need2bme

My sister and my father suffer from heart palpatations and I don't really know what caused it for them. I know how hard it is to end a long term relationship. Mine was 13.5 years and when she no longer needed me, WHAM! So, that being said, of course you still love him. You got blindsided. The beauty of this is, that you WILL wake up one day and think, "what the HELL!!??" This guy didn't even want to be there for me AND he CHEATED!!" Cheating is CRAP and should not be tolerated. The more I think about it, the more I am glad that I am not dealing with my ex cheating with her emotions (at least that is what I am telling myself) Look, who needs that. You are lonely and that is what we are here for. I lived with my ex for most of my adult life. I miss her like crazy. She was my friend. BUT SHE NEVER GAVE ME WHAT I WANTED MOST!!! HER HEART!! You did not have his. What, did he need an excuse to cheat? Hang in there girlie and keep posting...

This is what I have read is the recommended way to take it. However, if your creatine is too old, I read that it can actually harm you. So, if it is too old, just get some fresher creatine.

Punching the clown? OMG! I was rolling! I guarantee it is an intimacy thing. It was with me. I know it is hard to get intimate and let yourself go, such that someone else can have control over your heart. That being said, I would have NEVER, turned down garters and stockings!!

cantexplain: I think you are on to something here. However, how do we know if we are idealizing or not? I know now that I was looking for something I wanted her to be, but so much more was missing. I also think that my view of her was sometimes skewed, by the way I looked at her for feeling as if she used me. So, in this I looked down on HER more than I should have. I could have fixed this with communication agreed, but how do you communicate to someone that you feel you are just being used (appropriately anyway, because I did my share of yelling). Also, I know that in my case, without her communicating to me (she was very poor at communication), there was no way to tell if she was idealizing me, or not. Could devoted hearts be a misnomer (if I can call it that ) as we are more in-love with an ideal and go into the relationship with a devoted heart, from the start? That would mean that ANYTHING that is then askew, which could even be harmless, would be taken out of context. Just another 2 cents.

I tried to stay off these forums and just work, but I had to go back and forth between the two. I am getting better though at concentrating at work. Maybe as my life gets a little more stable, I will find my "ON" switch.

I hear ya. I got married the first time when I was very young and should never have. The cause of the divorce was that the ex was CHEATING!!! Weird, huh?

Oh and btw, I almost had to beg my ex (after the beginning of the relatioship) to wear something sexy. OK, maybe I should not have asked all the time. So, if the next GF has stuff she wore for the ex, I wouldn't even care, as long as she would wear it for me and wear it often. ;-)

Yeah, it really wouldn't bother me. I am not gonna throw out all of my underwear. Do you guys know how much underwear costs these days?

Blender, I need to be paying you, instead of my therapist. OK, I understand and I also think that part of me feels bad about even feeling used, because I am sure that she, in her own words "loved me in her own way". I also understand that we have to own what is ours. I cannot own the way she treated me, but I can own how I reacted and what I said and did. As long as I correct things I can, then I am honoring our relationship. I am trying my best not to think of her in a bad light, but I do have to realize what happened and how she ended up doing things. I know in her heart, she is a good person, but I think all I knew how to show at the time and all she knew how to accept, was her being rescued. You are right though. The only other long term relationship she had, was very similar in that he was with her and her family when she was very young. I think she saw him as a rescuer as well. I think her being with me, allowed her to run from her family. Now that in her words, "I taught her to stand up for herself", I think she just did not need me anymore. That, my good counselor is something she will have to figure out now for herself.

Does your bed smell like her too? Actually, how did you get rid of the smell of his cologne?

I feel what you guys are saying and know that is is probably a normal part of the process, but, SERIOUSLY... if it were not for me, she would have gone under many times. All she did was help her family (which yes, I know is a good thing) and more than forgot about me/us on numerous occasions. I helped her out of so many jams man!! I did it because I wanted nothing bad to happen to her. I felt as if I wanted to take care of her. Isn't that what you do when you love someone? So, I leave for a different area for another job to keep us afloat and she goes and finds someone else and moves them in. If she was feeling as if she wanted to break up, for 2 years (which is coincedentally the amount of time needed to get rid of her place, which I helped arrange) then she should have done it then... it just all fell into place all too nicely.

every once in a while it pops into my head and YES, I know that this feeling shall go by the wayside with time, as well. However: Has anyone ever thought that they gave SO much of what they could, money, time, help, advice and on and on and on, to the ex and as soon as the ex no longer seemed to need any of that (not the emotional stuff, but stuff done to basically help them survive and help their family) they just bailed? This is what agrivates me to no end. Sure, I don't want anything in return and sure, I stuck around when I felt it happening, but dang man!!!!!! I helped with finances, moving, driving, loaning of things that usually got messed up, living with, arranging stuff, loans, paying more money than I should have for rent, letting her and family members live with me for free; you name it and I did it. Sure, I will admit that I was frustrated with our relationship and I will absolutely admit that I did quite a bit of crap to make her feel bad (although I don't remember doing any of it intentionally), but almost as soon as she no longer needed me or my help, I was gone and she "had felt like this for almost 2 years". Then why not leave long ago? I know I have posted about this before, but I feel like I really got used sometimes. It just seems so coincidental in timing. Maybe it is just my mind playing tricks on me....aw man homey, my mind is playin' tricks on me....

