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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    SFG, I see what you are saying BUT it takes two to tango. Yes, you have your faults and you goofed at times. We ALL do. It is normal. But I am sure she added to your relationship's demise. Take responsibilty for YOUR actions or lack thereof and learn from them.
  2. kellbell
    "No, we can't force our ex's to come back, but we can start to understand ourselves a little better and work on our own issues. Specifically the ones that pushed our ex's away from us and in most cases forced them to have to leave us." Okay, I agree with this. But also there may be a bit of an incompatability component as well. Some people are just not meant to be together, no matter how hard the couple tried...it is really no one's fault. But like you wrote GoingForIt, breakups in many cases forces people to look at him/herself and reflect on what could be done different and better next time. Knowledge and wisdom are definitely gifts. Gifts that we can offer in the next relationship.
  3. kellbell
    "You would tell her how hypocritical her actions were????? Are you serious??? WRONG again. It's amazing how some people have NO idea what it takes to get back their ex and what is the worst possible things you can do to assure you that they NEVER come back.. If you call her a hypocrite, kiss all chances of her ever so much as talking to you ever again." Yes, I am serious. He has every right to stand up for himself. Otherwise, he might be perceived as a pushover and get zero respect. Plus, I don't recall them officially breaking up, unless I missed it somewhere. As far as getting an ex back...there is no such thing. There is a such as thing as free will. Plus, I did not say for him to call HER a hypocrite, but her words and ACTIONS hypocritical. There is a BIG difference. And if she cannot handle with him coming forward and voicing how her actions and words hurt him, then obviously she is NOT the one for him. He has every right to do so. I never said she is not worth his time. I truly hope things work out. It just sounds like some wires were crossed some where. I would wait a few days and see how the air clears.
  4. kellbell
    Hey there, Since she is mad at you, I would wait for her to contact you. Let her cool off. I would not do anything over the top as yet. The movie and whatnot is a bit much and try not to take this the wrong way...but it could be perceived as "sucking up" and no one respects that. It would look desperate and she will see right through the whole gesture. You did nothing wrong IMO, you confided in your mom because you were hurt, lost, and she happened to call you at the right time. So doing anything special like making a movie for her would show that you are apologizing for something quite frankly you should not be apologizing over. As far as going to her show, that is up to you. Perhaps go to keep your word, but let her not see you. You are hurting too and she need to realize that. Like I mentioned, let the air cool a bit, have some time to get your wits about you, to gather your thoughts and perhaps discuss things over coffee within the next few days or so. But I would WAIT for her to contact you. She has not changed her profile on mySpace and still have your photos up...that is a good sign.
  5. kellbell
    Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone. So far you have received wonderful advice. I believe your girlfriend's actions are bit selfish and controlling. I too, feel your girlfriend is looking for a way out. How can it be fair she is able to air your relationship's dirty laundry to her girlfriends but when you confide in your MOTHER during your darkest hour, she feels betrayed? Why the double standard? I suppose you have two options... 1. Let matters cool off for a while and talk to her face to face about what happened. I would really point out how hypocritical her actions are. And see where that goes. 2. Cut her off completely and heal on your own. I am sorry things have been hard. Hang around here, there is a ton of support here.
  6. kellbell
    Hey there, I remember you from the end of 2005. I went back and read your previous threads and things have not been good at all, not even in April 2005 when you both got back together. The issue with these dogs have been going on for 2 years! With no change, no compromise...nothing. If things have not improved in 2 years, what makes you think things will improve now? I agree, these dogs are being treated very poorly. It is apparent his dogs mean more to him than you and could care less how this is affecting you and your relationship. Plus. it makes me wonder, is this how he is going to raise his future kids? Keeping them in their rooms for hours at a time, letting them tear up the house with no consequences, not minding their manners? A person can get a pretty good idea of how a he/she would be as parent based on how he/she treats his/her pets, IMO. I really want to stress that just because you have been with this man for 6 almost 7 years DOES NOT mean you HAVE to go on with this relationship. Stop wasting your time and his time. You deserve to be with a man whom will put you the relationship top priority. This man is a dud, has been throughout the duration of your relationship and deep down, I believe you realize this. Hang in there and try not to be a stranger.
  7. kellbell
    Hey MG, Glad to read you are doing well. There are going to be days that are harder than others but overall, things will continue to improve. Thanks for checkin' in.
