Daniel05

In work I get on with most people but I've never had a good rapport with this one guy. I find him over the top, attention seeking and annoying. I've never said so to anyone at work because most like him because he's outgoing. Most of the guys humour him whereas I just try and get on with my work. He finds me a bit annoying too and prefers people who can follow up his one liners with a witty response whereas I'm quieter and not fantastic at the one liners. Unfortunately for me he is fast becoming the main guy in the office on a social level. He is now best friends with my best friend in work which as you can imagine is awkward. They are meeting up outside work and socialising but I'm not included because, in my friend's eyes, I'm not fantastic at drinking. Obviously my work colleague is glad because I'm never involved. He is now moving into a house near work with three other people including one other work colleague and my work friend's best friend. This again is helping him get a hold over things. This weekend I believe is his birthday and before he left he couldn't resist saying 'I'll see some of you tomorrow night (for the birthday bash) and the others I won't see I'll see on Monday'. Obviously he never invited or mentioned this to me and then proceeded to invite one of the elder staff members out to his birthday party -basically only to make a point of inviting someone else in front of me. There were only two of us left in work then and again he said 'I'll see some of you tomorrow night and the others I won't see I'll see on Monday'. He is so catty and * * * * *y with his remarks, always looking to leave me out of things. Yeah OK we don't get on fantastically but is there a need for these * * * * *y schoolgirl type remarks and actions? I have never given him the satisfaction of saying something or being jealous or acting left out when he's been inviting my best friend at work out because I don't want to give him the satisfaction but oh boy he's still trying his best... I can see the workplace soon becoming his gang (apart from me) and I really want to get out before this happens while I've still got some friends left. I know he'd be delighted if I left which would mean he would win but it's not something I want to stay around for. Any advice on what I should do? Please..

Sorry feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight. I hate New Year's Eve as I feel so alone. 2004 & 2005 New Year's were good as I spent it with my only friend but he's gone away this year to visit his brother so I'm back to wandering around the house feeling sorry for myself. Heck even my parents have gone to spend New Year's with their friends! Shows what a desperate and low point I am in at 27 years of age when my parents have more of a social life and friends than me! I know that I am not the only one but it still doesn't make it any easier. No phonecalls, no visitors nothing just silence. Part of me is thinking about a guy who I really tried to be best friends with in work as he invited someone else we work with to his house with other friends from outside work as they've kind of hit it off this last six months or so and have socialised a lot. Was I ever considered an invitation? Of course not don't be daft so I guess I'm kinda jealous and envious of that as well. I'm just fed up of feeling lonely. I don't want to win the lottery and have a mansion I just want two or three friends I can have a laugh with, talk to, meet up with etc. Is it too much to ask?! In a way I don't really want to have to deal with 2007 if this situation carries on. ](*,)

I don't want not to be a part of it really as everyone will be there and calling in sick with my history would be too obvious. I am thinking of maybe having one drink for most other people's two so I would have a drink every other round which might help. Any thoughts on my other problems to get through?

Thanks Batya but unfortunately I can't really do that as I'm a guy we will all be drinking pints of lager etc and mostly ordered by other people. I would be buying say 1 in 6 or 7 rounds of drinks. We're all leaving straight from work after lunch so I will be working in the morning with them and won't be late. I wouldn't want to arrive there when they're all full of alcohol and me not because I would be sober and it would make it even harder to mix with them.

