kellbell

"he dosent need to look at other naked ladies he has me thats all he need and if im not enough then we have a problem...you have every right to get mad.." There are NOT naked ladies in Maxim magazine!! Sheesh!

"I asked a couple of people I know (my older brother, his girlfriend, so on) and I got the general impression that maybe I should have an issue with this" See, this where I feel things went kind of coo-coo. Don't let others sway how you feel. Your intitial reaction was you were okay with it. Your first reaction is usually the correct one. Not always but usually. Have your ever read or seen Maxim? I mean, seriously, it is not a magazine to get in a bunch about. Much of it is articles for guys about various things such as video games, gadgets, cars, motorcyles, and political topics as well. There are women in those magazines but if you do look at them, they are fake. Airbrushed to the max. I mean, none of those pictures are real. And some of the issues do feature stories on these women, such as Nikky and Paris Hilton BEFORE the became really famous and they were on the cover of that issue. Also, there is sex tips but strangely enough, many of the sex tips are written by a woman. And there are dirty and sometime tasteless jokes and I believe it has useless facts in that magazine as well. So, instead of listening about other people's opinions because people's opinions vary, perhaps do a little research on your own and decide for YOURSELF. It is really worth having fights with your boyfriend due to OTHER PEOPLE's opinions?

Saint, What it is exactly you are upset about? I am not trying to be sacrastic or mean. Perhaps getting to root of the issue would be helpful.

He is getting the subscription for his mother's frequent flier miles ultimately. I believe you not wanting him to have the subscription is a bit passive aggressive due to the fact he will not listen to you. Thoughts?

Nope, it would not bother me at all. In fact, I subscribed to Maxim Magazine for an ex of mine for a Christmas gift. I also enjoy reading those magazines...Blender, FHM, Maxim, I like reading those a lot more than Cosmo, Glamour, etc.

Hey there, "I feel like I just threw everything away." No, she threw everything away by breaking up with you and wanting to be with another guy. "Does anybody have any suggestions on how to handle this?" Take it one day a time. There isn't any magic words or potions to speed up the time to take the pain away I am afraid. Try to keep busy, hang out with your friends, do what makes you happy but also, expereince the emotions as they come insteadf of "stuffing" them. I am really sorry how things turned out. Don't be a stranger and try to hang in there.

Hey there, I have worked with patients with bi-polar and I have a family member with bi-polar as well. Yes, bi-polar is highly genetic. It tends to run strong in families but that does not mean your girlfriend is doomed. "Is it linked to depression, and when does it show up in people??? " It depends, it is on an individual basis. However, Axis I disorders tend to show up in late teens and early 20's. Sometimes earlier. It has also been thought that once a person has a predisposition to having an Axis I disorder, stress and discontent can bring forth the disorder much sooner and in full force. Depression is only PART of bi-polar. The other part is what is called mania. Hence the name BI-Polar. And they can run in cycles. The severity and speed at which these cycles change depends on the individual. There are two types of bi-polar...Bi-polar I and Bi-polar II. Bi-polar II is not as severe and the mania a person experiences is hypomania meaning the person experiences mania for a shorter duration compared to Bi-polar I. The cycles can be different as well. With the depression part... The person gets extremely meloncholy. I mean really sad. My grandfather would lock himself in his room for days and not speak to anyone, not even my grandmother. The person may get tearful, lose/gain weight, lose/gain a lot of sleep, lose interest in activities he/she took great pleasure doing. And feeling suicidal is not uncommon either. Actually, I believe suicide intent or attempts must have happened in order to receive the diagnosis. With the mania part... The person feels extreme euphoria, like he/she is on top of the world, like the person is invincable and can accomplish great things. The person feels he/she does not need to sleep and/or and can go for days without doing so. But also, the person can feel extremely agitated, irritable. Pick fights for no reason, say hurtful things and be somewhat of a bully. Also, the person makes very rash decisions such as spending sprees, sexual promiscutity, reckless driving. My grandfather bought a house and a car when my grandmother was away on vacation and without talking to her about it. Also, to receive a bi-polar diagnosis, the person must have a least one overnight hosptialization due to suidice ideation or attempt or due to the manic state. "I'm afraid that if somewhere down the road that we did break up for some reason, if it would throw her back into depression, and look toward scuicide. I will stress again that I have no reason to believe that a break up is imminent." I really would not think about that at this point. You have not crossed that bridge and I would only worry about it when you do. You do not want a dark cloud hovering over your relationship and if you stress about this, that will happen. Plus, others don't force people to committ suicide or push a person into doing so, there is such a thing called free will. I believe your girlfriend felt suicidal due to matters that were out of her control which most likely put her into depression. It is hard to say if her depression was due to external forces or due some biological issue. I am not qualified to make that call. I think it is great that she is seeing a therapist. I feel bad that she is estranged from her mom, people with bi-polar can be a force to be reckon with. I was scared of my grandfather for a very long time due to his "irrational" outbursts and swearing. I was too young to understand. My grandmother had one heck of time dealing with my grandfather but she HAS and she has for over 30 years and never stopped loving my grandfather. That is great you are showing your concern. I would just be there for your girlfriend for whenever she needs you and be as understanding as you can. Hang in there.

