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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    Hey there, I remember you. I am so proud you were able to discuss this with your husband and come up with a solution. When your husband is "straying" away from what you both discussed, he needs to be reminded of it. For example, you can say, "I know you had an all-nighter the other night, but that is over and we need to get back on our agreement." Something along those lines. One thing I noticed in marriages and serious relationships is things will shift a bit. What I mean is that one partner will need more than the other for some amount of time, for example your husband and his schooling. Then there is going to be a time when you will need more for whatever reason and your husband will carry more weight. I believe you are doing all what you can do but it is up to your husband to withhold his end of the bargain. Don't feel silly about laying a comforter down on the floor and sleeping in your husband's office. I do the same thing. My boyfriend does a lot of work for computers and he will have to stay up late and sometimes I just don't feel like going to bed alone. So, I will put down a blanket and pillow and sleep until he is ready to go to bed. Once he carried me to bed. Don't feel silly about that. For some reason, I feel closer to him when I do that. Again, I would remind your husband when he is "slipping." Hang in there.
  2. kellbell
    "She was "researching" what kind of relationship the ex & I had prior to us getting together." See, this is VERY wrong IMO and quite frankly, it is none of her business. You both only have been dating 4 1/2 months, not long at all. You are still getting aquainted with one another, laying down the foundation. Stuff like this, she does NOT have to be privy to, not as long as you don't want her to. Everyone needs their privacy and everyone deserves to have their pasts dead and buried and it not to have it re-opened by signifcant others snooping. It is my opinion because she is your girlfriend, because you gave her your password and that she has the mentality of letting others read her stuff, that she felt entitled to do what she did. Without giving the consideration on how this would affect you and the progression of this relationship. I would really talk to her about this and figure out what to do from here.
  3. kellbell
    Hey Rose, It depends. I spent 4 years in a bad relationship. I was happy for the first year or so and then slowly got more and more miserable. When I was single for 9 months back in 2001, I was TOTALLY happy. I had many things going on that brought me MUCH joy, especially the arrival of my niece. The relationship I am now, I am very very happy. I treasure my boyfriend very much and we have a wonderful time together. I mean we have our bumps in the road but all in all, we are very happy. I think it depends on the circumstances.
  4. kellbell
    Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone. "She claims that she would let me read anything in her mailbox so I shouldn't have a problem that she went through my mailbox." This is a very unfair assumption on her part. Just because she is okay with people reading her email does not mean others have to be okay with it. She is placing expectations on you that are really not fair. I am sure if the situation was reversed and you snooped, she would be upset about it. It would be one thing if you LET her and encouraged her to read your emails, but you did not. So her reasoning is not apples and apples. "Has she over-stepped a boundary..." IMO, yes. You trusted her and she compromised it. If you had something to hide, why would you openly give your password? I see this issue as fixable. She is not remorseful because she felt entitled. And she will for some time. But this is going to take some time to fix, trust is very hard to get back. And the feeling is mutual. She feels she cannot trust you and visa versa. So, it is important to talk about what happened and see what can be done to make both of you feel good about the relationship and its future. I wish you the best.
  5. kellbell
    Hey there, Based on what you have posted, yes, I believe this an emotional affair. You and this man are investing much time together and bonding. That is time and energy being taken away from your husband and marriage and put into with maintaining contact with this other man. Bottom line is you are doing this behind your husband's back and not at all privy as to what you are doing. To me, that is cheating. Because I suspect you know your hubby would not approve and feel terribly hurt and betrayed. Is there something missing from your marriage, do you love your husband? There has to be a reason why you are engaging in this "friendship" with this man.
  6. kellbell
    Ren, Do not take diet pills. They are a quick fix and we all know quick fixes are not the way to go. Plus those diet pills only get rid of water weight, that's it. And diet pills have been known to do screwy things with the heart so if you are asthamtic, then I would not take them. Consult your doctor on that. Have you thought about Weight Watchers? I did it almost 6 years ago, lost 27 pounds and keep it off since. If you don't want to go to the meetings, they have a wonderful website which you can sign up for and do it on your own. With Weight Watchers, you can eat whatever you want as long as you stay within your point range. If you are interested PM me, I can delve more into the program. The healthiest way to lose weight to exercise and watch your portion sizes. Please do not take diet pills.
