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kamurj

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Everything posted by kamurj

  1. kamurj
    Honestly, you are not crazy. You are jealous but not crazy. Just try to take your husband's word for it. You haven't found any evidence and nobody has any proof besides rumors. And we all know how horrible rumors are. The sooner you put this behind you the sooner you can go on with your life.
  2. kamurj
    Poor guy! Well, I would say that all this stress of pleasing your wife, and desire to NOT have the "problem" probably makes the problem worse. Your wife is your partner. She should do whatever it takes to help the both of you get through this problem. The fact that she's looking online for another sexual partner is completely unfair and, in my opinion, quite cruel. The only way the two of you can get through this problem is to work together. Many MANY couples have gotten through this kind of problem... which I believe mostly stems from anxiety in the relationship. Have you been to couple's counseling? It sounds like there are other, deeper, problems in the relationship to work out if your wife is seriously thinking of going outside the marriage to have sex. You might want to be honest with eachother and start sorting out problems outside the bedroom too. Good luck. You aren't crazy. ANYONE would be uncomfortable in your situation. Be honest, and realize that if you took vows to be monogomous, then her looking outside the marriage is a clear betrayal. "For better AND worse"... not just when you're having great sex.
  3. kamurj
    For Gods Sake Don't Tell Her! If you can help it, don't say anything. Everybody makes mistakes and obviously you realize you've made one and feel horrible about it. Leave it there! I don't know a man or woman alive who doesn't occasionally want to make out with someone else, even if they're in a happy relationship. What would you really gain by telling her. She'll probably blow it way out of proportion (I know I would), it could possibly end your marriage and, if it doesn't, she'll constantly doubt how much you really love her. Basically, you'll just be transferring your guilt to her. You'll feel much better, she'll feel much worse. With that said, you better never do it again! Once is a mistake, twice is a habit. Learn from your error, move on and stay married to the person you really love.
  4. kamurj
    From a guy's perspective - follow the "code". Don't do it. You wait and see what happens with them. You will lose your friend for something that may or may not work out. Bro's before ho's, dude.
  5. kamurj
    I am 29, sex and alcohol addict, trying to live a celibate life, but controlled by my compulsions. I frequent gay beats and engage in anonymous sex. I tell myself that I am giving up, but I become possessed and a fever overtakes me, my heart races, and my feet start to carry me away to do things I will regret the next day. What can I do to stop and get some integrity back into my life? I have been through some trauma in my life and am tired of playing the victim role.....but it's too late now that I'm hooked.
  6. kamurj
    Hey everyone, first post. JK, I've been with my boyfriend on and off for three years, too. Recently, I've been trying to end it as though my life depended on it. I have not had the bittersweet luxury of a monthlong absense on his part, so things here have been more dramatic than you've been subjected to. I know with us, I hadn't been voicing my concerns with our conflicting personalities, directions in life, approaches to everything, and such. We'd scrap occasionally, but as far as he was concerned, everything was perfect. I had desperately wanted it to be. Your girlfriend may have been carrying something of this sort on her shoulders for a long time, and your vacation gave her enough psychological distance to see and feel clearly. She sounds amazingly calm- she could have made peace with her decision already. The thing is, though, that she also loves you terribly, ergo the ring and kiss. She's probably feeling at odds with herself, deciding what she wants. Ask her if there was any long-standing issues she saw that you didn't. That may open some roads to reconciliation. But I warn you: My boyfriend's ignorance of our situation is what assures me that I'm right to leave. I do wish you the best; I just wanted to give you a heads-up
  7. kamurj
    you need to be honest, or you will feel quilty forever.
  8. kamurj
    Why are guys so dense If your current girlfriends friend is any friend at all she won't go near you with a ten foot pole. But on the other hand if you tell your current girlfriend you really do love this other woman , she already senses something- you need to break up with girlfriend # 1 before you even aproach her friend. You may destroy a friendship, but you need to do something now. Don't live a lie.
