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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    I know it hard emotionally. Most certainly. I was in that place last year with my ex whom I was with for 4 years. I knew I was miserable and needed to move on but it was hard to. Nothing about moving on is easy. I guess you have to reach your breaking point.
  2. kellbell
    .i have to compete with a stupid game....not reality....or another person....just a whole bunch of online gamers.... You don't HAVE to put up or compete with anything if YOU don't want to. You deserve more than this. Why are you settling? I am not trying to be mean but I just hate to see people get hurt and settle for less than they deserve. He should be spending some of his vacation with you, doing special things, keeping bond strong, no gaming 24/7.
  3. kellbell
    Hey there, I do not think it is unromantic or unreasonable. You both have not been dating long so it would not make sense to spend a boat load of money on one another. I think having a price range or a budget keeps the spending reasonable and equal. For example, what if you went and bought a real expensive I-Pod or some kind of gadget that costs way more than your boyfriend spent, and your boyfriend bought you less expensive or practical things. How would that make the both of you feel? I feel a budget keeps things reasonable, makes matters less awkward and equal. Your Christmas can be special and romantic, it is what you both make of it. It is my belief Christmas is not about giving and receiving and how much money one can spend, it is being thankful for our blessings and appretiating being with our friends and loved ones.
  4. kellbell
    Shep, This is NOT Bi-Polar. What you have described is anger management issues and not thinking before you speak. I have worked with Bi-Polar clients and have a family member whom is Bi-Polar so I know what to look for. EVEN IF you had Bi-Polar traits, this behavior is still NO EXCUSE. You need to take responsibility for your words and actions. What I suggest for you is to take some anger management courses and when you and your girlfriend get into a fight, count to ten, leave the room and cool off.
  5. kellbell
    Hey Cali, Just BE FIRM!! You know the kind of guy he is and what he will try to pull. Stick to your decision. He had plenty of chances to redeem himself and sent you that hidious email this morning. When you give him the heave ho tonight, keep in mind the $400 dollars you did not have to keep a roof over your head that you had to borrow from your sister. Keep all of those things in mind. Sometimes anger is a powerful motivator. It is what you will need to get through this. I know you can do this and YES, you deserve better. Good luck as I will be thinking of you tonight. (((hugs)))
  6. kellbell
    Glad to see you are doing good and in a better place now dejay! Well done. Hope the holidays are better for you this year.
  7. kellbell
    Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone. I am so sorry about your breakup. To answer your question about why all the sudden she is contacting you... Most likely because you engaged in NC and took some power back. Now she is panicking and contacting you first. She realizes she is no longer holding all the cards and feels a bit panicked. I see this happen over and over again on this forum. My advice to you is continue with NC. You are doing great and handling things quite well. Hang in there.
  8. kellbell
    It is my understanding that lawyers are the ones whom sometimes can drag out the divorce and makes things messy. A mediator just helps with the splitting of everything and makes sure everyone is happy and comes to an agreement. So, I would stay with the mediator. Actually, my mom ended up doing much of the leg work such as getting the papers from the town hall, itemizing everything, and so forth.
  9. kellbell
    Hey there, My parents used a mediator for their divorce. I think they looked in the yellow pages. I don't know how much they charge but the divorce went quick and as amicable as possible because no lawyers were involved. But a lawyer is present during the mediation process just to make sure everything is legit and done legally. From what I witnessed, the mediator will want to know what you and your spouse will want to split, whom is going to keep what, and get a list of everything in the house and determine their worth. My mom had to have the house appraised because she wanted to keep it and bought my dad out. And the cars were an issue as well but everything was sorted out. I feel mediators are the most helpful when there are no children involved, all you want is to split your assets and have a smooth and amicable divorce. Just from what I observed from my parents' situation. Good luck.
