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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    "He has lost nothing and yet i've lost everything, he has a new girlfriend that he will treat brilliantly because he has learnt from his mistakes......the problem lies with me - i cant see this any other way?" He has lost something or someone, he lost you. Someone with honesty, love, compassion, thirst for life. What have you lost? Seriously, think about this one a bit. What exactly do you feel you lost? You do not know if he going to treat his new girlfriend brilliantly, you don't know that. Heck, he may cheat on her too. I don't think your ex is a loser, I never said that nor implied that; however, his BEHAVIOR was terrible. "that i make no difference to anyone" This is a very inflated statement here and you don't know this. Again, you are wanting to control how others feel and act. Give up that need to CONTROL. The bottom line is, if you go to bed each night, proud of whom you are, being thankful for what you have, feel that you did the right thing, handled matters the best way you could with the resources you had at the time, and could sleep at night, then you are ahead of the game. That is something to be proud of.
  2. kellbell
    "How common is it to have these fantasies?" According to one of psychology classes, "Human Behavior and Sexuality", this is fairly common and most men whom have these fanatasies, only act them out, if even that.
  3. kellbell
    "I guess i dont know what i lack, why he wasnt satisfied so i dont know how to improve myself." You don't lack anything, your ex is the one whom lacked integrity, maturity, honestly and restraint. You are blaming yourself for something you had NO CONTROL over. None whatsoever. We CANNOT control what others do. Not one bit. We are control of ourselves. Your ex made a conscience decision to betray you, to give into temptation, to lie. Until you accept you cannot control the actions of others, you are going to continue to blame yourself for this, thus causing you to continue to feel worthless.
  4. kellbell
    "Kell...I got "gunshy" because he had asked me to stop by if I could." It is my opinion he would have never had asked you to stop by if he did not want you to.
  5. kellbell
    You are putting too much effort in a relationship its infant stages. You are centering your life around like guy already, perhaps you are losing yourself already in this relationship. I recommend you keep busy with your own life, keep up with your friends, your hobbies and interests. He is pulling pack because your are pushing. It is apparent in your posts. Take a deep breath, try to relax and enjoy getting to know HIM and building the foundation in your relationship. Two months is hardly time to do this, this is a long process and takes time.
  6. kellbell
    Hey there, I am not sure how your relationship has been overall or what direction is it taking but this statement jumped out at me... "Me: So ill need your dads address or directions. If you dont want me to thats ok?' This is a "wishy washy" statement here. You made it apparent you want to stop by and see him on the way to the beach on Sunday, which is great. It is bold, forthcoming, and stating what you want to do. Then you get a bit gun shy and state "if you don't want me to, thats okay." I have learned in the past a few things about this. One, in most cases, not all, if a guy does not want to do something or has something else in mind, he will tell you. And if he did not tell you but still wanted to do something else but had you come over anyway, oh well, that is his issue. Another thing I have learned is stick to your guns. People respect you so much more if you do. In this case, sticking to your guns would mean texting something like this, "I would like to stop by your place and catch up with you before I go to the beach, can I have directions to your dad's house? Talk to you then." Now if he had other plans on Sunday, chances are he would have told you and offered an alternative (if he is into you) and if he did not tell you about his other intensions (if he had any) but allowed you to come over anyway...well that is his problem. I have been that way before. Too accomidating. And guess what happened, I got walked all over, been taken advantage of and secretly resentful when my expectations were not met. State what you want, stick to it. I hope everything works out and that you hear from him soon.
  7. kellbell
    Hey there, "But how do i accept myself when i'm not what i want to be?" I am not exactly sure what you mean by this statement. Can you clarify?
  8. kellbell
    Hey there, I commend your boyfriend for coming forward with this. IMO, this took a lot of courage and big leap of faith. I feel it is wonderful he walked you through this website and even asked you if you had any questions about it. That's wonderful. Perhaps you are repulsed by it because you do not understand it. So, perhaps researching this on your own. This is not an uncommon as you think. I am sure there is a ton of information on these types of fantasies and fetishes. I guess this begs the question, is this something you can live with and are okay with? Perhaps do your own research and educate yourself with this matter and see how you feel. I am trying to imagine what I would do if it were me and I think the first thing I would do is research it and see how I am with it once I have a grasp of it and understand it better.
