ZIPPY

I put a keylogger on yesterday. Last night she said I seemed detached. I told her about stopping by school and finding her lights off (twice). She got furious, called me names and slept in the spare bedroom. Today I got her email password from the keylogger and checked her email. She got up this morning before me and deleted every message in her email sent folder.

Thanks everyone for responding. To answer a few questions raised by previous posts - seems odd that she just doesn't bring those papers home to grade Yes, she normally brings them home and sits in the family room in front of the fire to grade them. just 'too many details' and trying to distract you from the lie i think.... my thoughts exactly Are there gaps in your marriage or have things been rocky between the two of you? Parenting disagreements, otherwise not rocky. *was her car parked outside the school when you went by?* Yes, her car was there. I thought of waiting to see whether someone dropped her off, but a.) I was kind of stunned, b.) I don't really know how to hide and c.) It seemed creepy to do that. Do you think it's possible that she is more than friends with that male teacher friend of hers? Yes, I think it's likely. I hear a lot from my wife about his flirtations with another female teacher. She admires the male teacher, and I am now thinking her descriptions of the flirtations have a subtext of jealousy. Also, he rides a Harley and wears cowboy boots. My wife has been admiring his style and criticising mine as not masculine enough. Try to take note of any odd behavior. She has been waking up in the small hours of the morning and going to the computer. When we pay bills, we staple the paper copies together, write the paid date, and file them. Her cell phone bills are missing. She says she has to do x on a given night or weekend. When the time comes and she doesn't go do x and I ask her about it, her answers are vague or dismissive. Failed rendezvous? Do you have a computer at home where you could monitor her internet activities? Yes. I don't think she would use her school computer. I know how to set up a logger at home, but I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. It seems creepy. Last night she was talking about how tired she was from grading all the papers. I asked her if she was scared working in her room alone and she said she could "hear Yolanda moving around, so it wasn't too bad". She said she was really focused and graded over 250 papers. None of it adds up. She can't grade in the dark, and even with the lights on, she couldn't have graded more than 80 to 100 papers. Last night she fell asleep by 8 pm and then woke in the night again and went to the computer. She tossed and turned in the bed after she came back. This is really sickening me. My instincts tell me that she's probably cheating. We're planning to fly 1500 miles to visit my family over Christmas. I could talk to her before then, but I'm pretty sure that things will get ugly, so I think I'm going to wait until after the holiday.

Standingby wrote - Futhermore...just because her lights were off does not mean she was not at the school. I agree, standingby. My first thought was that there was an innocent explanation, but she said "It was just me and Yolanda, the cleaning woman, and I turned her away when she came to clean my classroom." So, she said she was in her classroom. Even though her room light was off, I could see well enough by the hall lights to tell that no one was there. Her car was in the parking lot. My guess is that she left the school with a male teacher. She talks about him all the time.

My wife is a teacher. She stayed late at school last night to grade papers. I was in the neighborhood so I stopped in to bring her a Starbucks coffee. Guess what? Lights are out in her classroom and she doesn't answer her cell. I go back an hour later and find the same. When she got home (5 hours after school ended) she said she graded over 300 papers. I didn't ask her about her lateness, but she volunteered that she had to turn away the custodian so she could work without interruption, that time had gotten away from her and that her cell phone was dead and was in the car. I thought that the number of details she gave me was puzzling, since I hadn't questioned why she was so late. She went to the Verizon cell phone store yesterday on an errand. This morning she said she would be late tonight because she needs to go to a different Verizon cell phone store. She has a history of going to work on weekends and then coming home saying that she didn't get anything done. I've never doubted this because she's easily distracted, but now the specter of suspicion is haunting me... So the specter and I put together a list of suspicious behaviors - My wife is dieting, buying new clothes, rushing to the mailbox to get the mail before me (which is a new behavior) and taking a long time to do errands. One of our female friends had a long-term secret affair and several extended flirtations. My wife is her confidante and has told me that she thinks our friend's marriage was actually strengthened by the experiences. I told her that infidelity is a deal-breaker for me. Cheaters lie about their cheating, and my wife knows that cheating would end our marriage, so I don't think she's gonna open up if I try to start a conversation. Any advice?