need2bme

I was in that same stage and the hardest part is convincing yourself that someone you love is no good for you.

I know you don't feel like trying. Neither do I, but I think after we stop beating ourselve up. I hope the best, for us.

So, they delivered the stuff this morning and basically they forgot some stuff and now I am going to have to jump through hoops, to get back my bedding and my monster cables and controllers for my stereo equipment. They changed my stuff from a smaller truck to a bigger truck and lost some stuff. Also, I had to pay them cash to drop it off. I needed to use my credit card for it and now I have to worry about bills and the $ in the bank. It just keeps getting better and better. Plus, because of not being able to sleep, I went ahead and put the bed together. Wrong move. It totally smells like her. I just laid there and smelled it for a little while. Plus, I was supposed to flip the mattress, because she never did, but having it on the side she slept on, made me feel better. How silly is that? I don't even wanna sleep on it. I took some PM medicine so I could sleep. I called her cell phone and left a message. I was trying to do so good and was at least staying in LC. I cannot stand this... I think I am going to sleep on the floor tonight...

I am sorry. I too was with a short term fling for 3 weeks. She decided we were going too fast and then she was outta there. I find it really low for this guy to just run. Plus, he is probably just setting himself up to get hurt. I was actually thinking, "what would I do if my ex did not want to date the guy she is living with and said, "ya know what, I wanna try again."" I don't know what I would do, but I would like to think I would ask her to sit down and really think about this. Plus, I think I would really question her heart. Again, I am sorry that this happened to you, but I feel really sorry for that other guy, too. He just got his heart handed to him and he probably had no idea this was going to happen.

I actually smiled when I read this. I am so with you and I feel the same way. I posted before, about walking out of the apartment back home, when getting my stuff, and just threw my hands up, looked to the sky and said in a loud voice, "AW, COME ON! WHAT IS NEXT?" I know how you feel. I look at it this way though. With them gone (and I won't lie, I still miss her everyday and would try and work things out, if I could) there is now room for someone else that will stick it out. Also, I am really trying to believe that people hurt us sometimes and don't mean to. People grow apart. It is a shame, but they do. I think my ex should have tried to work at this, but I think she is still trying for her fairy tale. I am trying to believe that all of this happens for a reason and the ONLY way for us to find TRUE LOVE, is to keep putting ourselves out there. It is good to remember that not all people show love in the same way. I am learning now, to find out how someone shows love and THEN find out if that is acceptable. Also, if I let down my guard enough, I can begine to see that some of the stuff other people think, is ok. Much love and hope to you, girlie!!

I will never understand how things are better when people are broken up. The same thing happened to me. So much so, I thought there might be a chance of reconcilliation. But, there was not. She told me flat out that she was sorry and she wanted him. The funny thing is, why treat me better now, than ever before? Why call me all of last month? Now, I have not heard from her at all, except to say that she was sorry for all she had done. We also kept EVERYTHING inside. Especially her. I had a counselor tell me that we did not trust one another, to not hurt each other. Maybe that is in your case too. Good luck, but protect your heart.

Hey, I don't like to be alone AND I wish I could have done things differently, BUT... I won't miss her staring off into space when we need to talk. I won't miss her crying instead of talking to me. I won't miss her talking about how good everyone else is but me. I won't miss being afraid of saying something in front of her father, so he can hate me more. I won't miss not having PDAs and holding and petting. BUT, .... ...there are a lot of things I WILL miss.

Maybe he doesn't have 2 women and just need a break from you two, as a couple. Hey, I am not one to preach, as I have done my share of snooping and I can tell you this, if he is cheating, you are not going to like it when you find out. If he is cheating, are you going to cry and beg and want him back? I would agree that the whole not going on his balcony thing is really weird, but you have no right to see his phone. Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, then you guys should take a break.

Yes. Do it and do it soon! Awdree's advice is right on. I don't think she will be mad at you at all. How she feels about your age, well, you will have to wait and see. Tell her though. Don't start off with a lie...

Yes. I guess if a woman did not dance, she wouldn't care. I have had good luck with some women, because I love to dance and will try any kind of dancing. I love to Salsa, the most. There is something about the music that just makes you wanna shake you bon bon. ;-) And the girlies that Salsa, oh my LAWD!!! LAWD HAVE MERCY! MMM! HAVE MERCY!!!

