WildChild

However, if this is the same gal that he has been writing about for a while now, they have gone out and done things. If you reread the post, he is even throwing in the towel on the friendship because of her busy schedule......

Nope, absolutely not. If it's a marriage of convenience, that's one thing. But if you're looking for the real head-over-heals thing, don't settle no matter how much they love you.

My first thought is this: I have never understood, or accepted it when people purposely do things just to get a rise out of someone. Practical jokes are one thing, but when someone is singled out all of the time because they do get wound up, it's almost sadistic. He may be confident that you can take the jokes, but are you confident that you will be able to handle it. Keep in mind you are going on a vacation (supposed to be having fun)....do you want to be stuck some place with these guys, and if you do get upset or sick of it do you have a way to leave? Are you driving with them?

Does she have any collections (figurines, stamps, etc...) or hobbies that she enjoys?

Oh, yeah, geez...I'm sorry...my days are messed up, I keep thinking today is Wed. Are you still thinking/feeling you may be pregnant? How did yesterday's lunch go, good I hope!

I think you need to let your Mom know that you love her, and that someday you hope she will come to terms with this. That no matter what, you are not turning your back on her because you do love her, but with all the animosity you feel you need to step back from the situation at least for now. And remind her (firmly, but gently) you are her son. If she starts giving you flack, then ask her if she turned her back on anyone else in the family? When your brother was beating his wife? When your uncle was molesting family members? She may need to be reminded (even though she's your Mom) that her actions are being hypocritical.

Because you are always there for us, and because we love you honey!(((HUGS)))

Oh, I am so, so sorry FoxLoche I know it feels like the world has crashed around you, but what is worse? Having your family (whom most you despise) know, or having to live your life in and as a secret?? I know you are pretty disappointed with your mother right now, but I don't think this has anything for her love of God, or lack of love for you. If she completely in her heart of hearts felt the way she does, don't you think that would have been apparent right from the beginning when you told her? Where do you think she is getting this from??? You know. Plus, if she really wanted to disown you, or rid you from her life I don't believe that she would care about how or where you went, or how you would pay for it, she would just kick you out. As goofy as this sounds, I am the youngest child too. No matter what age I am at, what my older sister says to our Mom-->goes. I am going to be 35, I am still looked at as the youngest and not "worldly" (if you will) to know something. I don't care what it is. I think it probably is a good thing to leave her house. I would also keep in the back of your mind that if your siblings get wind that she is paying for your rent, she may reneg on that. I hate to say that, but they obviously influence her decision making. Please don't drop out of school o.k. Yes find a job, something that can help you make it, but stay in school, even if it is part time. You may be eligible for grants, loans, scholarships. Don't give them anymore ammunition. You are going to be o.k. This sucks, and it is sad. But you don't have to live in TX for the rest of your life. Your Mom does love you. Please don't doubt that o.k. I'm sure this has come to a surprise to her, almost a shock (when someone has one conception of something, only to be told the opposite....ya know) and your siblings' sick meddling is not helping matters. ((((HUGS))))

OK, and why exactly are you just throwing in the towel? Yes she may be busy, but I would think that if she was that busy, or not interested in hanging out with you don't you think she would have said something along that lines rather than "in the future she would" I am assuming that this is the gal you have been telling us about since around Christmas??

Glad to hear that your mother's treatment this last time around went better. You both a very strong, and determined. Prayers and thoughts are with you sweetie!

You have your Dr. appt. today??

I think at the end of the day, outside of your own happiness, that is most important. Keep your chin up

First and foremost, I am sorry about this rotten situation. Your aunt was absolutely wrong to do that, and unfortunately it can't be taken back. It was your business. I am assuming that this is not normal for her to run at the mouth like that otherwise you would not have told your Mom it was o.k. to discuss it with her? You have accomplished a lot in your life. Your siblings reactions more likely than not are based on your success. Basically jealousy. Your Mom may be swayed by others because of their disbelief. But I would almost bet the farm that once she takes the time to think about this, she will realize "you aren't just saying this". Your brother sounds sick. As hard as it is, please don't let this sick, demented "being" upset you anymore. Look at the source. Go in the other room and sit there. Put your sister-in-law in the akward situation of you sitting there. Ask her since the conversation is about you, if she would mind you sitting in there. Tell her she and everyone else should be ashamed of themselves for putting your mother in the middle of this. And for one good measure, tell her you have many things you could say about her life, but unlike her judgmental ways you are not going to throw her life out there to be eaten by the wolves. And for one last good measure, remind her of the Ten Commandments since they preach the bible, "Love thy neighbors as thy self."

I am sooooo happy to hear you have not gone back! Congratulations for standing for yourself, and sticking to it Also, good job on being up front with potential dates. If they can't understand or accept it, then they are not for you. Thanks for the update!