  8. kellbell
    From what you wrote, it sounds like she wanted things to work out, tried to love you, perhaps tricked herself into thinking she was but was not "feeling" it and just could not go on. Unfortunately, she let you wallow around in her confusion. Of course you miss her, there is no shame in that at all. But other than seeing her at church, I would recommend full NC. She has a history of keeping you in purgatory and NC is the best way to avoid that, once and for all. Hang in there.
  9. kellbell
    Hey there, I ended a four year relationship in December 2005. I was miserable, I was no longer in love my ex and breaking up with him was one of the hardest things I had to do. I cared about him but that was about it. After I broke up with him, I was a mess. I cried...A LOT. My body hurt so bad, my joints have never ached that bad...my body was really mad at me for stressing so much. But in no way did I regret my decision. I was happy to be free and happy he will have a chance to be with someone whom will love him. But let me tell you, many people mistakenly feel "dumpers" have it easy, they can go about their life like nothing ever happened. In many cases, dumpers hurt very bad. And not because of the guilt and hurting the other but the dumper also has to adjust to not being in the relationship either. I found myself being constantly being plagued with sentiment, missing having someone around...basically my old life, no matter how miserable the relationship was. Everything familair was over. Starting over can be very daunting...for the dumper as well. Please try not misconstrue your ex's tears, looking bad, and pain as her wanting you back or regretting her decision. She is hurting too in ways different than you. Break-ups no matter whom facilitated it...STINK!! But you will recover and so will she. Now, I am with a wonderful man...someone whom treats me awesome, brings the best out of me, we just have a great time. Those days are awaiting you and your ex. I promise.
  10. kellbell
    "The mere fact that she didn't go all the way because "she was on her period"..." This comment says it all!!! Basically she is telling IF she was not having her period, she would have "gone all the way..." I would feel a teeny better if she said, "no we did not go all the way because it was wrong, I could not go through with it...I stopped..." But nope, she said because she was having her period is the reason why they did not THIS time. My word, does this woman have a conscience? The counseling thing is buying her time so she can wiggle her way out of this. I would really reconsider and go through with the divorce proceedings. I am so sorry.
  11. kellbell
    Hey there, Due to her meliciousness, disregard for your childrens' well-being, and lying to your face, I would not believe a WORD she says. She is back-peddling because SHE WAS CAUGHT! What ever she wants do now that would be considered admirable (i.e. going to counseling) is too little, too late. Of course, the choice is ultimately yours but you can you honestly say you will ever be able to trust her again, not look over your shoulder for the rest of your life?
  12. kellbell
    Well, it was highly unlikely you were going to jail but if anything you would get a warning, which you did. Yes, this guy is nothing to be desired. Take this a lesson. I hope you feel better soon! (((hugs)))
  13. kellbell
    Hey there and welcome, I am so sorry of the circumstances that brought you here. Okay, I am all for counseling and regaining trust in a marriage, even after one partner committs infidelity. But something about your wife's actions troubles me. It is apparent this has been going on for a very long time, right under your nose. I suspect this is not a one time slip up, that they have been physical for quite some time. And your wife wanted nothing to do with counseling beforehand and probably asked for a seperation to get you out of the house and out of her hair, so she can have this friend over. She wanted nothing to do with fixing whatever was wrong (she had plenty of chances to do so IMO). I am sorry my friend but she is sorry that she was caught, hence the crying and wanting to try counseling after she was caught. She knew exactly what she was doing, she was melicious in her actions. With those issues in mind, this would be ALL dealbreakers for me and I would immediately put a divorce in motion. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Keep posting here, there is much support.
  14. kellbell
    Hey there, I do not suffer from OCD, but I have suffered from Panic Attacks with Agoraphobia. I have bouts with it but has been check for several years. The last time I had a panic attack was in October. I did not see a psychologist or psychiatrist about it. I went to my regular doctor and I explained what I was experiencing and he said it sounded like I was suffering from some kind of anxiety disorder. He prescribed me Xanax, which I HATED. It helped at first, like taking the itch off my symptoms but my anxiety was still there! So, I quit taking them and did a lot of self talk and focusing. Eventually, I pretty much neutralized my anxiety. There are times when I get agoraphobic though. Okay, enough about me. Whom diagnosed you with OCD? Was a psychiatrist, social worker? I ask that because if a psychiatrist did, then may I ask why are you not seeing him/her? With an Axis I disorder like OCD, it is important to receive regular therapy from a psychiatrist, combined with meds. Is there any doctors you can see outside of Toronto? Also, may I ask, do you suffer more from obsessions or compulsions? Just curious. I know you mentioned you wanted to see someone in person but I looked up a few things and found a couple of links that may help you. Perhaps you can get some tips from these websites... link removed link removed link removed link removed link removed Hope this helps.
