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need2bme

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Everything posted by need2bme

  1. need2bme
    Splachdown: I read ya, but man is it hard to start. As I have posted in a different thread, you start thinking ok wow, I can go play that trumpet or learn the piano, or exercise more or just find out about myself or whatever...and then, WHAM!!! your subconscious breaks in and there you are laying around watching tv and thinking, "I used to watch this show with her" or whatever. The biggest thing though it NOTHING is the same. If just a little something was the same, like say, my drive home from work, then maybe it would be different. Dako: I know breakups involve change, but my dumba** forgot that not only could you not possibly either have or repair a relationship when you work 450 miles away, but it also makes things worse, because now nothing is the same. There are no more meetings with the friends I used to have on a regular basis and would really help right now. There is no more of the beaches I used to go through. Hell, the channel lineup even bugs me. I think it is just gonna take a while, thats all...
  2. need2bme
    of fear of change or just wanting things back the way they were? It simply amazes me at how my mind works, as well as posts I read here. It seems that it is not all about missing them, or in total, missing what we had; but I think more so about everything changing. You leave to a different city, different job, different friends, different route to work, coffee shop, cleaners, everything that took place in your life now changes or is done in a different manner. I think that is the hardest thing to get used to. Part of me almost wouldn't mind walking on the eggshells (although admittedly I would mind knowing I wasn't loved and I couldn't do it with her having the new boyfriend) if all things were still the same, simply so things wouldn't have changed so much. Maybe that is what it is though, I just let things change too much. Because EVERYTHING in my life changed, it just made it that much more difficult (add to that, the fact that I made her my life).
  3. need2bme
    Sometimes it just makes you think... So, as most of you know, explained in a different post, I sent the ex an email flaming her for how she took advantage of me and how I was hurt. I should have held back, but was feeling really bad. Anyway, I had not heard from her and did not expect to. So, last night I get out of the gym and lo and behold, there is a message on my phone. Not a message about the email, not a message saying she is sorry, but a message about everything being taken care of for a bill. A bill, that will now go to her and the correct address. We already took care of this bill. We did it about a week and a half ago. So, um, huh? The only bill we have left is one I have to give permission to change. She didn't call about that one, she called about one we handled. Then there was, "oh, I will call you tomorrow. You don't have to call back, because I have to get back into class." Huh? This is what I am talking about...
  4. need2bme
    Better to get it out here, than to wake up angry and send a flaming email, like I did. Ya know what though? We sit here and hurt, while it seems either they just move on or want it to be like it was with none of the investment. I got no response after sending the email. I really didn't think I would, so I don't know what I was thinking, except I was really angry with her. Why do people take advantage of others? I was reminded by a post in someone else's thread, that we need to come at this with love and understanding how the ex feels. I am trying, but right now it helps to be angry and it is one of the stages of grief, anyway.
  5. need2bme
    Damn Charley; that was hella long. ;-) I don't know about the above quote, but I think I see your point. When I was dating my ex (towards the middle and end of our relationship), it got to be where she never offered. Sure, I was making more money than her, but I was making more than her in the beggining, shortly after we got together and she would still take me out. So, where do you draw the line. I think the first few dates the guy should pay; but why everytime? I still open doors, say "please" and "thank you" and have very good manners, still I don't think I want to spend all my money simply so we could go out. So, with that being written, I think if it turns into a situation where one person is doing all the paying for everything and the other doesn't even offer, then it is time to take a serious look at things. But, as others have written, it all depends on the sitch.
  6. need2bme
    A pertinent question. Who does know, anyway? Do you have chances to speak with her? If you do, keep it short, but make sure she is ok. She is going to need her space and maybe now, as with myself, there is nothing more you can do.
