kamurj

I've been married for almost three years now, and have been ho-hum for the last year or so. I have now during the last 6 months been continuously attracted to other women and have established friendships with alterior motives with two different women at work. I have never been completely unfaithful, and must stress that my attractions goes beyond sex. I just want something else, something more, and feel very unsatisfied by my wife in many ways. I love my wife, but almost feel she is serving as security only for me. Any advice? This is really driving me nuts.

i got involved with a coworker in december during the holidays. it's a complicated situation, but the gist of it is we had a big fight in mid-january, and my friend hasn't really spoken to me since. luckily, i left the job at the end of january, so i no longer have to see her everyday. i've tried apologizing; i've tried flowers; i've tried everything...still no conversation. this really bothers me because i believe we can't move forward, as friends or as anything else, until the issue is resolved. she has said she's sorry about what happened and misses our friendship, but i don't want to pretend to be "friends" with this issue hanging over our heads. i should tell you that she hasn't been involved with anyone since her child was born eight years ago. and to further complicate matters, i started getting close to her son...she's mentioned that he misses me. so, the kid misses me and wonders why i haven't been around, so i took him to the movies a few weeks ago. we had a good time as always, but i felt like one of those divorced weekend parents when i saw his mom...we barely spoke. she claims she can't see me because i have what she calls a "rage problem," yet she trusts me completely with her son. she even asked me to take him to school the other day. i'm beginning to think she's the one with the rage problem since she can't seem to talk about her feelings, and she's been really mean to me, in that self-righteous way of feeling justified in being mean. and because of that..we don't have a relationship of any kind anymore. i stopped trying to talk to her about us, and i don't call her. i miss our friendship, and i miss our intimacy, but i don't think i should make any more efforts to heal this situation since she doesn't seem to want to participate. i even question whether i should see her son, since he's old enough to know that something is not well between me and his mother. i care about this woman, but i've had it with her silent treatment. but, it's driving me nuts not to talk to her, and i still want her in my life. any advice...besides "let it go?" i've heard that so many times it has lost all meaning.

first of all, you don't have a problem, your boyfriend does. unless he's willing to acknowledge and deal with his control issues, then the problem will never be resolved. this isn't about jealousy...it's about control. your boyfriend is controlling you by questioning and policing you...and telling you who can and cannot be your friend. i understand you love him, but think about where this could lead...it sounds like he has some of the characteristics of an abuser. perhaps it's not physical now, but it certainly is psychological. but...you already know the answer here, since you've already considered leaving. if he's not willing to get help with his problem, and if you're not willing to be controlled by him because of his problem...then you have to leave. peace.

what's love got to do with it? really...ask yourself that question. you're essentially the side action for someone with a girfriend...is that what you want for yourself? you deserve better; i can tell you that and i don't even know you. remember, dear, self-love trumps "being in love" any day of the week. my advice: dump the loser and start loving yourself...you truly deserve better.

so sorry about the problems with your son. the best way to find out if he's gay is to ask him directly. you might want to let him know that you will love him no matter how he answers your question. but it seems that your son has some other issues going on...is he being treated for depression? you might also let your son know that whatever he's going through, you been there also. i think it's important to share with him your own trials and tribulations in negotiating life as a young person...it may let him know that he's no alone in his struggles. it might help to have this talk in a kind of casual manner...not like a BIG DISCUSSION. i hope this helps. peace.

i understand the love you feel for your girlfriend, but i'd like you to ask yourself this question: do I want someone who drinks and parties? if the answer is no, then you have to accept that your girlfriend is not the person for you. i suggest you be clear about what it is you want (like no alcohol and partying)...then let it and her alone. give her some time to figure out what she really wants...she can't do that if you're always around and wanting to see her. let her know you're there as a friend, and possibly more, but it's time to draw the proverbial line in the sand in this relationship. perahaps she'll realize all she's giving up in you by pursuing self-destructive behavior...and perhaps she won't. in either case, your happiness shouldn't be dependent on her, especially if she's doing things you disapprove of...and dissing you in order to do those things. the real question here is: how much are YOU willing to put up with? remember...there IS a silver lining behind every dark cloud. sure it may hurt to have to give her up (and who says she won't come to her senses tomorrow), but life with a substance abuser is no picnic either. if she doesn't change, be prepared to go through the pain of letting her go, with the knowledge that someone even better willing be waiting when you're done. love does conquer all, and so do self-love. by putting yourself first, by believing you deserve the kind of person you want...this is how the universe will grant your desires. peace & blessings...and take care.

