Hi. My name is Stacia. I am a 24 year old female. I just have a question. Not that anyone out there is psychic or that any one of youwill have the correct answer but, how do you know when you have met your soulmate? I am writing mainly because I am having a hard time with something. I want to know how it can be 2 years since we have broken up yet, I still feel empty. I can close my eyes and feel the butterflies and the melting of my knees as I did everytime I looked at him. How about the constantly looking to see if he is online or waiting for the cell phone to ring to see he restricted his call just to hear my voice on my voicemail. Why do I still feel this way? Why do I still envision the way it felt to be kissed by him or the way he smiled or how I made him nervous?
I am curious if anyone has ever done anything in their life that they regret more than anything in this world? I have done a few. One of the worst, was I didnt fight for the love I believed in. I let it go. To tell my story, is to ask everyone out there to read a novel. I begin to write and I cannot stop. There was a time in my life, when I had everything I needed. I was at a gas station working part time. One night a man showed up at the window and spoke to me. All he said was. "Are there any cool clubs out here"? That was enough to start what still lingers. It was love at first sight. 5 months into our relationship, I started to verbally abuse him and emotionally. See he was going through a divorce, and he had 2 kids. They lived in another state and I knew it the first day we agreed to go on a date. 5 months into the relationship and one night his ex called. This was the start of the string of times I left him. I had to leave him more than 10 times in our 10 month relationship. Can I tell u that he was the most preciousl thing in my life? Can I tell you that he made me the happiest woman in my life? Can I tell you that I was scared? That I lived with an alcoholic father and the lifestyle I grew up with taught me to be the person I hated when his ex called? I was 22 he was 24. I am now 24 and he is 26. After the last time, I left, how did I know it would be the last. How did I know it would cause him to say goodbye for good. Though all this time later, there is all of these feelings and we occasionally talk? This is a story and I would like to think that I can meet someone or some people who knows what it is like to feel this way. Someone whom I can share this story with. And whom can shares there's with me so we can somehow find an easier way. I dont see getting over this. Even though I have moved on and have a boyfriend whom I am living with who is wonderful. I am missing what I had. The butterflies, the weak in the knees feelings, the "knowing" I found my soulmate.
My question is, how do we know? I have everything now but the butterflies and the knees buckling and weakening. Yet, no matter how hard I try, my thoughts are invaded by this man. I almost hate it. The sad thing about it is, 1 week ago he told me he still loved me. How can 2 people who love eachother so much and be so perfect let us get here? Why do I cry? Why is it so easy? Why do I shake when I talk to him online or if he calls. He and I will talk like every 2 months. How do I escape this? Can I even? Where does it say or where is the truth and fact that this man may or may not be my soulmate? Its not my frame of mind. Because the man I am with now is my best friend and makes me happy. I do love him. But he was there for me when I went through the worst times when my ex and I first broke up and since he has been alot of the reason why I got through it and am where I am today. But even now, I regret leaving my ex that last time. I regret not running back into his arms when I had the chance and I kick myself in the butt every day for knowing I never was so complete in my life. How did I let my self not trust someone whom was nothing but honest with me from day 1? How did I let it go so far that it would mean losing EVERYTHING to try again or have the hope? But dont we only live once right? One life. We are 60 before we know it. So what do we do in this instance?
Thanks for listening and I am so sorry this is so long. But the story is touching and I would love to tell it. and listen to yours. So email me if you would like to talk. Thanks again for listening.
~S
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