kamurj

You did the right thing telling her. Don't try to pressure her to come back. She probably will, because she loves you. When she does, get some couple therapy so you can get through it. I cheated on the love of my life with a coworker. We tried surviving my infidelity but we got into a fear-anger-insecurity circle that seems to have destroyed our relationship. She left me for her boss three weeks ago, and I pray for her to come back.

I am sorry to hear your story. I too have recently been in something similiar. All I can keep telling myself - Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Do what you can to re-gain your power and separate yourself from this man who obviously has very little respect for you and your feelings. I have struggled with whether or not contacting someone on-line is really cheating. I mean, they are not having sex... But, I have decided it is almost worse. It is one thing to meet someone and there be this instant attractions and you fall into the moment (which is very very wrong) but to actually take the consciouse effort to look, pursue and contact someone takes alot of gall and disassociation. I have very little faith that he will ever change. He is addicted to the pursuit and conquer of women. Do not let him make this your problem - you have every right to be distrustful. People are treated they way they deserve to be treated. He is acting like a selfish child and deserves to be treated as such. He is lying to you, cheating on you, hurting you and you have every right to confront him and take care of yourself. I encourage you to separate yourself from him and this situation for a while. Maybe he will learn but the odds are against you. Men like that, that are so disassociated from the truth and from what is right and wrong, are an uphill battle. Stay strong and in no way let him make his wrongs your problem. Good luck!

In response to this, all I can say (all that can be said) is never show the one who is rejecting you that you need to get them back...I've been through this twice before I was able to learn that people (especially girls) take advantage of you even more if u pursue them in a breakup...TRUST ME!!!! If they say "can we be friends" just say "I have enough friends" Always think ahead of the game...because I'm sorry to say it, but it is a GAME..think strategically. If she really loves you, she will come crawling back to you....just act like your cool..dont give in....and dont go overboard ....Pretend your fishing....when shes on the hook, reel her in alittle, but play with it too. TO ALL THE GUYS IN THESE SITUATIONS, take it from me...and if it is fixable it'll work....play it cool, and dont give in

OK - I feel better after having talked to a few friends and making that last post. My girlfriend called like she said she would, and we talked. She called to see how I was doing, and we talked briefly about the relationship. She is still confusing me though (as she offered to call me tomorrow). I realize now that I have been too demanding on her, and have been little too controlling. I think that a little time will be good - as I know I need to work on a few things (like my finances and excessive drinking). I don't want to lose her, and I love her. I think I'm going to do what I can to rescue this relationship - and give her as much space as required. Tips and thoughts still appreciated.

from a girls point of view heres what i think. i am 21 and i have gone through somehting very similar to this, me being in the girls point of view. she probably likes you, but shes confused. when shes around you she wants to make out with you and be with you, but when she sees her ex whom she has put alot of work into the relationship she wants him. get rid of him and get the girl. if her mom likes her ex thats even more pressure put on her to date him and not you. she is going to lean towards the more familiar relationship and the one evryone says she should do. there is really nothing you can do. obviously your willing to make the relationship work, but the ultimate decision is in her lap. get out and meet other girls but dont ever forget her, you never know what may happen down the road.

hey, all i can say to u is tell her how u feel....if u love her that much then u need to tell her.....if it is meant to be she will understand...if nto then i guess it jsut want meant to be like that? but eitehr wya u will fell alot better once u tell her..u could be waisiting time too....maybe she feels the same way about u but doesnt want to tell you, if you love her enough you will take the chance for her. good luck and trust me

"So, I feel not only dumped, but betrayed as well. Two big blows to the chest. But, I love her still very much and would take her back today, but I know many would say her cheating is enough to run the other way. I have erased all phone numbers in my cell and have refrained from calling her. I have also started the acceptance and greiving stage. But, can anyone tell me why someone would tell me they cheated on me and that they would never do it again, but then change on a dime, and feel nothing. Maybe I live in the past, but I always felt a serious relationship isnt worth throwing away over something that could make us stronger, especially since I was the one cheated on, but was willing to forgive. " You can't forgive infidelity, man. Women cheat with their hearts, not just their bodies. It's hard to move on, but you need to. It's a very big world out there. Given the same circumstances, she'd do it again and again.

