WildChild
-
Posts
1,461 -
Joined
-
Days Won
3
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by WildChild
-
What I am thinking is that she may be bummed out once Monday comes because the weekend is over from spending all day with you. By Wed it is closer to the weekend and you two getting all day together. Maybe?
-
Well said DN. I feel horrible for what you have went through, and I too was preganant when my ex's affair started. Regardless of all of that, I realized that I had many imperfections in the marriage. Some people will never be faithful, however many times affairs begin for something that is happening within the relationship. You were going through a difficult time during your pregnancy, and although we can all see how hard that can be, he may have been only seeing his side and not fully taking into consideration your situation as being pregnant and having to stay on bed rest. The only thing I can tell you is this: when a person continues to focus on the negative, it begins to cloud over the positives. He is trying, you two are in therapy. Those two things alone are positive. Don't let his stupid, foolish "mistake" ruin what should be a happy time for you two with your newborn baby and the "newborn" of reconcilliation. Concentrate on your marriage, and your family. Continue your counseling. You have a right to be angry but as I mentioned in one of your other posts at some point you are going to have to get past it. Only your determination will allow that to happen. Are you determined?
-
Ah, no problem...I have to admit I did a double take when I read that LOL Glad to hear he is making an effort and you are willing to be patient as he does
-
I am treading very cautiously this time around. I really enjoyed being back at my place and having that independence that comes along with it. I know I was very sad as I was packing my things, and he could see that. But I knew unless he was the one that suggested any type of compromise I could not continue in the relationship. He asked at one point if the boys and I planned on ever staying at his place again, and I told him I didn't know. Also after he made dinner I think he thought that was our "peace pipe" but afterwards I went back to packing. The best part about it guys is I was serious about it. I was ready (but sad) to walk out and not come back. Maybe he sensed that. I believe it is only fair to let him try. Like you said jl301, talk is cheap. So to be fair I want to see if he will follow through with everything. I also have the fact that I refuse to continue to let my house sit empty forever and I won't budge on that. I am very satisfied about how the conversations went in terms of talking. There wasn't any hostility, or sarcasm. Not that there always is, but considering the situation I wouldn't have dreamt in a million years we could actually talk with understanding and compassion. Like I said, I am scared. Mainly I guess because I so want him to follow through with this, and I am scared of being disappointed and putting more time and energy into something if he is not serious about this.
-
He said that he realizes how I would feel ignored and invisible (whereas before he couldn't see why I felt that way). He said I knew he gamed when he met, and I told him I realized that however not to this extent and he agreed that was true. He suggested the Thurs and Saturday idea for when he is working out of town. Most of the time before, he has never tried to see my way or even mention any type of compromise. I normally suggest something and he will agree or not agree. So this is a step I hope in the right direction that he realized that I wasn't asking for 100% of his time and attention, or for him to give up the gaming and proposed the compromise. I am proud how I stood my ground, I think he was ready for me to say "Aaahh, I was just mad, I'm not going anywhere" and when he realized I was continuing to pack my things and being pleasant with him the whole time I believe he realized I was gone.
-
Nine out of 10 times I tell him how I feel. I don't scream, yell or anything. But when he becomes defensive I either clam up or spout back depending on what he says. I don't just fly off the handle if he does something. I don't insult him either. I guess when I didn't like we weren't having sex, it was my problem...he thought our sex life was fine. When I didn't like how often he was checking out porn sites, it was my problem, he didn't view them. When I didn't like all his gaming, it was my problem...like it or get out. I don't nag, b!tch, carry on unless I have been pushed to the brink of insanity. He really has it pretty easy with me.
-
Geez, I hope he realizes it already. I mean even when he was sweet talking me, giving me "his look" etc... I stood my ground. He made dinner. I stood my ground. I think he thought I am just going to roll over on this one. But this time it was him who initiated the wanting me to stay. I didn't apologize, I haven't, nor will I. I guess I know I am dumb to even give him this chance.
-
I agree Dako. I would rather he walk out in anger than continue with his mouth. I think my foolish mistake last fall was to tell him that his words kill me inside. Now he knows my Achilles heal.
-
I do love him, and I love him enough to work through this. I realized during this time though that the only problem he has is when I voice displeasure in his actions, words or otherwise. None of these problems are things he feels are a problem, but only me. I cannot say for certain if he loves me as he has only expressed it once that he loves both me and the boys. However, given the things I know about him I don't think I am wearing rose colored glasses by saying that if he didn't care deeply enough for me we would have not even made it through this last year. I just want things to be like a normal relationship, and hopefully we have jumped every hurdle. Am I dumb?