You most certainly could carry some stuff over into this relationship. Hell, sometimes we don't even know it. I carried stuff from this relationship, into the the girl I saw for a little while in between. I would have an attitude about some things or try to convince her of things I had in me or ways that I acted. I did all of this and when we were no longer seeing each other, I felt just like I felt when the long-term ex that got me here, broke up with me. Why? Because I brought in the baggage. So, be careful. Also, I totally agree that you two sound like teenagers. Not to sound rude, but you do. I have made calls before and wanted to beg, but never basically broke into a house. Look, I too think you are a really nice guy who just got a little out of control. With all the crud you have been through, it is not surprising. You have to give her her space. You have to!! It is the right thing to do. I want to email my ex right now, but that would not be loving, or fair. My ex wants her life without me in it, so that is what I am going to give her. Sometimes, you have to love enough, to let it go. We all do silly things man. I got highlight and cut the hair. Lost a lot of weight. Put on the tightest shirt I could find and tried to seduce her. Dude, I was so teenaging it... Let it go for now. Not forever, just for now. Oh, and I know all about the kids. I had young kids when the ex and I got together. She raised her sisters, but I would still tell her that she should not tell me how to raise kids, until she has them. Wrong thing to say; don't ya think? Take a step back and a deep breath and just show her that you are ok and give her her space...

Spill it al girlie!! We are right her for you. See, at least you know your kids need to be safe and have a good example set for them. Sometimes kids can learn subconsciously, so it is good to get them out of that environment.

Just to warn ya'll; I am going to continue posting on this thread, until I can get it all out of my heart. I realize that sometimes, one can never go back. I also realize that there are times when we won't let ourselves forget. When we think someone has wronged us so much, that we can never forget and certainly never forgive. If someone really loved us, they would never hurt us. Right? Wrong! It just does not work that way. In fact, I can bet you dirt to dollars that the current guy my ex is with will do something wrong, or do something that will remind her of me that she did or did not like, or he will get upset that she will not talk to him, or she will not pay him attention (which is what ended up happening with all the other guys). So then what? He is not the right guy for her? He is just like me? She made the wrong decision? NO! Who knows? All I know is that you cannot just discount someone because they hurt you. They may not have meant to hurt you. I have hurt my daughter before. I might have yelled at her or criticized her driving and even made her cry. She still loves me and still call to check on me and make sure I am ok through all of this. Does she love me unconditionally because I am her daddy, or her family? Why should that matter? Why is it any different than being with an SO? Shouldn't we have that same kind of unconditional love for our SOs? I know I am worth something and I know that I am going to make some girl really happy. I just wish it was going to be her. All I can seem to think about right now, is the what ifs. What if I would not have argued with her that last time? I know it took a lot to get us to this place and just one argument did not topple us; but, what if? What if I had sense enough to seek help, or get some meds or SOMETHING!!!!! What if I had taken her face into my hands and told her how wonderful her soul was and how my heart melted every single time I looked at her? What if I would have taken her hand and walked with her to see the sunset, instead of finding something else to do or complaining that it was cold? What if I would have told hre thatI was a very lucky man and that she always gave me butterflies? See? That is where all this is. I had to hold on to everything, because she hurt me. She owed me some love. WRONG!!!!! Love is supposed to be there, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT! Every day I look out at all the buildings and all I see here, are signs that say "For Lease" or "This and that is available". It is so depressing. Where are all the people that were displace from those buildings? A field here, a vacant building there. I just want to go home. I want so much to have my life back. I want someone to put my cheese back. I don't want some other guy living where I used to live and enjoying her company. The company that is not interrupted by a family member wanting something, when they are old enough to do it themself. Not interrupted by an ex-wife bellowing about the kids or child support that is not even due yet. Not interrupted by an excuse not to go out, because she has to help her dad with something. Not showing up late, real late, because of family (or other) issues. He gets to just enjoy her. He gets to have all the attention back and did not have to work for it, at all. He gets all of her and did not spend time after time, working in other areas and sleeping on air mattresses, so she could have everything she needed. Nope. He can simply just be there and that isn't right...

So, the movers called to make arrangements to bring my stuff to the apartment here. YAY!! Oh how joyous that is going to be. I just absolutely cannot wait to unpackk and go through stuff. Alright!! YES!!! One step forward and two steps back. Just think, by Saturday night, I can be sleeping in the bed we shared, without her. I can look through the boxes of memories that are going to set me back. Whoo Hoo! YayYay! What a fun weekend for me. NOT!!!!!

