w/kids. We talked a lot about his marriage. He is in a marriage that is friendly, but not loving. They stay together for the kids, are polite to eachother, but are not in love, don't have sex, etc. He genuinely cares for her, but he seems very lonely. He is caring, funny, smart, honest, handsome, and very open minded. Well, we had been drinking a bit one evening and we ended up having sex. I was the aggressor. He was the most amazing person I had ever been around. I was the most mind blowing, sensual, experience I have ever had. I have never had an orgasm like this before. I have orgasmed with girls, but this was multiple orgasms that left me shaky for 20 - 40 min. It's like our bodies work perfectly together. I have not had sex with a man since high school. We continued to hook up for sex because it was so incredable. We both were clear that this was just for sex, and it was for a while. This is where it gets really weird... I am completely in love with him. And I can tell he loves me. The way he talks to me, touches me, respects me. We can talk about anything. He is very manly and very feminine at the same time. He cares about issues with women. His touch gives me goosebumps. He makes me feel amazing when he smiles at me. I just want to be around him all of the time. I was sure that I could never be with a man, relationship wise. But now I don't know. I've never felt this way before and I'm 28. I thought I was a lesbian. I am still a lesbian..I think. I don't understand how this could happen. Can amazing sex cloud your mind and change you? I'm so confused. I want him. I want him to leave his wife and have a relationship with me. I think this is the person I could spend the rest of my life with. I know it's wrong, and I don't care. I feel like a horrible person. Am I still a lesbian? There are so many feelings inside of me. Am I turning my back on what I really believe in? It just feels so right to me. I have told a couple of my friends and they are mad at me - they can't stand men. Life has really mixed me up here.