Jump to content

kellbell

Platinum Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    4,113

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    7

 Content Type 

Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    "i guess im scared of failure and making the right decisions." Oh, I definitely know this mentality all too well. You will feel different when you get meshed in with how life works. This is how a student IMO is brainwashed to feel and be afraid of and I feel it starts in high school. Life is about making mistakes and wrong decisions. It is how we learn about ourselves and about life in general. You can very well get a job in your field and absolutely hate it. And that has happened to folks I know. It is my belief that college is a little too "sheltering." You are young enough to make the necessary changes if and when needed. You need to grab life by the horns. I know it can get a bit daunting or a bit discouraging but never give up! You can do it.
  2. kellbell
    Hey there, I ran into the same problem. I worked all through college, I was in no position to do an internship. And I wish I took advantage of my college's Co-op program because you do get paid and there is job placement after the Co-op program is over. So, all through college I bartended and my degree is in Psychology. An area in which experience is paramount. So, after getting my Master's, it took me a year and half to find work. You need to change your attitude just a bit. You need to be persisitant and perhaps contact a head hunter or temp agency to help you find work. Plus, your first job is probably not going to be your dream job, usually folks fresh out of school start from the bottom up. The competition is FIERCE out there. If anything else, volunteer in your degree area. I am planning to do that in the very near future. I want to get more experience in another area of psychology. Hang in there and keep trying.
  3. kellbell
    "What do you think the possibility of him coming back is if he said "some days I love you so much and am very happy and other days wish you would just go away"." To me, that sentence means you two did not get to know one another very well. It sounds like an infacutation statement. Some days couples have a hard time and want to be alone but they still love one another. The fact he grouped the love part and wanting you to go away seems like you both did not have a great bond and the friendship foundation was just not there. Like couples can be mad one another, be furious with one another, but they still love each other. It just seems he was not into the relationship as much as you were (are) based on that statement. I am so sorry.
  4. kellbell
    This is IMO why it is hard to end a relationship. The dumper knows he/she is not "feeling it" anymore but goes through the motions, perhaps hoping things would go back to normal and when they don't, he/she has a hard time ending it. His reasons unfortunately are very common as to why he carried on. Again, I am so sorry.
  5. kellbell
    Hey there DarkPumpkin, I am so sorry things did not work out. I am afraid that there is not much you can do at this point, he mentioned his feelings have gone, there is nothing underneath the surface. Unfortunately, we cannot force another to feel something. Maybe he will realize what he is missing and want to give things another try but at this point, I would leave him be and let him sort this out on his own. Hang in there okay? (((hugs)))
  6. kellbell
    Hey there, Everything you have described is VERY common and normal. That dreaded emotional roller coaster. I call it emotional "detoxing." It is your mind, emotions, and even the body adjusting to life without your ex. There is quite a bit of adjusting. Also, you are perhaps experiencing the five stages of grief. Here are a few articles on them if you would like some more information.... link removed link removed As far as having thoughts of showing off in front of your ex...that is normal too. To me, this is because she rejected you and you need to show her you are not a "reject" or that you are worthy. You feel you need that validation. All very normal. But as soon as you get your life back together and start moving on, those feelings and needs will go away. The good thing about expereincing this emotional rollercoaster allows you to expell all those yucky feelings, get them out of your system so in a future relationship, you will not be bogged down with emotional baggage. Next time around, you will be ready. Hang in there.
  7. kellbell
    Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone. I think you are hurting for a couple of reasons, well two reasons that jump out at me. I am sure there are more reasons but here are the two main ones... One, he doing something that hurts you, knowing full well it hurts you and he has not made one shredded effort to stop or cut back. True, you knew he smoked before you decided to get together but still. His attitude is a bit disappointing. It is so cut and dry. The second main reason I feel you are hurting so much is because you are going against your better judgement here, you are going against what you have envisioned in a romantic partner and because of that, your needs are not being met at all. That causes quite a bit of pain. Your mind and heart are not in the same place right now. I dated a guy in the past whom smoked a lot of pot and yes, I knew about it before I got into the likes of him. But when he did it around me, it hurt because he knew I was straight and I was not too