need2bme

The better question is: Why do you let HER do this to you repeatedly? I ask myself that everyday. Although, I don't think I have to worry about it anymore.

I think it could apply to both sexes. Moreover, I think that it could be true period. I know that sometimes I have grown to love someone, but most of the time, the initial reaction with hormones flying, is usually there. What do you guys think about this quote" "Women don't CHOOSE who they feel ATTRACTION for, and they don't choose the emotions that they feel either. It just HAPPENS. Bam!"

So, today I get a call about some call she got at her work about someone looking for us. It was for her only. The people that called her, assumed we were married. Of course, I was the one to call and straighten it all out. Afterwards, I called her and told her what was up and she said she would take care of things. She told me she got the card I sent. It had a pic of a dog that looked like the one we used to have and called "our kid". It made me think of her. I put something caring, but nothing mushy, inside. She said thank you for it that it was nice. So, we went back and forth with a couple of pleasentries and I said I needed to go and just let me know what was going to happen this weekend. I have yet to hear from her on this weekend and I am driving down Friday night. I need to make arrangements for a hotel or something. I don't wanna spend the money, but what else would I do... Spend the night on her couch? (Anyone who knows my story would find that hilarious). LOL

So, listen to both sides of the story and then listen to your heart. It will really tell you if he is distancing himself. If you feel he is, especially after you do tell him how you feel, then back off and protect your heart.

I agree too, but maybe some people cannot be friends. Why should my ex get to be the good person in all of this and keep her fairy tale alive as if she had no part in this. Why does she still get to have all of me, with no emotional investment? She wants me as a relief valve for her and I will not be that.

I am not trying to give anyone a hard time; but, is this post for real? If it is and you have these questions, then I don't mean to offend. DO NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT! Could it be that what you think she is thinking is not what she is thinking, at all? Come on now, you know it wouldn't be right!!!! EDIT: Actually, the more I thought about it, the more I don't care if I offend. You know you shouldn't even be thinking that. See a counselor and soon. PLEASE!

Thank you. I will be back to post more, after work.

This is the most awesome way of looking at NC. I also like what "HockeyBoy" points out, in that you can always sleep on it and then ask yourself tomorrow, if you still feel the same way. Most of the time when I broke NC, it didn't turn out like I wanted anyway. Who needs more of a broken heart?

Eileen: Thank you so much for your post on this thread. I needed to read it to and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As you know, I too was in a long term relationship and should have done more to show her. I didn't and now know I may never have another chance and that is what I need to get prepared for. It is a fine line to walk between space and trying to show her you care and have changed, when you don't know if never means ever. I like your insight and anything you can teach us on how to be better men, er, people, would really help. Siro: I feel your pain buddy and I am right there with you. I concentrated on a "vice" and my work and all sorts of stuff, instead of her. We were together 13 1/2 years and broke up and got back together many, MANY, times. This last time was the proverbial straw. She too is with someone else. He is living with her. How she could do that in such a short period of time, I will never know (well I may know, but I don't think I understand it). One thing I want you to realize is that your son knows you are his dad. My kids, from my ex wife, not this current ex, know now that they are older that I am a good man. It will all work out. You are so doing the right thing and being a good man, by not putting him in the middle. Also, my current ex of 13 1/2 years, said many of the same kinda things to me. She wants me to find love and be happy. I am a good man with a good heart....and so on. I know how you feel completely. I was supposed to work out last night and I still have plenty of unpacking to do in the new place. All I did was curl up in front of the tv and fall asleep. I don't want to do anything. We have to push through though. IF WE EVER WANT THEM BACK, THEY ARE GOING TO NEED SOMEONE STRONG! You have to push through anyway, because your son needs you. My son is a young adult now and calls me for advice. He needs me to be a strong man, but also teach them intimacy and that it is ok to cry. Teach them to be strong, but with a heart and to protect and be kind to the weak or shy or whatever. Use this site to learn to communicate. Use it to get everything out, but to also learn it is ok to talk to her in a way that you may not have before. One thing I have learned and I walked around like I was Mr. Tough Guy, was I always wanted someone to love me unconditionally. Well, I also found that they can't, if I won't let them. See? I am positive that you were not the only one to cause problems in the relationship. If you want, I will let you take 75% of the blame. I know I caused a lot, but not everything. You need to know this. There are probably things she could have done differently and wishes she had. You cannot control her though. You can only control you and how you see things and how you respond to them. I have a very hard time searching for words to tell my ex how I feel, because I don't know if it would matter. I want it to, but again as I mentioned to Eileen, when do you know? I think you need to give her time and see your son as much as you can. You also need to change what you know you need to. Let the rest, just happen. If you feel like contacting her, just post here or write a letter you will never send and just keep it (I read that last idea here and think it is a good one). Oh, and you can PM me anytime you want (it may take a little time for me to answer, if I am at work). God bless and good luck, brother.

MCB: I still think that it might be possible that you want her back, because you don't have her. Don't get me wrong, I am asking myself these same things. I wanted to break up with my ex many times and many times I felt unloved and the lowest of the low. She broke it off and I am very sad that I can no longer see her. I have to totally ask myself why I want her back. I need to think long and hard and so do you. Is she going to change? Are you going to start feeling this way again and then you both have broken hearts again? What steps will you take to not let this happen again? Important questions and only you can answer them. Also, you cannot control her; only what you do.

Christalix: She nails you to the flloor. Calls you all kinds of things. Treats you as if everything is your fault and lies to you. Unless I am missing something here, I would think that she does want an ego boost. It amazes me, and my ex has done it too, how people can just want to go away and then simply call you as if nothing has happened. You need to do some serious soul searching and figure out why you want her back or figure out what happened. Keep posting.

I too believe that shyness is rooted in fear and I am shy or at least nervous and I am afraid at times. I look at it this way; if you are a good person at heart, you won't go after anything that moves. It isn't the shyness that stops you, it is that fear that your mother, to this day, would still slap the dogp*** out of you. Oh, and for those that don't know, a "dogp***" is a unit of measure that is slightly more than a bushel (look it up if you don't believe me).

I am sorry you had to go through it too. Look, I feel like a total mummy too. But, I know that I have felt this way, even when I was with her. So, something else is going on. Either you have a problem with you or you have had an issue going on this whole time. Do you have any close friends you could hang out with? They always make ya feel better. Ya know? Keep posting here and we will help.

Oh, Puff, I got messed up with academic probation, but now I am back in there. You can do it too. Oh, and my last 2 relationships blew up, so taking it single for a while, will allow you to find yourself.

What is a 3D chick?

Please type your words out. I think the right thing to do is to totally tell he how you feel. Tell her you want to give her time and then do NC. She knows how to contact you; right?

I agree with you that the situation is not good for her. It also does appear that she is a rescuer and super needy. However, as Ericson said, "you broke up with her". So, I think first, that you have to ask yourself if you want her back because she is with someone else, or because you now love her and want to have sex with only her. Know whatta mean?

I posted to quickly. Thanks PhillyGuy. That really helped me. I was exactly the same way and spent a lot of my time, angry with her, because I could not undrestand why she was not doing for me, what I was doing for her.

Good question. I am co-dependent too. I know there are groups that could help. I certainly don't know where to start, except to acknowledge I am that way. So we are making a good start.

Can't you practice French with your roomie? Try it. You can always go single next year; right?

Boston23: I too have started thinking about everything in my life. I am unsure of what I want to do. I just don't want to start something again and not finish it. I am thinking though, that I should look at it differently. I can look at starting something different, as an experience... BTW, I have been rethinking everything.

Princess: I am checking in on ya. How is it going today? How are ya feeling? I know it is rough the first few days alone. Believe me. I hate it and still cannot bring myself to sleep in our bed. I keep thinking that she is probably sleeping with him in their bed and it really kills my heart. There is no explaining how much pain and fear there is. I am glad I have you guys to go through it with, even though I wish we didn't have to.

1) How long you were with them. 13 1/2 years 2) The main reason the relationship fell apart Too many arguments and the final one on her birthday 3) How low you went I cried a lot and called her. I basically tried to call all of her sisters and none would really talk to me. 4) And how you got back on your feet and got yourself back to the incredible person you were before you went through the bad experience. Still working on it, but I do know that I had to talk to just about every person I knew and some I didn't. I just started thinking that I was beating myself down for about 10 years and was not the person I was before, at all. I know now that I need to change. I still want her, but I am afraid that will now never happen.

Paco: Thanks man. Your words mean much and ring true. The question is, how do I make myself believe them. Maybe it will just take time; lots and lots of time. When you say "change" the feelings; how so? Will they just transfer into something warm and fuzzy when I think about her, or will I simply just go crazy? OK, I know, but I miss being next to her, every day. Wanna hear something crazy? I miss her snoring. Maybe some of this is just familiarity. I'm sure some of it is. I am also sure that I don't like being alone. I really thank you for coming in here dude...your words in your posts always make me feel better, even when they make me sad.

That is what I meant. I meant that if you chase, sometimes people run, just because they feel they have to. Plus, if they are seeing someone else, it makes it real easy for them to think the new romance is a dream and why stick with you, because you cause the hurt. My ex before this one, broke up with me and then tried to come back and I would not take her back, because she had hurt me. It was easier, because I was already with the current ex. So, what is it that you want?