rawr58

I have had issues with depression, self esteem, anxiety for years and years. I feel like my parents haven't noticed and won't help me, I told my mom in the past that I feel really alone and sad and I think I am really depressed, she asked me if i ever thought about suicide I told her no, but I lied because i was scared of her freaking out and getting mad. After I told her that she didn't ask me about it again and did nothing to help me out. So at this point i feel helpless, it was really hard tellling her that in the first place. I live at home I am in college, but I am only taking one class.... but i can't seem to get myself to do the work, i have no motivation, my parents are getting mad at me, telling me i need to fix my sleep times and go get a job. but i have all these stupid anxiety problems, i have my whole life even as a kid felt really anxious and afraid for stupid reasons, they never acknowledged it as a problem or noticed the pain i've felt for years, they always just blame it on me being helpless lazy and rediculous, which doesn't make me feel any better and makes me feel like i am just an abnormal failure. i have no idea how to ask them for help at this point, I am scared of being told to get over it, and told that i can't possibly feel that way. I can't be told yet again to just cope with it. That always makes me feel more hopeless. How can I tell my parents that I want to get help and get them to listen?

I am trying so hard to make things right with my best friend. Something happened between me and her. She said she didn't want to speak about it ever again, I was hurt when she said this at the time but I wanted to respect that, which sounds stupid. But I did not want to talk to her about something she did not want to talk about because in a way I felt that I wouldn't be getting honest answers. Then I started to feel like i cut my own feelings short, for i did have a lot of questions and confusion, and mostly I felt really hurt by what had occurred and how she was acting. Since I was so upset I began talking to some friends. I started to feel depressed. I finally decided to ignore the fact that she didn't want to talk about anything and bring that up with her, because the bottom line is that what happened is definitly something that needed to be talked about and explained. She is so angry with me because she found out I talked to some friends. That is understandle I guess, so now I feel incredibly stupid, and feel like i did something wrong. I apologized for having talked to them and I explained why I did so. She told me she wished I had went to talked to her first. I explained that she made doing so really difficult since she flat out said she didn't want to ever talk about it. I asked her if she wants to hang out to talk and work things out, she said she did, and i started to plan a day. She has agreed to two times, and has all the sudden not been in the mood, or she had something all the sudden come up, and I am pretty sure she lied, and is just avoiding talking about it. It sucks because we went from hanging out everyday, talking everday, sharing all this personal crap with each other, to not even speaking. I am so unbelievably hurt, feeling stupid, angry, scared, empty. How could a friend be like this? Avoiding talking, acting like she wants nothing to do with me at all ever. I don't think I screwed up that horribly, if anything I think I should be the one staying away from her. I think she knows she did wrong and doesn't have the guts to step up and admit it, thats what upsets me the most, she is lying to me and avoiding me, and hurting me more then she did before. It would be so easy to fix everything! I really need to let her know how i feel, for my own sake, just so i can get passed it and know I tried. Even if she doesn't answer my questions or feeds me some lie, i want her to know even if she refuses to understand it, and I really wish I could be able to do so face to face. I think I will end up having to write a letter, I hate that. Mostly I am going crazy, and feeling overwhelmed with almost everything in life, I can't seem to keep from screwing up all the time. :sad: