This is the first time I've posted here for advice, but I really don't know what to do. I'm a senior in high school, and my sister would be a sophomore, if she were going to school. My parents handle all the medical work, so I don't know much about treatment or any specifics, but my sister has pretty advanced leukemia and has spent more time in the hospital than at home for the past couple years.
Starting about a year ago, my mom started guilting me into going to visit my sister. I didn't really want to since she and I never were very close, but I wound up spending more and more time with her and wound up quitting the clubs I was in last year so I could spend more time with her.
This is where it starts getting confusing. I'm the only real friend she has since everyone she knew in school didn't stay in touch with her, and emotionally she depends on me a lot. We recently found out that her condition has gotten worse and she probably won't make it to the summer. Because of this, I've tried to spend more time with her than ever, and even have permission from my school to miss extra time for her.
But recently she's been acting depressed, and talks about things she wishes she could have done. I've tried to cheer her up and keep her thinking positively, but it hasn't worked too well. But lately she's been talking about how she wishes she could have had a boyfriend. Since she seemed happy talking about how it would have been, I let her talk about it. Out of the blue she said she wished she'd been able to meet someone like me, since I care about her so much and make her feel like she's the only person who matters. I acted flattered, because I didn't want to hurt her, but I think she's starting to see me as something other than her brother. I'm lonely too, but I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.
She's been asking me about sex lately. I'm a virgin, so I can't really say much, but I think she might be trying to hint at something. What should I do? If I approach her directly about this, what if she says it's what she wants? I love my little sister more than anything, and I know you're supposed to lose your virginity with someone you love, but I'm afraid I might feel guilty about it, since she's my sister and I don't really see her as more than that. Am I being selfish? Should I just go through with it if it's what she really wants? If it's the only chance she has, and she really wants it, is it wrong to say no? Please help me, I'm so confused.