I have my office Christmas day/night out this week. We're finishing work at around 1.00pm and then start drinking right through until the early hours of the next day (with a Christmas meal half way through). I'm worried about a few things: The alcohol affect - I can't take that much alcohol (not as much as most of my colleagues) and it can affect me in a very weird way. If I feel left out of the conversation at the very beginning and surplus to requirements the alchohol can make me go into a shell and make me very depressed all night. If I feel part of the group at the start then it can make me quite happy. I also get very nervous in these kind of situations and my stomach can be so worked up that I feel sick even before starting and it has occurred in the past that I took one sip of a drink and then threw up in the toilets as I was really nervous about the night! I try and calm myself down but I'm so worked up inside. If by some happy chance I get through all this then the alcohol makes my head drowsy and I end up really wanting to put my head on the table and close my eyes (which unfortunately has also happened in the past). I am known for these incidents in work and only get invited to big nights out like Christmas as a result. Being quiet - I'm also one of the quieter ones of the group and I never know what to say. Even now I can't think of anything to say to any of them as work is the only thing really I have in common with them. I do try and respond to other people but I can never bring up a conversation. Trying to ignore being ignored - I have been friendly with a guy in work for over 2 years and we get on well but he is a lot more confident in group situations and there have been nights out where he hasn't said anything to me all night as he sticks to the other chatty people like glue. It's almost as if he knows not to divert his attention from them to me because then he might lose track of the main conversation himself. He'll talk to most other people individually but never with me. I get annoyed by this as I regard him as a friend. Last office night out I had I deliberately spoke to other people and didn't go up to him, copying his style, but it didn't work as I still got annoyed with him and the alcohol exaggerated that. How can I last this day reasonably well? Please give me some advice!

I'm really not happy. My one and only friend is getting ready to travel the world as he's nearing the big 30 soon and he wants to travel and maybe settle down somewhere overseas if he can. That's great but I feel so depressed as I feel really lonely now let alone when he goes. That's all I want is to have 2 or 3 friends I can hang out with, have a laugh, text etc etc and feel liked but you'd think I was asking for the world or something. I don't want to win the lottery or be a movie star I just want a couple of good friends. Why is that so impossible?! Every year I think yeah I'll meet a few good people who'll become mates and then another birthday comes up and another one.. it's the same old story. I was quiet as a kid and quite introverted I guess. I had 2 main friends in high school unfortunately we have drifted apart. I met one guy in a small local university I went to (the guy I mentioned at the start) and that's it. I've tried in work to become friends with people and yes I would (hopefully) say that pretty much everyone likes me there but none of them have any desire to become main friends with me outside work. I got invited out a few times after work from some of my colleagues but because there's a few of them who are much more extrovert than I am and better at drinking I've been pretty much phased out and that's killing me when I go into work hearing about their wonderful nights out. Yeah great, don't mind me. If I had a few friends outside work then that wouldn't bother me so much as I would think I've got my own crowd so if you don't want to include me that's your bad luck but I haven't. I'm not a really sporty guy and that's a real stepping block when it comes to being friends with guys. New Year is coming up soon and I'm dreading it. I spent quite a few New Year's on my own feeling upset. The last two years I spent it with my friend but he'll have gone before this one and I'm back to being all alone again. I put a brave face on when I go into work but when I get home I'm so miserable as I guess it has to come out at some point. I stupidly thought that making friends would be easier as you get older but it's harder because everyone has got their own set of friends they've had for years and most of the time don't want to include you in that. I give up, I can't see it ever changing. I hate seeing the guys in work phoning their friends about meeting up, exchanging texts and whenever I put mine on... nothing. No texts, no phonecalls just empty.

I'm 27 and have one friend who will be going travelling shortly for a year or so. I still live at home and have never lived anywhere else (went to college locally which I regret now really). I have a steady job - not fantastic money but not bad for this area and possible progression there to go up a grade (although I haven't managed it in three years) but... the vast majority of the work that's done there I don't like and I don't really want to end up doing (I have been doing other jobs there this last couple of years which has been ok but lacks promotional opportunties whereas the section I dislike does have that opportunity). The other thing is that although I get on with everyone OK there, I have also been building up a friendship with a guy I work with this last couple of years but that seems to be dissolving which is making me depressed as he's meeting up with a couple of others from work and not inviting me anymore and I really don't want to hear about their 'fantastic' nights out and stuff and that's all I'd have if I was moved sections and that coupled with the dismal work would make me utterly miserable. Part of me wants to move away to a nearby city and start again - get a new job, meet new people, share a house with new people (from housemate ads) and see if I can improve my life. However part of me knows that if I was happy enough friendship-wise in my current job I'd probably be happy enough to stay where I am. Should my friendship problem in work make me up and leave? Would moving to a city be a good thing or would I have the same problems in work and feel lonely but in a new place on my own in a big city? It might end up making me feel totally rock bottom. Please tell me what you think I should do.

