kellbell

Hey there, I see my boyfriend everyday.

Hey there, Perhaps try to get the girl's number sooner. Maybe a week or two is too long to wait. And instead of asking to study together, ask her on a date. Like going for coffee, movie, or the like. Good luck.

Hey there Brooke! I know of people like Nikki and usually they are extremely sensitive, insecure and have self-esteem issues. Their issues go a bit deeper than a broken shoe or an end to a relationship. Now, it is up to you but you can limit your time you spend with her. IMO, people with Nikki's personality cannot be helped without outside help, like a counselor or the like. And then some people are attention hounds. And perhaps Nikki is one of those individuals. If that's the case, I would REALLY limit the time you spend with her bacause you not win or reason with folks like her.

"Yeah I get that, but I'm saying like if you happen to bump into them don't ignore them. Don't persue or anything but don't purposly try to have no contact with them." You know, as you and I got further into this discussion, I had a feeling that this is what you have been eluding to the whole time. This is NOT NC. At least the NC that people mostly advocate here. Yes, if I bumped into an ex in public some where, I reckon I would say a simple hello and not stick my nose up in the air and say...."hmph." This is not NC in the context I have been describing all along.

I thank the high heavens that high school is nothing like real life!! LOL

LOL, I am not trying to be difficult. hehe... Guess I just had too much coffee!

"I really don't think that NC permanently solves anything." I do not think anyone here, at least me, is trying to help anyone solve anything permantly. But after a breakup, I feel it is important for the person (whether he/she is the dumper or dumpee) to focus on him/herself. Focus on what he/she can do better, re-evalute his/her boundries, basically a time for self-reflection and healing. One cannot do that if she/he is in touch with his/her ex, IMO. A person cannot heal from the pain when the pain (the ex) is still present. It is like a person want his/her head to feel better but keeps banging his/her head against the wall. I have also learned after a significant period of time goes by after NC, the person has a whole new outlook on the situation and in many cases, the person has no desire to smooth things over with the ex, to talk to the ex or what have you, his/her feelings changed dramatically. After being on this forum for over a year and have spent countless hours here, I have seen being in touch with an ex does more harm to the person than not. Actually, we have one member here whom has a thread that is like 80 pages long on his saga trying to win his ex back. This man, two years later is in no better place and STILL hurting. It is my belief I do not think it is fair to dangle carrots to an ex. And I feel that contact of any kind is a carrot. It is hope, when the case may be, there is no hope. How is that fair to either person?

"but I really don't feel bad for these people who feel sorry for themselves and cling to "NC" as the only answer." I am curious as to how you came up with this assessment. Actually, I found the opposite. It appears those whom feel sorry for themselves that are the most resistant to heed any advise here, which is usually NC. He/she often feels his/her situation is unique, that no one understands and most resistant to realize that many others here have been there and feel NC is "stupid." Most people whom advocate NC are pretty strong (or on their way to be), have been down that path and are in a better place and know from experience. To me, that is far from being on the "pity pot."

Hey there, I have worked with Bipolar clients before and from you have described here does not sound like Bipolar. It sounds like your boyfriend knows how to press your buttons and you react rather strongly. It seems like you both are addicted to the highs and lows of your relationship. That is not Bipolar. To answer your questions about Bipolar... Well, Bipolar is called Bipolar (or manic depressive) because the person goes to through phases of depression and mania. Depression Phase: The person feels extremely depressed, high levels of melencholy and hopelessness. The person often loses interest in important activities and what is important to him/her. He/she often feels suicidal even may even attempt it or have suidical ideation. He/she has weight issues, either losing or gaining weight and sleep issues. Sleeping too much or not enough. Basically the person is in utter dispair. And all of the symptoms have to impair daily and normal functioning for a number of weeks in order to receive a clinical diagnosis. My grandfather has it and in the past, he would lock himself in his room for days, not talk to anyone, not even his wife during his depressive phases. Manic Phase: The person feels utter elation, like he/she is top of the world, like he/she is invincible. Also, he/she may experience unwarrented feelings of irritablity or anger. You mentioned your boyfriend teases you, presses your buttons and then you react. Persons with Bipolar often pick fights and are irritable FOR NO REASON. Also, during the manic phase, the person will not sleep or eat for days. May work on a project nonstop for days. They often start things and do not finish. Persons during the manic phase are known to make very irresponsible decisions such as going on hefty spending sprees (my grandfather bought a house and a car while my grandmother was away on vacation), sexual activity, drugs or alcohol, or have road rage. Now, there are two types of Bipolar. Bipolor I and Bipolar II. Bipolar I is more serious. The manic phase lasts longer than a week and often the person becomes hosptializes during this phase or even the depressive phase. That is one of the criteria for a clinical diagnosis. Bipolar II, the person has hypomania meaning his/her manic phases last 4 days or less. Also, the degree of the cycles can vary and the severity can too. Now switching back and forth between phases fast is rare, which as called rapid cycling. My grandfather can be depressed for a number of weeks, snap out of it and not have an episode for months. Bipolar Disorder is very difficult to diagnose for a couple of reasons. One the symptoms tend to overlap with Borderline Personality Disorder. Also, people whom are in the manic phase seldom seek help because in their view, nothing is wrong, they feel great, they feel powerful, the do their best work during this phase. I truly feel you and your boyfriend have a major communication issue and like to press one another's buttons. This is lightyears away from being Bipolar. Instead of trying to diagnose yourself with something very serious, perhaps work on communicating with your boyfriend in a more constructive manner.