Dude, she has had another man inside of her while being with you. Now she still can't get him off her mind. Forget her, man. Better to be alone than have to live like that. There's plenty of good women out there that won't do a man like that. Rob

Locust 8, your insecurity is valid - you deserve better! Sounds like your boyfriend is keeping his options open and leaving you hanging by a thread. If he has any respect for you and values his relationship with you - wants it to grow in positive directions, he will burn the bridge with his ex. If you two have entered the sexual intimacy realm in your relationship, he has no business going anywhere with his ex, particularly dancing. Trust is not something that is automatic - it's earned by engaging in behavior that is conducive of trust. There are good men out there who are sensitive and would never consider putting you through what you are experiencing now. Don't settle for less - life is too short. Advice coming to you from a MAN! A real man. Ethos

Sorry I cant offer you advice since I am in more or less the same boat. Am 39 years old, was with my Partner for 14 years, we went through a lot together, to hell and back, I did everything for him including saving his life when he was dying from a deadly disease and I then nursed him back to health, paid the bills, got us out of debt...kept US going....and how did he repay me for the love I gave him....by going off with some slapper with two children as I was nursing my sick and dying Grandmother! Now is that a BASTARD or what?? We had no children and now yes I feel like I have wasted my years, my life....and for what? He took away EVERYTHING I stood for and believed in and I have had to start again - I am the one who lost the house I battled for and the boyfriend whose bedside I sat at every day for more than 9 weeks. I thought what I was giving was love....Somebody somewhere may have some answers that may help

my friend - i can totally relate to your situation - but, my advice to you is something that no one wants to hear - MOVE ON!!! its hard - it sucks - it hurts - you want to fix it - you want to show her how good life can be with you - you want to show her how much you love her - but, guess what - you can't - its over!!! imagine for a second that she came running back tomorrow and said - i am sooo sorry for hurting you and i love you!!!! i want to work our relationship out....for 8 months you have been trying to get over this girl - trying to move on with your life - burying the pain that the break-up has caused you - and out of the blue - she comes back....now what??? you say ok - and everything is ok - NOT!!! she hurt you - she caused you pain - chances are she has had one or two other relationships during the break-up....and now that she is ready you should be too - NO!!! my advice to you is this - move on with your life - get over her....fall out of love with her....forgive her and yourself.....next year - when you are over her and your old feelings - then if you two rekindle - it is new - brand new.....but, i guarentee that once you are over her - you will not look back! bryan email removed

Gary: Ironic that you seem to have been asked to do the same thing I'm being asked to do by my significant other. My original post was the one titled, "Relationship ending....., mate wants time and space". I'm not sure what will happen with you BUT I can say that time will tell how she really feels. You are young and she is too. My situation may be a bit different in that I am 44 and she is 41. She's been married before...., for nearly 10 years....., to an a alcoholic. I've never been married but close twice. We've been together at a loving and romantic level for 3 1/2 years...., living together for 3 of them. The reason I'm bringing up the age disparity is this. She makes a valid point about wanting to do things before she commits and spends the rest of her life with you. But there are married couples who are so devoted to one another that their friendship transcends the issue of "doing things on their own". They shop, dine, travel and do everything together. So I'm not discounting her request...., only saying that she can do things on her own AND maintain your relationship if that's what she really wants to do. So now you have to accept and understand her desire and then see what happens. If you do, she will respect you for it and can never say you didn't do everything right when it came to your relationship. Tell her she has to be up front with you and, if the time comes that she wants to go elsewhere...., see another "just to see what will happen"...., she has to understand that the relationship will have little meaning. But give her the space and watch to see what happens. You'll know where it is going in a pretty short amount of time. You need to find things to do. Make sure you do them with friends and in high populated events or venues. Meet other women and see how you feel about things too. Take control but be understanding. Accept her request but be aware that she may drift away. Or be prepared for her to start thinking more about her decision in the days ahead and to not drift too far away fearing she will lose sight of you. It is impossible to know what will happen and you have no control over it at this point. Prepare for the worst while hoping for the best. I wish you luck. Keep an eye on my posting as I'll probably be updating it after this weekend. Onward, Mike S

it is a combination of urine and another fluid, but i forget what it's called, you may want to surf a bit and find out more ...that's what i did...and that's how i learned to have one..you go girl. tasha in atlanta

