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need2bme

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  1. need2bme
    Dude, I have a cell phone and I am not afraid to use it. I will smack the living hell outta you.... Hey, don't worry, we have all done stupid stuff and I don't really consider that as being stupid. I hung out at the end of my exes street once, and I just cried and cried. Just this past weekend, I went to the apartment complex I had my apartment in, when the current ex came back the last time. It is also the place I never should have left to move in with her in the condo she bought, but I digress. I actually went to talk with the manger, who remembered me and who consoled me as I told a fairly complete stranger what had happened. The funniest part of this is that the apartment I used to live in is now vacant AND I never changed my drivers license, so it still has that address on it. How wild is that? If I did not owe my boss time at this job, since he is my friend and he hired me contingent on the fact that I would hang around for a while AND I hadn't already paid an arm and a leg to move my stuff here, I would have totally moved in there again. I actually miss that place. The manager told me she was superstitious and since bad stuff happened there, I would have to get a different apartment. See, we all do crazy stuff. You probably still have some letting go to do, but then again, so do we all. Just hang in there and try not to obsess.
  2. need2bme
    I could say that same thing about my ex as her new guy has moved in with her. As for MySpace; stay away from it. He is cheating and all it will do is hurt you more. I am so sorry for all this pain you are having, but use it to know that someone who cheats is not worth having.
  3. need2bme
    You nailed it. That is what you should do then.
  4. need2bme
    Good job TTGB at keping it on the down low. My friend broke up with his ex and told her not to call and somehoe she got in touch with him and now they are getting married. So, how do you want to proceed? Is she still with the other guy? Can you trust her now not to hurt you?
  5. need2bme
    What do you mean by ??? Do you mean a counselor? An attorney? N2B
  6. need2bme
    I believe that right now, he is just hurt. I felt really bad too at first and did not wanted to talk to her and work it out. Then I was mad and didn't want to talk to her. Then I did and then I wondered how someone could do such a thing. Have you given him a heart felt apology? Did you mean it? If so, give him some time and then call him. Give him at least 2 weeks. Also, if you threw him out, why do you want him back now?
  7. need2bme
    PP: We will get through this together. That is how. I am at work, so I cannot type much, but we can read what Blender and ColdWinterForest has typed. It really is great advice. Putting it into acion is something completely different though. Huh? This quote means a lot. We have to remember that what we were looking for, is already a part of us. We can bring that back and stand on it as a foundation, to get us back to the way we used to be. Full of love and character and goodness. I read, and am trying to believe that a lot of what people do, comes from a good place. I am trying to look at it that way, because then it allows me to look at people as good and not as inherently bad. Blender: I must confess. You typed for me to feel the feelings and not act on them. To not "teach" her anything. I sent her a CD I had for her and forgot to give to her yesterday. When I sent it, I sent a note that told her that I wanted to leave all of this in an honest way. I told her about knowing what was in the one email and knowing what was in the "locked" room (because I had snooped). I will admit that part of me did it for honesty and to get it off my chest, but the other part of me did it, so I could "show" her I knew and "teach" her that she is not the "good girl" in all of this. I know it was not a smart thing to do. I will not do anything like that again. Blender, your posts are not falling on deaf ears and they are helping me more than you know. Mostly by showing me that I am a good person and I don't have to hate myself, like I do now. I have one question though: As she and I will probably have loose ends to tie up still; what do I do when she contacts me about stuff? I don't want to talk to her. I do, but I need to be in NC. So, how do I do that?