  15. kellbell
    Hey there, I am so sorry things have been hard. Is there a history of depression in your family you know of? I have read it can run very strong in families. You mentioned you go to school. Is there a counseling service at your college? Usually colleges and universities have people around to assist students for issues such as depression, abuse, rape, anxiety. You just have to look around. Also, do you have a academic advisor? If you do, perhaps he/she can point you in the right direction. I know you have been feeling extremely down, unmotivated but in cases such as yours, there is only so much people can do to help you. You have to WANT to help yourself, such as finding resources in helping you cope with your depression, finding people you can talk to, and researching depression. As far as what to say to your parents...well, it is up to you. Perhaps suggest you sit down and talk to them and reveal how you have been feeling these last few months. Give examples, tell them you are worried and not sure what to do next. Ask for their guidence. But I would really check into counseling services at your college. I am pretty sure they are offered. Hang in there and keep checking in.
  16. kellbell
    Hey there, I have heard, not exactly sure if this is accurate...but I have heard people whom work on cruise lines are gone for months at a time. Between 3-6 months. Not sure if this is right but definitely worth researching. Good luck.
  17. kellbell
    Hey there Orlander, I have to agree she does have some baggage. It is my belief when someone speaks about an ex, in a negative light, he/she still has feelings for the ex. Not necessarily romantic feelings...but feelings. She is not starting off with a clean slate. So, in saying that, this depends on you and what you are comfortable with. If you said to yourself, "next time I date seriously, I want the woman to be traveling light, no baggage..." then it would make sense to stop dating her. If this is not a big issue for you at the moment, I would date her occasionally while keeping your options open. I know after my first relationship ended, I made the stupid mistake of talking a lot about him when I started dating another guy a few months later. It was apparent I was not over my ex yet and I sometimes cringe over what I did. LOL It is really up to you. If you continue to date her and she still goes on about her ex and if it makes you uncomfortable, then it would make sense not to date her anymore.
  18. kellbell
    I have to say, when I moved cross-country...it was one of the BEST experiences in my life. My mom drove the moving truck and I drove my car with my kitty in the back seat. We had the BEST time and absolutely nothing went wrong during the move. I prepared for this move for months and I was more than ready to do this. This is going to be a great thing for you. I have a feeling you have been preparing for this for quite some time and when you prepare financially, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally...nothing but positive things will happen. This is going to be an exciting time for you and your boyfriend. But also a bit trying and bumpy at times. But from my experience, all the risks and sacrifices I have made thus far, have been worth it! I pray the same for you. Cheers!
  19. kellbell
    Hey good for you chica!! That's the spirit!
  20. kellbell
    Your welcome! I am very interested in how things go when you move.
  21. kellbell
    "kinda yes...but my best friend who I am calling Hannah, was there but didnt actually hear Mike say those words to Michelle." Okay, so neither you or your friend heard, let alone SAW anything. "so again I am confused on how to approach this...?" You do nothing, you know nothing, you or your friend did not see anything, or even heard anything...you don't have any proof. I would let it go. Now, this guy Mike MAY be jerk and your sister deserves better but there is not much you can do about that. All you can do is support her. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot force it to drink.
  22. kellbell
    Hey there, I was reading your post over a few times and none of this makes any sense. It sounds fishy and accusing someone of cheating without solid or tangible proof can be devestating to all involved. You do not even know this girl Michelle at all, you do not know if she has any motivation to lie or not. So how can you assess her character when you do not even know her? Unless you SAW something, I would not say anything. True, this guy Mike may not sit well with you but that part is totally irrelevent at this point.
  23. kellbell
    Ah I see. What you are doing is very risky but that is not necessarily a bad thing...you got guts girl!! This is very positive.
  24. kellbell

    Bump to Big?

    kellbell replied to katie831's topic in Pregnancy

    Hey there, If your midwife says you are fine, then I would go with what she says. Women carry differently. Some women carry low, some high. Some women carry differently with each pregnancy. Everyone is different. I am sure you are fine.
  25. kellbell
    Hey there Sweetheart, With those kinds of issues I would suggest a psychiatist. If you battling bouts of depression, have some issues stemming with childhood and so forth. But Shes2Smart is really on the mark here, instead of focusing on why others do the things they do, try focusing on you and how you can change. And of course, therapy can assist you in making those changes.
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