  7. kellbell
    mudpie, You are doing the right thing. He is texting in full force because you are ignoring him. Good luck with this new guy.
  8. kellbell
    "Yes, but certainly in a different way than I love my ex-fiancee. It feels more like I'm marrying a friend." This is what I mean about chemistry and attraction. It is what separates romantic partners from our friends. I don't want to get ahead of myself by saying this but I have seen countless posts on here partners "straying" on their significant other because of this. Because there was something "missing". because the attraction is not there, because the passion is gone... You get the picture. Do you want to end up cheating on her and hurting even more than you are now. Because if I were your fiance and I knew this how you felt, I would not want to marry you. In fact, I would be absolutely humilated. You are doing a huge dis-service to her. I question your ex-fiance's motives. Her timing is "impeccable." Aren't you the least suspicious, don't let that hot body cloud your judegment here. Marriage is so much more than wild sex. You know that. If anything, I really feel bad for your current fiance. I really do.
  9. kellbell
    Hey there, Have you ever been attracted to your current fiance? Or did your "private time" dwindle over the years? Because if at one time you were attracted to her, I feel you can recapture those feelings. But you are not giving your current fiance a fair shake, spending time with your ex-fiance, whom you are CLEARLY attracted to, is going to put on the rose colored glasses for you and your current fiance would never stand a chance. How is that fair? Now if you were never attracted to your current fiance and your are dating her merely because she is the "safer" choice, then I say go with option three. Marry neither of these women. I noticed other than your ex-fiance's physique and career, you had NOTHING nice or commendable things to say about her. You actually did a lot of complaining about her IMO. Why would you marry someone you have nothing in common with? And if you were never attracted to your current fiance, then it would be a mistake to marry her. Attraction and chemistry with our partners separates them from our friends. It is an important and beautiful part of a relationship. I do not envy your position at all. You are in a tough spot but someone wise told me once, if you have a shred of doubt, do not marry the person. It can be sorted out. But once you are married, the stakes get very high. Good luck with whatever you decide.
  10. kellbell
    Hey Sadmike, Welcome to eNotAlone. Can you please break up your post into paragraphs? it is impossible to read like that, all in one paragraph, plus you will get more responses if you break it up a bit. Thank you.
  11. kellbell
    Hey, I went back and read you post from September and things have not changed in three months. I do not see it ever changing. Her reasoning for moving in is way off. You don't move in together for sake of convience which I feel she is in that frame of mind. You sound more grounded and level-headed where your girlfriend sounds insecure and bit controlling. You both are on completely different playing fields. I just don't see this working out. I am so sorry.
  12. kellbell
    Hey Workman, "she says that it wouldn't be so hard to coordiante our plans if we lived together." This is HARDLY a good reason to live together. With this rationale, it will not work out. I lived my ex for over three years and due to his career, I hardly saw him. He traveled quite a bit and I was alone...A LOT. And because he ran the terminal (delivery industry), it was very hard for him to "guesstimate" when he will be home. So coordinating homecooked meals was a nightmare, and when we will go out. I ended up eating late most of the time because he got home late and our sleep schedules were non-existant. It was not the greatest setup and we lived together. I believe your girlfriend is insecure and wrongly feels that she has the right to know what you are doing at any given moment and to be part of everything you are doing. Every person needs his/her space and time alone or with his/her friends. I strongly discourage you shaking together, in fact, I think your relationship will end a lot quicker if you do so.