  8. need2bme
    So I get home at about 12 AM last night, from travelling there to get the rest of my stuff. I am unloading the car, until about 1 AM. When I get upstairs, I start to unpack my overnight bag of clothes and start to cry. I cannot stand this anymore. I cannot sleep on my bed, because it reminds me of her. I cannot look at any of my stuff, because I had it with her for so long. I no longer have any inclination to do ANYTHING. I have been sleeping on the floor in front of the TV, because I have NO MOTIVATION. I met her at the storage place yesterday and the first thing she did was compliment me. In fact, she spent the whole day complimenting me and telling me how good I looked. She asked me what I was doing later and I told her. She asked me if I wanted to get some lunch. So, we went to lunch and she complimented me again and we laughed and had a REALLY good time. When we were finished, we had to spend the rest of the day, transferring stuff out of my name into hers. When we went to take care of the phones, she was walking with me and I grabbed her finger. She was holding my hand. (yes I wanted to see what would happen) She kept waiting on me to help her with stuff and wanting my advice and so forth. She was acting as if we were still together. When we went to change the cable, the womann asked if we wanted to leave my name on. She asked if I would ever be coming back and the ex just shook her head, for what seemed like an eternity and seemed as if to say. "NO WAY!" That really hurt. I asked her about that and she said that she just shook her head. That night, when we were saying goodbye, she mentioned that she was going to call me that morning, but I had told her not to call me. I did tell her that, but it makes no sense for her to not call me that morning, as we were meeting to take care of the last bit of stuff. I tried to tell her why I said that, but she said she did not want to talk about it and that we had had such a good time. Huh? We are not dating anymore. We got out of the car and I went to shake her hand. She said she was coming around. She did and gave me some hugs and a kiss on the cheek. When I was hugging her, she was making noises you do when you are really content and enjoying the hug. She backed off, patted my chest and then said. "well, all I am going to say, is see you later". I guess she didn't want to say "goodbye". Why did she need to act this way. Why would she want me gone and then act as if we were together. I know it doesn't matter, because we are now finished with everything. I cannot answer any of her calls, if they are any. It would just kill me. I can barely function now. How did this all go so wrong, so fast? How can she have another guy in the house? Would someone please slap me in the head? I cannot get my head around this. I know I sound like a teenager, but this is killing me.
  9. need2bme
    Blender: I am going to read your words over and over. I am going to burn into my psyche, the ideas they convey. I understand fully what I need to do and I know I don't want to hurt anymore. She wants to be friends and wonders why I am angry. I cannot be friends with someone who cannot even be honest. How long she has been dishonest, I don't know. I feel reduced to nothing and I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
  10. need2bme
    I had a friend that hung out at a job forever until he finally talked someone in to laying him off. He did get a pretty good severance, so it worked out well. Maybe waiting until after you have a baby, would be a smart move.
  11. need2bme
    I know what I have been typing and I know I really need to work on my emotions AND I have NOT told her any of how I really feel, BUT, I so wanna throw up right now... ..it comes and goes, but I swear, sometimes I will just be walking around and want to cry. Also, I cannot even get motivated and she has some guy in my dang house. How the heck does that work? I feel like a teenager that cannot control his emotions....
  12. need2bme
    Maybe you have to have a certain amount of posts to be able to PM. As far as not being over an ex, I think that I actually brought in or transposed some of my feelings from the relationship with the ex to the fling I had where I am now. I was actually told by them both, in one form or another, that I share too much. I think that comes from not being heard in my long term relationship. Added to that, the fact that I had been pining for her and had not really taken the time to move on. I spent most of my time wishing we could be back together. The "fling" spent so much time just doting on me that I was happy to find someone who would do that and not ignore me. Then, she just stopped cold. When she did not want to be around me anymore, it really hit my heart. I was acting the same EXACT way I did and feeling the same EXACT way I did, when losing the long-term ex. That is why I knew that I brought those feeling into the new deal. 2. Sure you could rekindle anything. Question is; will you want to? After enough time has passed, you may feel as if there is too much water under the bridge. In my case, I don't think I could forgive her for finding another guy so soon, even though we were apart. I thought we were more than her playing me and thought she should have told me. We made love and now he is already living in my apartment for Crimeny's sake. 3. I don't know about this one. What makes the timing right? Again, maybe it is not the timing as much as it is that someone is not strong enough to go one way or the other. Again, I think the most imprtant question is whether or not you can forget that he went to the ex. I don't know if I would ever trust my ex to NOT hurt me again. How can you go an start living with someone, lie about it and make out with your ex and then start living with someone. I couldn't be friends with her now either. She made her bed, so she can lay in it.
  13. need2bme
    Blender: I thank God you are on this site. That post is right on the money. We were both not in a good place, but you are right, I am going to do something about it. Right now, I just really am angry with her, but realize that I cannot control her. It still hurts, but I know it is true. On a lighter side note: I totally forgot to get an address for her storage facility. So, I had to stick my tail between my legs and call her back. How embarrasing. ;-)
  14. need2bme
    Blender: Again, thank you. I am just so disgusted with how she handled this whole thing. I could chew steel and spit nails right now.... Why do people behave this way? (yes, when I calm down, I will know that I could ask myself that same question)... What I don't know is how I am going to do it. I just have to remember to be above it and to at least handle this part, with love. I just do not understand how she can flip-flop and behave this way. This is proof that that guy is living there now. How can she be living with someone after 7.5 months? I don't get it at all. This means she has not even begun to fix anything that caused our issues and expects them to be magically fixed with this guy. I just don't get it and part of it is driving me crazy trying to figure it out.