-
Do you two live together? Spend the weekends together? What is the "schedule" of when you see each other. I think I may have your answer
-
And I guess I am scared as well
-
I guess I am willing to give it a shot for two reasons: first, he actually opened up and talked with me about things on his own and listened and understood my responses and feelings; second, he has made the suggestion of compromise, and compromise is important. I feel like I should give him a chance to prove if he really means what he said. Especially since I wasn't going to budge on my decision to end it and he knew changes would have to be made so we were both happy with the end results. I hope I am making the right decision. I am tired of looking like a desperate fool by continuing to give him my understanding and empathy because of his previous relationship. I do however know I have the guts to walk out and mean it no matter how smooth he is. Not as an ultimatum, but as self preservation and respect for my needs and desires.
-
I have been exactly where you are so it is not a point of not understanding your anger. However, I don't think you are concentrating on saving your marriage. You are concentrating on their affair. At the end of the day, are you happy that you are still married to him or resentful that he did this to you? If you still feel that if he really loved you he would have never done this to you, then you should have left when you found out, preganant or not.
-
Well, he asked me stay and wants us together. He sees how I feel ignored, and would feel the same way if I was not available to him when he wanted to spend time. He wants us to begin looking for land, not just me. He said he sees where I would feel he is uninterested based on his lack of response to any land suggestions, and he is sorry. He wants us to have a home together. AND most importantly, when he is working out of town he will devote Thurs. evenings to the boys (since that is the only night they really get to see him) and he wants to devote all of Saturday and Saturday evenings to me and us.
-
Avman, RayKay and frisco are all correct. You will be inflicting pain on this man and their child. Secondly, you have endured a lot, and you are no where near healing. You need to get into counseling. The affair is over, the pain is not. You have to decide how to get through this without the feeling of resentment and vindictiveness. Third, what comes around goes around. Her day will come in some shape, form or fashion. It always does. And finally, you and your husband are concentrating on your marriage and your family. Although his behavior was wrong in all definitions of the word, you are not going to score any points in your husband or the reconcilliation of your marriage if you go behind his back and do this. Please seek counseling.
-
I am gathering she believed they were on a break in her definition. Maybe his definition was that they were on a break but wasn't going to see anyone else. I agree that he must have had some reason to be snooping though. Sometimes guilt comes out in all forms, and you may have been acting differently and that rose a suspicion in him. You say that he is controlling and cuts you down, and you are sad that it is over? Or are you sad that you didn't have a chance to explain yourself before it actually ended. Think deeply. Why? Because no matter what the definition of why you two took a break when you had the fling and saw other people, if your bf was truly someone you were happy with and just needed time for you and he to think about things, there would have been no fling nor dates with anyone else
-
Here's an off the wall suggestion, but I would turn to your family and friends and ask for their absolute observations or feelings on how or why they see things. Not personally having met you, it is hard to determine what if anything you are doing "wrong". Be prepared for their responses, without getting defensive etc... This is to better you, not to insult you. Keep in mind Dogg, it is a good possibility this has nothing to do with you. It may just be the women themselves and that they are not meant for you no matter how right or good it feels. This was something new and exciting for you...it doesn't mean you did anything wrong necessarily, just that she may have not seen it this way as she's been down this road prior to your travel of it.
-
OK, Dogg, now you are in a downward spiral. Quit it! Go back and reread your posts. Look how far you came up to when you met her! Go out there and tear up the town. You were so confident with yourself and who you were...don't tell me in the last two months he has been shoved aside? What happened to the "cool, calm, and collected" man you have been?
-
I think you need to go and reread things. I believe I may have mentioned his background as a possibility?????? Those of us who are and have been married have a better understanding of married life than those who have never been or engaged.
-
I can say this. Based on your previous posts, and the changes you have made because of your previous relationship I would continue to be the person you are today, and not then. Someone Dogg is going to appreciate it and not mix it with some off the wall slap in the face from out of thin air. Remember who you were and who you are now. Which person do you like most? You got through your previous relationship, you can get through this. This was a hump in the road, not a dead end.
-
Does she tell you or indicate in words or actions that you are disappointing her?
-
OK, I am just as baffled on this. First Dogg I am sorry this is even going on. It was gr8 to hear that things were looking up for you when you met her. I have to say there are two flips to this coin, and based on what we have been told, this is obviously about her and not him. I guess I think it was a good idea to email her, but now the ball is in her court. Don't contact her again until you hear from her.
-
Skippy, has she opened up to you more? Are you still feeling like you are the one putting forth most of the effort?
-
Me neither, I was blown away to see this post!
-
Well, Skippy, it's been a long and winding road. Ended the relationship last week, and he has basically asked for a reconciliation. There's a dilemma. Finally work up the nerve to really stand my ground and then he does the unthinkable. BUT I got to my decision because I looked within myself and was truthful with myself HINT HINT