Hi I hope someone can help me with this. I been going out with this girl for more then two years know. When we started going out, she told me to tell her everything and tell her if shes doing something wrong. Suddenly she started doing some wrong stuff, such as drinking and partying etc.. when she hangs out with her cuz and her brother also her friend. I told her my feelings that, you should cut down on what you do. Since I've been telling her, know she doesnt want to go out with me anymore. She says that I dont have respect for her...I dont know what too do. I really really love her alot and latley she changed so much. She also told me that she just wants to be friend ... I dont want to be her friend. What shell I do, plz help

my boyfriend of 3 years has an ex-wife that hates me. She does not want boyfriend to see his daughter around me. I have spent every weekend with this little girl for the past 3 years. She says that i am a bad parent and he cannot leave his daughter with me. what do i do?

7 mths ago this guy told me that he wonted me but he lives with his girlfriend and that he dont wont her anymore,so we have been sneaking around.one day he told me that he wonts to give her another chance but we still sneak around,but lately he has been ignoring me a little bit.but he dont wont me to see anyone one elde.and he saids he loves me and some day hes going to marry me but hes not giving her up.i try to stay away and when i do he always end up calling me and sucks me right back in.what am i going to do because i wont him and i am in love with him.

My son has worked very hard to distance himself from our family the past few years. He is 17 years old has not dated a girl in several months. He is very secretive, has friends that I am not fond of. Recently he has been visitng hardcore sex sites that show gay men having sex. We (father,son & myself) have been seeing a counsleor because of our son's persistent lying, isolation and pot smoking. My husband and I met with the counselor without our son at our last visit. I asked the counselor if his visiting gay websites would indicate that he is gay. The coulselor said that it was very possible and that young men do not usually visit such sites unless there is that attraction. I am not sure what to do. Should we ask him about this? Would that be too intrusive? I love my son and I am worried about him and this is not exactly something I can talk about right now with friends. Please give me your perspectives. Thank you.

My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. His son lives with us, he is 10 yrs old. He has had him ever since he was 3 months. His son disrespects me, he does things to hurt our other son, he is 4 yrs old. The problem is that my husband does not understand the fustrations that I have, If our other son complains, he thinks he is lying. His mother lives with the boy-friend, I've asked her to take him, she doesn't want him, or not just yet. I get sick often because of the stress. My husband and I we don't do anything together, we don't go out and we have sex about 3 times monthly. I love him and i know that he loves me I just can't seem to get pass this. Please help.

You might also benefit from a forum to help you wirh your magnanimous ego. Who appointed you the authority to declare that the mention of porn and dildos is to be equated with having problems? , I do have a problem: I can't stand egotistical platitude-spouting windbags like you.

Hello. There is this girl who work in a grocery store as a cashier. She's really nice and I wanna ask her out and I'm not really sure what to say to her. What if I say something not right and she says no. I visit this store frequently and I don't know how I would cope if she said no. Can you please give me some advice. Martin

Move on girl. What you currently define as love will change many times before you reach his age. Besides he is not going to be interested in you for anything but sex. You will be used and discarded. And what will you have in common? Life experience? Clothes? Music? Friends? Infatuation is not the same as love. [ This Message was edited by: kamurj on 2002-03-10 04 ]

I am a very happily married woman. I have an interest in other women and I think my husband is open to a three some. How do other married couples have a relationship after the three some?

Hello, Im an English freelance writer preparing articles on love and sex addiction for Brtish publications. Im looking for women between the ages of 25 and 35 to answer some questions for me. The interviews can be totally anonymous - I can send a list of questions to be answered in your own time. Whether youre addicted to sex or love, I´d be happy if you could help. My email address is niamhrebecca@yahoo.co.uk. Thanks.

My brother had just passed away last month but his wife and I have sexual relations after drunk on last Thursday's night. I am very very sorry but I do not want to forget the memory of that night. Now I have back to my home, my family my wife, my son and daughter. What and How can I do and how to face the future ? Please advice. [ This Message was edited by: kamurj on 2002-03-31 13 ]