I know just how you feel. Split up with my partner of 2 yrs just over 2 weeks ago. Still hurts like hell. We were incredibly close despite a 12 yr age gap (me 34, her 22) and for much of the time, she was the pursuer in the relationship - referring back to an earlier post. I realise now that I was selfish in some ways - mainly in not finding time for her and this simply drove us apart at the end. I know that I have to change and that I can change but will she give me the chance to prove that? I have to give her the time and space - to consider the good times and see if she actually misses me. When I phone or text her - she is irritable. But sometimes she will phone me and we will talk for an hour or two just like we used to. Like the original poster - the conflicting signals are driving me mad. As a male, I find doing nothing - giving her that space - is a very, very tough thing to do. Give her too much and maybe she forgets you, too little and you are the pursuer and she will distance herself. I`m sorry this doesn`t help the original poster but I would love any advice on where the middle ground lies.

Stacia: My thanks for the kind words. When I posted the message I had just gone through a night where, while house / dog sitting for her...., the place I lived for 3 years until last Feb......, one of her dogs got out of the yard. Don't know when it happened because I was with friends all day Sunday. When I got there about 6 one dog came to me but the other did not. Of course, I went into a panic and began scouring the neighborhood to find her. To make a long story short, I found her about 9 that night sitting in a parking lot some 3/4 mile away from the house panting and looking totally exhausted. When she saw me she ran to me and just dribbled all over herself. Got her home (er, Susan's home..., gotta stop that), the other dog was, of course, happy to see us both. I checked her out and she seemed fine. Well, during the process, I continued to try and contact Susan on her cell phone. She is in Saugatuck, MI with a friend and her kids through Wed. I was running the gamut of emotions in trying to find the dog, as you might imagine. Once I did and she came running to me...., so happy to see me...., I started thinking about unconditional love and how that dog, a dog I've been around for 3 and 1/2 years, was so happy and to know I found her. We sat in that d&*%$ parking lot for 10 minutes while she licked my face and moaned. I just sat and cried like a baby. It all came out...., everything I'm feeling right now....., and I'm sure the last message I left for Susan on her cell that night about 10PM reflected my emotional state. I finally got a call from her Monday morning about 9 while I was getting a new battery for my car at the dealership. I was a blithering idiot after everything that happened on Sunday night. I was too emotional at the time and told her we needed to talk when she gets back Wed. She said O.K. but I could tell it was a difficult thing for her to say. She returned a call to me after I returned to my office and had my cell phone off. She saud she felt bad about what had happened and, if it was too much for me to deal with, I should call cousins who live close by. She said we'd talk if I wanted to on Wed. and she would, and I quote, "do everything I can to help relieve my stress". We are to do a charity event this Friday for the Indianapolis zoo. it's an annual black tie event that is heald to raise money for the zoo and a very fun event. it's also close to Susan's home so we taxi there. this is one of my birthday presents from her this year (my B-day was 5/24 - now 44). She mentioned in her voice mail that we will go to Zoobilation and have fun Friday but that is open to debate in my mind right now. I have made my plans for the remainder of the week. I'm going to stay over Wed. night and wait for her return but I don't plan to try to talk then. instaed I just want to hear how her mini-vacation went. On Thursday, I'm hoping we can go to a favorite restuarant of ours and grab some appetizers and a drink on their rooftop dining area. Then we can talk a little but. I want to then make Zoobilation a positive event for us, and spend the night. I'm going to then get up Saturday and have a BRIEF talk with her. I've created a document titled "Mike & Susan's Relationship Agreement". It kind of reads like a contract but hits on all the areas that I agree to, per Susan's requests (and some others) my requests and what I agree to, then, finally, what we both agree to, together. I'd love to bounce it off someone other than my closest friend, Randy, who saw it last night and said he thought it was perfect. If you'd like to read it and provide your take, let me know how I can get it to you. I've spent a lot of time responding but you already had a good idea of what was going on anyway. If there are tons of typo's, my apologies. I truly appreciate your feedback and I will heed it. I will likely re-read it a few times too. So again, my thanks for a woman's perspective and know that I value the feedback. Onward for now

