kellbell

Hey there, I feel you did the right thing. It is my belief she wants to control the reigns here. Like, everything has to be on her terms. For example, she calls you like nothing happened and when you text her, she ignores you. It is more of an ego thing on her end, IMO. I am so sorry things have been hard. But like you said, you do not need this in your life and this kind of behavior upsets you. The logical thing would be to remove yourself from the situation, which you have. Stick to it. She will get the hint eventually. Hang in there.

Love is most certainly painful when it does not work out but as you know, when it does, it is a wonderful experience and priceless experience. I would not give up on love. You are quite young, you have your whole life ahead of you. I know it is no counsulation to hear that but it is true. Hang in there friend.

Paisly, I am truly sorry you had to go through all that pain. Bless your heart. The comment you wrote the end of your first post is very true. Please do not ask a couple when/if they are having kids unless you know them very well. I have a friend of 11 years whom is going through something very similar. Her husband has a low sperm count, which was ruled impossible for her to get pregnant unless they use in-vitro. He also has polycystic kindney disease which is very genetic so in order not to pass that gene onto the child, the gene would have to be taken out during the in-vitro process. All of which costs a ton of money. So they opted for artificial insemination, with no luck. They thought about adoption but they are going to try in-vitro once. They have been married for 7 years and so many people have asked when are they going to have kids and so forth. Strangers, co-workers, etc. It hurts my friend to the core as they have been through so much these last 2 years. They desperately want a child. They would make awesome parents. Sometimes, the world is not fair at all. Thank you for sharing your story. Big, big hugs.

Hey MG, Your reservations about NC are quite common. But what other choice do you have? Your ex told you flat out how she feels about matters. I am not going to lie, NC is very hard in the beginning, especially when it is something you never wanted. But as each day goes by, you will get stronger and stronger and will realize that you can be happy on your own. You cannot rely on others for your happiness, you are responsible for your own happiness. NC will help you realize that. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain. I am truly sorry things worked out this way. Someone once told me that sometimes pain elicits change, it prompts growth and wisdom. He is right as I went through much pain last year. Hang in there and taking it one day at a time is definitely very wise. Take care, okay?

Hey Massari, It is my belief she keeps calling and texting because you are not answering her calls. She is panicking now. Before, you always took her back but not this time. So, now it is her time to feel insecure and blown off. She needs to deal with the consequences of cheating on you. And you are doing everything right. Try not to give in to her advances, stay strong. It is a new year, new beginnings, a chance to start over. You deserve much better than this. Hang in there.

Depends. I would not date myself. I am more like a one guy, one girl person, so I believe in long term relationships. I was never able to casually date. Otherwise, I'd have to say I am keeper, I love to listen, do special things for the other, and have fun.

Hey there, Maybe she is afraid by you moving closer to her is for her. And if things get hard, perhaps she fears you will resent her for it down the line. Ultimately, you have to make decision to move closer to her for you and not only her. In case things do not work out, you will still feel good about the decision about the move because it was a choice you made for yourself.

Hey MG, I am so sorry things worked out the way they did. Now, you know for sure where things stand. No more false hopes, being in limbo and waiting. You cannot make another love you, nor win back an ex. There is such a thing called free will. They only thing you can do now is try to pick up the pieces and recover from this. I know you have a snow tubing trip this weekend with her going to be there but hard core NC after that. Hang in there.

I agree with Blender, you have to do what is best for you. Have fun and good luck.

I go by the don't ask, don't tell principle on those matters. If your boyfriend is offering details about his past sexual relationships and you do not ask about it, I would tell him to kindly refrain from talking about them. Doing so makes you uncomfortable and you would rather keep things in the past.

If it is not such a big deal, I do not understand why he can not invite you along.

"I still love her, and I can't control that..." Of course you do. But you CAN control how you act and handle matters. Also, even though you love her, love YOURSELF to do what is right for YOU. The harder option is usually the correct one in situations such as this.