Hey there, So sorry about her car accident. Perhaps send her some flowers to show her you are thinking of her and that you will be there for her.

Hey there, "Should I just call her up and tell her that if she wants to be friends, then I want to meet her as a friend for dinner?" I would not do that because this is not how you truly feel and it the date may be under false pretenses. I would wait a day or so to call her, you do not want to come accross as needy or desperate. Just try to be cool and confident. Hang in there.

Well, When you see her, just be poilte and cordial and be a bit aloof as well. There is no need to ignore her or try to make her jealous.

I would wait a few days and let her miss you. Call her up with some definate plans, like where you want to go, what time, and what day. And hope that she will want to go. If you cannot get ahold of her, then I would say you lost her. But I would try one more time to take her out and SHOW her how you feel. I wish you all the luck and let me know how things turn out.

Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone. "Is there anything I can do?" In my opinion, no, there is not much you can do. She knows how you feel and where you stand in all this. She is young and she wants to feel her oats. There is also such a thing called free will. You cannot win someone back or make someone come back to you. You best bet is no contact or NC and try to move on from this. You cannot hang in limbo forever and that is where you are at. Until she comes back to you and says, "I made a mistake, I miss you and I want to work this out..." everything else is futile. I am so sorry about your break up and that my post is not that encouraging. Try to keep busy and hang with your friends. Hang in there.

Hey sara, No worries, try not to beat yourself up over this. Everyone has little bumps in the road. The important thing is to learn for it and remember how you felt last night and today when you are tempted to break NC. You are right, he was looking for an ego boost and testing the waters. Next time he has a question or whatever, just ignore him. You can do it. Stay strong chica! (((hugs)))

Hey norway. I am so sorry about your break up and I hope you have a great birthday inspite of what has happened. I believe this is for the best, her actions were childish and immature. Instead of being an adult and talking to you about her feelings, such acted like a child. And tried to pin this on you no less, could not even take responsibilty to what she has added to the issue. Hang in there and try to have fun.

It is true that many woman like to be courted, such as you have. Taken her out, gave her little gifts and wrote poems. But that only goes so far. It gets old fast. Many woman like to feel loved, be cherished and love intimacy. It is okay to be a gentleman in the very beginning, like maybe a peck on the lips or cheek and hugs but you two have spent considerable time with one another and not even a kiss. I am sure she feels she has been "friendzoned." So, if you can, get a hold of her and make plans and be a little aggressive. Don't tell her your feelings, SHOW her. I believe that is what she has been waiting for all this time. Is this savalgable? It is hard to tell at this point, it is up to her.

"I want a long term relationship with her, but you think she just wants sex?" No, not neccesarily. I believe she wanted the physical aspect of the relationship though. I know if it were me, if I was spending a great deal of time with a guy I was really into, doing all these romantic things you described, and not even a kiss...I would start to feel hurt and rejected. Like, is there something wrong with me, am I not attractive, did I have something in my teeth, bad breath? And after awhile, I would start to feel the guy was not interested in me in that way and I would keep my options open by that time. Perhaps if you see her again, kiss her passionately and see how things go. I am more than convinced that is what her deal is. But if you do not see her then there are plenty of other woman to date.

Hey Nikki, Is this the same guy you wrote about back in June? "Don't really know if the good times did outweigh the bad. His mother was mentally ill when he was growing up and has had quite a hard life, our arguments got very out of control and on a few occasions he did things like hold me against a wall and restraining me and have had a lot of bruises on my arms from where he's been shouting and holding me in place. Also started hyperventilating when he grabbed my neck and was screaming in my face when he found som,e photos from when I was travelling, that were innocent."

Hey there, She wants more from you. I am not talking about gifts and poems. I mean in a sexual way. She wants you to kiss her, hold her, love her in a more physical manner and she is starting to feel rejected. I am not sure how old you both are or your moral views on sex are but I get the feeling that is what she is waiting for. I will wait for your response before I type anything more.