While I believe NC is an essential approach in healing, for BOTH persons, NC is not always an option. In cases such as children being involved, shared assets (such as property) and perhaps working in the same place. However, people have to do what is right for him/her. But to come on a forum such as this one and make a statement such as NC is stupid or pointless, well it is quite insensitive to others whom have worked so hard to maintain it, whom feel it what he/she needs to heal and recover. IMO, it is an irresponsible statement to say here. To me, it undermines others' choice in how he/she decided to cope and heal. And we are all here to help and support one another. Now, I can think of when NC might be mean or silly and that is if one person ups and leaves, without a word, no explanation, nothing and just disappears. But the vast majority of the situations here, this is not the case. We have to bear in mind that we all have to do what is right for us and to label something such as NC as stupid, childish, or immature is a bit insentitive to others here whom have chosen to take that path.

NC is not stupid. It was a lifesaver for me. In my last relationship, there was NOTHING to solve, nothing to talk about, nothing to "smooth over." We talked, talked and talked before about our issues. I was tired of talking. I was tired of the relationship. I had nothing more to give nor to say. Nonetheless, I was no longer in love with him. I should have ended the relationship a year and half before I actually ended it. I would have been hurting myself and him if I continued to prolong the pain, the inevitable. Plus, I was TIRED of doing what was right FOR HIM! I for once, took charge of my life and did was RIGHT FOR ME. I was absolutely exhausted in every respect. No offense friend, until you have been in a romantic relationship, I would wait until you have a stance on NC.

Plus, as I understand it, the original poster is a on a business trip at the moment. Nothing constructive can be done until he gets back. They need to speak face to face. All this nonsense that happened thus far in this thread occurred via text/phone and mySpace messages.

Hey there, I know is this is so hard for you. But she did state yesterday over the phone either "talk now (which was yesterday) or Sunday". Last I checked my calander, it is Thursday. You told her you both will talk on Sunday. She NEEDS to be held accountable for her actions. Given into today which just give her the green light to pull another stunt like this in the future. She NEEDS to know you are not playing around and you are serious. She CANNOT have her way ALL THE TIME!! People cry as a manipulative gesture at times and I truly feel she is doing this now. Man, this woman cannot handle ANYTHING that is NOT going her way. GEEZ! Stay stong!

Hey there, Now I am really worried. You are neck deep in this more than I thought. You are worried about coming accross as a jerk for standing up to your feelings when she was clearly out of line, bullying you, and throwing a tantrum. That screams volumes to me. Your relationship is no where near being true, compassionate, and genuine. And you have been going out for 18 weeks. NO WAY are you a jerk for standing up for how you feel. If she cannot handle it, then that is her problem. You have a right to state your case and feel good about it. I would really reconsider this relationship and send her packing. This is ridiculous.

Whoa!! Wow, what IS her deal?? She sounds so mean. Okay, Sunday...that will give you time to cool off, to think and get your bearings. Yikes, she likes to throw tantrums. Please keep us updated and try to hang in there. I cannot imagine what you are going through and how you feel at the moment.

