kellbell

Well, like you mentioned before, actions speak louder than words. She may have said that but her actions are surely not matching up. And because she acts like cares less than you, I believe that is making you feel needy. I would talk to her about how you feel and go from there.

Hey there, Someone once told me "the person whom cares the least controls the relationship." That quote keep echoing in my mind as I read your post. This may be what is going on. Have you talked to her about your concerns and about the lack of time you spend together?

Sometimes life is not "fair" when it comes to dating. There is no rythme or reason to feelings and emotions. That is when you have to be able to pick and choose your battles. Apparently, this particular battle was just not worth fighting. Time to move on.

"Before people get the wrong idea here, she told me on an email that she didn't know me and wanted to go through some email exchange first until she's more comfortable. I replied by asking for her cell number. A day later, I noticed she didn't give it out, so I told her that if she didn't trust me, then I'm not going to cooperate with any further email exchange. She replied by saying trust has to be earned and going blah, blah, blah.' Okay, well then let her get comfortable. You are not giving her that chance. Just relax and let things flow. But I feel she is not that into you. So I would keep your options open.

Please Luke, leave her alone. This is borderline harassment and all I know if I were getting emails such as the ones you have sent and are planning to send, I would be very upset and I would saving them in case I would have to take matters further. For your sake and hers, please drop it. There are plenty of other women out there.

Hey there, "he seems to let things go until the last minute...that is who he is....indecisive and procrastinating...." Okay, so this is who he is...BUT is this something you had in mind for an ideal partner? Qualities you want in a person? A procrastinator, a man whom cannot make up his mind? Are these qualities unattractive to you?

Hey there, When you feel shakey, call a friend, post here. Take a walk. The feeling WILL pass. This your mind and emotions adjusting to the changes. It is like a craving and you are emotionally "detoxing." Hang in there...you can do it.

Hey there, Many of the things he mentioned in his last email to you I touched base in my post and has confirmed my suspicions. His parents making sex taboo and "dirty" in his house hold, tramatic experience in puberty (tried to kiss his sister), first time sexual experience, not so great (drunk when he has his first sexual encounter), abuse of some sort. All of it makes sense. He is very very emotionaly immature. Much therapy and introsespection is needed to help him. I am very sad for your ex to be honest. So many things got fuzzy and messed up along the way, when he was growing and just carried on through the years. I highly doubt this man will ever be able to experience and healthy and happy relationship. He has a scewed view on how a relationship should be and how he relates to women. And NONE of this, I repeat NONE of this is YOUR fault. This is going to take some time to get over and you talking to a therapist is wonderful idea.

Hey there, He is going to continue to hurt you because you put up with it. As long as you stay in this relationship with it, you are condoning his behavior. I for one, one would not tolerate my boyfriend sending birthday wishes to an ex as he would not for me either. As far as plans for tonight, well...a couple does not have to spend every night together, but I can see why you are bothered by this. I guess this begs the question, how long are you going to put up with this? I understand you are busy, trying to pass the bar and so forth but it is time to stop making excuses and treat yourself right girl! You deserve to be happy, to be treated with respect and love. Don't you think you deserve those things?

Hey there, I have a friend whom did it and she loves that she had it done. She had a slight issue with her right eye and she had to go back. But she is fine now. I too wear contacts but I am not at the point where wearing them is a hassle. I wake up, take a shower and pop them in 3 seconds. No biggie. I do however, hate wearing glasses. I too have astignitism. But it has gotten better since my last eye doctor visit. My only reservation about doing Lasik is the long term consequences of doing the prodecure. Sure, everyone loves it now and the results are amazing, but what is going to happen 10-20 years from now. There is no long-term research done on it as yet. I think I will wait.

My advice, Don't break NC if you don't have to.

I received your PM. Thank you for writing back. I feel seeing a therapist is wonderful idea. I went to a social worker this year for about 9 months and it was a good decision. It helped me more in ways than I have ever imagined. Hang in there okay. Don't be a stranger here. (((hugs)))

Well, If you formally invited her, then there is nothing you can do that this point. It would be up to her whether or not she wants to go. And if she asks about it again, I would say something like, "well I invited you, I don't want to be shmuck and un-invite you, it is up to you if you want to go..." Something like that. And if she does end up going, I recommend doing your own thing and having a good time with your other friends.