  15. need2bme
    So, I go and call her back and say, "OK, now whats up?" She replies that she took all the stuff over to storage. I ask her if she took certain things, to which she replied, "yes". I then asked her about the computer and the phones and she said she was going to take them over there. I said, that it didn't make sense because we needed to transfer everything. I didn't care what was going on, I just wanted things done right with the email, the transfer, etc. She asked if I was angry and I said no, but that she was handling this in a bad way. She said that her sister's husband would take care of that. To which I replied, look I don't care what is going on, I just want to get it done and then she will never have to speak to me again. She said look, I don't want to argue with you. I replied that we were not arguing and she can do what she wants. I just want a time to be at the storage. She replied, "Look, you put what you had to in your email", but said she did not want to argue. I replied I was not arguing and I want a time, because I have to rent a car. I want to know a time so I can get my stuff and I can give her the stuff that was taken with me. I said I just want to get my stuff and that she handled this really bad. I told her I would just get my stuff and then I never want her to call me again. I told her I did not want to talk to her and to give me a time. She replied that she would meet me at 11:00, to which I told her fine, I will see you at 11:00. She said OK and I hung up the phone. Did I handle this wrong? Frankly, I was mad that she could just throw something away like that and pretend like I don't exist. I hope I can be strong later.
  16. need2bme
    Blender: Thanks for the advice and for the link. I needed to read that. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to read and to help me. Nora: I need rise above this but it will be hard. Thanks. To further complicate things, I just received a VM because I was not about to pick up her call. She started out with a "Hey, how ya doin?", but in a little cute way, like we are still friends. She then continued the message letting me know that she has all my stuff in HER storage and that I can meet her on Saturday to get it. I can call her to work out a time to get it. Preferably in the AM, but she doesn't know when she can get there. What the hell is that? I am nothing now? The who system has to be setup for the new cable company. I have to transfer her emails over to her system. See how all this is? I am going to return the call in about 5 minutes and tell her to never talk to me again and to let her know that this is CRAP! What crap...!!!!!!!
  17. need2bme
    Dr. Phil's stuff is some good stuff. I know he seems crazy as a loon, but a few things he writes/says, hit home with me. Something along the lines of: 1. "Would you rather be right, or happy?" 2. "It is not wrong to want a "good, happy, nurturing, etc." relationship and not naive to expect it." 3. "You caused your relationship to be the way it is". (something like that) He goes on to state that it isn't what we did 2 weeks ago or what we said last night, but it is that we have systematically gone about living our lives in a manner that destroyed our relationship (and I think that also applys to everyday life). 4. From the Dr. Phil show; He was speaking with a young girl who was being thought of as a w***e at her school, because of rumors being spread by girls that used to be her friends (who also happened to be on the show). Dr. Phil asked her what she thought she was and she replied, "I don't know). He then told her, "Isn't it amazing when I ask you what they think, you can cry and tell me exactly what they think and when I ask you what you are, you tell me "I don't know"?" (not verbatim) Believe me, I know a lot of what we do is physiological and we just start acting a certain way that we are used to, when someone does or says something that triggers us, but we have to stop. I will be the first person to tell you that I find myself doing things sometimes without even thinking. We have to run these emotions past our head first. ***Disclaimer: I am not a Dr. Phil groupie, but I do like what he has in his books.***
  18. need2bme
    OK, so today is a "I just walk around and feel like breaking down and crying" day. Man, this is one last time this weekend, to go down there and finally finish stuff.''I hope I have the strength to not say something stupid when I meet this guy and/or see all his stuff in the room that she and I shared. I promise I am an adult enough to not do anything stupid, but holding my tongue, might be a totally different issue. I should just walk in, meet him, shake his hand then turn and say hello to her and how nice it was to feel her close to me as we were kissing... ...yeah, that'll show her.
