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kamurj

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Everything posted by kamurj

  1. kamurj
    hey, well i will try and make this sort. i will be going to high school next year, but even though i am in elementry school i have alot of fights with people! well maybe you should confront then on how u feel!? it could work. i do it sometimes, and i get yelled at by the people but at least they now how you feel and after they will think about it and talk to u and ect. it may or may not work. but u should give it a shot. try anything cuz by the sound of it u really care for them and no matter how bad they hurt u, u will always be there for them! witch means that u r a good person and a good/great friend! and if they don't change, then they aren't woth it. if they can't see what a great friend they have that they are ingoring then they must be pretty silly now wouldn't they be? well i hope i helped alittle. bye bye. [/b]
  2. kamurj
    Remember that this man was attracted to you in the first place. Use this confidence to boost your self - esteem. Yes, you can tell him how you feel but remember that a man is not attracted to a depressed and needy woman - so hide your hurting side for now. He may be intimate with another woman - but when men are hurting they easily look for a physical relationship. That relationship in no way means that he has strong emotional feelings for this other person. Show him what he is missing -- you. Show him your best side (the side he fell in love with) while still remaining open to getting back together with him. Also, be genuinely able to forgive and move on -- don't secretly harbor your resentment towards this other person. Whatever you do - don't give up (on yourself). He has a long way to go with this new person -- you still hold a lot of fond memories to him --- and he may return to that. Don't blame yourself for taking a breather and thinking about marriage -- it can be scary!! In a sense he is doing the same thing..... he thinks that is only fair (he is just doing it another way.)
  3. kamurj
    Hello, (Begin with the End In Mind) Share your feelings with your husband but (plz) be mindful of "your approach" to the situation.
  4. kamurj
    It's crazy but I'm in the same situation. I love My x more than he knows and I think that that's the problem with the both of us. We need to stop telling friends and strangers about how we feel, and tell them (our x's) directly. I found that I wasn't affectionate enough because I was scared. I held back when all that he needed me to do was open up. It was more of a pride thing that put me in this position.And it sounds like pride took a hold of you too. Anyway it's unfair to the new guy your with if your not 100% "there" with him. Be honest with yourself, do want to be with him? Or maybe it's just the timing that's wrong. once you've figured and solved that portion of your delema you move on to your x . Say what you have to say and mean it cuz there's no turning back now.
  5. kamurj
    I actually was concerned with that issue, and did give it a lot of thought. When asking her about it, she told me that if i didn't contact her for a short period then that would prove that I did not love her. Yet when I do contact her, she seems irritated and annoyed. Its funny, sometimes she gives me no hope of reconciliation, yet some days she says I love you to me at the end of phone conversations. I've read almost all the relationship books out there, but these mixed signals have been going on for over a month now. I just cannot seem to be doing anything right. And deep down I know if I give her space, she'll totally take it the wrong way. Please reply back to this. Thank you
  6. kamurj
    My husbands name is Greg.......and I have already found out enough things he has done wrong.......I hope to God you aren't him. If you aren't him and this is the only thing you have ever done wrong....maybe you should tell her then if anything ever does happen in the future then she will know that you are atleast if nothing else an honest and trustworthy person.
  7. kamurj
    I agree with the person above me. Let them go for a season, (You Never Lost What You Never Had!!).
  8. kamurj
    Call him and pour your heart out to him "Men are moved by Compassion". Don't let him get away!!
  9. kamurj
    WELL , FROM WHT U SAID IT DOES SEEM LIKE U LOVE HIM , HOWEVER WHY IS HE TTHROWING THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE? THT IS A NO NO. IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO COUNSELING WELL THEN I SUGGEST THAT U GO B YOURSELF THAT WILL DEFINETLY HELP U OUT GETTIN GUIDANCE TO MAKE THE CORRECT DESICION. AL I CAN SAY IS THAT THE THROWING OF THINGS N THE VERBALS ABUSE CAN'T GO ON. AL SO IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON IN HIS LIFE...I MEAN IS THERE OTHER PROBLEMS HE COULD B DEALING WITH N MIGHT B STRESSED ABOUT MAYBE AT WORK OR WITH THE FINANCES IN THE HOUSE...ASK YOURSELD THESE QUESTIONS...N DEFINETLY GO TO THE COUNSELING AT LEAST FOR U...OK ....LOTS OF LUCK
  10. kamurj
    I am a woman, and I cannot tell you why she's doing what she's doing, nor can I tell you how to win her back. But I can tell you how not to win her back: Try to get her back. In other words, if she feels you trying to get her back, she will create more distance. You need to totally give her space, and get on with your life--or at least pretend really good that you're on with your life, but not in-her-face-with-it pretending. If she calls you, wait 2 days to call her back, and say you were really busy. I know this sounds like a game, and it is. But the truth is there is always, at different times perhaps, a distancer and a pursuer in a relationship. When it's balanced, it's great for passion and intimacy. If she still loves you, when she feels enough distance to miss you and fear losing you, she will start coming back toward you. It may be she won't, but if not it wasn't ever gonna be. But if you persue her when she's distancing, she'll distance further. Trust me! I know from my own experience. And if you do get her back, NEVER forget the distance/pursuer theory. Try to make sure it is in balance in all your relationships...never pursue her away, never distance yourself too much.
  11. kamurj
    what is ur aim name?
  12. kamurj
    You need to have your space that is off limits to other people. We choose our bedroom. No one but us is allowed into our room. In addition, we lock out door when not home to prevent our children from going through our stuff. There is also things that are off limits to our children. We both have made this very clear and support each other with this issue. With all this, it is still very difficult to have step-children. It is no different in lesbian relationships than it is in "straight" couples relationship. These little ones will break up a couple. It needs to be addressed and worked on ALL the time. Even then, be prepared for a long road ahead of you. You will need to assess if you want a relationship with someone with children. There is nothing wrong with making that choice. If you are in love with this woman, then you will need to address this together, or with help before you loose your relationship. Linda
  13. kamurj
    Low sex drive? Why don't you share some more information such as age, how long in relationship and if this affects both partners or just you. Are you talking about not having an....ah yes!....or just not being interested. Linda
  14. kamurj
    Bottom line - do both yourselves a favor and put an end to this relationship. You two are only hurting each other by dragging out this mess. To be quite blunt, neither one of you can love each other in the way you claim if both of you have been cheating... regardless if it was one time or a hundred, as well as whether it was in the dunes or sauna. It's best if you make a clean break and move on with your life. Hope this helps. Good luck.
  15. kamurj