hot on it, but did it anyway. That hurt. I finally realized he is not the one for me. I don't want to date a person whom uses elicit drugs. I am not against folks whom use them, it is that I do not want to have it around me or have a romantic relationship with someone whom does. It is a personal choice. I know this is something you do not want to hear or have probably heard it before, you are young, 18. It is my belief you will experience more than this relationship throughout your life. It is time to define your boundries and STICK to them!! I know it will hurt but boundries are about having respect for YOURSELF. If you cannot respect yourself first then no one will. This guy you are with certainly does not IMO. I am sorry you are hurting. You are right, you cannot change him. That is up to him. Time to rethink matters and see if this is something you want to live with. Good luck with whatever you decide. (((hugs)))
  8. kellbell
    Hey there, Have you decided you were going to be a couple again? Like offically together and exclusive since he has popped back into your life? Or did he just come around, start staying at your place, got comfortable and felt like old times? The reason why I am asking for two reasons. One, it is important in situations such as this one to make it clear what you want and expect. Communication is very important. There so is much room for assumptions or misunderstands, on both ends. The other reason I am asking is because if you did not decide to be exclusive, he could do what ever he wants. He can disappear, play poker and what have you, and unfortunately, you do not have much say in it. He is treating your heart and your house as a revolving door and you are letting him. He is doing this because he knows how you feel and you letting him get away with doing this. So, I would either close the door on this for good and maintain no contact. OR tell him how you feel, what you want and if he is not on the same page or gives you the run around, then you have your answer. There should be no question about how he feels. Talk to him. I hope everything works out. Take care.
  9. kellbell
    I am also a Vegetarian. I choose to be one mainly for health reasons. My boyfriend was a vegetarian for 2 years a while back and got into great shape and overall, he felt better. So, basically I did it to be healthier. I cannot believe how much junk I ate, such as Buffalo Wings, chicken fingers, McDonald's...YIKES!! I feel much better since I have cut meat out of my diet.
  10. kellbell
    "What about the first day you decided to be a couple?" That is what my boyfriend and I did when we were in a LDR. We decided our anniversary would the day we decided to be exclusive and would see no one else. Worked really well as we just celebrated our one year annivesary last Sunday.
  11. kellbell
    I agree, You want a woman whom knows FOR SURE if she is spoken for or not. Not this "kinda" business. Dude, you deserve a woman with absolutely NO hangups or baggage. She IS out there. Hang in there. P.S. No flowers yet. Too much too early. Just play it cool.
  12. kellbell
    Hey there, My mom had a hard time eating as well. The Lexapro made her tummy hurt. She had to "fiddle" around with taking her pills. Like, in the beginning, she took them in the morning but then they made her tired and groggy. Then she was taking them on an empty stomach so she started taking them with a piece of toast or a bananna. She also started taking them an hour or so before she went to bed. It ended up working out for her. Here is a link about Lexapro. Perhaps call your doctor on what you can do to alliviate some of the side effects. link removed Hang in there.
  13. kellbell
    Bella, That is what I was thinking too. What about the young lady from Starbucks?
  14. kellbell
    Hey there, I am sorry about your breakup. Here is a link about NC that might be useful to you. Hang in there and stick around.
  15. kellbell
    Hey there, Well, I am glad things worked out for the best and that this cell phone issue has been put to rest. Keep up the good work.
  16. kellbell
    Hey there, I have battled anxiety since I was 15. I had my first panic attack when I was a freshman in high school. Anxiety runs in my family. My anxiety issues did not get bad until I was in my later college years. In my senior year of college, I was overcome with anxiety one morning during class and my life after spiraled out of control. I became agoraphobic (fear of public places) and my life was severely affected by my symptoms. My stomach hurt all time, my doctor wanted to make sure it was not a physical issue so I underwent so many tests, CAT scan, the whole bit. My General Practioner prescribed me Xanax, an anti-anxiety pill. It helped take the itch of my symtoms, I was able to function but the anxiety was STILL there. I do not recommend pills such as Xanax alone, I recommend therapy or counseling as well. The pills mask the real issues, they act as a crutch, a band-aid if you will. One thing I have learned about anxiety...it is a useless emotion. Really. It serves no purpose at all. I mean maybe little doses of it in order to stay on task but really, it is no use. All it does is it "tricks" the brain into believing matters that are not so, or over-exaggerates matters. And it is extremely counter-productive. So, what you need to do is channel it, harness it, figure out where it is coming from and WHY. I kept a journal and found patterns. I recorded the events proceeding the incident, during and how I felt, and whom was there. One