  13. kellbell
    Hey there missme, "me start to think about my ex more." This statement shows you are not ready to date yet. Because this guy is very nice and has lot of qualities you are looking for, I believe you are projecting those traits on your ex and wish he could have been more like this new guy. This can cause you to long for your ex and for the relationship. When you are truly ready to be with someone else, you will not think of an ex at all. It actually makes you feel even MORE blessed to be with someone new and cherish the person you are with. And it also makes you very aware of how bad things were with an ex which in turn makes you appretiate the new person in your life that much more. Missme, I truly feel you are not ready for anything serious and that you need to come to terms with what happened with your ex. If you don't, you will be carrying around all this emotional baggage with can be toxic for your future relationships. For now, I would focus on yourself, do out with friends, work out, eat better, just bascially focusing on you. I hope you feel better soon. (((hugs)))
  14. kellbell
    Hey there, I too work in a restaurant and it is virtually impossible to "guesstimate" when I will be out. It depends on a lot of factors, which unless I am psychic, I have no idea what those factors will be. My boyfriend and I run into the same issue and because times vary, I CALL him. For example, I was scheduled to do a "stay though" this past Saturday. Which means I work all afternoon and stay "through" the evening being the first cut. But, one guy showed up even though he was not on the schedule for the evening and wanted to work. I was asked if I wanted to go home. I opted to go home because I was tired, I was busy all day and made good money. So I called my boyfriend to let him know I will home within the next hour. Or if I have to stay late, I will call so he will not worry. But because my schedule varies so much, I call first. Your girlfriend should know better. She should have called you to let you know she was sent home early. Then I am sure you would have invited her to your friends' house. You are not a mind reader and I would tell her that if the subject comes up again. Also, make a deal with her the next time she gets out early or gets sent home earlier than scheduled, to have her call you. The restaurant business is VERY unpredicatable so there is no way for you know what is going on, it is up to her to fill you in. Hope things work out. Take care.
  15. kellbell
    No problem!
  16. kellbell
    Yeah, but wasn't he angry at you the other day for calling him 30 times? I am not sure contacting him about his mySpace page is a good idea. He may think you are tracking his every move. You may feel you are not, but you have to think of how he would perceive matters. That is what counts.
  17. kellbell
    Also, if your ex is not savy in these kinds of things, then he could have no idea what to do and how to set up these things. I too, also had to set a profile up just to see pictures of a friend of mine. I had to go back and re-do it all with my accurate info. Your ex could have done the same thing. But regardless, it should not matter. He is your ex. Yeah, it may seem silly and innacurate but it really should not be an issue for you at this point. If it were me, I would just have a good laugh.
  18. kellbell
    Hang in there ladies! Glad you both made it through the weekend okay.
  19. kellbell
    Hey there, If it is a sucking up type of thing, then I would go. I would talk to bigwigs before they all get drunk then I would leave when people get tipsy. I hate that as well, when these kinds of things are about brown-nosing rather than enjoying the season and everyone's company. Good luck.
  20. kellbell
    Hey there, As Iceman pointed out, NC is not a method to get your ex back. It is a method to get YOU back. To heal, to reflect and move on. There is such as thing as free will and you cannot "make" a person come back to you or "win" a person back. Another member here wrote a fabulous post about No contact. I recommend you read it.
  21. kellbell
    Hey there, Sorry things have been tough lately. I would keep her email blocked. She is no longer your responsibility, nor her shoulder to cry on. She is your ex. She has family and friends she can turn to. If chooses not to, that is her issue. Hang in there.
  22. kellbell
    Hey Virgo, That is why the internet can be tricky. People fib. And places like mySpace are no exception. I would leave it be, he is your ex. Whatever he does from now on is his business.
  23. kellbell
    Yup, there sure is. Don't be a stranger! LOL
  24. kellbell
    It's okay dig. It is important on eNotAlone to read the entire thread and everyone's responses AND to also look at the original poster's previous threads. And with you being Bi-Polar, I am sure this struck a personal cord with you. And welcome by the way. There is a TON support here.
  25. kellbell
    IMO, No one is sterotyping NOR judging. I have worked with clients whom are bi-polar and have family who have it and "flying off the handle" and saying nasty things to a girlfriend HARDLY construes bi-polar. There is so much more that goes into it. Furthermore, Bi-polar is VERY tricky to diagnose because there are two subtypes AND various kinds of severity and cycling. Many of the symptoms overalp with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have worked with first hand as well. One thing I picked up on in Shep's post is he mentioned he ONLY mouths off to his girlfriend, why not anyone else? It is my belief that if one truly has an Axis I disorder, the person would not "pick and choose" whom he/she yells at or gets nasty with. I can ONLY go by from what was disclosed in Shep's post. If he left out details, well, I am not a mindreader. But punching holes in the walls, saying nasty things to his girlfriend and feeling moody is not bi-polar. It sounds like growing pains and that a person cannot control his temper. Shep, if you truly feel you have Bi-polar, or something of that nature, it would make sense to see a doctor or professional whom is qualified to make an accurate diagnosis. Hope all is well and take care.
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