  9. kamurj
    What a guy you are, why did you kiss this other woman? You knew the risks when you kissed her! There is something missing or wrong in your marriage- go for marriage councelling! before your wife learns of your unfaithfulness from someone else. Once your in councelling, disclose to the marriage councellor what you did. But ultimately, you should confide in your wife, if she really loves you she may forgiv3e you, its not like you had sexual relations with this woman, but something is wrong if you are looking for greener pastures.
  10. kamurj
    Wow. That's a tough one. Speaking as a woman who is very jealous and would also be devastated to hear that my partner kissed someone else... I am surprising myself by the advice I am about to give. First of all, you need to ask yourself the following questions (and it's CRUCIAL to be honest with yourself). 1) Why did you let this happen? Are you dissatisfied with your wife? Are you having other stresses in your life that would lead to this? 1.5) Has anything like this every happened before? 2) Are you SURE it will never happen again with this woman? 3) Are you SURE you have learned what you need to learn from this experience? (i.e., you've come THIS close to screwing up your marriage, and realize it's not worth it...) After you've answered these questions, and you know for certain why you did it, and for certain that it won't happen again... then, I'd say, DON'T tell her. If you are sure it'll kill the relationship, you need to make a pact with yourself to remain faithful and to learn from this experience. Everyone screws up once in a while. HOWEVER, you really need to be honest with yourself... is this a part of yourself calling out for help? Are you missing something? Is this the beginning of a pattern? I know this doesn't help to quell the guilt. Remember that you are the only one who can do that - by figuring out WHY you did what you did. Good luck to you. I hope you can come clean to yourself first, and then decide what to do.
  11. kamurj
    just ask him, if he says no- move on. He doesn't really want to be married to you.
  12. kamurj
    im only 15 and have also only been masturbating with the usual, i once tried e-masturbation with a friend and found it such a come on. Why dont you try it.
  13. kamurj
    Guest, you need to decide why you should achieve your ideal weight. Forget all that media stuff that makes you feel inadequate. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else. Remember, it's your life and thereforeeeeeee your choice to decide upon your happiness. You want a deep and meaningful relationship? Then save yourself for someone who will appreciate your virginity. If there is someone in that small town, that you have feelings for, then approach her. Shyness can be an attractive trait and at the same time, an inhibitor. How will a lady know if you like her? Remember not everyone is gifted with telepathic abilities. Sex. Sex is that, just sex. If you wish to experience it, then call that escort agency. Do not fool yourself into thinking that this will fulfill your wishes of an intimate moment, it will not. You know this more than anybody else. Don't sell yourself short. Looks and images do not last long. It's about attitude and how you hold yourself. If in need, make decisions to change your life style so you can achieve what you want. In all, remain true to yourself.
  14. kamurj
    I think you should seriously re-consider marrying this woman. If she is not into sex as much as you, and the two of you have an obviously disharmonious sex-drive, then you are asking for trouble by marrying her. Sex is a very vital part of every relationship, and going into a marriage, knowing your furture partner is unwilling to provide the necessary sexual release you prefer, is diaster in the making. Many marriages end because of mismatched libidos. These can be from either gender, but the result is most definitely the same. The mate not having their needs met at home, will inevitably seek the release elsewhere. If your fiance` is willing to allow you the priviledge to have a mistress, or open marriage, then go for it. Otherwise, in one or two years, you are going to become resentful that she is unwilling to sate you, and seek another lover outside your marriage. Why be miserable from the onset? Many women have very high libidos, and would relish a hungry lover to please them frequently. I would suggest you do some serious reflection on how important sex is to you, and your happiness. Marriage is supposed to be forever, and going into one already fantasing about a woman that will want you all the time (obviously NOT your fiance`), is a bad sign...
  15. kamurj