  9. kellbell
    Oh an afterthought, the things you have been doing in the meantime are wonderful BUT until you deal with your pain, reflect on it and learn from it, everything else is a temporary fix. Kind of like a band-aid. Band-aids do not heal wounds, they only protect them, hide them. Wounds heal from time, care, and nurturing. So all these other things you have been doing have been "protecting" your pain, covering it and perhaps this is why you are still hurting.
  10. kellbell
    Hey there, "All these things should make me happy, i know they should but i still feel completely worthless.....my ex-boyfriend cheated and walked away, he never looked back and didnt miss me.....how can i be worth anything?" You are still basing your self-worth on HIS actions and HIS behavior and the relationship you once had. Perhaps this is why you are still struggling. So perhaps take a step back and say to yourself, his behavior was terrible, you deserve more and you cannot control what others (him) do but YOU CAN control what YOU do and how you will react. Until you take in that some people are jerks, have no regards for others and their feelings, no matter what you do on the surface, this is going to eat at you. Try to let this go. And know there are many folks out there whom care and would never do what your ex did. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))
  11. kellbell
    Yup, it sounded like he took advantage and ate like a king. Two appetizers and a $30 entree??? Sheesh....
  12. kellbell
    Hey Darkpumpkin, If someone invited me out to dinner and he/she told me it was my choice, I would not automatically pick the most expensive place to go nor would I go for the most expensive item on the menu. I usually pick what I am in the mood for. I would feel a tad bit tacky and taking advantage if I went for the pricier places.
  13. kellbell
    Hey there nikki, Well, I have a few questions first. Like, are you both in school, are you both settled in your careers, do you have anything you want to do first like travel, get a second degree, etc? IMO, 21 is young to be married. Also Hope75 asks a very crucial question. Is he set on getting married at 27 or set on marrying YOU at 27? That is HUGE difference. I would think after being together for 4 years, you would have realized his views on marriage are and when he was planning on getting married. If you want to marry sooner than 27, I would really re-think where you both are in this relationship.
  14. kellbell
    Ah, now we are getting somewhere. It sounds like one of those stitches. It is sharp pain in the muscle. That is why taking it slow at first and using proper breathing is important. I hate when I get those. I have found by taking deep breaths in through the nose and exhaling slowly through the mouth helps a lot.
  15. kellbell
    I am saying because you have a health issue such as asthma, it would be important to discuss this with your doctor. I would advise the same thing if the person was diabetic, had Chrome's Disease, or whatnot. You have a special circmustance that needs to be taken into consideration. Also, when we reach our 20's, our bodies change considerably. I was no way in the same shape in my 20's as I was in high school. You have to be aware of this and adjust accordingly. It never hurts to run this by your doctor. Better to be safe than sorry.
  16. kellbell
    Me three. LOL
  17. kellbell
    Hey there, I am not a health or runner guru but my boyfriend has asthma and he needs to be very careful while running. He does not smoke however. When you have any health issues such as asthma, it is important to consult a doctor about any exercise program. Also, you may be pushing yourself too early. Since you are a beginner, I would not run two days in a row. I would rest one day in between, just until you build up an endurance. Running is awesome for the body but it is very hard on it as well. I would really get some information about proper breathing, proper form, speed, which kind of shoes you should wear, etc before taking on this task. First and foremost, talk to a doctor before running again. Good luck.
  18. kellbell
    Hey there, I am bit guilty of doing this. Unless I can barely move or running a fever, I go to work. I like to use my sick time for when I am not sick. LOL But I am not hacking and sneezing all over others either. I take the precautions, like hand santatizer, tissues, cough drops, medicine, OJ. I also clean my house as well. I clean the sheets, change tooth brushes, bleach everything. But if I have a cold or a little tummy ache, sorry folks, I am not staying home. I mean, I don't come to work with a stomach virus, or step throat though. I do not like calling out sick. I feel guilty for doing so. I feel like I am letting others down. Some jobs vary too. I have a very close friend whom works at a place where calling in sick counts against the employee during his/her review, even though they acrule sick time. weird.