I posted a topic a while back about a friend in work I was having problems with but now I feel as if I've been kicked in the teeth a bit. We've been friends for 2 years and got on really well but this last few months he's stopped inviting me out altogether. I went on holiday with him three months ago and one of his friends and another person from work and since we've got back they meet up every week and go to clubs but I'm not asked. I have a strange feeling the other person from work has been doing his best to influence the other two to leave me out a bit because I'm a lot quieter than they are and myself and the other person have never really hit it off. My friend and the work colleague are doing a lot together now but I'm never asked. The final insult came yesterday when it was me and different work colleague were sitting together and my 'friend' asked if he wanted to come to his birthday party this weekend and just left me out! I was like 'Thanks for the invite!' and he responded with 'It's no big deal just a few drinks - come if you want to but if you don't want to don't!'. Everyone else has had an invitation from him including this other work colleague who's reasonably quiet and doesn't drink and there's me who's been a supposed friend for 2 years not even asked! Really harsh I thought. Part of me thinks it's time to forget him as a friend but at the same time I'm finding it hard because I really like him and I want to develop my circle of friends. Any thoughts?

I only had one or two friends when I was in school and unfortunately I have lost touch with them over the years. I made one friend in college who I'm still in contact with today and he is my one and only friend. I stupidly believed that people made a lot of friends through work but what I'm finding is that most people my age (27) have already got their own group of friends that they've known since they were young and hang out together etc and I feel so pathetic having one friend. If I died tomorrow apart from family members I'd have one friend come to my funeral (sorry to be morose but still). Hardly an achievement for 27 years is it? To have one person who wants to be a good friend. In my workplace I got to know this one guy over a period of a year or so and things were looking good... until he started to get to know another guy and they've hit it off because he's a lot more confident and chatty then me so I've been chucked aside really. I've found so much that people will get to know me to a point but if someone 'better' comes along then I'm not needed anymore and I'm really fed up with it. I really made an effort to build a friendship with this guy from work but know I'm hearing that he's been meeting up with this other guy and his friends and I haven't even been invited. I'm so ready to look for another job because it just depresses me seeing another failed attempt at a friendship. I'm at a loss.

I'm sure I'm not the only one to say this but I am totally fed up with my life and am really miserable. I'm 27 years old and I have one friend. I've never had a relationship with anyone (and thereforeeee am still a you know what). I guess I'm a good person but I just don't like myself, my personality or interests. I'm a guy who isn't interested in sports like football which is a major thing against me as all the guys I mix with in work are and so I'm left out. I'm quiet and especially if there are extroverts around I will go in myself like a shell. I've been from one place to another always trying to make friends but in the end failing and I feel really alone and a pathetic figure of a 27 year old. Sure no one particularly hates me but no one really likes me either that much. I've been trying to build up a friendship with a guy in work for the past 2 years and we've had some good times but recently because there are now other chattier guys who are much funnier than me to be around and are interested in sport he hardly bothers with me much anymore because he's found better people. That's always been the case with me - I'll do until someone better comes along then it's bye bye. I've got a pretty dead end job I've been doing for the last 3 years and I haven't really got anywhere and really speaking if my friendship with this guy disintegrates even more than now I really want to leave because it would make me even more miserable than I am now. What would probably happen is I'd go somewhere new and the same old story would happen over again. I'm just so tired of life and utterly fed up. It's been like this for years (2000 was a really bad year for me) and sometimes I get a little bit of hope only for it to come to nothing.

Yeah I am a guy and it's interesting to see what you think iamteddybearfeelmecuddle because that's what I've been trying to persuade myself is happening (ie comfortable with friendship so doesn't bother) away from the scene but when I'm back there and it's happening it just gets to me again! Yes he is probably comfortable with our friendship but at the same time with a few others he's close friends with he still makes the effort to make eye contact and talk to but.. the difference is is that they are extrovert, group people and I'm not. I've kind of dug myself a deeper hole at the moment as because I have been known to switch off sometimes and he's noticed it I think he'll be even less inclined to include me now! The last night out he started making plans to move on to another bar with another friend, completely ignoring me and I said 'If you're going can you like include me in the conversation so I know what's happening?' His response was 'Don't be such a girl, just come on!' It's really weird. At the end of the day our friendship is only great as far as I'm concerned when it's just the two of us because we have our own jokey ways, insult each other etc and that doesn't happen when there's anyone else there. If there is I just get ignored for someone else. Doesn't really look good for the future perhaps when we would meet up mainly when there's a group of us. At the same time I'd be so unhappy if we weren't mates cos I really think a lot of him, perhaps too much. Aaarghh!