thing that helped immensely for me is self-talk! You kind of have to talk yourself out of the feeling and anxiety. You literally have to tell your brain NO! That is not true. And this takes practice and a lot of patience with yourself. This is why I wished I sought counseling because I reckon anxiety is treated with some kind of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach. There are times when I have bouts of agoraphobia but I am able to take deep breaths and tell myself this is just anxiety trying to take over. I do not know much about Lexapro because I have never taken it. However, my mom takes it and it took awhile for it to work and the medicine made her feel sick. Many people stop taking it for that reason but my mom was determined to feel better mentally and emotionally so she stuck to it. If you can get through the first few weeks then I think the Lexapro will really start working its magic. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))
  17. kellbell
    Hey there, Hmmmm, well, whether he is insecure, playing games, undermining you...the simple fact is he is not straight-forward...at all. You want to steer clear from a person like that. I would not spend another moment analyizing his actions because in any case, he is not upfront about his feelings and thoughts and it is not your responiblity to play "therapist" and make him more secure, if in fact he is insecure. You want a secure man from the get-go, right? Instead of having a good time with this guy, you are pondering and guessing why he is doing the things he is doing. That is no fun. Dating is supposed to be fun, light, exciting, not like figuring out an algebra problem. And what's this about going to the movies all the time? And texting??? Why not go and do something that involves interaction?? If I were you, I would keep your options open. Life is too short wasting time on a person makes you feel like you do not know whether you are coming or going. Take care.
  18. kellbell
    Hey there, I am so sorry you are hurting. I have been the dumpee as well and I know it hurts real bad. The thing is, I tried talking to my ex. I laid all my feelings on the table, things changed for 2 weeks and then went back to the way they were. I realized, he is not the one for me, I wanted a person whom he is not. I even went to counseling about my relationship and about my parents' divorce. She gave me little homework assignments and one of them was a HUGE eye opener. She had me make a list of what I wanted in a partner. And then see how my ex matched the list. He did not even come close. My ex deserted me when I needed him the most and I always there for him. I was never able to count on him...ever. My ex had many chances to get his act together. I mean we were together for 4 years. Again, I told him how I felt, to no avail. I hurt too. I hurt that things were not working, I hurt that I knew that I was going to hurt him. This kind of thing is not easy for anyone involved. I am truly sorry you are hurting. I know that I did not get pleasure in hurting my ex but I needed to be happy and so did my ex. And you need to be happy and so does your ex. I truly hope you feel better soon ands find peace. Again, stick around here. Lots of great folks here.
  19. kellbell
    Hey there, I ended a four year relationship in 2005. Yes, I did feel guilty. I felt guilt for several reasons and about many things. Yes, I did think about my ex afterwards, I wondered how he was doing, how he must be hurting and angry. Unless a dumper had a labotomy, he/she DOES think about his/her ex. Let me tell you, I TRIED to makes things work. I TRIED talking. I talked, we talked, talked, and talked. Talking only gets a person so far, I NEEDED action. Plus, I was doing everything in the relationship. Cleaning, planning vacations, when we moved a couple times, I did ALL the packing and unpacking, I am in a HUGE debt right now and will be for a LONG time because of him. I was MISERABLE, I felt trapped and I no longer loved him and knew it for a very long time. I struggled with my decision about breaking up with him for a YEAR AND A HALF!!! I was in lease, we shared many expenses together. I was terribly afraid of the mess afterwards, which was enough to deter me from breaking up with him for a very long time. I had enough and looked him in the face and told him I was unhappy, I am tired of talking, I am just TIRED! Nothing is going to change my mind. My parents were going through a divorce at the time and I was in agnony. My ex started avoiding me and my issues by staying away and working long hours. Even on his days OFF!! I was alone and was for a very long time. When I did break up with him, I cried..a lot. My joints hurt so bad! My body hurt from all the stress and worry. To answer your question about why torture yourself?? Well, being in a loveless relationship, being ALONE is TORTURE!! I needed to get out. I NEVER regretted my decision, not even for a nano-second. I missed having him around and my old apartment, but I did not miss him. You see the difference? Not all dumpers are mean and heartless. In most cases, they are in torment about ending it and maybe even scared to. No one likes to reject people, there is no thrills at all. I grieved but managed to pick my life up again. I am now in a new state, new job and with a fabulous and awesome guy. I believe everything happens for a reason, even painful things. Life is a journey, with many lessons along the way. Stick around here. There is much support and advice. Hang in there.
  20. kellbell