Hey there, Did you formally invite her to go snow tubing or it is because you all share the same friends, there was an underlying assumption that she would be going? As far as Christmas goes, if you see her, like at a party or whatnot, then yes, wish her a Merry Christmas, no need to be rude. But as far as giving her gifts or the candy cane full of chocolates, I would have to say no. That was a tradition you did when you were in a relationship, since you no longer are, then it would not make sense to give one to her. That's just me. I mean I know it is the holidays and all but this is your life and emotional well-being. It is okay to look out for you and guard your heart at this point, ANY time of the year.

Yes, I agree with blender, over the years, your ex has developed some really bad habits. Habits which satisifies his immediate needs and not what is healthy for the long run for him or the person he is romatically involved with. I am not at all excusing or justifying his behavior and how he treats women, however, all human behavior have patterns and patterns can lead to possible reasons or answers. And when I read about situations such as this, I look for them and try to offer angles and explainations. However, as I said before, this is not your fault. He needs a lot of help, help that only a professional can provide.

Hey there, Okay, there are several things that stand out in your post and I will do my best to address each of them.... "My boyfriend very callously sent me a dear jane e-mail telling me he could not longer be in the relationship with me..." "A week later I get the details of the secret in an email." "Now, he has not mentioned one word about this to me the entire 7 months we were in the relationship." "and then he had a hard time asking for it in case they say no and he is stuck looking weird. So he didn't say anything when he sensed is was not in their nature, and then got frustrated." "He said he sees women out and about all the time whose look is what he would go for that way, but he can't seem to talk to them." Okay, I brought these parts out from your post to illustrate your ex boyfriend's communication skills are virtually non-existant. It is hard to say as to why this is so but I can speculate something happened in his formative years, from late childhood to pre-teen years. One thing that jumped out at me is that he is horrible at communicating his desires in the sexual realm. Perhaps someone made him feel ashamed when he was younger, maybe one or both of his parents made sex taboo and punished him for having urges to masterbate, look at pornography or what have you. Something or someone down the line made him feel alwful about sex and what his desires. Maybe he was laughed at by his first love, it is very hard to say. But usually when a person is so closed off like that in any sense, it can be traced back to upbringing or some kind of negative experience. It is a vicious cycle. It seems that your ex fears to be forthcoming about what turns him on and somehow got into the train of thought that if the woman off the bat is not what he is looking for, instead of sharing his fanatasies, he cuts them off. But something troubles me about your ex, over the years, he has gotten emotionally "lazy." What I mean is that he expects or wants these women to be innately into wearing boots, lingerae, heals and when they don't...oh well, NEXT! "and he will be able to talk to her about it as they both feel comfortable about it." See, this to me is just laziness. Let her do everything and then he will step it up. I am not sure how this would work for him in the long run. And because your ex is not great a communcating, he has not had the opportunity to experience a loving, fulfilling, relationship because immaturely feels these women should innately be the way he desires and if not, they get cut off. And because of that, he has not had the "practice" of communicating effectively at all. Hence, this vicious cyle. I don't think your ex is a jerk or insensative per sae; however, it is a darn shame his emotional IQ and commuication skills are pretty are non-existant. I am sorry to say that this man needs professional help...a lot of it. There are issues going on in his psyche that go far beyond some classy dame whom dresses in high-heeled boots can help him with. As hard as it is not to, try not to take this personally. I am sorry you got into the likes of a person like this. I cannot imagine the pain and perhaps the humiliation you feel at this point. None of this is your fault. Please remember that. There are some peculiar people out there from all walks of life and one popped in your life. I would try to cease using your energies in trying to figure out this man and what can you have done differently...because you were in a lose-lose situation and women after you will lose as well. I would try to take things one day at a time. And try to keep busy as well. Post here as much as you need. Hang in there and I hoped this helped. (((hugs)))

N83 is right, You can go on your phone carrier's website and check your call logs there. I opted to stop getting paper bills in the mail and I get sent a text and notification via email about my bill and when it is due. I have Verizon. I also signed up with Verizon on-line and I can get my info there, as well as the call logs. I would check there.

Hey there, In all honesty, I would be totally creeped out if I received an email or a letter such as the one you have written. You never even met her. That's the breaks my friend of online chatting and dating...you win some, you lose some. Please, let this go and delete or burn that letter.