OK I'm a guy and I've had this friend in work for 2 years. We've built up a solid friendship over that time and I really like him. When he started in my workplace there weren't that many guys or outgoing people around so we got to know each other (I'm quite quiet and not very good in group situations). Thing is in work now there's a lot more outgoing young people around and if we're all in a group situation he'll direct the conversation at them - there won't be any eye contact with me at all and it makes me feel unimportant and left out. Because I like him so much I get annoyed him doing this and it makes things worse. I think if he really likes me as a friend why would he do this? At the end of the day we work the best when it's just the two of us. Any others and I'm left out. I don't think he does it deliberately and he does like to be one of the main players of a group so interacts with the extrovert people for him to be one of the main players too. Sometimes because I feel left out I switch off half way through the conversation thinking if he can't be bothered to at least include me in this why should I bother listening?! He'll make eye contact with everyone apart from me. He quite often puts his arm around me in a matey way and I was very surprised on one recent night out (both of us were drunk) when he kissed me on the cheek (he is totally 100% straight by the way) so that would indicate he likes me as a friend so why does he behave in this way? Anybody with any ideas? It's been driving me mad for months! Please advise!

Hi. Next month I'm going abroad on holiday for a week with three other guys my own age. It's going to be very much a lad's holiday which I've never done before as I'm quieter and so have the people I have been on holiday with in the past. The three guys coming: 1. The first guy I'm really good friends with (from work) 2. The second guy (from work) I'm friendly on a basic level I guess but he's much more friendly with the guy I'm really friends with. 3. Also coming is the first guy's friend outside work. I've met him three times. Originally the holiday was only going to be for the first guy and his friend outside work but now he's invited me and another workmate. He's obviously been trying to sell us to his friend ("Can he come as well because" -----) and when we were in the travel agent I noticed a remark comparing me to an old friend of theirs. When I challenged my mate from work he said that they used to have a good friend in the past and when they were on holiday together they used to play practical jokes on him all the time to wind him up. He also said that in the end they stopped being friends because he'd had enough! I really don't want to stop being friends with him but they've kind of decided that I'm a replacement for this ex-friend. I do get wound up about things like that I don't know what to do. Is it flattering in a warped kinda way that my friend is confident enough in our friendship that he has no qualms about playing practical jokes on me? He certainly wouldn't do them on my other work colleague that's coming. Please give me some advice!

Mainly sci-fi and geeky stuff like that - not things you can own up to. I'd be laughed out of the room if I brought something like that up. There's a lot of footie talk during the day and I just have to sit there and just look on while they all talk about it. My friend in work has also agreed to meet up with another guy in work to play a game of squash so that's another thing they can do together that I will be left out on. I've worked in my current job for around 2 and a half years; about a year and a half with the people I'm with now. The other thing that's bothering me with work is my main friend in work and I get on best when it's just the two of us - virtually all the banter (quite often tongue in cheek insulting stuff) just doesn't happen when there's others around. If in the future we stay in touch but the only times we meet up is when there's others from work around (including this other guy who's quite an extrovert) then I may as well pack the friendship up here and now because I won't get a look in.

I'm a bit fed up to say the least. I'm 26 years old and have a full time job. I have one friend who I met in college 5 years back and we meet up now and again but we're not best buddies and other than that I have very little. I get on well with one guy in work but he's more outgoing than me and likes sports (especially football) which is a huge bonus in my workplace as him and a few other guys talk a lot about it. I feel my interests (which are quite nerdy) are ruining my life as they're stopping me meet new friends and if I was interested in sport I'd be a lot more popular and have friends but at the same time it would probably be mostly pretence for me. I stayed in touch with one guy from school but we drifted apart and apart from that one guy from college I have no-one. I stupidly thought it would be easier in work to make new friends but everyone seems to have their own set group. The guy I get on with has his own group of friends he's had since early school days and doesn't want to integrate me into that and that's typical of most people I meet. I can understand that but it's still depressing. Add to that my interests and I'm going nowhere and feel quite lonely.