  19. kellbell
    Hey BTR, Wow, it is here already. I am sure you will be okay and you will be a terrific mom!! I am so happy for you. Is there anyone you know that can post here to let us know how you are doing?
  20. kellbell
    I am so sorry for your loss. Your doggie was very lucky to have loving owners such as you. I have a kitty so I know how attached one can get to his/her pets. Sending BIG HUGS your way.
  21. kellbell
    Hey there, You mentioned you are not sure when you see this guy let alone when you are going to have sex with him, all the more reason to go on birth control. I am on the Ortho Evra Patch and I LOVE IT! I change it once a week for the 3 weeks and on the forth week I take it off and that is when I get my period. No pills to worry about everyday and I was on Depo Provera and hated it. Too many side effects. I have had minimal side effects with the patch if any. If you are worried about your parents finding out, or being able to afford it, Planned Parenthood keeps everything confidential and birth control is very affordable if not free, depending on your income. Also, they give out condoms free. Never hurts to have a few in your purse or nightstand drawer. It never hurts to be safe. You are taking many chances and rationalizing because you have sex sometimes, with the same guy and on the last day of your period, using the withdraw method, things will be fine. It can happen. Don't take those chances. Be safe okay. (((HUGS)))
  22. kellbell
    Hey there, It does not matter if it was a year ago. You mentioned in that other post you stopped taking birth control, used condoms sometimes and used the pull out method. So, I understand you were stressed last year, thus causing your period to be late. But you were worried about being pregnant. It does not matter if it is the same guy, if you have sex with the same guy on and off. You are still taking very big risks. It only takes one time. My recommendation is to get the morning after pill, use condoms all the time or get on birth control. I hope everything is okay and take care.
  23. kellbell
    Hey there, I went through something like this when I dated a guy several years ago. He was all into me, called me all the time, made time for me, all the good stuff then everything came to a drastic hault. He became too busy. He was always tired, whining about work, etc. I figured out a few things in hinsight several months later. He was the kind of guy whom loved the chase. And once I became interested and wanted more, he backed off. Big time. He will work his tail off to reel me in and once he succeeded, his actions became stagnet. So, he was not the guy for me. Guys like him stand a very good chance to live a very lonely life. The like the chase, do everything in their power to woo and once they succeed, they back off. The ol' push pull game. It is my belief that if the relationship is right, true and genuine, no games are neccesary. My current boyfriend is always doing little sweet things and we have been together almost a year. Plus, I do sweet things for him. I do not only rely on him doing all the nice things. Are you doing nice things for your boyfriend? Also, I learned communication is key. IMO, communication keeps the relationship going, keeps it strong. Being secretly resentful because the other did not meet our expectations (been there, done that) gets a person no where and it kills the relationship. My advice is to reflect upon you and think about the kind of guys you go out with. Look for the patterns. Also, I have learned not to place expectations. Just go with the flow. And finally, we cannot rely on others to make us happy, we are responsible for our own happiness.
  24. kellbell
    Hey there, I would take the morning after pill, just to be safe and for peace of mind. Also, a woman can get pregnant ANYTIME during the month. Furthermore, the withdraw method is VERY risky. Obviously you feel there is a chance you could be preganant after doing these two risky things otherwise you would not be scared or feeling like you should take the morning after pill. I would look in the yellow pages and look up Planned Parenthood and see if you can take them ASAP. Are you not on birth control? P.S. I looked at your post from Jan. 7, 2006 and this happened. Why are you doing this to yourself?
  25. kellbell
    Hey there, I am glad you are feeling better. It is normal to feel angry and bitter. But at the same time, some good can come out this too. Hang in there. You are doing great!
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