I am married to a wonderful, loving man, 10 years older than I,almost two years now. Unfortunately though, the past year, my husband's libido has gone from great to almost non-existant. I thought that once we were married, we could be free to experiment on different levels of foreplay and sexuality with one another. Every now and again to spend a few hours exploring, loving and talking with each other, no outside interference (TV ETC) To love and not feel rushed to get to the end so quickly that his focus is back on the t.v. instead of getting to know me and me him in doing so, enhancing our relationship. It was supposed to be one kind of way to really get to know my husband and lifetime partner. We had a wonderful dating relationship, he was very eager to please and seemed to get turned on much more often. I am considered to be very attractive. My husband really does try so hard to please me. I feel part of our difference is that I associate foreplay/sex on more of a spiritual realm where lately, he it seems, views it as a physical/time managed realm. I purchased a Tantra video and have suggested a few times to watch it but my husband just sighs,there is always a reason not to. The Olympics are on, or something else. I make advances to play but am turned down much to often. The whole act of sex seems unimportant to him it seems most times. When we do engage, he seems rushed and bored with foreplay and teasing me. I wish he'd understand that teasing turns me on and be happy to play along. He always reassures me that he loves me and it's not me, it's him. We've been this way for some time, myself becoming increasingly frustrated. Him feeling like he couldn't satisfy me anymore. This is were the story takes a turn. A few weeks ago, I came in contact with another man, a year younger than I, whom I've known since I was 13. We enjoyed each other's company and were always friends and since speaking with him again, I've found a renewed sense of self. I feel younger and have my passion back. I've been supressing it for so long with my husband and it's been making me unhappy. My friend finds me extremely attractive and I like having someone feel that attracted to me and want me so badly. For me, this has become very arousing and dangerous because I've started to have thoughts about my friend. Some 13 years ago, I lost my virginity to this same friend and 4 years after this, we spent 2 passionate days, in bed, petting, caressing, loving..very Kama Sutra in itself and it is everything that I had hoped to be able to do with my husband. I have expressed to my husband that I do find this friend attractive. (Warning sign!) Not wating to hurt my husband in any way, of course I am honest with him because we need to find a solution but I feel so torn! I am at my prime, my body feels extremely fertile and has for sometime. I want to keep faithfull in my marriage but also want to keep true to my desires and be fullfilled. I think my friend showed me that there is a part of me that is really missing in my marriage. I have not been able to express myself as much as needed..my husband being conservative in his pleasures and myself, more open. I feel starved for passion, excitement and animalistic pleasures! The question is, how to make my husband happily acknowledge this side of me and bring out that side in himself!

As is the facts, all men are not created equal, some can last a very long time before ejackulating, however others shoot almost immediately. This is normal, and I personally don't feel should be a measure of a man's ego As you grow and mature, you will find that you will last longer and enjoy the beauty of sex with another. Don't get all paranoid about her statements.If you must, there are products on the market that will enable you to last longer, however they tend to dull the feelings and enjoyment.

Stop giving him sex! He needs to undersstand that if he was to lay with you in bed, he needs to deal with his problems, by himself, AND with you! Once your situation is resolved, then sex can come bakc in to play. Cause then, things will be the same and you guys will be a couple.How old is he? is he young like you? Because he might feel like he jumped into marriage to quick. But if you keep giving him sex and he isn't coming home to you anymore, what message are you sending? Are you a peace of Ass or a women that wants his love and respect. When you can seriously answer this, then you can deal with this awful problem.

I think you should go with the one you love. Don't be in a relationship just because it is hard to break up. All you are doing is making it harder on yourself and harder for your girlfriend. Honestly, I think you are wrong for going out behind your girls back to see this other chick even if you guys aren't messing around. I know how it feels. the man I loved did this to me with my best friend. she was suppose to be his best friend too. and while at first I didn't think nothing of it, I eventually became agitated at their close bond. They did eventually have sex with each other and when I found out, he told me. I think i was glad that he told me though. Cause it would have been harder any other way. Imagine, 5 years of being with someone, and they just leave you for another. I don't talk to the girl no more. I just feel so betrayed by her. But seriously, tell your girlfriend the truth!

I'm am 23 years old and while my problem may seem miner to some, it is huge to me. My boyfriend does not feel he has a drinking problem! I've been with him for over 7 years now and while he has never physically or verbally abused me. I feel like i've been mantally abused. there were times in the relationship were he would kick me out of his house for no reason and I would cry my eyes out(and he didn't care--yes, he was drunk). Now that we are much older, he regrets the things he's done to me, but doesn't realize that I've been affected permenantly by it(and continues drinking). Even though he doesn't drink on a regular bases, I still feel he has a problem because he can't go one weekend (Fri, and SaT) without getting drunk. I've tried to tell him how much that bothers me and he seems to not understand. I need help. Help me! what should I do? How should I go about telling him he has a problem? I don't want to leave him, but lately I've been feeling like that's what I need to do so he can take me serious. I'm so hurt by this, disgusted by his behavior, and sick of it!

I have been on seroxat/peroxitine for 4 years. I am now on just 5mg every other day, but have just found out that I am pregnant. What are the chances of this harming the baby? I am now withdrawing.