Do you feel comfortable kissing her? If so, I would give her a kiss and then a hug while telling her you are going to miss her. If you don't feel comfortable, then just stick to a hug and tell her how much you will miss her.

It is good to see that you realize it was not healthy. I know you love(d) her and really wanted to give her all you could, but you also need respect and consideration as well. It does hurt, and that's o.k. It will pass, and you have come a long way whether you realize it or not. As for your mother, you are going to have to step it up a notch then. I have a mother who loves to do basically the same. You need to put your foot down. Tell her that you have asked her time and time again, and you are not going to ask again. That you would hope she should have realized that everytime she says something it hurts you. If and when your Mom does this again even after talking to her (which I think you need to do again), I guess you will have to get up and walk out no matter where you are. I had to tell my Mom that even though she is my Mother, it did not give her the right to do those types of things to me. She has finally gotten it through her head although she slips now and then. We might be their kids, but we are not kids

Well, this is quite interesting. There was a similar situation for another poster here, and I guess I will tell you the same as I told him. But I have to say sex is an important part of most relationships so no matter waht your ages, I would not suggest you use your ages as a persuasive mechanism to make your point to her. I can't say it is fair that she no longer wants to have sex with you after 8 months of being in a relationship. However, I would really look at the whole picture here with her religious beliefs. There are many relationships where each partner has their own religion, but you both have way different beliefs. Unless you can come to a compromise in just about every avenue of this difference it is going to make for a difficult road. Obviously eight months is a long time, however you knew up front what her beliefs were. Now she realizes (although not fair to you) that she does not feel it right to continue having sex until marriage. You are going to have to talk to her adult to adult about this further. If this is a girl you did intend on marrying anyway, you will need to see how her beliefs could affect the rest of your relationships i.e. children, what religios beliefs the children will be raised under etc.... Religion needs to be an understanding and acceptance with both partners. If each can accept, and not pressure the other one into their beliefs then it can be fine within the relationship. However, if one or the other's beliefs continues to add conflict or pressure in the relationship then the decision needs to be decided if the relationship can and will survive. It might end up being too many differences for it to be healthy. Your comment that you feel deceived? I don't understand that? Did she initiate it or what do you mean?

I'm sorry your Mom did that. I would highly recommend you talking to her about it. It doesn't have to be confrontational, and maybe on the lines of: Mom, I was thinking more about our conversation about Cristina the other night at dinner. I know you didn't mean anything bad by it, but next time you see her or hear something about her could you please not tell me. I'm really in a place right now where I am trying to move on and I really don't want to or care to hear about her. It just makes it more difficult on me and we both know the relationship was not good. So I really want to keep her out of my life for right now. As for this guy she was with no one knows who he is. He could be a family member, co-worker, friend's husband/boyfriend. I know it is hard to not wonder, but don't let that ruin all of your progress.

OK, here's another article from link removed. Although it's based on male friendships, the tips and concept to end this fits for anybody in a situation like yours. Here it is: Stage 1 - Cut back Don't make yourself too available, emotionally or otherwise. This means you stop treating when you go out, quit doing him favors, cease answering all his calls, and discontinue lending your ear. Take whatever action you feel is necessary to suggest that you're fed up. He may immediately sense something is wrong and try to fix it. Then again, he may not... Stage 2 - Tell him politely Explain that you're tired of giving him chances and that things need to change (i.e. give him a warning). Tell him, as nicely as you can, that your needs are just as important and it's time you started getting a little respect. Once you confront him head-on, he'll make a concerted effort to change -- if he really values the friendship -- and you should get back to being bros instead of foes in no time. If not, it's time for drastic measures. Stage 3 - Call it quits It's time to tell him that you're tired of being treated unfairly and that you need time apart. Be prepared to go a few months (at least) without any contact. He may or may not call, but it will put the friendship to the ultimate test. Oftentimes, time apart will help him realize the errors of his ways. But bear in mind that there are consequences that come with cutting him off: if you're the only one who's had a problem with this person, the other members of your otherwise cohesive click may wind up shutting you out. People may take sides (but at least you'll know who's willing to stand by you) so make sure ending the friendship is your last resort. make a smart decision It's normal to want to protect your friendship and be loyal to it, but friendships should not be disruptive to your lifestyle, and if a certain pal is exploiting your kindness or disregarding it altogether, you need to start thinking with your head and not your heart. Evaluate the value and depth of your relationship with this guy. As one of your closest friends, you owe it to yourself to try and salvage the relationship by all means. But sometimes walking away may be the only way of doing everyone a favor.