  7. need2bme
    Always, ALWAYS, be careful what you wish for. So, the ONLY thing you can do is 2 things... 1. Search your heart to be sure that this is what you want. It won't do you or him any good to simply get back together and you break his heart again. 2. You have to show him. Give him some space, but still call him (ONCE IN A WHILE). Ask him out to do regular stuff (not romantic yet). When you are with him, let him know you care without smothering talk about the relationship (things like, "I really like your hair that way" or "you always make me feel good when you do that"). Let him know, but don't smother. Good luck and please make sure this is what you want.
  8. need2bme
    I know. How do you NOT take it personally? Maybe it just takes time. I tried so hard to get outside of myself and think as Orlander stated, and be happy that she is happy. Don't we all deserve that? For me, I can look back and recall what I did. I know what I need to do. I think for me, hanging onto the pain, means I don't have to let go yet. I know she has been sad for most of her life and not had a chance to belong. She has had nothing but people using her (in my opinion). It was just that lately it was as if she was acting like nothing happened and I couldn't move on. She wanted to just laugh and talk with me and wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. I want to be happy for her. I honestly believe that she deserves to be happy. I just wanted her to know that she caused some damage and the way she went about living her life with me, was not cool with me. ARRGGHH! Anyway, I so feel for ya.
  9. need2bme
    Two things come to mind for me and they are: 1. If you are/were a lesbian, would that cause a problem if you two were to begin a relationship? 2. Most importantly, should you be involved with a married man? I hope things work out for you, regardless of your choice with what to do in this relationship. Remember that very few people can find that perfect person for them...
  10. need2bme
    Oh, and Mr. Echo, I can feel that brick wall too.
  11. need2bme
    It is amazing how one minute you might want to do something to work through your feelings and then in the next moment, wish you hadn't. Bottom line it though, I think it is better to work through those feelings and not act on them right away. It is good to examine them first; even if it is only to figure out why one would think it not a good thing to send emails when one might clearly not need someone back, so why worry about it?
  12. need2bme
    Sometimes it takes someone leaving to realize what we feel and sometimes when someone is around us, we take them for granted. There were reasons that you didn't want to be with her. Use this time to realize what they were and why you fell out of love with her. You did want to break up with her; right? If you have been honest with her and given her a heartfelt apology, then give her the time she needs and keep posting here to work through whatever you need to.
  13. need2bme
    I would just wait a little while longer and then try and contact both managers. What would be the harm really? Just be eager, but calm and thank them for offering you the position. I don't see why calling them both should be an issue, as long as you let them know you are just following up, but hadn't heard from anyone and that you are excited about starting. Good luck with your new job. Edit: I guess you could wait until tomorrow as the previous poster suggested, or you could just wait until the end of the day. Of course you are eager, it is a job after all.
  14. need2bme
    Yes. 13.5 years for me and IT IS a very big shock to wake up and find you are all alone. For Pity's sake, some of my stuff AND MY BED, still smell like her. But, it has gotten a little better. I need to get back into my schoolwork, but that is even hard. I can tell you that my workouts are getting better though, because I just keep thinking about how mad I am at her.
  15. need2bme
    I don't think I would need ANYTHING else. ;-) I think he will be just fine with, um, your gift. Um, can I call it that?
  16. need2bme
    Tell him EXACTLY what you told us, but in a loving manner. See what he says. I agree that if he cannot meet you halfway then maybe a "seperation" instead of divorce can be attempted. So, did you post this because you are set on a divorce, or do you really want to fix it? What would make you happy and NOT lonely? If he went out a couple of days, would you stay in for a couple of days and be happy about it? Also, it is hard to find someone who doesn't care if you hang out with your girlfriends. Good luck.
  17. need2bme
    Yes. I agree. I can bet you dollars to donuts that my ex girlie's BF has no idea that WHEN she spent time with me that she flirted and says she missed me and complimented me like there was no tomorrow. I also am sure that he doesn't know we were all kissy-kissy. Finally, I bet if he knew she called to wish me a Happy V-Day, he would not have been happy, even if it was innocent. How could he not be upset with it, if he knows her's and my history together. We usually couldn't even get in the same room without having some type of physical connection. I will never understand it. Sometime I think they want a deeper connection, leave you because they don't have it, but wouldn't do anything to help create it when you were together.
