j201714

Thanks for the great advice.

Hi All, I am steadly healing now it has been 7 weeks (on thurs!) However i dont seem to be able to do it without drinking. I know i am drinking to much but i feel at the moment its the only thing i can look forward to, although its not making me feel any better as i say and do stupid things when drunk(although no drunken late night calls as of yet!) I go to my local pub which i enjoy however, i met this really nice lad in there thought he really liked me etc. but no he dosent he doesnt think he isnt right "for my needs" This has made me feel really despraste and sad. I dont think i can be strong enough to be on my own and happy. I despratly want to be, but i keep finding myself looking for someone else,beacause maybe i think it will take away the pain of losing C. I think i need to be accepted and liked by men which proves i have no self essteem. How can i be happy again. Any help would be great.

Thankyou for all your helpful comments. I never thought anything could feel this bad. Its so hard to function normally. The thought of these feelings never going away makes things so much worse. I keep being told "the pain will never go away you will just learn to live with it" All my dreams where with this guy, i need to find some of my own. But i dont feel i can.

thats all i can keep thinking about now since he said if i died he wouldnt care has anyone expercined simlar thoughts and when do they go???

He got drunk and stopped at his mates. I know i have put myself in his shoes and i think i would love him enough to forgive him. I rang him starightaway to say i am sorry. I had an awful night at work 1st day back after xmas and all i could think about was going home to my baby and he never turns up and his mobile is off. I went crazy with worry.

I really have, i gave him the spaced he asked for, i have told how much he means to me, how much i want him in my life, how i thought he would be the man i would marry and how we can work things out. I chucked him out because he never came home that night, i was just so angry. I have never done that i would have he never would. I was stupid, i wanted him back straight away.

Hi all I saw my ex loast night as we agreed to meet up beacause i needed some clousure on the whole relationship(we have lived together for 2 years plannig on getting engaged) we only split up over a stupid aruguemnt i packed his bags and chucked him out and apolgised the next day. However when i saw him last night he looked so depressed i really did apolgise and say i am so sorry but he turned around and said i will never ever forgive you for what you did (chucking him out) i had nowhere to go and you made me want to kill myself i came so close it was unbelivable and i can never forgive you for making me feel like that. I never want to see you again. i dont care about you anymore beacause i cant forgive you. I thought that after a month i might be able to but i cant. I said to him you wouldnt even care if i got run over tomorrow his reply no i dont think i would. I never want to be with anthoer girl, i have never loved someone like i loved you and never will again. i never want to put myseelf in that postion again. I am not saying this to make you feel gulity i am just telling like it is. Bye i have never been so hurt in all my life what now?

Hi all, Just an update on how things are going. i saw him out again on saturday night(i dont why he goes there as it is my haunt!!) i was really good just ignored him and said hiya then i saw his mates stood there laughing at me so i got really annoyed and started asking him if he thought it was funny and why he was laughing at me he said to me just f**k off and leave me alone. so i was really angry and lashed out i know i shouldnt have done but i was a bit drunk. so we arranged to meet up. on the sun day which we did. he said to me i could never ever forgive you for hurting me the way you did(by chucking him out) i have never been so low in my life and i have never ever wanted to kill myself but i came so close it was unbelivble. and i will never forgive you for making me feel like that. he dosent want to see me again and he told me he wouldnt5 be that bothered if i got run over tomorrow he said he has never loved anybody the way he loved me and he will never put him self in the postion to love someone that much ever again. and that was it i tried to tell him i loved him and cared but he wasnt bothered. i asked him if he was still angry and he said he was still really hurt and angry and peeded off. he sadi i thought my feelings might change towards you after a month and they still havent. what now??

that makes sense. but i have seen him again!!!! he never rang the wens night i went to the pub got a bit drunk and then i decied to go to his work place asking him why he hasnt rung me (oh the shame!!) he didnt talk to me so i went home and got more and more angry like you do when your drunk and not thinking straight i got my mate to drive me up to his workplace and i waited till he had finshed work and conforted him! i asked why he didnt ring me and basically he was juslike f**k off he never said it but he was thinking it. i think maybe i have seen the light it feels a lot easier but low and behold he rings me! wants to meet up! now what??? so i said i would but i dont think i want to i have written him a letter but i dont if i should give it to him should i?!?!?! what does everyone think?!

i did ask him if he was seeing someone else but he said no. and i said on the txt message i just want him to be happy. How can i tell him i want him to come back and i love him? does it sound like he still cares??