  19. need2bme
    Welcome. First, please change your font to make it easier to read. Second, you know what they say about opinions, right? ;-) OK, I was and am, almost where you are. I am in a rut like nobody's business. I am older (had kids at a young age and they are now adults) and I have no idea what to do with myself. I don't like myself a whole lot (but I am getting better) and am not feeling too motivated. Some due to me and some due to my relationship. The ex is gone now and probably due to the way I was. I wasn't always this way and really, I am doing something about it. OK, now that you know there is someone else out there like you, lets figure out what is bugging you. Are you seeing a counselor? Can you? I wouldn't worry right now, about what friends or family say, because it only matters what you think. They usually hear only one side and most of the time, care only that their baby is sad. I made the mistake of sharing too much with my family and they don't really like any of my exes (including the currrent) but don't seem to realize what hand I had in my current mess. So, get the info from everyone, but take it with a grain of salt. Now I will tell you, as I try to tell myself. Even though we are in a rut, we are still trying, right? Still working, still going to school (I do the online thing too) and in your case, taking care of your baby. So give yourself credit for that. Then, I do know as we get older, some brain chemistry or psychological issues can come more to the front, if we have them. It is always good to seek counseling, especially if you think you might be depressed. As posted before, please give us some more details on the situation and we will try and help as much as possible.
  20. need2bme
    Paco: It could be anything brother. I don't know if you dealt with the anger the first time, by what you said about making excuses for her. I spent the last 7 months thinking everything was my fault and making excuses for the ex. With the help of time, friends, family and counselor, I am learning that we were partly setup to fail and that it was her fault she stayed closed off and spoke so reverently about every guy she knew, except me. So, as IceMotoBoy told me, feel the feelings and experience them all. We all have feelings and they are there for a reason. Just run them past your brain and react the right way. As for getting the anger out, well, I have screamed, cried, sang and exercised. I guess whatever it takes; right?
  21. need2bme
    Christalix: Do you believe these bad things about yourself? Are they true? Did you do any of them? I once saw a Dr. Phil show where this girl had all of the girls from school, calling her a w***e and it was destroying her. When Dr. Phil asked her what she thought of herself, she replied, "I don't know". He told her, "Isn't it amazing that you can tell me exactly what they think you are, but when I ask you what you are, you don't know." Something to think about...
  22. need2bme
    WOW! Thanks for the responses. Makes me think about it alot. I know too, that I have been attracted in the beggining and then it totally blossomed later. So, maybe both are true.
  23. need2bme
    This seems true with most cultures, othere than American. My ex is from a Hispanic country and it was exactly the same way and was sometimes cause for major stress. Did you ask her out on a proper date? Man, I see more people on here that don't ask for what they want. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand and I have done it, but ya gotta ask her out and tell her how you feel.
  24. need2bme
    He may have just wanted to protect your feelings. Why not just tell him that you know that you two are not yet exclusive and you understand that he may be dating other people. Then tell him that "dinner" will be fine, since he felt he couldn't talk to you and you guys will see where it goes from there. If you no longer want to see him, then just act as if nothing happened, when you two are at work together.
  25. need2bme
    First, you know you cannot be with someone who can/will physically lift you off the floor, with a choke. I will not pretend to understand what it is like to be in a physically abusive relationship, but you know that is not correct behavior. I do know what it is like to be co-dependent. I have been, for as long as I can remember. I too, cannot be alone. I am trying so hard to fight it now. Ya know, part of what is helping me, is to realize that I did not cause all of my breakup. If someone won't let you get close, which he will not and you are a little closed off yourself, it can never be fixed (and that is without the violence). Is this because you don't like yourself? Do you feel you need someone else to make you whole? I feel that way. All I have ever wanted was for someone to love me unconditionally and not be able to wait to get home to me. I want all of this, but I don't know how to love myself. How can I expect a decent relationship, if I don't have one with myself. One GREAT piece of advice I received, was to ask yourself, "What would I tell a friend to do, if they were going through the same thing?" I knew my first wife was having sex with everyone and I still took her back. What does that say about me? You are worthy of having a decent relationship. Not some relationship where you have to take care of some overgrown drinking buddy. If nothing else, realize what you are turning into. That is what I had to realize. I am not the person I was, nor the person I want to be. This is greatly due to my last relationship and what I allowed, but also because I expected her to make me feel whole. Please just let him go...
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