    Problems

    kamurj replied to mikey's topic in Relationship Advice

    It appears to me that your husband hadn't expressed such frustrations in the past simply because he was trying not to be "difficult" and make things work seamlessly. However, all these frustrations of his were probably building up over the past few years, and now he's unable to bottle them inside any longer. I think this is the reasoning behind his "crankiness". However, do I agree with his approach? - NO. It is his responsibility to accept people as they are and not play "superman" and make them into clones of himself. I'm actually experiencing a similar scenario as we speak, but it comes down to acceptance. Your life with your husband should be dictated by you and your husband... and have no outside interference. Hope this helps.
  16. kamurj
    I can definitely relate to your situation. To be as brief as possible, you need to cut off all communication with her right now. No phone calls, no visits, no email contact, etc. And I'm not talking for 2 days either. You need to follow this method for at least a couple months in order to really draw a conclusion. This is the ONLY way that she will determine just how much she wants to be with you, and just how much you really want to be with her. Neither one of you will be able to think clearly if you are constantly breaking up, making up, and then breaking up again. No communcation for a couple months, then check in with each other. You'll know where to go from there. I'd get more detailed, but have to run. Hope this helps!
  17. kamurj
    Hi Caskier, First and foremost, I commend you for recognizing the need to depart from one another considering the circumstances. I trust your instinct that this relationship CAN be very fulfilling and joyous, but there are certain steps that must be taken in order for this to ever happen... IF it will happen. 1) The two of you need to discuss her emotional scars regarding the divorce. It appears she has unresolved issues stemming from this past relationship, which means that she needs to learn how to cope with or overcome this emotional distress BEFORE ever thinking about sparking another relationship. She will never be able to make you happy until she is happy with herself as a whole first. In order for this to happen, she needs to take time on her own to sort these issues out. 2) After this discussion takes place and it is agreed upon that a separation is for the best (at least for now), then you MUST cut off all communication with her... at least for an adequate amount of time. You nor she will be able to properly function alone until this step is executed. Think about it... how will you be able to move on with your life if you are constantly talking to her and being reminded of "what could have been" or "if only I... " . This is a crucial step that must be followed in order for both of you to determine down the line precisely how much each of you meant to one another. If she misses you dearly, then she will find it within herself to leave her past experiences in the past, and concentrate on her relationship with you. 3) While this period of no communication is taking place, I advise that you remain busy and occupied. In other words, instead of spending your time feeling sorry for yourself and/or her, consume yourself in a hobby, sport, profession, or anything that will get your mind off the issue for a while. Whichever you choose, do something that you enjoy and have fun doing.... but keep it safe. 4) After a period of time passes (only the 2 of you can determine how long), she will know whether or not she is able and willing to move on and put more effort into your relationship. ONLY she can officially determine that, so please do not push the issue with her. If she isn't ready, then you repeat the previous steps and move on with your life. Time WILL heal the wounds, but ONLY if you are in the proper mind set. I hope my feedback helps, and I wish you all the luck. Keep me posted!
  18. kamurj
    If Mia is having functional problems than there is NOTHING you can do about it. She needs to want to help herself get better and as hard as it is for you to watch you cannot force a change upon her. The problem that she may have is not clearly defined enough by you to determine what it is so I can only speak to what you need to do. If you have allowed two years to go by with no change than you need to confront her on the issues you are having. If a compromise cannot be made than you have to be willing to let the relationship end. If you have done all that you feel you can than perhaps it is time that you go your separate ways and grow as individuals. You need as much work as she does because allowing this situation to go for as long as you have reveals that you also have issues that you need to overcome. If it was meant to be than it will work. Right now you need to focus on your daughter, be a parent to her not to your g/f. There are plenty of women out there who will be willing to accept your daughter and your search for a mate should be focused on someone who will accept and love your daughter as well as you. Find someone who will work with you and not against you, life is too short to be spent unhappy and the best years of your daughters life are slipping away with you not there to see them. Good luck and be stern in the conversation with her, if she is not willing to compromise than you must be willing to hold firm to what you want and not keep giving in.
