kellbell

I do agree with Betya about the texting. It is a bit much and texting is a bit impersonal and gets old. Perhaps tone down the texting a bit and speak on the phone or in person more.

Hey there, Well, I am sure you will know what he has been up against when he fills you in this weekend. When he does that, I would let him know you are there for him when he needs you and perhaps ask him what you can do to help. I am sure things will be okay. There are just some heavy issues going on at the moment.

Congratulations on losing 80 pounds!! That is quite an accomplishment. It is okay to slip a bit but you definitely can get back on track. You can do it!!

Hey there, Good for you for wanting to quit. I wonder, what point are you at in quitting? What I mean is, some people I know want to quit, know they have to quit but are not quite at that stage where they WANT to quit and take the necessary steps to do so. I know of people whom wake up and firmly say, "I don't want to smoke anymore." and they quit, cold turkey. I have heard that is the best way to quit. But you have to be at the point where you do not want to smoke. I am not a smoker so I cannot possibly fathom what it is like to be addicted to nicotine and what it takes to quit. But I have several friends and family members whom quit and never look back. But they were at that point where they were ready and had no desire to smoke anymore. Here are some links that may be helpful... link removed link removed link removed I wish you all the success in quitting.

Hey there, See, I knew he wanted you to come by his parents' house and if you stated clearly what you wanted (via text you sent) he would respond. I don't think you over-reacted at all. You were concerned and wondered what was up. It does sound like your boyfriend has his hands full. Perhaps let him know, whenever he needs you, you are there for him. To talk, to vent, to help or what have you and leave it at that. Believe me, it is enough. But also, maintain your own life, your own interests and hobbies.

Hey there, No problem. I am sure if you stick around here long enough, you will get many people's opinions. Also, you can search around in the forums here and look for similar stories to yours.

Hey you are welcome. No matter what, we care and want to help. Let us know how things turn out. (((HUGS)))

Hey there, I have a Master's in Psychology. LOL Must be why I spend hours on here. hehe Well, I should clarify a bit, I work two part time jobs right now, one is borderline full time though. I am also deeply in debt due an ex boyfriend. The scarey part is once I finished my Graduate degree, it took me over a year to find work in my career. I am originally from Connecticut, I moved to Colorado six months ago, I sent out tons of resumes and only got a few bites. However, when I finally got here, my God's Grace, I landed my current job in a few weeks. But I don't want to highjack your thread. I guess I am trying to write is it tough out there, a jungle. Fierce competition. And the value of the dollar these last several years has gone down dramtically and cost of living is very very high and sometimes daunting. And cannot imagine what it is like to raise a child during these times, you know? You sound like a great guy. Willing to take on challenges. Having a baby I feel is the ultimate challenge. I just urge you and your girlfriend to think very carefully about this and come up with Plan A (what you will do if she is pregnant) or Plan B (what you will do if she is not). In life, you ALWAYS need a backup plan.

Why not get know him more. Get know him on deeper more true level. Establish that friendship foundation in your relationship. You need friendship in your relationship, it is your safety net when the chips fall. And three weeks is hardly ample time to achieve this. Get to him, the TRUE him, learn to trust him and visa versa. Then worry about fulfilling this fantasy. Get the basics done first. "and he is disrespectful to me." According to your last thread about you feeling like he uses you for sex.

"I worry about you, hon. I really do. It seems you'll make excuses for people's disrespect towards you, and thus, continue to say with such people. I fervently hope the day comes soon when you realize you deserve more." I wholeheartedly agree with Scout's assessment here. Your tone in this thread has shifted when you are faced with tough questions. It is understandable. But please realize, you do not have to put up with this kind of disrespect and keeping in mind the issues you had last year with another guy, you seem to gravtiate towards men whom treat you less than you deserve. (((BIG HUGS)))

Okay, you talked about it, you feel loved. Great. But just because you discussed it, talked about it....DOES NOT mean you have to do it. It is great you have communicated about this subject matter but it does mean you have to be okay with it or do it.

You are perhaps missing my point. I never implied a relationship is perfect. They always need work and nurturing. I suspect you know the answer deep down and perhaps afraid to admit on the surface. Has your boyfriend made you feel loved? Has his actions made you feel he is love with you, totally in love you, that he cares about your feelings, how his actions affect you? Are those questions you can answer? "a three-some is fantasy that's all it is." True, it is a fanatasy. Okay, now I am confused. Forgive me. If you are donwplaying this situation as "just a fantasy", I am confused as why you are questioning his love for you.

That is tough question because I do not know you are or your boyfriend. To me, love is not only a feeling, it is an act, a behavior as well. So, think a bit, has your boyfriend made you feel loved, has he done any loving acts, has he made you feel safe, trustworthy? But in three weeks, I don't think a person knows the other well enough to love his/her partner. It has been three weeks and there is already red flags. You do not trust him and his behavior makes you feel used. To me, that is not loving at all, it does not make you feel safe. So, with all that in mind, can you answer your own question?

Hey there, Okay, this is a different guy but I see a pattern on your choice of men and whom you get involved with. There has been a trend you get involved with men whom do not respect you and make you doubt yourself. If you do not want to do this, then don't. It is not an uncommon male fantasy. Don't give in just to impress him or appease him. Plus, you do not trust this guy and feel you are being used. Trust your instincts. You have been dating three weeks. No trust=no relationship.

Hey there, That's okay about your goals. But what concerns me is your different perspectives on how you want your lives to pan out. But I also want to you to realize, although you have a plan on how you are going to pull this off, on paper it looks great. In reality, it can be a nightmare. Not to compare my life to you yours but just for case and point, I am 30, no kids, not married...I have a Master's but I am working 2 jobs to make ends meet. I don't own a home or anything like that. It is just the cost of living these days is just out of this world. Seriously. And I know many parents and they all have told me having a child, just in the hospital can cost thousands and this is without complications. And to raise one, is very very expensive. Just some things to think about. I wish you and your girlfriend the best and please keep me informed.