Hi. I read your post and was very touched. Wow, you really love this woman! It seems like you are giving her all she needs and doing everything you can to make things work. I dont want to be anything but blunt when I say this, you have literally done everything you can. You cannot force someone to be what you want them to be. She may have issues you may not know about or she may have a hard time talking to you about. As a woman, I can tell you, when one has built a wall for whatever reason, there is no breaking it down until we are ready. I can tell you that I thought I found the love of my life about 3 years ago now. We met while I worked at a gas station part time and if I have ever felt heaven, it was that night. I mean it was love ar first sight. There wasnt anything that we wouldnt do for eachother. We were always there for one another and we made peopl sick. I remember feeling the shaky feelings. I mean I would shake so badly and I didnt know why. He mademe so nervous. It was the best but weirdest feeling that I have ever felt. Well we didnt work out. Unfortunately we started with him going through a divorce and had 2 kids. I was only 22 at the time and I am not using that as an excuse, but I didnt know how to handle it. His ex lived in Florida. We lived in Illinois, so we had no problems until the 5th month. She (his ex calledand wanted the kids to come up and stay with us for good) so I went from being single and being able to do things for me to having to worry about if I would be a good mother. Well, my pride wouldnt let me do it. I must say this is the number one reason why we didnt work. I built this wall and wouldnt let him in. I left him countless times and made him choose between me and his kids I was bad. Then one day the last time I left, was the last time he took it. Basically, now he has a child ( a new one and a new woman ) I regret not being there more than anything in my life. I was wrong, but I lost him. Well even though I am involved now with a wonderful man. He was my first and I regret this everyday. I always think about what I could have done differently. Only if I, only if I. What if I just been patient? I wasnt understanding in it. I was selfish. But 2 weeks ago he contacted me, he told me he still loved me. I choked and hung up. What does one do? I couldnt do anything. But blame myself for not being more understanding and there for him while he was going through his hard times. I am only just trying to make a point that if you think she is the one for you, find out what she needs. Give her the respect of doing whatever it is. You have to trust her. Know that she is doing this for a reason. It could be because she is scared, she could have a problem she is dealing with alone. Some women get down on themselves related to self-esteem. Whatever it is, if you believe in your love, ask her what she wants. You wouldbe amazed at the appreciation a woman feels when the man listens to what she wants. Once you figure it out, all you can do, is keep trying to show her how you feel. I understand the confusion she is puting you through, but if you love her and if you are sure she loves you, "love" is worth it. Sure, it will hurt, but would you rather be without her in all? Be patient. Ask her what she wants. Be that. If you are sure and trust that this is for real and to last forever. Let her come around. Giver her the space she needs but DONT abondon her. I abondoned him. That was my mistake. Good luck and keep us posted. ~Stacia

James: I don't know the specifics of your issue..., i.e., your age, your physical conditioning, etc. But I know it probably has troubled you significantly and you are seeking out any answers you can find. I may be able to help by telling you I have had the same issue in the last 2 years. I just turned 44, though most see me as someone in their mid-to-late 30's. I was blessed with an appearance of youth and good skin. I am in reasonably good condintion though it could always be better. I tend to go through phases where I work out religiously and then I stop. Diet is pretty solid too. Perhaps my biggest issue is that I smoke between 1-2 packs a day. My Dr. gave me Viagra and it does seem to work though not always and not at the right time after eating the pill. I have trouble with keeping hard at times and that is troubling when I get excited and then lose it. My Dr. finally told me after my recent physical in April that I should stop smoking. No immediate health issues BUt I take blood pressure medicine (Atacand 30Mg) and that has some historical effects on sex drive. But he insisted that my smoking was likely the issue. I hope he is right as I'm stopping now and want to see a return to good sexual activity in the coming months. Of course, I say this just as the only person I thought I'd ever found that I could spend the rest of my life with is trying to pull away for some reason. I don't think my decreased sesual ability has impacted the relationship as much as, possibly her current pre-menopausal condition. That is a guess though and I want to research it some more. I hope this provides some insight for you.

Hi. My name is Stacia and I read your post. I must say that I am really sorry to know that you are feeling the pain and neglect that you are. It is a bad situation to be in, I know. I was there 2 years ago and dont think I am over it. I think this one will last forever. I dont know what to say about her cheating on you. I do not believe that you can truly love someone and they cheat on you because they are drunk and that is an excuse. I believe no matter what, there is no excuse for it. You just didnt fall in because you were drunk. Something had to be going through her mind when she did it no matter what. Unfortunately it wasnt you. Because she wouldnt have done it. Let me tell you, I feel that I have found my tru love. Or I thought I did. We were very close, and like you did everything together, and also had a pregnancy scare. It was so fulfilling to my life to know I had him in it. He did everything for me. Well, I had low self-esteem so low, that I started to mistreat him. I started to argue for no reason and leave him on several occasions just to hear him beg to come back to me. I was bad. I had low self-esteem. I couldnt handle alot of the things that I was going through and because I couldnt, I took it out on him. Well basically the last time I left him, I had no intention that it would be the end. But it was. He started going to this club and messing around with ecstasy and one day, 2 months after we broke up and I swore him off and wouldnt even talk to him. He slept with this waitress at the club. Of course, I didnt find this out until 9 months later. I called and tracked him down after a near life threatning accident I had and told him how I felt, he asked why it took me 9 months to tell him. Later that day, I got a call from the girl whom said she is expecting his child and they are blissfully happy and he never loved me. So all at once I had my heart torn apart. See I went 10 months or a little longer without knowing he was with someone and we still talked. Yet, never worked things out because I kept refusing it, I wanted to get the help I needed for the self-esteem before we got back together and he wasnt patient. SO, I took it to drastic measures and told him never to contact me again. and didnt talk to him everytime he tried I blew him off over and over again. I dont know why but I did. Well after all that time, I find out he is expecting. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through in my life. I really wish I handled things better. We may have still been together. I have someone in my life now whom I love very much, but I know I have felt more before, so I hurt everytime I think about him. He contacts me here and there. Like he'll im me, andI did talk to him like 3 weeks ago and he told me he made the biggest mistake in his life and he still loves me. So you tell me, what do you do in a case like that? Can a person that has true love truly love you and make a mistake like that? I dont know. I wish I knew. Because the man I am with now would do anything for me and I have never been so content. But my ex did everything for me to at a time. and all the things I did drove him away. Then the pregnancy scare and abondoning him. Hmm, makes me wonder, did I throw my soulmate away? Its like this movie says I just watched last night. The Wedding Planner. It said it is hard to be happy knowing you were happier before. I am telling you this because I am currently going through the same feeling and do not know what is right either. I cannot tell you she didnt love you when she cheated on you. I want to say she didnt. But, in my situation, because I know how we were when we were together and he necessarily didnt cheat on me, but even then still, I dont know what to think. All I can tell you, is that you only live once. You have to be happy. Can you trust her? If she was to come back and ask for another chance right now, would you do it? You have to think about what would make you happy first. I think if my ex cheatedon me while we were together, I couldnt give him another chance. Only because I couldnt believe he loved me and was able to do that. Do the things in life that make u happy right now. Interested inany sports? recreations? teams? hobbies? Try to do as much as you can to get it off your mind. Leave it in God's hands. What is meant to be will happen and only you will know at that time if it is the right thing to do or not. They say "true" love never dies. That is what I try to believe everyday. I go to school and work full time now. I am rying my best to make a life for me. I love the man I am with but I do not know if I will get married soon. Right now, even after 2 years, it hurts. The one thing I can tell you is dont expect to forget about her, it wont happen. But, sometimes, it will seem easier than some days. Good luck and try to take care of yourself the best you can. This is all we can do. ~Staci