    three some

    kamurj replied to kamurj's topic in Sex and Romance

    I had a threesome with a girlfriend and her fiance when I was in college. It seemed to be OK as they got married later and everything seemed to go well. It didn't seem to change anything for us, but I didn't tell my boy friend.
  16. kamurj
    hey guest i am a 29 year old single woman, and hearing this is really upsetting. this is probably what you would expect a woman to say and it's how i really feel... you need to be honest with this woman about how you feel sexually. try to encourage her to "want" to continue in bed as long as you do. try new things, be creative. is she a very busy person?? because one of my problems with my current boyfriend is like your problem - i get up at 6 and work 40 hours a week and am in night school and by the time he and i are together, generally at about 9 i am so physically exhausted that we only make love for like 15 minutes, about 2 times a week. he is constantly trying to get me to but i am really tired, and lately i have feared - what if i am not satisfying him in generally and he cheats or leaves? i would only hope he would be man enough to tell me. because, i won't lie - if jeff never wanted to have sex and i constantly did, i would lose interest in the relationship after a while - unless we discussed it and came up with a solution. but - i would never go and cheat. just remember, if you leave her because of this, or cheat on her, whether or not she finds out, you would only hurt yourself. it will get you nowhere and cause you to be depressed. you have been with her for years! think about it and TALK to her. - k
  17. kamurj
    I feel your pain except for me its the other way around, and my personal opinion is that we are just screwed. I've read the response, and I've seen this type a response before. I've tried to be more romantic or tried to take it back to the way it used to be. No Success. I love my my wife very much but this has become a problem. I love to have sex with her, and it would be that I love to make love to her but everytime I try to get close or try to hint at the idea she will sy something to ruin the moment. i.e. What are you doing? or I don't feel like it. Most guys complain about their wives saying they have a headache or that they are tired, but my wive comes straight out and says she doesn't feel like making love. After hearing that how is a person supposed to feel. I'm 23 years old and she is 25 neither of us have children, but I feel like were both in our 60's. I thought these were the times we would be able to explore new things TOGETHER. But it seems as if I were to not initiate anything we would go months maybe even years w/o making love. I would love a woman's perspective on my situation. Thanks.
  18. kamurj
    Victims of sexual abuse often feel compelled to please and have difficulty asserting themselves. I think that he is "compensating", in that he is attempting to fit into the ideal conception of a healthy, sexually active heterosexual male- however, underneath this are still the memories and associations that this traumatic experience triggers (especially when "cued" by sexual activity). The most important thing to do is become a trusting and gentle partner. Create different atmospheres- perhaps in this way, you could find an intimate way to pleasure one another without triggering any memories of his experience. I don't think you need counseling though he may benefit from it- or the two of you together! Perhaps you could purchase some books on sexual abuse victims or videos on intimacy, breathing, touching, sensing exercises. In the meanwhile, patience is important and if you just can't stand it, purchase a vibrator! Best of luck
  19. kamurj
    yeah, BTW. Don't sound desperate. It's only you that makes the problem worse. Why do you put up with this crap. He probably only enjoys listening to you whine all the time. As we have heard before, it takes two to tango. And he is stepping all over your feet as you two are dancing. Don't dance to his music. Sounds like an elephant dying!
  20. kamurj
    the question is what does this butthead of a boyfriend want from you? What does he get from telling you this? Does he like you or does he not? That is the only question. Why does he tell you these things? Only to get mad at you for trying to solve the problem. It sounds like he is only messing with you. He can't tell the truth about something and is just trying to get you all worked up.
  21. kamurj
    I don't think you can solve this problem - yes, you should talk to him about seeing a counselor and he should do it on his own and as a couple. I think you really need to think about how you feel about your relationship and what your life goals are. Do you want to be married, have kids and whether or not he is the man for you. Obviously there are feelings there because you live together. If he won't discuss the situation with you and does not want to change anything then I think you need to take a step back and if he won't go to a counselor, it might be a good idea to get professional help to assist you in your decision about what you want. You don't want to do anything rash that will make you have regrets in the end. Look at all the angles, talk to a counselor and then make your decision. Good luck, be patient and try to get him to open up.
  22. kamurj
    What is wrong with going to church? You may find the forgiveness and spiritual insight you need to deal with your problems.
  23. kamurj
    The experience I'm going through with my lost love is that you need to give him time to heal. I was constantly over at his house, or around him, and following him. he got in moods and got depressed and then he wanted me to stop coming to see him all together. it's hard but I just try to find other things to occupy myself. I do call him once in a while even if they're short conversations I make it worth while. talk about what you've been doing. don't whine about it that you lost him. he only makes himself believe it more that he doesn't want to be around you. if he's really worth it he'll come back. I know i never wanted to hear this from ppl and I still don't but it's so true. you can't make a person love you. they have to believe it on their own. I still love him deeply and it's hard to go through school and band just watching him have a good time with everyone else but me but I have to be tough. in the end we might even be best friends again. that's all I can give you now. don't lose hope. he'll come around.
  24. kamurj
    it's a hopeless situation because your friend doesn't want to, or can't particpate. she has disengaged, for whatever reason, and i suggest you do the same. it's a no win situation and your friends are right: let it go. if she comes back, perhaps you two can heal and be friends, but you've done more than enough...leave it, her son, and her alone. peace.
  25. kamurj

    Three Some

    kamurj replied to kamurj's topic in Sex and Romance

    Dear Jimthzz: Yes, even though I have never experienced a three way, I would like to try it. I have fantasized about having this sexual encounter with this other woman - it was my idea. I would like to explore her body and feel what it is like. We have discussed certain bounderies that the other woman and my husband can share, but to answer you question, I have said to my husband, I would like to see her sucking on his dick. I think this is a one time opportunity to experience his fantasy and hopefully all of us enjoy it with no regrets. Restless.
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