CLASSIC! Actually, my bed still smells like her perfume and it is driving me insane. I need to Febreeze it or something!

Do any of you guys think that communication is sometimes lost, because we cloud our judgement with past trangessions in the relationship? Do you think that subconsciously we hold onto what we believe is being said, instead of what is actually being said, because of past feelings, when really we should be concentrating on the other person and trying to change the pattern?

No harm taken. In fact, I knew what was going to go down with the emotions from her, DURING us messing around and still continued. So, yes...stupid AND disrespecful on my part. However, in my defense, it was the only way to get close to her and I always found her incredibly sexy. I do now know that I still have to have a higher respect for myself, regardless. The last sentence you wrote struck me, as I have been thinking recently that I was both cheated on and cheated. Cheated on, as she was seeing this other guy AND just plain cheated, because she NEVER gave me true love and NEVER allowed me to really love her.

OK, I did not get back in here like I said, but I will try and remember. I pulled the parts I quoted, out of the message above, because I wholeheartedly agree. Even if it isn't a rebound in the purest sense and they stay together for a while; the old stuff will creep back in. Until someone deals with whatever it was that was causing the issue with THEM and stopping them from really loving ANYONE, then it will ALL continue to happen. I was telling my friend that all my ex had to deal with now was just having fun with him and that he had to deal with nothing I had to when I was with her and helping her. My friend asked me, "(My name), you don't think she has fundamentally changed, do you?" He made it a point to tell me that the same crud she gave me, she will end up giving to him. Hang in there sweetie and I will try and remember to get back in here.

I was thinking today that the exes were also our friends AND if you did like I did and made the mistake of making them your life, then you really want to call them when you hear some good news, see something funny, are sad, etc. ...and you know that she is sharing all of this with someone else. It will just take time...

Dako: I hear ya, but how do you turn it back on? See, quite a few people on here post about being secure in yourself and knowing you. Then, all will be well in the world and you will be one with the universe. Now, I believe that to a certain extent, but I also KNOW that when I was with my friends all the time and felt appreciated AND had a wonderful relationship, I was more productive. Maybe it all goes hand in hand and we just have to be able to catch what we need to change in anything in our lives, in time. Now, the trick would be to recognize it. I am realizing that I am the kind of person who loves human contact and sometimes needs it. Right now though, I am SOOOO unmotivated and have been for almost 2.5 years. So, is it possibly an age thing?

I firmly believe this. I think your wording of excuse versus explanation works, as well. I will add that I think the person who cheats was NEVER in the relationship to begin with. At least not enough to realize that the feeling that you want to cheat should make one realize the need to take care of whatever is wrong with the relationship or get out. Also, would you consider it cheating (I consider it betrayal) if a couple had been broken up, but the ex kept acting as if you were together, because the ex did not want to hurt you and then you find out they care about someone else AND still make love to you or act as if they want to be around you. I ask, because at first I was hurt, then I was mad and now I just feel betrayed (and a little like the ex cheated on me - hell, I know that means she cheated on him). Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Where I used to work, there was this girl that was so annoying. Always smiling and trying to talk to me and play cards with us at lunch. I acted so standoffish to her. The more I let down my guard, the more I realized she was really cool. Oh, and she could really kiss.

