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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    Hey there, I worked as a bartender through my college years and as a grad student and still graduated with honors. It is all about prioritizing. Those friends you speak of whom do not do well in school while working are perhaps making their jobs more important and not their schooling. While I was an undergrad, I worked 4 days a week. As a grad student, three days. I made schedules and put time aside to study and write papers. Just know your limits and stick to your guns. It is definitely possible to work and still do well in school. Good luck and hope you get the job!
  2. kellbell
    Hey there, "Maybe I should start focusing on the negative and not the positive." Perhaps think about the reality of the situation, this guy was no good for you and broke your heart (the negative aspect) but also think of it in a positive light too. What have you learned from him, from the relationship, what mistakes did you make, what were the signs, what have you learned about yourself and finally, what will you do different next time? All of my break ups have been blessings in disguise. I learned so much from my ex's, so much about myself, what my patterns were and broke them. My pain and heartache has forced me to change and grow. It has given knowledge and wisdom I can share with and bring to my current boyfriend, whom is awesome in every way. Also, the bad relationships I have had in the past has allowed me to treasure my boyfriend and realize he is truly a blessing in my life. Again, it is all about perspective.
  3. kellbell
    Hey there, I am so sorry things did not work out. Hey, there are plenty of women out there that would LOVE for you to take them out. Hang in there and take care of you.
  4. kellbell
    Hey there, Is this the same you girl you posted about in this thread? If so, move on, her behavior is way to flakey.
  5. kellbell
    Hey there, I am with the others here, this does not look promising. One, she did not offer to reschedule your plans. I know she is sick and all and it hard to know exactly when she will feel better but she could have said sometime next week. Also, she is not over her ex, she has feelings for him, perhaps not romantic feelings but still feelings. Anyone person whom talks like that about an ex is not over him/her and very likely has baggage. She is not starting with a clean slate. My friend, you have been through hell and back again with your ex and last I read, you are STILL cleaning this mess up. Perhaps take a step back and reflect on the common demonator here and that is you. Look at your patterns, why are getting involved with women like this. Don't ignore the signs, because believe me, they are there. I would take it easy and treat yourself right.
  6. kellbell
    Hey there, "I have a question, is it it normal to still miss him even after he treated me the way he did? I know he's a jerk but he just had this charming way about him that made me feel like he understood me and knew where I was coming from." Someone wise once told me, "we always mourn for the person whom did not exist" after a relationship ends. You are missing what COULD HAVE been and/or the person whom you THOUGHT your ex was. The reality is, he cannot be trusted, violated your trust, slept with others, is a liar, called the COPS on you, and has no morals. The sooner you realize and digest the man your ex TRULY is, the less you miss him, the less you will think about him. I know this is hard and the mind can play tricks on us. (i.e. remembering the good times, thinking he was charming, understood, etc...). But we have to FORCE ourselves to think of the reality of the situation. It is all about perspective. Hang in there, you are doing great!
  7. kellbell
    Hey there, Wow, what a JERK!! I am so sorry things have come down to this. You are so much better off. It sounds like he wants a MAID instead of a wife. Unfortunately, I don't have a magic wand to speed up time or make the pain go away. You will hurt and this will take some time to get pass. But you have us on eNotAlone to turn to and support you. Don't be a stranger. (((BIG HUGS)))
  8. kellbell
    Like the others have mentioned, the essay is asking you to describe a potential classmate you may befriend in college that is of a differerent culture and/or ethnicity different from your own. The essay mentioned that college is a golden opportunity to meet several people from different backgrounds including race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion and so forth and that such an institution attacts many different kinds of people from many walks of life. What you are taught in the classroom goes so far and it is only a piece of the whole pie. The other big piece is experience and whom you associate with, and being with others whom are in a different culture, whatever it may be teaches so much more than you would ever imagine. That is not from any textbook. In my grad school years, I became very close with a girl from Hati. I learned so much about another culture, religion, and so forth by being great friends with and most of all, I learned a great deal about myself. Essays are not meant to be straightforward. They are meant to make you think, think outside the box, and read between the lines. College is not like high school, no one is going to be holding you by the hand any longer. It is time for you think on your own and make your experiences. Good luck with essay.
  9. kellbell
    Hey there, No prob. I just feel he is using your stuff as colateral and a way to have some contact with you. He has something you want. It sounds like you have a great relationship with his folks. You don't have to say anything negative about him to his parents, just say something like, "I have had no luck in contacting him and I would really like my things back as soon as possible..." I wish you luck.
  10. kellbell
    Well, since you have tried to contact your ex to no avail, call his folks. IMO, your ex blew it, dinking around and playing a game. I know you want to be the big person, are trying not to make a big issue out this and not get his folks involved but your ex has no one to blame but himself. Time to stop being so accomidating to an ex. Get your things and put this to rest once and for all.
  11. kellbell
    Hey there, I am with Bella on this one. This issue is a peliminary aspect of a relationship. This is a topic that is covered in the very beginning for me. If he is into that and if this is something he does on a regular basis OR views is it as NOT cheating, I would not get involved with him in the first place. If this is something that is not talked about in the very beginning, then it does not make sense to give ultinanums after the fact. Communication is the key.
  12. kellbell
    Hey there, I would try to arrange something with his parents. Does he live his parents?
  13. kellbell
    Hey there, It sounds like you both are getting to know one another in a romantic sense and not just childhood buddies. You are seeing one another in another light and discovering things about one another, which can be a beautiful thing. But I honestly feel he was not "choosing" porn over the real thing but merely because he thought you want to wait and get hot heavy with this magazine. Based on what you wrote about him, he sounds like a gentleman, very caring but cautious and a bit gun-shy about sex based on his past. It does not appear his actions are melicious at all. Maybe a bit absent-minded if anything. I believe you both are doing everything right and on the right path in discovering one another. I wish you all the best in your new relationship.