"but I don't want to not be around when that happens, regardless of what she ends up figuring out. I don't want to let go..." MG, when this happens, she will know where to find you. She knows where you live, where you work, your number. And she will if she wants to be with you once and for all. I suspect by you hanging around her, not engaging in NC, you are trying to control a situation you simply have no control over. You have control over what you do and how you react to things, but absolutely no control over others and what they do. I know you don't want let her go. Totally understandable but friend, you may have to prepare to do so.

Hey there, Did he say he would give you a call soon? A guess a friendly email letting him know you had a great time and that you look forward into seeing him again would not hurt.

"I don't want to do NC again, I really don't think it is the right thing for my situation." I am curious as to why you think this. Are you hoping that you hanging in there during her bout of confusion and showing her that you are great guy will help her snap out of it? Just wondering.

Okay, I see. Well, it seems that you have talked to her in the past and you get the same response, that she is confused, not sure what she wants and things like that. So, I am not sure how confronting her now is going to change things or shed light on matters. I am not trying to be difficult here but it just seems her actions have been leading you on and when push comes to shove, she plays this "I'm confused" card. So, I reckon talking to her one last time about her intentions are is okay. But at same time, I cannot help to think you are feeding into your own confusion as well. What I mean is, you respond to her IM's, her texts, her shopping invites, the snowtubing, sleeping next to her. So by doing that, perhaps this is giving her mixed signals as well. It is like a vicious cycle, you know? So by taking in her crumbs, you are consenting to her leading you on and giving you mixed signals. Make sense? Do you have what you are going to say her planned or have some kind of idea what you are going to say to her?

Hey there, Welcome to eNotAlone. And I am sorry these circumstances brought you here. Well, there is not much you can do at this point except respect her space and wishes. Anymore attempts to make contact with her or be with her will push her further away. I am sure the pain and distance is unbearable at this time. And I am so sorry for that. In the meantime, I recommend you try to stay busy and hang out with your friends and family. Hang in there and don't be a stanger.

Hey MG, Well, as I mentioned before, she is acting as if nothing has happened. The shopping, the texting, now this New Year's Eve Party. I would suspect she still has feelings for you. But like I mentioned before, I suspect she does understand how her actions affect you and hurt you. Otherwise, she would not be doing the things she has been doing. Furthermore, you are allowing her to do so. At this point, I am confused as to what you want to happen. I am not sure what there is to talk about. Maybe I missed something along the way. Not sure. What is it, truly you want to happen and what do you want to get out of what happens?

Hey All!! Wishing you a fabulous 2007!!! 2006 brought many exciting and wonderful changes for me. I look forward to what 2007 brings me. Cheers everyone and be safe.

Hey there Anthony, "But I hate inconveniencing and creating bad relations with the venue, the person who will be marrying us, our guests and friends and so on." This is the least of your worries right now. Venues and whatnot deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis, it is their job. As far as friends and family goes, if they are true to you, they would understand. Also, it not their life, they are not the ones that have to deal with this mess, you do.

Hey there, Most apartment complexes require a person whom wants to lease, to have good credit. Not just credit but good credit. If you don't, then they would either require a co-signer or like a ridiculous amount of money up front. Now renting from private people may a different story. I have seen in the classifieds that many private renters also want prospective tenents to have credit. It shows you are responsible with money and pay on time. Without credit, you may have a hard time finding a place. Why not find a roommate?

Hey MG, Should not she have realized that you are to be around with when she with you? How she can she truly know her real feelings for you or miss you and if you are still hanging around her? Just some questions I'd thought to throw out there.