  19. kamurj
    She is the only one who can answer those questions. I think that you should ask her those questions and demand a straight answer. If she "needs space", then find out _why_ she needs space. Did she feel smothered? Was there something she wanted from the relationship that she wasn't getting? If you don't find out exactly what is going on then how do you know she isn't going to flake out on you again? I would rather be solid friends than to be stuck in limbo waiting for something that may never happen.
  20. kamurj
    hi I did my own divorce in NJ. In the paperwork they gave me, it asked about whether or not I knew where my husband was..so there may be provisions for that. The other suggestion I can make, is that a lot of lawyers give free consultations before you hire them. I helped my boyfriend go to 3 different one, and he was able to get all of his questions answered. Good Luck to you and your aunt
  21. kamurj
    Hey Girl, Im sorry that you have to go through with this, I have been in the same postion as you. and sometimes its just space they need and some other times its just there not really sure what they want. I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months or more and we didnt argue much, but there was always alot or tension there which isnt good and there was a lack of communication.But during the last year i have found a guy which ive been with now for over a yr and we only see each other twice a month and we have went months without seeing each other. And we also have went through very very hard times in both of our lives but we got though it by sticking ym one another and talking about our problems. I know its aveyr very hard sometimes and sometimes u may just feel like u need a brake or u just wanna give up cause ur tired of all of it. But just try to understand him a bit more and let him understand you, tell him what u need let him tell u what he needs and work somethings out. im sure if you have more communtication it will work out perfectly! Best Of Luck, Natasha
  22. kamurj
    Hey Girl, My advice for you would be go for it, go fo what u want its your life and no one can tell you how to live it and ur the only one who can make dessicions for yourself. Honestly, what do u have to lose??? But think about what u have to gain. Good Luck, Sweetness 8)
  23. kamurj
    honestly, i'm a woman of high libido, like you. i've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we've lived together for more than one year. in the beginning of our relationship, we had sex everyday, or at least seven times a week. anymore, it seems that it's pulling teeth to get more than a few times a week out of him. not too long ago, i discovered that porn was in play behind the scenes... that he was masturbating on a DAILY BASIS to pornography and this left me feeling as though i were something for the sidelines. many people have attributed the slow in our sex life to a normal change for long term relationships, - you know what they say about sex after marriage and we are nearly married. even still, i am dissatisfied with our sex life and i have been able to discuss it with him, somewhat. ultimately, it probably takes myself initiating sex when i want it if i'm not getting it. my love seems manic-depressive when it comes to sex, he'll have spurts of high libido 'balanced' by spurts of a non-existent libido. however, my feeling is that if there are other signs of sexual interest (such as an obsession with porn or masturbation) then the desire is there, but being misdirected... if the behavior you are experiencing has maintained stable throughout your relationship, i wouldn't be concerned about his disinterest, but perhaps you need to take responsibility for kindling the fire when you desire.
  24. kamurj
    Sorry, but you should walk away for good. I let this kind of stuff go on for 15 YEARS, and it just made me miserable -- and I ended up having to walk away for good. Good luck.
  25. kamurj
    Well, there was one time this happened to me when i was in High school too. A guy whom i really liked but didn't ask out, clicked with another gal. I understand that kind of feelings & i would like to say that i was sorry for a long time ( till i met my real boyfriend later in adulthood that is ) so, if you really like her & you are sure her feelings haven't changed, go for it! try it... at least once. If things doesn't go your way, you will know that you have at least tried. I wish you all the best...
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