Help! someone gotta know what to do!!! i am going out of mind !

Hi all, just an update on how things are going. I saw me ex on saturday night in town on a night out. I orginally saw his workmate who i get on with quite well. I said hiya to him and he came over and we chatted i asked how my ex was which he replied "he has been depressed ever since you split up you obivoulsey said to each other some things you dont mean and you need to sit down and sort it out coz you can tell he still loves you" well i took this as a really good sign i asked him if my ex was seein anyone else he said he was someone who he works with off a council estate( sort of tralier trash to the americans!!) who was only 18!!(he is 25!) Well i was quite hurt and i asked his friend if he was out tonight he said he was in the bar i have just come out of he said to me go and talk to him sort it out. I went back into the bar and it was just like a movie!!! everybody else blened into the background and all i could see was him! i walked up to him and said hi he tried to ignore me and i asked what was the point in him trying to ignore me. the music was loud and i asked him to come and talk to me which he did iasked him if he was seein this girl he said no he wasnt i felt like he was lying so i said " i am not bothered anyway i am seeing someone else so may as well just tell me" he still replied he wasnt i told him i missed him and he said he missed me. the music was really loud so we were having to talk to each other quite close together with our faces keep touching( which didnt have to happen if we didnt want it to). i told him how i broke my nail and we laughed together about it. It was just like old times. i told him how bothered i was about us splitting up and he turned around and said youre the one who finshed it ,if you where that bothered why didnt you contact me. i told him i had tried, not excessively though beacause he told me he needed space which i tried to give him. he told me his mobile had been broken and i could have contacted him through work (when i have done this his mates have put the phone down on me!!). I said to him we have stuff to sort out such as bills and whatnot he said for me to ring him on the sunday night at work i said i would. i did try and ring him and his mate said he wasnt here and he wasnt back in till wensday. i felt like a right idiot yet again. so i left but yesterday i sent him a message saying this " i tried to ring you on sun like you said but you wrent there so its anthoer lie i know your with diane now but dont ignore me coz it eneded ok and i dont want it to be like this i just want you to be happy babe ring me or txt back 2nite" he did duly ring and aplogised for yesterday he thought he was at work that night but he wasnt. he said he had talked to the friend i spoke to on the sat night and this friend said i had started screaming at him which is a complete lie and i told him that i said i have no reason to lie why would i do that??? he said he didnt know. i asked him if he was actually seein this girl he said again he wasnt i asked him how he was and told him about the new job i had applied for then halway throught the conversation he said " is your new fella treating you good then" i had to admit that i wasnt with anyone. he told me he was moving back to his home town and he asked if i was moving to spain with my parents i said no i dont want to go we talked a bit about the bills then he said he had to go. i asked him what he was doing after work and he said going home i asked him to meet up with me after work to get the bills sorted for half an hour he just came right out and said no i just cant see you right now. i will ring you wens to sort the rest out!!! is it me or is he giving me toatlly mixed signals or i am taking it the wrong way???? i need to be with him my dad thinks that his pride has just been hurt and that he does love me but i dont know!! Please help!!!!! Thanks

see i wish i could ask him, but he wont even talk to me now. I just hope i am not deep down holding on to those words, getting on with my life but hoping subconcialsy (sorry for the spelling!!) that we will get back together and when it dosent happen being devasted again. i already cant eat i have lost a stone and half since we have split and i dont want to have to go through all this pain again. i also want to say what a great site this is it has been a great help to me as i am sure it is to other pepole.

See i think i knew this deep down! i just needed it confiming

hmmm i wish i could imagine myself moving on in a few months i dont need him to live my life i just want him!!! As i say its like a really good handbag i dont need it to complet my life, it would just be nice if i could have it!!! Its just so painful!