I guess maybe the link only works for me, so, here is the text... Single? A Valentine's Day Survival Guide Brought to you by Laura Gilbert and link removed! Drugstore windows might make you believe that today is all about happy, loving couples wallowing in bliss. But if you're single, you know better, right? So here's a minute-by-minute plan to get you through Valentine's Day without cursing Cupid under your breath. 4:55 A.M.: Savor your solo sleep Set your alarm to go off with the most annoying ring at least 90 minutes early. When it does, take three ice cubes and apply them directly to the skin on your calf. Realize that when you're married to someone, you have to put up with his or her sleeping habits and cold toes every day of the year. Shudder, then drift back into a grateful sleep. 7:09 A.M.: Love what you eat Start your day off right with the following power breakfast: Take whole-grain waffle out of freezer. Examine it, put it back in. Take ice cream out of freezer; place three scoops in bowl. Heat up hot fudge and drizzle on top; add cookies or brownies as needed. Because, seriously, who's going to know or nag at you if you decide to start your day in this sugar-rific way? 8:43 A.M.: Bloom with happiness Sure, it'd be nice to get flowers from a secret (or totally obvious) admirer. But having a special someone is only part of what makes having a bouquet so amazing. Flowers still look and smell great when you're single, so head to a flower shop and buy any flowers you like (yellow and purple tulips, perhaps?). You'll feel happy every time you glance at them, and pity those suckers who got a bunch of crummy carnations from their special someone. 9:18 A.M.: Wink at fate Saunter in to work 15 to 30 minutes late. If anyone asks you why you were delayed, just grin and say, "I guess I was caught up in the Valentine's spirit!" They'll be too mortified to ask for details. Nobody has to know your idea of Valentine's spirit just meant you made time to clip your toenails this morning. 10:20 A.M.: Be a powerhouse Move everything on your "to-do" list for the entire week onto your tasks for the day. As you plow through work, calls, and reports, you'll be too busy to take time to feel sorry for yourself. By the time lunch rolls around, you?ll be so relieved to just take a minute to answer simple e-mails and check the weather that you won't even notice that it's V-Day. 1:48 P.M.: Get in the money Jump-start your upcoming fiscal year by visiting link removed and taking a 10-minute break to start in on your own taxes--two whole months early! This will totally distract you from worrying about your love life, you see. 3:12 P.M.: Drink to another year of success Firm up your reputation as the cool one at work by calling a 5 P.M. brainstorming session to cope with an office crisis, then "spontaneously" suggesting you hold it at a nearby bar. Everyone thinks you're trying to take the misery out of the problem-solving session and loves you for it... You guarantee yourself an alibi if anyone asks you nervously if you did anything on Valentine's Day ("Oh, me and some coworkers just went out to a bar"). 6:00 P.M.: Stamp out temptation After work, do not, under any circumstances, check the mail. Best-case scenario: It's full of love letters from old flames saying they can no longer live without you. In this case, you'll find those tomorrow and respond as necessary. Worst-case scenario: The mailbox contains only bills and subscription renewal forms. Extra-worst case scenario? There's a Valentine's Card from your grandma or a pitying married sibling. 8:21 P.M.: Energize yourself,br>Head to the local video store in an effort to avoid icky V-Day TV programs. As you wander the aisles, take a good look at the couples around you. Remember, you've chosen to come get a movie, while these poor saps are faced with the pressure to do something romantic...and the best they could come up with is renting a movie?!? 8:30 P.M.: Rent a date Settle on a great non-date movie. You've got two genres to pick from: Action and Overreaction. The first is any movie that's totally engrossing, but romance-free: Think the Die Hards, The Rundown, or any campy horror film. (Bonus: All of these should be in stock.) Or get a movie that revels in the downside of relationships: Think Alfie, Your Friends And Neighbors, or Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 8:55 P.M.: Work your wit Before starting the movie, flip to the Westminster Dog Show, which broadcasts today. Nickname entrants after the appropriate ex based on how foolish they look when they trot around the ring. 8:45 A.M., February 15: Do something sweet At the grocery store, buy packages of your favorite Valentine's candy for half price and don't share with anyone. Hey, this is your holiday, after all!

Um, I don't know. I just saw it when I went to check my email. Also, I am single and thinking that the guy my ex is with will be spending it with her and probably getting the best V-Day that I NEVER had. So, I thought it was a good article about not doing Valentine's Day.

Too funny and too cute... link removed

Eating is probably something you atteched the emotions too. It used to be grabbing Ben n' Jerrys for me, now it is shopping for stuff (yeah, I know I am a guy). It makes me feel better, but then all I get is more debt on credit cards and stuff I am not even using. I just bought 2 shirts and I am already tired of them. ;-) So, it goes deeper than the surface, as we know. For me, I need to learn how to like myself. I know I don't. Also, I have read on here many times that the best way to show the exes or yourself or have revenge or whatever, is to live a good life and bring yourself back. You are still giving him all the control by looking at the pics, thinking about him and then eating. Be the cutie that you are and show him and yourself that you are worth every minute that someone wants to give you and that he LOST OUT!!! Also, if you like to binge, maybe binge on some fruit (I know, it isn't the same). ;-)

Melrich, thanks so much for this thread. It got HUGE, real quick. I cannot read every post yet, as I am at work, but I am going to. Such great replies that make you think. I like what you said about the chemicals juicing your head. How true is that? Of course, I sometimes think when I am looking at the key factors that we may not be compatible with, that I am just looking for something to mess it up or I am overanalyzing again. See how your mind can play tricks on you? Instead of calmly and rationaly thinking about any issue I might think I have early on in the relationship, I sometimes brush them aside. Early on, the girl I dated after the ex (for 3 weeks), did not follow politics at all and was an atheist. Neither of which would have been a deal breaker, but I do believe in God and while she can believe what she wants and I would still like her; what would we teach the kids, when we had them? Also, I am prior military so I have some opinions on Iraq and when I spoke about the military climate, she simply shrugged her shoulders. I too sometimes rationalize in my head, if I find out something early, that I can possibly wait it out or take the "let's see where this goes attitude". Also, as far as having children, I agree that this is something that should be talked about early on. The girl I dated for 3 weeks (yes, only a 3 week relationship ), spoke about wanting children and that spooked me a little, as I have 2 grown children. When we were no longer dating (because she said we were going to fast) I reminded her of the talk about children and who brought it up and she replied that is something that should be spoken about early on, so she would know if she should even be dating someone. Makes sense now...;-)