Hey Zippy, Things seem odd and suspicious indeed but until you solid proof your wife is cheating, I would not accuse of anything as of yet. Did you ask her about why the lights were turned off and that you had stopped by with coffee? If not, I would ask her about it and when she was not there, that you were concerned. After all, you did try to call her on her cellphone and she did not answer. Ask her if the situation was reversed, how would she feel or what would go through her mind. I would a keen eye on her for awhile. Things appear to be suspicious. I hope things are okay and keep us updated.

I never get tired of my boyfriend. Never. I love being with him and I treasure him very much. After almost a year of going out, I STILL get butterflies.

Hey there, Anti-depressants take at least 3-6 weeks to build up in your system and change your brain chemistry so you will not feel the full effects of the medication for quite some time. (3-6 weeks). My mom takes Lexapro and had some undesirable side effects such as horrible stomach aches and very vivid dreams. It will take a while for the body to adjust. I hope you feel better soon.

Hey there, "Is it a natural thing, after you break up with someone or stop talking to them, to think "yeah, I can probably do this. It'll be fine. Not like the world has ended or anything" one minute, then be like "Oh God, there's absolutely no way I can get over this" within the space of a minute or so?" Yes, completely normal. It is the dreaded emotional rollercoaster. One day you feel alright and the next, completely miserable. It is your mind and emotions adjusting to the changes of not being with that person. Eventually, your emotions will become more stable and you will feel better at coping. In the beginning, it very hard. Kind of like an emotional detox. "Also, I know people say that if you surround yourself with friends etc it helps, but does anyone recognise the feeling that the friends just aren't "up to the standard"" I feel this happens because we put our signifcant others on a pedestal and we also place so much importance on our romantic relationships and once that is over, we feel a big void and like nothing will measure up. Those feelings will go away once you get off the emotional rollercoaster. How long does that take? That depends on the person, it is an individual thing. I am so sorry about your break up. Hang in there.

"one of the hardest parts of this for me is that I still have feelings for her..." That is understandable and you probably will for quite some time, which is normal. Unfortunately, we are not able to shut off our feelings like a light switch. These things take time. and even after all she's done to me, I'm still not mad at her... This is understandable as well. You have not reached that stage yet. Right now, you are proabably in shock and your ego is protecting itself from the hurt. That will wear off and you will feel anger. And it is okay to be angry with her, anger is a vaulable way to see the situation for what it is and help you move on. But it is important not to get wrapped up the anger. It is said that a person goes through 5 stages of grief and in no particular order. They are denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. You will probably experience that dreaded emotional rollercoaster where one day you will feel okay and the next day, you may feel miserable. That is okay and normal. But NC is very valuable in getting over an ex. Another member here wrote a fabulous thread about no contact. I recommend you read it and to post here often and track your progress. Hang in there. Here is the link to NC thread....

Hi there, A few things in your post... I am not sure if inviting another person in your sex life like that is a good thing. Especially when you and your boyfriend just found your way back together. I recommend that you and him continue to work on things and make your relationship strong and thriving before you open a can a of worms. I understand this is something you have discussed and thought about but discussing and DOING are completely different things. A lot CAN go wrong and I am not sure if you want to risk your relationship with your boyfriend and your best friend's friendship at this point. I would wait on that and mend other aspects of your relationship. About Brandon, what he said was inappropriate and obviously has no clue that this matter was well-covered territory. I would leave it alone. Unfortunately, everyone is not going to like you and everyone is going to have an opinion, regardless of how inaccurate it is. You know how you feel and so does your boyfriend. That is all that matters. In the future, I recommend that you and your boyfriend refrain from talking about your personal life to other people. The less people that know about it, the better off the both of you will be.

"Is Manic Depression bi-polar then?" Yes, the terms are interchangable. My grandfather took lithuim for quite some time but he has been on soooo many meds, such as Depakote and many others. He also underwent shock therapy when it was more prevelent years ago. It is not so much now, it is done as a last resort and done very humanely. Years ago, it was quite barbaric. But try not to worry, I highly doubt your girlfriend or her mom will need shock therapy, in most cases, people respond very well to medication and therapy. I recommend that you search Google and perhaps go to the library and check out books about bi-polar.