Hello. Well I am not God or anything so I cannot tell you what is wrong or right. Only you know what truly makes you happy. From your message I can tell you that it seems like she has a lot of problems. It does not seem like you in anyway shape or form needs to change. You have been there is seems holding out for her this whole time. I can say that love is not suppose to be painful. It is suppose to be happy and a great feeling. You have to look deep inside of you and see if this woman makes yo happy when you are with her. Does she? Ya know not everyone is healthy in the world and unfortunately there are people that go through these times when they need help. Sounds like she has been through alot. She may love you. She may really want to be with you, but sometimes when a person is needing help in anyway, they treat someone like they dont realize. They say if you love someone you shouln't walk away from them. You should stand by them and convincde them to get the help they need. Now may not be a healthy time to get into a relationship with her, it seems to only wind up in seperating again, but you may want to try to get help for her. It can be low self-esteem, it can be things she went through in her life, abortion, or whatever else may have eated away at her. She may have built a wall and because you come so close to opening her up and making her feel something she may not have felt before, scares her. It can be alot. But you should not leave her side if you love her. I dont think you should jump into getting back in her life right away. If you love her, dontleave her side, offer any help you can. You have to be willing to accept that she may not get the help you are looking or hoping for her to get. In the meantime, though, you cannot let her problems bring you down. Her problems may be alot more serious than you can imagine. Be patient with her and be there for her if you love her. Things will work out. If it is meant to be, it will work, just like all things. I hope I helped you a little. I was in a situation like 2 years ago when I wish that I could have done what I am proposing to you. I think if I did, stood by his side, we wouldnt be both living our sepeate lives. Its ruff. I hope you never have to experience the pain, if you truly love her, stand by her side. But done expect it to be easy. Counseling will help. If yo both love eachother, you can make that decision together to make it work. Either way good luck! ~Stacia

just go wiv the flow, maybe shes more experienced then u? is she older than u? if so shes probably more experienced....turn her on if u really want to have sex, masturbate infront of her, then vice-versa, it really gets ur sex-drives working

Don't tell your wife because it was just a kiss and it would make her paranoid. What's that old saying, "don't make a mountain out of a mole hill". It's really sweet that you have a guilty conscience about a kiss but don't let it make trouble for you. If you tell her it will probably make a whole lot of trouble that is not necessary and hurt her in the process. You know it was just a kiss but she doesn't . Her mind will probably go crazy with imagined scenerios and trust will be affected. Not worth the headache over a kiss.

Don't worry about it. It's not like she's just going to say to a friend that she can not see him again. She probably is seeing him again but that does not mean they are inlove or having intimate times together. They are probably just friends but she may be scared you will blow it out of proportion. Coffee is not sex -- at least the last time I had a cup!

You are a lousy husband and your sister-in-law is a lousy sister. Your wife will find out because you are too dim witted to realise the seriousness of the other woman being her SISTER Your sister-in-law would have remembered alright, she just wasn't going to let on. But wait for a fight between her and your lovely wife - when it's time for harsh words to be spoken. She will find out sooner or later and your wife will only hate you all the more for not being the one to tell her. The moral of the story is WHO will tell her first: You or her sister. Not to mention the people your sister-in-law confides in about it. Did you consider that if she is foolish enough to give you a blow job when she is drunk that she might be foolish enough to 'talk' when she's drunk also? By not telling your wife you are forcing her to live a lie that is beyond comprehension. Give your wife the break she deserves and allow her to find a better life companion.

"She says she loves me and wants to be with me but that she thinks of this other guy too much to totally be true to me. She says she needs time to get him out of her system so she can be mine and mine alone." What a load of rubbish! Your girlfriend is playing the spoiled brat mate. Do you know how long some affairs last? Say twenty years. Put your parachute on and jump out of this plane cos it's about to crash.

hi,i am also on seroxat and want to start trying for a baby soon,i have spoken to my docter and he said it is best to abstain from taking it in the first three months of development. i am sure your baby will be fine as you were only taking a small dose when you fell pregnant. the docter said there is no known proof that serxat can be harmfull to the feotus. congratulations and welll done you for getting off the drug. jo willson