Runin4now

A little more info: That day before I had caught them, I had gone to see a counselor, because I was so depresed and screwed up, and needed some advice on how to approach her about fixing our marriage. After the session I felt good and decided to go over to our house and make dinner for my family, help my daughter with homework, and put the kids to bed. The guy friend actually called our home phone while I was there. But, still my dumb thought he was just being a friend through difficult times for her. She seemed fine and dandy that night, which was brutal because I was dying inside. So after the girls went to bed I took off. The next morning when I confronted her and she finally admited he was there all night, the first thing I asked was; How long has this been going on? She said, not until you moved out of the house. Which consisted of taking my clothes and CD's. She also said "we did not go all the way, I am on my period." But, What I heard ouside the window was enough for me to be discusted. After a few days she wanted me to come over and talk. She tried to explain her story: that night after I left she was crying and all torn up inside. Then her friend called and said "do you need me to come over" she said no. Then he called back and said are you sure? She said well I guess so. They watched a movie, and one thing led to another, and you know the rest. When I left that night she seemed pretty damn fine to me, and also when they were in our bed it was all fun and games. She is now telling me that this was the first time anything physical ever happened with them. When I ask her about what she said that morning "nothing happened until you moved out". She says she wasn't thinking clearly because she was intimidated by me confronting her about it. She also tries to justify it all because she says she was being pretty clear about us "needing a break", and "I thought we were on a break". But remember, she is the one that said "worst case scenario, if we do decide to date other people, we will DEFINATLY discuss it first. Am I a fool to believe her about anything? To me when you are married there are no "Other People" to try to figure out if you are with the right person. The last conversation we had I asked her "so what is the deal with you and this other guy now" and she cant give me a solid answer. She says she is just so confused. She still loves me so much, and it kills her to see me around the kids, because the kids love being with me. I said then I think we need a full separation, because I cant live with what happened, and I dont know if I can ever trust you the same way again. I said lets get together in a few nights and talk and write out all of the arrangements, i.e; Kids, House, Debt. The day that we were supposed to meet, she said she wants to atleast talk things out with a counselor. So I agreed, and we are going tonight. By the way, I had no idea people would reply to my post so quickly, THANK YOU!!

I've been with my wife for 11 years. We have been married for 4. We have 2Daughters, 6 & 3. My wife is a stay home mom, and has a very small business. I work full time to support our family and have for the last 6 years. I am a very loving father and husband and have been very commited to my wife. Right after X-mas I could tell that something was not right with her. I asked her to sit down and talk to me about what was going on. She told me that she is very confused right now. She is questioning whether we are in the right situation. Although it is clear that we both love eachother very much, there seems to be something missing, i.e. Strong intamacy, and connection. Also the fact that we met in high school and this was the first true love for both of us. She was questioning if we have enough perspective being that we have never been with other people. Basically things were becoming "stale" and she wants to find out if this is the relationship were supposed to be in or if we are just together because it is safe and we have kids. So, she suggested taking a little space and time away from eachother just to figure some things out. I did not like this idea very much at all. I didn't understand how this is going to make things better. For the most part we get along great, we are a good team at raising our kids, and have a good life. I did agree that we were not putting in the effort it takes to stay fresh and connected, but maybe with some counciling we could regain the spark again. I fought the idea for a few days, cried my eyes out in front of her, but she responded with nothing. She said she was trying to distance herself from me. She has a Guy friend that she talks to regularly. I have never liked this guy. We had a confrontation about it 3 to 4 months ago when I was getting uncomfortable with them talking so frequently. She assured me they were just friends and I had no reason for concern. I told her I would trust her and be cool with them continuing their friendship. Then about a week ago were charged xtra money on our cell phone bill for to many text messages. I dont use texting and we have never texted eachother so this was a red flag to me. I checked her phone and saw a message from her guy friend saying "Love you much". Instantly my stomach turned, and had a bad feeling. I confronted her about it and she got pissed at me for snooping on her phone, and assured me the message was just a loving friend helping her in this hard time, and he is the "last person in the world I would ever need to worry about har having feelings for." I appoligized and told I trust her. We agreed that I would go stay at my parents house for now, they have downstairs apartment. This transition was very depressing for me. I talked to her about going to counciling, but she thought the idea was "stupid". She brought up the fact that during our space apart, if the time comes that either of us want to start dating other people we would definatley discuss it first. She brought it up. 5 days into me being out of the house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad feeling. Something told me to go over and drive by MY house. When I turned the corner I saw a car parked in MY spot. The site of this made me sick. I parked down the street and walked though my back yard to our bedroom window. I could hear her and another man being intamate in OUR bed. The world all of a sudden stopped turning, I was shocked. Keep in mind our children are in the house, and our 3 year old comes to sleep in our bed in the middle of the night most nights. I was up all night cringing. I sat down the street until he left at 6:30 in the morning. I couldn't tell who it was. After she got the kids to school I called her and told her that we needed to talk. We met at the house and I told her that she needed to be honest with me once and for all. She said, what do you mean? I said who was here last night, and she said her guy friend stopped by. After I told her I heard what was going on she finally admitted it. She said she didn't know what to say. I told her I felt betrayed and discusted. I could believe she would do that with our children in the house. She cried and appologized for a few days, and now she thinks she wants to go to counciling. I feel like I want out of the marriage, but there is some part of me that wants to work through this. But, she has yet to say to me, this was a one time thing and I screwed up, it will never happen again. I dont want to get hurt anymore, so I am thinking that ending this is the best option for me. I dont know. Can anyone relate?