  14. kellbell
    Hey there, I am going to be a bit blunt in my response, bear with me... " "why didn't you get some condoms instead?" " Okay, did you ask him to get condoms or did you assume he would? Perhaps your new beau assumed you would want to wait or did you make an agreement to wait for awhile? And if you agreed to wait awhile, why would he go get condoms. Would not you be insulted if we went ahead and bought condoms when you thought you both would wait a bit? "Now, Im not going to lie. I was VERY VERY INSULTED. I am thinking "You've got the real think here, waiting and ready" yet you are going to get a porn mag and yank your wank IN MY HOUSE??...and to make it worse, HE TELLS ME ABOUT IT." Perhaps we wanted to share the magazine with you, have you both look at together and perhaps get hot and heavy again. I suspect you made a big assumption here that he was going to masterbate to this magazine in your house. Did you ask him or did you assume? You mentioned you are both very good at communicating and very open-minded. I have to say what went down this weekend was based on huge assumptions from both of you and no open-mindedness took place at all. Sorry if I seem rude or mean but I just see that both of you assumed matters without discussing anything.
  15. kellbell
    Hey MG, You are searching for answers because the pain is still fresh and raw. But you will know when you are getting over this and moving on when you do not care anymore what the reasons are. And the time will come, I promise. You are doing great!
  16. kellbell
    Hey Dan, I have read your thread and I can see where you are coming from to an extent. However, I ended a four year relationship in December 2005. I, in no way, shape or form, wanted anything to do with my ex after that. Absolutely nothing. "It's all about seduction." Not for me, I DID NOT want my ex to ease back into my life, nor re-seduce me. It was over. Finished. I was miserable beyond belief, heavy in debt because of him (still am). There was nothing he could have said or done to reverse the damage he caused or the hurt he inflicted on me. I just caution that everyone's situation is unique and this is not a one size fits all situtation. I am afraid you advocating this kind of notion. I am going to go out on a limb here, what if the ex was abusive in some sort, what if the ex cheated? Would it make sense to allow this kind of person to "ease" back into these other's life? How would your thinking apply to these types of situations? "Everything in life is a game. If it wasn't then we would all be winners." I have to disagree with this. Not when it comes to others' lives, feelings, mental and emotional well-being. That is NOT a game to me and not be treat as such.
  17. kellbell
    I suggested that he not send her anything based on her behavior around Christmas. It is important to go back and read previous threads to get a better grasp on the situation and advise accordingly. I broke off a 4 year relationship mid-December 2005 and received flowers on Christmas eve from my ex and I was FAR from feeling elated. I was irritated, confused and angry. I just felt my decision was not being respected and felt manipulated in some way.
  18. kellbell
    Hey there, I was reading your other threads and the disappearing act she did around Christmas was pretty lame. She said she needed her space, you already sent her two letters and two cards with no response to any of them. I more so vote no, on sending her a Valentine's Day Card. I am so sorry things have been tough.
  19. kellbell
    Hey there, So sorry to read about your breakup. But since she broke up with you, have not heard from her in a month, I would vote no, don't send her anything. Hang in there.
  20. kellbell
    Hey you are you welcome OCD! You do sound like a great guy and you deserve to be happy!!
  21. kellbell
    "I don't want to be Mr. Feelbetter for her" My friend, that is EXACTLY what she is looking for. And if that is not what you want, then don't do it. Don't get snuckered into it. I would just wish her all the best and that's that. Seriously. She dumped you to be with someone else dude! That's all the ammo you need to stay away from her.
  22. kellbell
    Hey there OCD!! I am echo the sentiments here. She is turning to you for an emotional crutch, to get her through the rough spots. With that in mind, you both are not playing in level grounds. She has TONS of baggage and you do not. The relationship would not start on equal footing at all. She really needs to learn how to survive on her own. It seems like everyone has coddled her along. She left you to be with someone else, has a kid and now the marriage has ended, she is turning to you. There is nothing wrong with needing support through somehting like this but she can call her friends, her family...not an ex boyfriend. In her mind, you are a sure thing. Plus, being there for her in the way she is looking for, in a way is doing her and her son a disservice, she NEEDS to stand on her own, become strong, to be self-sufficent. You went through hell and back with your ex in 2005. You are finally at peace and in a good place. Getting into the likes of this ex will perhaps set you back. I vote to keep her at arm's length and keep dating other women.
  23. kellbell
    SPF, You love her but perhaps she loved you as a friend. That is what happened with me and my ex. I stopped loving him as a boyfriend and felt like we were pals, like roommates. She just did not feel the same as you I am afraid. I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. Hang in there.
  24. kellbell
    Hey there, "Dosen't make sense." Actually, looking from the outside in, it makes perfect sense. By you staying and putting up with this atrotious behavior, you have shown your boyfriend you will tolerate being disrespected in this manner. With that in mind, he has no insentive to you show you respect nor fight for the respect you deserve from his friends. You put up with his dogs, the filth, his crummy friends...yikes girl, you need a break! I am glad you have decided to get your things and hopefully never look back. I am so sorry things have been this way for you. You deserve better and a good night's sleep for a change! Hang in there.
  25. kellbell
    "She told me as we said goodbye after breaking up that she has never been so angry and so upset at anyone during a breakup." I am not sure as to why she said this. It is hard to say. Well, I figure if things were meant to be, it will happen. I hope you feel better soon.
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