  10. kellbell
    Hey there, Basically, what this email is saying is that this your fault that you have no money, you are not finanical savy and have no idea how to manage your money. Whereas he does, in his mind. His email clearly shows he bears no responsiblity for your financial situation and that this is all your fault. He apparently does not get it. I don't see this changing at all. So either you two become homebodies and do less entertaining by going out or find someone else to be with. (((hugs)))
  11. kellbell
    Hey Tracy, I agree with Batya's sentiments. You know how...but you not in that place yet to do so. Perhaps you doing what feels good right now and not thinking about the long term. It is time to change your perception about matters and start thinking about the long term and where you want to be. You are on a self-destructive path right now and you have all the power to stop it. I know you can. Instead of giving into your ex, call a friend and post here. We are here to support and help any way we can. I too, wish you inner peace on your decision about terminating this pregancy. (((hugs)))
  12. kellbell
    Brown Eyes, Another thing that struck to me as odd about your fiance's reasoning of why he did this. You two are going to be married, life long partners, it is weird if he had issues, he was not compelled to talk to you about them. All I know when ever something bad OR good happens, I always tell my boyfriend first. I am not sure I buy that reason he gave you. But this is your life and decision. Please keep us informed. (((hugs)))
  13. kellbell
    I was not saying to break up with him or that you are breaking up with him, I was answering of WHY it could be hard to break up with someone. And the fact that is pointless to stay in miserable situations and settle for less than we think we deserve. "i know that things could work out for us if we both worked on the relationship....i just have no idea if that is what he wants" Perhaps you are in love with what COULD be and not WHAT is. Haven't you both talked about this over and over?
  14. kellbell
    ycmanvs, Are you referring to my last post?
  15. kellbell
    "I know why is it so hard?" I believe breaking up is hard for several reasons. The number one reason is breaking that comfortzone. True, the other person does not treat his/her partner the best but he/she is familiar, he/she knows the other quite well, one gets comfortable. Humans are creatures of habit, so in that sense, it is hard to part from what we know. But we all know that saying, familiarity breeds comtempt. Another reason why breaking up is hard is because of the fear of being alone or the person may be afraid he/she will not find another person to be with so he/she just sticks with he/she knows. So he/she SETTLES!! A third reason could be guilt, fear, or feeling obligated. Many people on this site are petrified of hurting the other, or feel guilty for having such thoughts...enough so that it deters he/she from doing the right thing. Some people feel obligted to stay, for whatever reason, such as sharing a lease, car, children, whatever the reason may be, there maybe a sense of obligation to the relationship. And finally, I think hope is another reason why breakups are hard. No matter how many talks the couple has had, how many fights, how many breaks or break-ups, there is always that glimmer of hope that maybe this time will be different, maybe things will shape up. I have noticed it is easy for us to do was is right for others or be there for others but when it comes to ourselves and being there for ourselves and doing the right thing, it is like pulling teeth. Life is too short to be miserable, to be angry, be frustrated. There is so much out there, it is our responsibilty to find it. I broke up with my ex of 4 years last December and yes, it was hard. It hurt. But I was miserable for too long. It was time to go. If I did not leave my ex when I did, I would have never met my current boyfriend, whom is truly an angel and whom I treasure very much. Settling and staying in miserable situations can really hold a person back.
  16. kellbell
    Hey there, Another very wise member on this forum defines cheating quite succinctly... It is NOT cheating when your partner does something and you know about it and you are okay with it. It IS cheating when your partner does something behind your back and you don't know about it. It IS cheating when your partner does something and you know about it, not cool with it but still does it anyway. It is my opinion your fiance has cheated emotionally. IMO, emotional cheating can cause more damage than physical cheating. If I were you, I would not marry this man just yet, until he gets his act together and sorts out his insecurity issues. These issues will not go away or get better just because you get married. In fact, they can get worse.
  17. kellbell
    Hey there, I have disagree about being more mature for her age. 17 is 17, a kid...When I was 21, I was nothing like I was when I was 17. It is my opinion that many teenagers, play the same silly games. I always considered myself to be more mature than my age when I was 17, I was working, making money, had my own car, had my parents' complete trust, joined clubs and so forth, but in the dating and love world, I played all those silly attention getting games. It goes with the age territory, IMO. You both are in different life stages right now. It is important to be with a partner whom is right around the same page as you are or else you are going to run into these same issues.
  18. kellbell
    Hey there, Given her age, she is probably doing it for attention and wants you eating out of her hand. Why not date a girl whom is closer to your age and that you have more in common with, instead of dating this girl whom plays silly games?
  19. kellbell
    Hey there, You are not stupid. You like this guy and wanted to spend time with him. My word, your situation is so identical to my ex. The only way things were made to happen is if I paid. Such as concert and comedy show tickets, small trips, nice things in the apartment, and so forth. I would have one last talk with him and see how things go. But I honestly do not think things are going to get better. I hope I am wrong.