Hey miracle, just have been reading this post and wow, huh! Unfortunately, she has managed to make you feel obligated and it is no wonder she has no friends. I went online to see if I could find something to help you end this toxic relationship (I won't even put friendship...she is far from being a friend to you!!). Here is one thing that I found. It's an exerpt from an article in Oprah's magazine, Living Smart. The article is based on a Cheryl Richardson's Absolute Integrity List. I will keep looking and posting, hopefully one of these will be something you feel comfortable in trying. Here it is: Tracey, promised herself in her "link removed " not to be a hypocrite and to remain honest in her relationships. But, until now, she has not had the backbone to end a toxic friendship. Tracey and her friend met in college about 10 years ago. At first it was a very healthy relationship. They had a lot of mutual friends and had a good time together. "She was a really great friend." "Over the last few years I've found that she's very needy, very jealous, and very opinionated. I feel she needs a lot of energy and handholding," Tracey explains. Tracey couldn't set boundaries with her friend. "I feel like when I'm on the phone with her... and she's slamming my other friends, or complaining or nitpicking and I'm just sitting there being silent and not participating in the conversation or defending my friends, I feel like I'm out of integrity. And that needs to stop." Her strategy was to let the relationship just fade away without confrontation. But then she decided, she was not living with integrity by living this lie and was being fair to herself and her friend. "I've made the decision that this friendship needs to end and I need to do it with grace and love." Steps Tracey Followed to Confront Her Toxic Friend Cheryl's suggestions on how to end this friendship with love and grace. 1. Find a partner, someone that you can trust and respect. Tracy decided to use her neighbor Christy. 2. Sit down and write a script of exactly what you want to say. 3. Practice with your partner Tracey followed these steps and link removed to confront her friend with grace and love. Excerpt from Tracey's Phone Call to Her Toxic Friend "Right now, I'm really nervous. I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time, it's something I feel like I really need to do, " says Tracey while dialing the phone. "...I have something really important to tell you..." "In an effort to honor my integrity in our relationship, I need to tell you the truth. I feel like our friendship has kind of reached a cross roads, and we've grown in two different directions. And instead of not calling you or avoiding our phone calls or ignoring your emails and stuff, I just wanted to tell you directly that I feel like our friendship needs to come to an end." "What this means, is basically, you know I wish you the best and I want to remember all the good times and pretty much this is it." "Okay? Alright, well. Thank you. Bye" "I actually feel relief. It actually feels really good in a very odd way. I think that this is a huge step forward. I just think that I have so much room in my life now for healthy relationships."

Not good at all! Get out, and don't look back. He is a control freak, and has anger issues. Neither one of them are good alone, but combined? Toxic!

Well, two factors may be coming into play here in my unprofessional opinion LOL I don't think that it is necessarily your age, but as men do get older their "mechanics" start loosing their "vroom." More probable I am venturing to think it is because she is pregnant and I don't mean that negatively (so no booing and hissing from anyone for misinterpreting that statement ). It could be that even though you suspected she was pregant, subconsciously you were worried about whether she was or not. Now that she is, you could subconsciously be thinking about if sex is going to hurt her or the fetus. The determining factor for my opinion is because this started happening when you and her suspected she may be pregant. You see where I am going with this? I don't think that this is because of a lack of arrousal for her, but that subconsciously your mind is causing it. This is very common for new expectant parents. I hope that your girlfriend will realize that this has nothing to do with her. I know when I was pregnant with my second child, my husband would tell me in the very beginning how beautiful I was being pregnant, even when I didn't have a belly yet. It made me feel so good, and beautiful, that he saw me that way. Reassure her with words how beautiful she is knowing that she is carrying your twos child. Obviously if it continues you will need to seek professional advice. But if you think about why it just started happening, you will more than likely see or figure out the link.

Well, good chance that you are both going to be nervous. Try not to let that get to either of you. Like TheWriter1 said, take it slow. Sex for the first time is a new experience, so it is difficult to know what to compare it to, right? Sometimes there is an expectation a person has the first time, whether it is the first time having sex, or the first time with a new partner. If for some reason it doesn't seem like what you expected, try not to look at it negatively. Just like everything else, you both will learn what pleases each other or what doesn't over time. Enjoy the before, during and after. Have fun and use protection

So this just recently started happening? I guess, when exactly did it start?

Do you ever just designate a day to do nothing? Everyone needs a day like that. Especially when you are on the run all of the time. If you can't take a whole day, do you take any amount of time for yourself? Even if it is for an hour a day. Everyone needs time to themselves. To reflect, relax or time for hobbies. Demands of daily routines consume us, and it gets wearing. Maybe you and your wife could compromise that once a day, or once a week you each get some "alone down time". This will allow you to refresh yourselves, and also help eleviate the pressure that you both feel like you are doing it all. This may also help release any animosity towards each other, and the feeling that you are a programmed robot going through the same motions every day.