Hey there, Might it be mono? Here is a link about it... link removed

Hey there Anthony, Some questions for everyone: 1) Have you or do you know of any couples who have experienced internal problems like this, so early on in their relationship or married life? No, I do not. Relationships, let alone marriage should not be this hard. True, they have bumpy times but not like this. If you have been experiencing issues such as this early on, what makes you think that marriage or waiting things out will change anything? I learned that during times of stress and adversity, one can see a person's true colors and personality. You have had the blessing of seeing everyone, your fiance, her parents' true colors over and over again. Anthony, this is the kind of people they are, they are not going to change. Instead, you need to make a decision whether or not you want to deal with this mess. 2) How can I figure out if my trapped, depressed feelings are because of this awful mess with our marriage plans, or partly also because of problems at my work/job and/or partly because I'm going through a soul searching passage in my life where I want a hope for the future, through either family or religion or friends? Remove yourself from one of these situations. I would remove yourself from your relationship right now. Think about how things were before you got into this mess, I think your personal life is reeking havoc on your professional life and your soul's core. 3) Is a relationship which is 65% fine based on the same interests and tastes, which then turns bad quite often whenever her parents or emotions are mentioned, worth continuing with? Are you sure this is 65%? Based on what you have written, do you feek this is a bit high? These are superficial interests you and your fiance share, obviously it is not enough for you to feel safe and secure about this proposal and future with her. You need to be on the same page on bigger and heavier issues. 4) Am I really justified in feeling so bitter towards her parents and kind of losing some trust and respect in my girlfriend because of her choices? After all, she acted with good intentions, trying to please both parties. Absolutely. Yes, you have every right to lose trust and respect for everyone involved, especially your fiance. She is supposed to be backing you up, standing up for you. She is not 12 anymore when she is supposed to do what her parents tell her to do. She is an adult, about to get married. She is no mindset at all to be wife to anyone. She is still there puppet. No one respects or trusts a pushover. Without those two qualities, your relationship has nothing to stand on. Having the same interests in lesiure time, interests, music cannot save this relationship. 5) Might my feelings be ironic? I regularly start crying when I'm alone, and it might be some kind of ironic happiness I'm experiencing, where deep inside I'm actually happy but I'm wrestling with some bitter feelings too. Because Anthony, you are miserable. Miserable to the core. Nothing you had planned for your future, nothing you dreamed or hoped is coming true and your brain knows you have every power to stop it and your not. This is why you cry. I just dont know. 6) Isn't it fair to say that many couples have problems with their in-laws too, and these couples all manage, so why shouldn't I just shut up and get on with things? Personally, I wanted a loving extended family to marry into. My folks wanted this too, so that I could look forward to staying with the in-law family on holidays. But instead, I dread it. Her mum speaks to me like I'm a 12 year old boy. She even says I act like one because I say thankyou too much! But the week previously, she complained I didn't say thank you enough. Yes, couples have tough times with in-laws but not like this. I think now you are grabbing at straws with this one. One of the top five reason why couples get divorced is because of meddling and over-powering in-laws and the person choosing his/her parents over his/her spouse. 7) How much truth is in what some shrinks say about marrying your father? I ask this because recently I've become moody as a result of the problems with her parents and her inability to addres or deal with them, and she seems to like it better when I'm moody, maybe because I'm like her father? I have heard of this but given your problems, this issue is totally irrelevent. For the first time in 2.something years, we had a pregnancy worry. Because of our relationship between quite messy and strained, I kindly asked her if we could hold back on the sex for a while as the last thing we want right now is kids. She agreed and is intending to see a doctor to go on the pill. Do you think I made the right decision? I mean, abortion is not something I would want, but nor is a kid at this stage, when we're not exactly ecstatically happy together. IMO, this is was a good thing to do. 9) Maybe her parents were justified in being angry about us announcing our engagement (and it was a very quiet, discrete announcement) before her brother had gotten married - maybe we should have waited until after? Anthony, your issues with her parents were bad before you had any kind of engagement. I believe they are using excuses to treat you and their daughter like poo. Bottom line is, this is the way things are going to be. This is the way her parents handle matters, being verbally and emotionally abusive. Her brother running away and not speaking to them for 12 years should be huge sign. Their parents are hurtful. They treat both their children the same way, and you. Whose to say they will not treat their grandchildren the same way? This is how they behave when they do not get their way. And you my friend, have all the power to stop this and get away. I hope I answered your questions and that was helpful. Hang in there.

Hey no problem. Good luck today.