..by just being there for her. He is WAY too old for her and apparently not good for her either. You just be there for her and she will figure it out.

I cannot imagine loving someone else either, but then I remember all the times I have been broken up before. Maybe someone will come along. Also, the kiss could just be harmless. He could have just been flirting. If I got the chance to kiss a pretty girl, I might put the pic up too. I once told a friend of mine that I didn't want to take his truck, because I didn't want to wreck it, to which he replied, "then don't". Get it? Maybe what happened is good, or not? You don't know, so don't assume. As far wanting him to change, I think we all do that.

My girl didn't really like sports, but she did get into Laker's basketball when I was watching it. That is why we have friends brother. No one person can be everything to everyone. This is what I am writing about and I have posted before that it might be a physiological response. You know? We hear one little thing and it does not mean what you think it means, but your body instantly remembers what used to happen and there it goes. Everything deep in your subconscious comes out. The trick is to run stuff past your brain first. About the mind changing in a year thing, who knows? I do know that my ex changed her mind many times, but I know this time is for real. I don't know about it being final, but it sure seems that everytime my girl made it final with her other exes, it was final. She came back to me before, but who knows now. I will say that she told me that I have the "power" over her. I don't want the power, I want her love.

I am a fixer too and I hate to think that my 13+ year relationship is gone, but there can't be only one person trying. You are just going to kill your heart. That is what happened to me and that is what I did to her. Please just give it a little time and then worry about tomorrow when it gets here. (((((HUGS!!)))))

There is no way you can EVER move on or feel good about yourself, if you are with someone who makes you feel like you are not worth anything. We all need someone to love and we have a RIGHT to a good relationship. I am trying really hard not to sound like Dr. Phil here, but there is nothing wrong with expecting a great realtionship. Don't call and GET OUT!! So, stop carrying all this on your shoulders and just "put it down". Put it down, turn and walk away.

I can see how this might make a heart skip a beat. You know there are only 2 things to worry about: 1. It is possible for some one to miss someone they were used to, especially when their life and spirit is down and they no longer have whomever they were leaning on...hint, hint. 2. Most importantly; WHAT DO YOU WANT? Do you hope it is you? If it is you, do you want to see her again? Are you willing to go through this again, if need be? Can you let the stuff under the bridge, stay under it? If you can and you feel good about it, then the only way you will know what is meant, is to actually contact her.

Boost: Nope, you should not have gone to see her, but it is what we do when we love. I read that love is an emotion and not logical. That is true. I too thought I might have a chance with the ex, which her actions led me to believe and then I found out that some other guy is moving into the apartment we shared. The pain I can tell you, hit me like a ton of bricks....but, what can ya do?

Nah, don't feel too bad...misery does love company. Just let her know that you are there for her. As for your troubles, I am so sorry that your relatives have cancer. I was thinking the other night, how awful cancer is. Just know that a lot of us here, have gone through the heartache adn we are all here for you.

I know what I just posted, but it is amazing that you can simply walk from your desk, get some coffee and think about going to Starbucks with the ex and then miss all the pet names and know that it will NEVER be like it was. Maybe I can reframe this, in that, "Of course it will NEVER be like it was; it will be BETTER!!" I would do anything for her to call me, "Pretty Brown Eyes", just one more time...

I might have done nothing wrong in the last few days, but in our relationship, I did plenty wrong. I look back though and I can see where she also did dastardly things (so did I). My counselor said that she believed that neither of us trusted the other enough not to hurt us. I think that is partially correct. I also think we snowballed out of control. I know I don't wanna carry this hurt and this feeling of wanting to compare myself to everyone and the need for her love or anyone else's, to make me complete. I am just so tired of this ride and I want to get off!!!

PP: Today I woke up alone and feeling bad. I do miss her. I thought of something though, that you may have read elsewhere and that is, for every thing I could think of that she did to hurt me and is doing now, that might be hard for me to believe is happening, I also know that she could bring a counter-point about all of it. There would be something I did or could have done (in my case), that she could point to, as well. My point is this: I cannot control her and I cannot control this. I have been trying to control so much that I don't even know what I want to do anymore. He does not define you!!! I told my counselor that I was so tired of wanting to be perfect and so tired of comparing myself to others and so tired of projecting things I did not like about myself onto others, that I just wanted it all to STOP! I didn't want it anymore. In other words, lay it all down!! Live by that! We have to lay it down or it is going to kill us. When you go, can you take someone with you?