Hey there, Is the same boyfriend mentioned in these threads?

Here are some links that may be helpful to you and your girlfriend.... link removed link removed link removed link removed There are so many different kinds of birth control pills available, so it would be good to discuss options that will match your girlfriend's needs. link removed Hope these help.

"To be honest, I know there's a great risk, I've known it, she doesn't like the condoms either, and she fears Birthcontrol because of the sideeffects and possibly screwing up our ability to have a child later on in life." Has she researched any birth control? Has she spoken to a doctor about her options, side effects and so forth? Her fears seem to be unfounded so she takes the easy way out...by doing nothing. I know with the IUD, there are no hormones, no side effects and completely reversable. IMO, if she did her homework and exlpored her options, then she would be more responsible. As far as hating condoms, well, they can be a life saver, no only protecting against pregnancy but greatly reducing the chance of contracting an STD. But the thing is, this is NOT only about HER, her likes, her fears and whatnot. This about YOU TOO! If you are not cool with being a potential father, having to have this affect the rest of your life, then take some inititative. Be pro-active. I am so sorry if I am lecture-y but you both have to realize your behavior can being a helpless and completely dependent being into your life. You have to think of this child's future. I am just not understanding the mentality here, having a few minutes of gratification is more important the possiblity of bringing a life into this world and having to take care of him/her for the rest of your life??? I know you are going to naturally defend her, that is understandable but I have a real qualm with others whom just assume others are going to pick up their mess, and because of that, he/she continues to act irresponsibly. That is pretty mess up to me and really burns my cookies. But my advice still stands, encourage your girlfriend to go to Planned Parenthood, do a search on Google and enter your zip code and find a clinic near you. Get a blood pregnancy test done, if she is not pregnant, educate yourselves on birth control options. There is so much information out there, so many services, it is up to you and her to be active and seek them out.

Hey there, Is this the same guy you posted about yesterday?

Hey there, Your girlfriend's fears about going on the pill seem silly to me. So, she is afraid to take a pill and not afraid of becoming a mother?? She does not even have to take a pill, there are other options such as Depo Provera (an injection given every three months), IUD, or the Orthra Evra Patch, which I use and love it. There are many other things you should be concerned about, not only the possibility of her being pregnant, but you both have completely different views on how you will live your life. You are willing to be a man, face up to your responsiblities and do what is necessary but she wants to run to mommy and daddy and assume they will take care of her and her baby. That to me is very immature and presumputious. One can see a person's true colors during times of reality, stress or adversity. You deal with matters head on and she runs to her parents. Is this the kind of person you want to end up with in the longrun? Is this the kind of person you want to me the mother of your kids, assuming others will take on her poor judgements? You really need to find out for sure if in fact she is pregnant. Very rarely do pregnancy tests give out "false" negatives. Next, STOP DOING what you have been doing. Go to the store and get some CONDOMS! What I strongly suggest you urge your girlfriend do is look in the Yellow Pages for places like Planned Parenthood. They offer free consultation on matters such as birth control, parenting, STD's and so forth. She can get condoms there for free, also she can get birth control there as very at very affordable prices or even free depending on her income. Also, those kinds of places are confidential so she does not have to worry about her parents being called. I do not think neither you or your girlfriend fully grasp what you have been doing and the consequences that come with it. True, you have a set plan on what you are going to do but things like this hardly ever go according to plan. Nonetheless, you girlfriend assumes she can just shack up at her parents house anyway, hence why she is not proactive in her birth control practices. The pull out method is very risky and I once heard this quote for couples whom use the pull out method as a birth control measure, "what do you call couples whom use the pull out method?....PARENTS! Be wise, be proactive and I hope things are okay. Take care.

Hey there, "I'm losing about 1-2lbs a week" This is VERY healthy. You want to lose the weight slowly and doing so makes it very likely to keep the weight off.

"I want to embrace him in totality but something inside my mind just stops me from doing so..." This is something you can only do which I am sure you have realized by now. Perhaps it is because this is a whole new world you are not accustomed to, do not know much about and perhaps taboo. It goes against what you may consider "normal" and "acceptable." But what is normal anyway? Whom gets to decide what is normal? Perhaps build that trust and understanding of his world and what is normal to him, things will not be so fuzzy. We, as humans, have a funny way of being uncomfortable over matters we just do not understand or fathom.

Hey no problem, I know it hurts real bad to be cheated on. I have been myself and it hard NOT to blame yourself. But looking from the outside, I had no control over matters. The only control I had was how I was going to react and deal with what happened. Plus, time and help from friends and family helped me a great deal.

Okay, for argument's sake...STRICTLY hypothetical.... Say he DID feel you were a crappy girlfriend, that he was not happy anymore, he was not being fulfilled in some way or whathave you....well, he could have a the you know what to tell it to your face. To talk to you about it, perhaps work on some the issues at hand. But no, He took the most cowardly, most selfish, most decietful way out. He snuck around, lied, and compromised your emotional well-being. Honestly, is this the kind of person whom you want for a husband, to be the father of your children, a man with no integrity, not compelled to talk to you about his concerns? IMO, one can ALWAYS see a person's true colors during times of stress, during times of adversity. Well, this is how he copes. He lies, sneaks...not the kind of man you want to end up with anyway. It is all about perspective my friend. Hang in there, I promise, you will be okay. (((HUGS)))

"but how can I be so sure?" By talking to him. Building trust, show him you are willing to work this out together, show him you are safe person. This is NOT going to happen overnight. The floodgates have been open. This is something that is going to take much time, patience, understanding and TRUST.