  20. kellbell
    Hey there Chai! IMO, the flu shot really helps. For the last three years I was getting them because I worked with inmates and in a hospital. And because I worked at a hospital, the shots were free for employees, faculty, and students. The very first shot I received, I felt sick and I did so for the rest of the day. But the other two years, I felt fine. And I did not even get the flu, not even a common cold. This year I did not get one because I moved out of state and I work off campus and the shots they were offering were $25. Since I have not gotten the shot this season, I have been sick...TWICE! So, for me personally, I think they are quite effective.
  21. kellbell
    I second Dako's sentiments about moving in with him. My word, that is when my debts spun out of control with my ex. He could not or would not pay for anything. His credit was in shambles so ALL of the ultilties, phone, cable, car insurance...EVERYTHING was in my name. We could not get a lease unless I signed on. And when we broke up, oh GOSH!!! What a flippin' mess! My point is, it is very risky and dangerous to get involved with a person (man or woman) whom is not responsible financially nor willing to help in the costs. The relationship is definitely not equal in that sense. It will not only cost you money, it will cost your sense of security, your piece of mind, your sense of trust. Those costs are WAY TOO HIGH and very hard to fix. I urge you to think carefully about all this. I truly believe your boyfriend is using you. (((hugs)))
  22. kellbell
    Hey there, Oh gosh, I was/am in the same perdicament. I say "was" because I am no longer the guy and I say "am" being I am STILL in debt and will be for a VERY long time. I would and still worry about my debts...constantly. When I was with him, he pulled the same stuff your boyfriend is, "awww, don't worry, we will figure something out...don't I always come through?...I will have some money for you...don't worry..." Well, I worry...ALL THE TIME! I am thousands of dollars in debt due to my ex's nonchalant attitude and me being stupid and nieve. Your boyfriend is a jiggalo. I would run very fast from a person whom does this. You have talked to him about it and even shed some light on your personal finanical issues (i.e. being $400 short on rent) and still has not stepped up to the plate nor offer to pay for anything. Please, I urge you to rethink this relationship. I know this is hard but it not worth becoming homeless and ruining your finanicial situation over a relationship like this. Good luck and take care.
  23. kellbell
    Good luck blackpanther. Keep us updated!
  24. kellbell
    Well, I guess I was thinking along of the lines of perhaps him going 2 days instead of all four, or invite her along for one of more of the days...SOMETHING. Instead of saying "I don't care how you feel..what I say is the final word...too bad, so sad..." Make sense?
  25. kellbell
    Hey blackpanther and welcome to eNotAlone. This is not a very encouraging post but please bear with me...much of what you have written has red flags everywhere. "First of all, our relationship started on mistrust." Right here, this is a problem. How can a healthy and thriving relationship have ANY kind of mistrust, especially in the very beginning? Trust is the most fundemental ingrediant in a relationship, without it, how can a relationship survive and thive? "Eventually I started dating him... while he was still with his ex. He broke up with her about a week later since she was away as well and couldn't tell her before then. They were also on a break at this point." Another issue, this speaks for both of your characters'. Sorry. He cheated on his girlfriend and you helped in the process. How is that fair? One thing to remember, if he can do it WITH you, he can do it TO you. "I want to hang out with his friends and meet them but as of yet, I only see him when we're alone...) and I feel left out." RED FLAG!!!! When your signanifcant other keeps you under the radar, it is never a good thing. Either is hiding something or embarressed of you. None of this is a good thing. A person should be proud of his/her partner and want to maybe show him/her off and want that person in that part of his/her life. "he does't care if I'm upset and he's going. That's the final word." Relationships are about compromise. He is not even willing to meet you halfway nor invite you. This is not a good situation. All this other stuff about him clubbing and stuff, well this shows he is not into you or this relationship. He wants to keep you at home, so he has someone to come home to while he goes out and lives it up. He is treating you like because you LETTING him. Either you need to put your foot down and set some boundries or let him go. No one makes you feel inferior or belittled without your permission. The thing is, you are letting him treat you this way. I am sorry things have been hard. I have been too nice in relationships in the past and I got taken advantage of and pushed around. I learned to not stand for it and speak my mind. Also, it is important for you not to get wrapped up in this relationship and losing yourself. Try engaging in your hobbies and hanging out with your friends. It sounds like you are making your boyfriend the center of your life and counting on this relationship to be your life. Relationships should enrich your life. I hope things work out and don't be a stranger around here. (((hugs)))
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