Hey there wadecure, I remember your post from November. Your girlfriend likes to move 110 miles an hour. I have to say, the response you gave her was one of the most heartfelt, eloquent and to the point responses I have ever read. And if that is not enough for her, I am not sure what will be. It is my belief, she is in love with idea of marriage than being in love with you. The fact she mentioned because she is girl and programmed to be that way is a bunch of BS. Based on what you wrote today and other posts, I advise you NOT to marry this girl...ever. Love and partnership is about respecting one another, respecting one anothers' boundries, and trying to see the other's point of view in a loving and objective manner. Heck, she cannot even do that in the four months you have dated, what makes you think she will do that if you are married? It is my STRONG belief that a person can see another's true colors during times of stress, during times of adversity. Of course we are on our best behavior when things are good. But when reality hits, a person gets a true glimpse of another's coping style and reactions to real life. This is her reaction, sending you nasty emails...on mySpace no less! Sheesh. I am sorry for writing this but your girlfriend acts like a spoiled you know what when she does not get her way. Is this what you envisioned as your future wife, a woman whom throws a tantrum?? If I were your in your position, I would end it with her. Seriously. Since October, none of your posts about your relationship have not been good at all. And if things are like this in the very beggining of your relationship, then I do not see matters improving. Hang in there and keep us posted.

Hey there, I would not play aloof for too long. IMO, you played aloof enough. Anymore of it would be playing around and a bit mean. Now is the time to ask her out and if she backs her way out it after you were aloof, she is not interested and I would let this go. You cannot force someone to be interested. Either she is or is not. And if things were meant to be, too many games, if any, would not be necessary. Good luck.

Hey there, It could be all nonsense. Unless you SAW them or if Rachel had tangible proof that anything happened, I would not go by third party information. People can do devious things.

Well, have some faith in him, perhaps he has something planned.

Hey there, Have you both discussed what you are going to do for V-day? Because I know of many couples whom despise V-day and just do not do anything. My boyfriend and I will not be doing much, we have to work (I will be working later) but we decided we are going to have a nice meal at home and a lovely dessert. Now, I got him a card and his favorite candy, I am not sure if he is going to get me anything but if he does not, it is okay. He does A LOT for me. But our anniversary is also in Feb so we are putting more thought into that instead of this Hallmark Holiday. But just because you are a romantic does not mean he has to be. Some people just are not. And expecting someone to be a certain way just because you are is not fair. Make sure when you do things for people, like your boyfriend, make sure your intentions are genuine and that you are not expecting something in return. Expectations are premediated resentments.

Hey there, I guess you need to do what feels comfortable. And the same for him. For me, if I did not talk to my boyfriend, even for a day, it made me very ansty and uncomfortable. I think there were a couple of days were we did not speak on the phone and I would toss and turn all night. I would be very restless. The same for him. He would feel "strange" if we went one day without hearing each other's voices. So because of that, we make a point to talk everyday, even if it was for a few minutes. It just varies. It is hard to give a clearcut answer. I wish I could more help on your question. LOL

Hey there, "i guess i just keep comparing the way he acted with her to the way he acts with me." This is hard not to do but you have no idea the amount of truth your ex was telling you. For all you know, he could have been encouraging her throughout the duration of your relationship. Why would she be bothering (sending cards, calling, etc) if he was not giving her any incentive to do so? And the fact he ended up cheating on you makes me very skeptical of anything he told you throughout the year you dated. Remember, there is ALWAYS two sides of the story and your were only getting his. Things appear shadey to me. He has proven over and over that he cannot be trusted so to me, his credibilty about anything he says to you at all is in question. He has proven over and over he cannot be trusted...at all. Why be friends with a liar and someone whom cheated on you? Like I wrote before, I would let this go. Invest your time and energy with your new boyfriend, your ex does not even deserve an once of it.

Hey there, Not all break ups end amicably. For what ever reason, this guy is not interested in being friends with you. Like Annie pointed out, it is anyone's guess as to why this is. It could be a number of reasons. You do not get closure from someone else. You can only get closure from yourself. From what I have read, you have closure. Your ex does not want to be friends with you and now you have a new beau you are totally into and visa versa. And when you see him (your ex) at parties and bars, I would just ignore him. And if he comes up to you, say hi and politely excuse yourself. Not everyone is going to like you and want to be your friend (took me a long to time to grasp this too) and this guy is one of them. Enjoy the time with your boyfriend and try to let this go about your ex. Take care.

Hey Darkpumkin, It can vary among couple to couple. Some talk everyday, some talk every other day or maybe even twice a week. I guess it depends on your comfort level and what you hope to get out the relationship. But if the both of you are exclusive, I would imagine you would talk just about everyday. When I was in my long distance relationship with my current boyfriend, we talked every single day for 7 months before I moved out here.

"she says she shouldn't be feeling bad cause she did nothing wrong." Yes, in this instance she has done nothing wrong. But this whole thing ties into other issues that are going on this relationship. There is very little trust so something like a sex toy can just rock the boat just a bit more causing you to feel more insecure about matters. You have to take a step and really think about why this is bothering you so much and try to talk to her about it, in a very non-threatening, non-accusatory way.