Hey matme, No problem! Glad to help. I feel your ex does not know how to handle relationship issues in a more pro-social manner. And it is my belief that one can see a person's true colors in times of stress and adversity. You are lucky in some sense because you have seen glimpes of how your ex truly is in the past so you know what you are dealing with. Some people are not so lucky. I know you may not feel so lucky now but in time you will. These things take time, I wish there was a magic wand to take the pain away but sometimes experiencing pain allows for growth and change. Hang in there okay.

Hey there, I think you are your friends should get to the root of this problem and that is he still contacts her. He gives that shred of hope that one day they will get back together. Perhaps you and your friends can have an semi-intervention. Like get together and come up with a plan to discourage your friend from taking his calls, emails, texts, etc from the ex. Then once you come up with a plan, go to your friend and discuss how to get her ex out of her system once and for all. For example, if he calls while you are all together, encourage her to IGNORE that call. Tell her she has to be strong, she can do it. That kind of thing. This is a habit and habits can be broken. I truly believe once she ignores his calls and so forth, she will be on the path of recovery. It also appears your friend places her self-worth and value by being in a relationship. That in itself can hinder a person's ability to move on from an ex. Perhaps give her a boost and help her like herself. I know it can get frustrating when a friend is hung up on an ex but it is important to get to the root of the issue and work from there. I wish you all the luck.

Hey there, I am not a guy but I felt the need to repsond anyway because your situation hit close to home. I dated a guy whom acted similar to your ex. When I had severe family problems years ago (everything is okay now. ) I went to my ex for comfort, a hug or something. While I was explaining what happened, he was busy looking for his glasses. So, there I was, an emotional wreck and all he cared about was his freakin' glasses! So we eventually went out to dinner. We had a nice time, good food and good conversation. When we left the restaurant, I thanked him for taking me out and for the nice dinner. His response was, "you can pay me back later..." He was SERIOUS!! What stuck a cord with me about your post is how detatched your ex was to your pain and misfortune as my ex was with me. My take on it, based on personal experience, either your ex did not give a hoot about your feelings or does not have a clue on how to handle these situations. My ex did not give a hoot. All in all, your ex cannot give you what you are looking for or what you need. At this point, it is irrevelent whether your ex has someone else because he is not the one for you. My ex caused me so much pain because he just not care nor was he boyfriend material. So, in that sense, it did not matter if he left me for someone else. He was NOT the guy for me. It sounds like you are very sensetive, in tune with your feelings and emotions and because of that, your ex had no clue on how to handle these parts of your personality. It is no one's fault per sae, just blame it on imcompatibility. I am so sorry you are hurting. And about your kitty. I too have a kitty. I know it hurts like heck to be rejected as you have been, but it sounds like he was not the one for you. Hang in there and don't be a stranger. (((BIG HUGS)))

Hey there, "I think she is more concerned with keeping her family happy, more specifically her mother, than me." Until her mindset changes about this, your situation is never going to change. So feels devoted and loyal to her family and it appears family values were an important part of her upbringing. That is very powerful. So, I feel you are fighting a battle you are probably not going to win. It is a tough call, you care about her and like being with her but perhaps you feel there is something missing as well. Perhaps when she has to do something with her family, make some plans on your own?

Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone! I am amazed you have been with your girlfriend for three years because you both having have nothing in common at all! I think you are wondering about other relationships for a couple of reasons...one, you are young and this is your first serious relationship and two, you are not satisfied. You views about family, sex, travel, communication style are all very different. So, I guess it boils down to what you want. I think you know deep down on what you need to do but stuck in that comfortzone.

No, I don't think you are screwed in that department at all. It is possible to spend time alone or do your own thing when you live with your partner. Still, I would go out with friends, engage in your interests. But it is important to commuicate your needs to your boyfriend in a non-threatening and non-accusatory way and try to come up with a compromise.

Hey there, It is my belief when couples fight over silly things, they are spending too much time together. I have noticed over the years if I spend too much time with a friend or a boyfriend, we start to get on one another's nerves and nit pick at EVERYTHING! I would recommend that you do things on your own. Spend time with your friends and make plans with your boyfriend in advance. It sounds like to me you are spending time in quantity and not QUALITY. Quality time IMO is more important than how much time. Try not to fall into that trap by making your boyfriend the center of your world and putting him on a pedastel. It is important to communicate properly as well.