    Anxiety

    kellbell replied to emma34's topic in Personal Growth

    Hey there, I have battled anxiety since I was 15. I had my first panic attack when I was a freshman in high school. Anxiety runs in my family. My anxiety issues did not get bad until I was in my later college years. In my senior year of college, I was overcome with anxiety one morning during class and my life after spiraled out of control. I became agoraphobic (fear of public places) and my life was severely affected by my symptoms. My stomach hurt all time, my doctor wanted to make sure it was not a physical issue so I underwent so many tests, CAT scan, the whole bit. My General Practioner prescribed me Xanax, an anti-anxiety pill. It helped take the itch of my symtoms, I was able to function but the anxiety was STILL there. I do not recommend pills such as Xanax alone, I recommend therapy or counseling as well. The pills mask the real issues, they act as a crutch, a band-aid if you will. One thing I have learned about anxiety...it is a useless emotion. Really. It serves no purpose at all. I mean maybe little doses of it in order to stay on task but really, it is no use. All it does is it "tricks" the brain into believing matters that are not so, or over-exaggerates matters. And it is extremely counter-productive. So, what you need to do is channel it, harness it, figure out where it is coming from and WHY. I kept a journal and found patterns. I recorded the events proceeding the incident, during and how I felt, and whom was there. One thing that helped immensely for me is self-talk! You kind of have to talk yourself out of the feeling and anxiety. You literally have to tell your brain NO! That is not true. And this takes practice and a lot of patience with yourself. This is why I wished I sought counseling because I reckon anxiety is treated with some kind of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach. There are times when I have bouts of agoraphobia but I am able to take deep breaths and tell myself this is just anxiety trying to take over. The issue I see here with you is you are falling into a pattern of thinking that is very toxic and you need to end it before it starts taking over your life. I know how you are feeling, I always characterized anxiety as being a prisoner of your own mind and you CAN break free from the prison. It takes patience and time. I hoped this helped. Feel free to PM me whenever you need to talk to ask a question. Take care. (((HUGS)))
  21. kellbell
    Hey there, After I ended my four year relationship in 2005, I am here to tell you with great certainty, I was not able to shut off my emotions. I am perplexed as to why folks feel a "dumper" is some kind of robot, whom does not feel, have a soul, basically a rock. I cried very much after I ended my relationship. My body ached so bad, my joints hurting the worse they ever hurt in my life. I was constantly plagued by sentiment. My life that I worked so hard to build was gone...over. I lost my nice apartment, all of my nice things, things that mean a lot to me, were packed in boxes. And these boxes sat in my parents' basement for months before I saw them again. I was living at my parents' home. I mean, gosh, my life I built was gone...I had to start all over again. I also thought of my ex, wondering how he was coping, hanging in there, guilt ridden about the pain I had caused. I had to adjust to life without him as well. I was in a lot of pain for months before I ended things with him. I was not happy, miserable to the core in fact. I am heavily in debt because of him and I will be for a very long time. There were other issues of course. And he was miserable too, for other reasons I imagine. I DESERVED and still do, to be happy. We all do. And there is nothing wrong with doing what a person has to do in order to seek it. I feel many dumpees feel dumpers move on quicker or seem to shut off his/her emotions because the dumper had time to prepare for the relationship's end. And the dumpee has to deal with it afterwards and the feelings of being rejected. I have been on both sides of the fence, either way, it STINKS! No one likes to be rejected and any level-headed and kind person does not get thrills rejecting either. Unfortunately, break ups are part of life, it is risk we take when we get involved with someone. However, in my experience, pain can elicit change and growth. I am truly sorry about your breakup. You always have us here on eNotAlone. Hang in there. (((hugs)))
  22. kellbell
    Hey there, I would make a compromise. Tell him you would drive to see him tonight if can come up to see you over the weekend. I mean you miss him terribly but also, there needs to be give and take. Good luck.
  23. kellbell
    Hey there, I am sorry things did not work out at all but I truly feel this is for the best. Your posts about her from last year had so many red flags. I still stand by that she was more interested in being married than realizing what it is like to build a life with someone. Perhaps was just wanted the security of having a husband because she is a single mom. It is hard to say at this point. I realize it has not sunk in yet as that has happened but when it does, keep your friends and family close by and don't forget, you can always come to eNotAlone for support too. Hang in there.
  24. kellbell
    Hey there, Yup, I agree with all the others whom have posted. I still get mail sent to my address and it has the previous tenant's name on it. I just slip it back into the outgoing mailbox and I have not had a problem since. So, what I would do is when you get mail that belongs to him, just put them back in a mailbox and Postal Service should take care of it. I would not do anything more for this guy. Stay strong.
  25. kellbell
    Hey there, Somethings are kind of strange here. Like him inviting you to his house early on like that. And it is my opinion he did way too much like the chocolates, the CDs so early on. It seems he turned on the "wooing" in overdrive so fast and that makes me suspicious. He kind of treated you coldly afterwards too. I am not sure if he was embarrassed about losing his erection but still, things seem a little....off. And I find it strange he was asking you about whether or not you hang out with this guy you rent from? Weird. And this bothers me too... " "I won't cum inside you, besides it's no fun with a condom" " Ummm, so he does not believe in being safe? With a stranger? I would trust your instincts on this one. From an impartial perspective, I would not go out with this man again.
×
×
  • Create New...