  18. need2bme
    AMEN! I agree. Oh, and don't give up on dating. Wait until you get older.
  19. need2bme
    My ex and I broke up and got back together over 13.5 years. We are now broken up and she is living with someone. Be happy it happened now. Good luck...
  20. need2bme
    Be careful of being a rebound, just in case, so you don't get your heart hurt. So, are you asking if you should pursue her? If so, I say; why not? Just play it cool, be there for her and hang out. Don't rush too quick, because if she just broke up with her BF, you don't wanna have to listen to the ex talk and get your heart hurt. Also, you don't wanna be the crutch. So, I say, just have some fun, if that is what you were asking. Oh, and Kudos to you for not trying anything with her.
  21. need2bme
    Again Blender, you say all that needs to be said; right there... I felt bad after sending it, but I did it and she will read it tomorrow. What is done, is done. I think though, that the email still shows that I let this stuff bug me and after re-reading what I wrote, it read really petty. It read as if I was worried only about money and I wasn't. I was trying to be more to the point of being there for her, even while we were both struggling financially. Plus, I think it really rattled me that she called to wish me a Happy Valentines Day. What should matter the most though, is me and my taking accountability for the things I can. You are right in that there was no way she could have done all she did, alone. I hear ya...and thanks again.
  22. need2bme
    I am curious as to what brought about the subject question. I am sure that I don't like myself as much as I used to. I am trying to come around though. I always feel as if I could have done more and I am ALWAYS comparing myself to others. I don't remember doing this before, but this last relationship took a lot out of me. It was so toxic on both of our ends. I need to rebuild myself and part of that is learning not to be depressed and walking with my head up...
  23. need2bme
    Hey girlie... Nah, ya didn't do anything to mess up anything. Quite frankly, what else could you have done, except run away? But you didn't...in fact you faced up to everything, even though there was no ex involved. I will let you in on a little secret...hee hee...I flamed the ex in an email today, so I felt like I was going backwards too. How can she call me on Valentines Day, sleep with me before, hang out and flirt with me and all that, WHILE she was dating him. So, I am trying to look at it like this; we all have our slip ups. Right? Besides, you didn't even have a slip up or do anything wrong. As for your ego being in shards, I don't think it should be. Didn't you type that she wasn't what you are? That should make you feel good. Also, him leaving like he did and doing what he did, is a reflection on him, not you. At least you were able to stand tall and not get into it with her. I know how all the feelings come back, they did for me today. I also know how we can let our minds get to us, by wondering how they can act one way and then say they feel another. Hey, look at it this way...at least you don't have to deal with his crap anymore.
  24. need2bme
    dgtx: Yeah, I guess I got a lot off my chest. I should let you know that I actually went away to work in another area, so she could stay in our apartment. I don't know what I was tying to get out of the email and I don't want anything from her. I just felt the need to get the guts to finally get it out. I sent it to her and then thought I should come clean here, about breaking LC. She calls me from time to time as if nothing has happened and jokes with me like before. She has to understand that it doesn't work that way. I don't know if she is narcissistic, but I do know that she enjoyed being the center of attention. She once told me she felt as if she never belonged and that made me quite sad for her and I was sorry she felt that way, but at sometime, someone has to do their part in making themselves a part of something. mr echo: Your comment about "the sheer effort" made me think. I know one has to work at a relationship, but it should take effort on only one side and the amount of effort should not be so great that it tears down the relationship.
  25. need2bme
    I agree (if I am taking this in context, but . It is done and who needs the way he was acting. Life is too damn short. Really. My ex totally forgot me on Christmas and said nothing as she was opening gift after gift. Not expensive stuff (well, except for the concert tickets), but thoughtful stuff. It is ok to want to be treated well, ya know. Besides, who cares about a damn parking spot. I woulda been more concerned on getting inside and talking to my baby... and that is the way it should be. You did good and we heart you too...
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